While I think she would prefer to not have her name mentioned in this piece, it's actually a 36-year-old woman who inspired me to write this. After telling me that she doesn't trust men because none of them know how to be with just one woman—whew, these gross generalizations do NOTHING for the Black community—I decided to do a little digging around to see if that was indeed the case. Not because I believed her (I absolutely disagree); it's because I wanted some Black men to be able to speak up for themselves on the topic.
The combination of being a relationships writer and marriage coach means that it's pretty easy for me to outsource men on various issues. Usually, the only thing that they ask is for some sort of anonymity. Not because they are "scared" to reveal themselves but because they like to keep the drama levels down and would prefer to speak their mind without folks looking them up on social media (or whatever) afterwards. Granted. So, here are 10 men, who are going by their middle name, who are currently only having sex with one woman. Most of them have been doing so for a while now. The reasons vary. Some might surprise you a bit. Yet hopefully, they all will give you a little more insight into how a man thinks about exclusive sexual dynamics and why it's not as taboo as some would prefer to think (or is it assume?).
Damon. 34. Single.
"I know you probably want me to say something all romantic 'n s—t but that's not where I'm coming from on this. Back when I was out here, I was out here. I had a lot of fun. But anyone who thinks that sleeping with lots of different people is safe is crazy. I can name at least five of my boys who have herpes and they didn't get it in college. It happened when they were in their 30s. The variety that comes from being with different women can be cool. The older you get, it's even better to find someone who satisfies you sexually and just be with them. You know what you're dealing with and there are no surprises. That's what I'm with these days."
Aric. 29. Single.
"You just said 'serial monogamy'. That's hilarious. I guess, sexually, that's the kind of guy that I am because I'm not in a serious relationship. Don't want to be. I do have sex with only one woman at a time. When we're done, I move on to someone else. I don't double back either. I like it because it keeps all of the drama and confusion down. We both take STD tests. We both know what kind of birth control works for our relationship. Most of the ladies, I even keep up with their cycle with them, so I'm not getting any 'baby daddy' calls. I'm almost 30.
"To me, great sex means no drama. One woman at a time makes that possible."
Devaughn. 25. Engaged.
"You're using my middle name, right? Good, because my mama would kill me. She still wants to see me as a good ole' church boy. Anyway, when I met my fiancée, I knew that she had the potential to become my wife. She made me wait to have sex for about 7-8 months and I'm gonna be real with you—it wasn't until after we had sex that it sealed the deal as far as knowing for sure that she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Women need to get that sex is a legitimate need in a relationship when it comes to men and we don't 'age out' of that. Good sex, consistent sex, is a big deal. When that sex is happenin', though? You can keep us focused on you more than you might think. It can keep us faithful more than we ever get credit for."
Parnell. 26. Married.
"Contrary to what a lot of women think about men, we're not afraid of marriage or only being with one woman. What does terrify us is signing up to marry someone who presented themselves to be one way before marriage and then they totally flip the script after. It happens all the time. How is it that when we're dating you, there's a ton of sex and after the wedding, about a year in, you act like sex is some sort of chore? Uh-uh. My wife? She's nothing like that. The sex is amazin', every time. We have it about 3-4 times a week and we've been together for seven years, married for four of them. She brings it so hard that I can't tell you the last time I thought about another woman. I see beautiful ones all of the time. But the sex that I have with my wife? Trust me, I'm good."
King. 40. Divorced.
"My situation isn't common. I know that. I am only with one woman and she happens to be my ex-wife. So, why aren't we still married? We only gel well when it comes to the bedroom. Since we've been divorced, we've actually become good friends and since the sex is totally off the charts—why give that up? I'm not sure what either one of us will do if we happen to meet someone new. But we've been divorced for three years now and that hasn't been an issue. I actually like the sex better now than when we were married. Don't try this at home, folks. But hey, it works for me."
Lionel. 39. Single.
