If you thought that only women abstained from sex in an effort to wait for the one man to create their soul tie with, then you're in for a surprise!
JimDre Westbrook, aka "Worth The Wait Guy," has made national headlines for being a 30+ year old virgin. Women are searching high and low and swiping right trying to catch a man who meets their list of marriage material credentials: a tall, attractive, college-educated, Black man with a perfect smile. Oh, and not to mention someone who isn't in these streets adding to his body count. So how is it that a man like JimDre--who meets all of the above--has been able to abstain from sex in the prime of his life?
Let's just say that his unwavering faith and undeniable self-discipline has kept him from taking a dip into the pool of temptation.
At the age of 14, JimDre made a vow that he would honor his body until marriage, and attributes his personal and professional success to having Jesus on the mainline. Abstaining from sex hasn't meant that JimDre's life is perfect. After his 30th birthday, when he went public with his story and initially became the “Worth The Wait Guy," he was in a near-fatal car accident where he was hit by a drunk driver. It totaled his car, but he walked away with only a few scratches. Instead of wondering why the God he so faithfully served would allow that to happen, JimDre looked at the accident as a blessing. He believes that it was God telling him that he was on the right path.
Even his younger sister, Jae, believes that he's "worth the wait." Earlier this year, she reached out to us advocating for her big brother. "I watched [my brother] boldly proclaim to the world via Facebook that he was a virgin at the age of 30-years-old. As his little sister and best friend, I knew this all along and of course, fully supported his decision. He did what he felt was right and believes that God put us on earth to share our gifts. His actions were nothing new to me. He made a special vow to God at age 14 to remain a virgin until marriage. Growing up he always encouraged me to follow my dreams, be a leader and have the courage to go right when everyone else goes left."
Being “Worth The Wait Guy" and proclaiming his love for the Lord continues to open doors for JimDre, who's been a guest on The Steve Harvey Show, The Tom Joyner Morning Show as well as been featured in Essence, Ebony and Jet magazines, to name a few.
We admit to becoming a little curious as well! So we reached out to JimDre (not on the "Hotline Bling") to discuss the criticism that he's faced being a virgin with tattoos, why men look at sex as a sport, and to get some must-read insight as to why women need to stop settling for “Netflix and Chill."
From a young age those who grow up in the church or in religious families are taught that sinning is inevitable, but that if we repent and ask for forgiveness, GOD will still loves us. Do you feel that abstaining from sex brings you any closer to God than someone who engages in premarital sex?
I don't think because I'm a virgin and a Christian that I'm better than anyone else; I don't think that it makes me feel a different way than the normal or average Christian. But I do think it makes sure that I have a direct and present relationship with God, which I think is the most important thing if you're a believer. My relationship with him has been tied to my abstaining and waiting for my wife. That doesn't mean that I'm perfect, I'm still human. However, I believe my choice to not have sex makes my particular relationship stronger with Him.
In the Bible, Leviticus 19:28 says, “Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves." Are there people who think that you are being hypocritical for choosing to uphold some aspects of scripture and not others?
All my tattoos have meaning, and as mentioned, I'm not perfect. I made a personal choice to have tattoos that tell the story of my life. On my left side, I have a tat representing my fraternity, Kappa Alpha Psi and my alma mater, University of Michigan, as well as a cross to represent my relationship with God. I plan to finish my left side whenever I have a wife and kids. The tattoos on my right side tell the story of my success, the businesses that I own, and remind me of how far I've come.
I've definitely been approached by people who question if I'm really a virgin and a Christian because I have tattoos. Me being “Worth The Wait Guy" is me being the vessel to tell others it's cool to live at your own pace and keep God first. People always want to challenge me about it, but God has always been my foundation, it's an interesting dynamic.
I'm sure you're familiar with "Netflix and Chill" where there isn't any courtship, it's just men and women hanging out and engaging in sexual acts. Why do you think so many women are so willing to settle for short-term affection?
Women get frustrated, especially the good, quality women who don't want to settle, who have high respect and high regards for themselves. But they just aren't finding what they want and what they deserve. As time goes by and they aren't getting exactly what they feel they need, they choose to settle. These great women end up entertaining guys who oftentimes aren't on their level--who don't even deserve a 'hello' from them, but they're persistent. If we want something, we go for it. If a guy wants you, your conversation, your time, if he wants to be something to you, he's going to be very clear about his intentions.
I often hear women say that "all the good guys are taken," but can't help but to think that maybe they haven't done the work to figure out why they're continuously attracting the same type of man. A lot of women get complacent because they don't want to be alone so they start lowering their standards.
That's how you end up having so many short-term "hookups" where you're telling a guy to come through because you're frustrated with what your life looks like and you've gotten off track from waiting for the real prize.