"When I was in my 20s, I didn't think this way. Now that I'm almost 40, I do. I like to know a woman. I mean, really know her. I want to learn her body. I want to find different ways to make her cum. I want to help her tap into some sexual portals that she may have never known about before. That takes time and it's easier to do when you're focused on just one woman. When you're young and immature, you're all about variety and, because a lot of the sex is more about you than 'her', you don't care about how many partners you rack up. As you get wiser, you want more of a sexual experience. S—t, you already know how to nut. You want sex to be bigger and better than that.
"The woman I've been having sex with, solely, we've been doing this for a couple of years and it just keeps getting better and better. I'm not sure if I want to do the marriage thing, but finding another partner? Nah. I'm completely satisfied."
Christian. 42. Married.
"I'm really glad that I waited until I was 39 to get married. I did my thing. I dated a lot. I experienced my fair share of women. So, when I met my wife, I knew that I was choosing her from a clear headspace. If there's a guy reading this, don't let anyone tell you that married sex isn't some really good sex. Marriage doesn't end the sexy. It's all about marrying the right person. My wife is freaky. FREAKY. It's not just about that, though. I trust her. I like her. She really wants to please me and I really want to please her. I used to wonder if marriage would make sex boring but it really hasn't because we have sex on a totally different level than I had as a single man. I see fine women all of the time, but my wife is so good to me. Chicks out here are just background noise. I'm good where I'm at."
Ronnie. 47. Divorced.
"I'm too old for the bulls—t. I don't know what else to tell you. The more women you sleep with, the more headaches you've got. I know we're not supposed to talk about R. Kelly anymore, but a homie-lover-friend is just what I've got and I wish I had signed up for this a long time ago. My marriage was a headache. My divorce was a migraine. I'm not sure I'll ever jump another broom. I do like having one person to chill with and have sex with, though. We've been like this for, hell, almost seven years now.
"We both just want the space to be and to have sex with someone we trust. The s—t is dope. One of the best decisions I've ever made."
Tony. 24. Single.
"I've never been the kind of guy who just wanted to be 'out here'. So, I'm not. I started having sex my sophomore year in college and accumulated a few partners by the time I graduated. Since I've been out, I've been with one woman. She's not my girlfriend. We're actually best friends. I think because neither one of us are ready to get married any time soon, our arrangement works for us. I trust her. The sex is really good. I dunno. I met a lot of women in college who were crazy. I like being with one woman because of the sanity and stability of it all. That beats out having randoms every other night."
Warren. 31. Engaged.
"I'm a virgin. Believe it or not, I'm not the only male virgin that I know. I was raised to wait until marriage. I'm glad that I did. I know I'm not married yet, but I can already tell you that I'm glad I waited for my future wife because there's no baggage, no comparing, no other images of other women in my mind, no thinking that someone else does something better. It's just…us. I can't totally predict what the future will hold. I can say that I'm excited about seeing breasts and hips and what's in between for the first time with a woman who is committed to me and I am committed to her. It makes me see sex differently than a lot of people I know. I don't think monogamy will be a problem because we waited. If we can wait, we can stay faithful. We both believe that. Can't wait!"
There you have it. 10 men who are only have sex with one woman. Not all for the same reasons yet still all in the same boat when it comes to two commonalities—they're doing it on purpose and with absolutely no regrets. I told you that these kinds of men aren't unicorns. It's all about asking men where they stand. NOT ASSUMING.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Boris Kodjoe Knew Nicole Ari Parker Was 'The One'—Even When She Was Married To Someone Else
Nicole Ari Parker and Boris Kodjoe are the epitome of Black Hollywood love goals, blending romance, resilience, and partnership into a bond that has stood the test of time. From their serendipitous meeting on the set of Soul Food to nearly two decades of marriage, the couple's love story is one of mutual respect, unwavering support, and undeniable chemistry.
Boris opened up about their “meet-cute” while chatting with Jemele Hill on her podcast Jemele Unbothered. The Austrian-born German actor always knew it was Nicole for him. Boris told Jemele, “I knew she was my person, but she was still struggling a little bit because she was like, ‘Yeah, you know, he’s a model, blah, blah. He’s an actor, blah, blah.’ She was trying to tell herself I’m not the one, but I knew, I knew.”
One new fun fact we learned was that Nicole was married and Boris was also in a relationship. That didn’t bother Boris though because when you know, you know.
“It started getting tricky when the second year, second season [of Soul Food], I think, when the whole entire crew was over us. The whole crew was like, ‘Y’all mfs, you better get that together because we know. Are you guys blind?’”
He went on to say, “Then one day I walked in a trailer and I said to her, ‘By the way, we are gonna be married with two kids one day.’ And I just walked out. That didn’t go over very well. She was mad. She was mad for three weeks. But think about it—why was she mad though? Why was she mad? Because she was right. If it was just a joke to her, she would’ve just laughed and moved on.”
They decided to take a break from each other over the summer after Soul Food wrapped. But the universe had other plans, just two weeks later, they found themselves working together again on the set of Brown Sugar in New York.
Together, they’ve navigated parenthood, launched business ventures, and become advocates for health and wellness, all while keeping their connection strong. Their journey is a beautiful reminder that true love thrives on teamwork, trust, and a shared vision for the future.
The 'Soul Food' cast members in 2000: Darrin Henson, Rockmond Dunbar, (back row) Boris Kodjoe, Nicole Ari Parker, Vanessa Williams, (middle row) Malinda Williams and Aaron Meeks (foreground)
Ken Hively/Los Angeles Times via Getty Images
2000:
First Meeting: Nicole Ari Parker and Boris Kodjoe met on the set of the Showtime series Soul Food, where they played on-screen love interests. Their chemistry both on- and off-screen sparked a real-life romance. During his interview with Jemele Hill, he said, “When I first got there, I was the newbie. It was my first job. Super excited, super nervous. And she was unbelievable—actress on stage, movies, TV, everything. But she really embraced me. She was super nice to me. I remember that—super heartwarming and nice.”
He continued, “She really helped me a lot—breaking down the scripts, explaining to me what was going on. I had a million questions. When I read the script, half the stuff I didn’t understand, right? Because there were colloquialisms, there were references to old TV shows that I’d never seen in my life. So I would always come to her and ask her about certain things that I was supposed to say, and I didn’t know what it meant.”
2005:
Engagement: Boris proposed to Nicole, marking a significant step in their relationship.
Marriage: The couple tied the knot on May 21, 2005, in an intimate ceremony in Gundelfingen, Germany, Boris's homeland. Kodjoe and Parker exchanged vows in his hometown of Gundelfingen, Germany, in 2005 at a 900-year-old venue. They told People, “We walked from the church to his Oma's house, and it was literally like we were Hansel and Gretel. I thought I was in a storybook.” The newlyweds arrived at the church in a horse and carriage donning traditional German garb.
First Child: The couple welcomed their first child, Sophie Tei-Naaki Lee Kodjoe, who was born with spina bifida. Her condition inspired their advocacy for health awareness.
2006:
Advocacy Work: Boris and Nicole became active in raising awareness about spina bifida and supporting families with children who have special needs. “We have gone through so many different emotional levels with Sophie,” Boris told PEOPLE. “We had the fear of her dying to paralysis. All kinds of different monsters attacked us.” The couple's personal journey led them to establish the Sophie's Voice Foundation.
The organization's mission is to increase awareness about spina bifida and generate financial support for a groundbreaking new surgical procedure trial.
2007:
Second Child: Their son, Nicolas Neruda Kodjoe, was born, completing their family. In 2015, Boris celebrated his baby boy on Instagram saying, “You brighten up the sky for us every single day. When God sought me out to be your dad he blessed me with so much love and light. I'm honored and excited to be in your presence and to witness the evolution of Nico.”
2010s:
Power Couple Status: Nicole and Boris became known as a Hollywood power couple, balancing their thriving careers with family life and public appearances. They often shared insights into their marriage and parenting on social media and in interviews. The Real House Husbands of Hollywood alum shared this advice, “[Treat] your wife like she's still your girlfriend. You have to water the plant every day, not just once a week. [Give her] surprises, little gifts, notes, texts, flowers. Just little things, but do them consistently."
Nicole Ari Parker and Boris Kodjoe in 2010.
Jean Baptiste Lacroix/WireImage
2015:
10th Wedding Anniversary: The couple celebrated a decade of marriage, frequently sharing their gratitude for each other in public forums.
To celebrate, Nicole shared a love letter in German (that we have translated in English) to her forever love:
You are EVERYTHING
Corinthians said it would be.
Patient
Kind
Free of envy
Does not boast
Humble
Not easily angered
Keeping no record of wrongs.
You protect, trust and persevere.
You are EVERYTHING your fans think you are.
Ridiculously fine.
With clothes.
Without.
Takes care of his kids.
Good to his wife.
Respects his Mama.
Handles his business.
You are EVERYTHNG I ever hoped for
Strong.
Deep.
Kind.
Connected to his Spirit.
Funny.
Smells good. (heyy)
Travel companion
Focused on what matters.
Provider.
Good father.
King.
Together we have filled a decade with
Laughter and adventure,
Tears and trials,
Kids and chaos,
Deep connections and communication breakdowns,
Fried Chicken and schnitzel…
Holding each other up and having each other’s back all along the way.
I am so blessed to call you my husband for these past 10 years
and I am so ready for 10 more.
Truly, Madly, Deeply, Your Nicole.
2018:
Fitness Venture: Nicole and Boris launched KOFIT, a wellness app focused on fitness and healthy living, showcasing their shared passion for holistic health. Nicole and Boris Kodjoe's fitness app aims to help families prioritize health and wellness without sacrificing precious time. The app offers quick and easy exercises and meditations that can be completed in as little as five minutes per day, making it accessible for busy families.
The app features instructional videos led by the fit couple themselves, along with contributions from Boris' brother Pat, a certified personal trainer, and his wife, a seasoned yoga practitioner. The Kodjoe-Parker children also make appearances in the app, adding a fun and engaging element for families to enjoy together.
2019:
In a 2019 interview with PEOPLE, Nicole Ari Parker and Boris Kodjoe expressed their admiration for each other. “He's exactly who his persona is, kind, loves being a husband and father. An incredible human being who thinks of others. He's just authentically good.” Boris added, "She's drop-dead, smashingly gorgeous and sexy. She's intelligent. She's confident. The fact that she's so comfortable with who she is, that to me is everything."
Nicole Ari Parker, Boris Kodjoe, and family in 2019.
Rachel Murray/Getty Images for City Year Los Angeles
2020:
Lockdown Life: During the COVID-19 pandemic, the couple’s humorous social media posts about their relationship resonated with fans. Nicole jokingly complained about Boris not flirting with her, sparking a viral discussion about romance in long-term marriages.
2022:
Marriage Wisdom: They shared their secrets with Ebonyto keeping the spark alive in their relationship after nearly two decades, emphasizing communication, mutual respect, and adaptability. The couple attributes “kissing for no reason, surprise daycations, and spiritual check-ins” as tried-and-true tips for keeping the fire alive in your relationship throughout all of the chaos.
2023:
In February 2023, the couple revitalized Gymwrap, Parker's athleisure brand. Originally conceived by the actress years prior as a solution for workout headbands, the brand has since expanded under Parker and Kodjoe's leadership to include a wider range of accessories, jackets, tops, and leggings.
"I admire her and her brain for how creative she is and the ideas that she comes up with. I'm in awe when I just watch her navigate these kinds of environments," Boris shared with PEOPLE. The family collaborated to relaunch the brand, with Sophie contributing her production and photography skills.
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