You have to stay focused and have faith. That's one of the reasons why I can be a 31-year-old virgin, because I've never lost faith. Of course, there have been times when I say, 'God I'm still here, hope you haven't forgotten about me! You can bring 'her' to me whenever you want.' You're going to get down on yourself, and you may wonder why it's taking so long. But you have to wait on God.
He's always on time and he's going to deliver on his promises when you're ready!
You have to be ready for the specific things that you're asking God to give you. And you have to ask yourself, what are you really doing with your life to get ready to receive what you're asking for?
To your understanding, why do guys feel the need to have sex with so many women and compare body counts? Why is sex such a sport for men?
Not to say that women aren't competitive, but men are competitive about everything. Most of us played sports growing up where we we're taught to be better than the next man. From birth we learn that in playing a game the objective is to get somewhere before the next person. As it pertains to women, a lot of men look at it like it's a game, and if the objective is to be “the man," how can I do that if I only have one girl? The more women you're involved with means the more “game" you have. It gives you leverage and it means you have options. It also makes some men feel like they're an “expert" when it comes to women because they've been with so many.
I, on the other hand, don't look at it like that. It's not hard to engage women in conversations and date multiple women; the challenge is trying to put all of that time and effort into one woman because now you're dealing with real feelings. You're getting into what most men don't want to deal with because when you're playing all of these games and juggling all these women, there isn't any depth to that.
Sex is oftentimes just competition with men to one up our friends.
It's just a pressure that's been placed on us from a young age but if you don't buy into that and you live at your own pace then you're okay with your one girlfriend and not out chasing multiple women. Choose to make that decision for yourself then you don't have to do what everyone else is doing.
It seems easier said than done to abstain from sex once you've been sexually active. What advice do you have for women, or even young men, who have been sexually active but want to figure out how to begin abstaining?
Pray about it. If you believe in God you have to take this to Him because if you try to figure it out by yourself, it's just not gonna happen. Be open, honest and transparent about your intentions. If a man wants to give up and abstain from sex, he has to pray for guidance and discipline, then he'll get the love and support he needs from God. Whether or not you go to church, you can always pray. Then you have to make changes in your everyday life. If you spent your free time engaging in sexual activity now you need to figure out something constructive to do with your time. Whether it's going to the gym, taking a class, doing community service, whatever. You need a plan so you're not idle and you can remain steadfast and faithful to your goal.
You're the co-owner of a clothing line, LAYOP (Live At Your Own Pace). There's always been unwritten rules about what you should have accomplished at a particular age, and social media adds to those pressures. Can you speak to how we can "Live At [Our] Own Pace" without seeming less ambitious or less accomplished as our peers?
Live At Your Own Pace clothing is about doing what makes you happy in life. Growing up we're told, that we're supposed to graduate college at 22, have the perfect job by 25, get married by 28 and have all of your kids by 32 everyone paints that picture of how life is supposed to happen if you want to win. The LAYOP movement is rooted in the story of the tortoise and the hare. You may not get where you want as fast as your peers or as fast as your parents want you to get there, but all that matters is that you're living a happy life. If you live at your own pace, you're going to win.
What are some of your go-to scriptures that have helped you throughout your celibacy?
Romans 12:1-2 talks about keeping your body pure in God's perfect and pleasing will, not conforming to the world because your body is a living and holy sacrifice. I've sacrificed my body by not having sex and giving that to God because that's his perfect and pleasing will. Again, I'm not perfect, but the type of relationship I have with God I want to keep that as pure as I can.
At times, we're all going to miss the mark, but I'm the “Worth The Wait Guy" because I know God is worth the wait, and I want Him to always know that.
It's one of those scriptures that's helped me to maintain the path that I've been walking on. Now if abstinence or celibacy isn't necessarily for you and you just need a verse to uplift you, Proverbs 3:5-6: 'Trust in the Lord with everything you do and do not to lean into your own understanding. Acknowledge Him and He'll direct your path." Those verses apply to your everyday life. It doesn't matter what you're doing, God should always be present. If He's with you, you can't lose.
You can learn more about JimDre by visiting his website Worththewaitguy.com
Update: It's been two years since we first featured JimDre and he is still walking in celibacy. He recently posted on Instagram:
When I had the pleasure to share my story with @xonecole two years ago to this day. A lot has changed since this day. I'm way closer to God, my celibacy walk has strengthened, my divine purpose has realized and I even grew a decent beard. The wait is real and I'm still waiting for Him, y'all.
Here are a few things to know, from my own experience, before transitioning into self-employment:
1. Recognize that self-employment is not entrepreneurship.
There are key differences between being an entrepreneur and being self-employed that many people get all mixed up and confused about. The terms are often used interchangeably, but they are definitely not the same.
A self-employed person operates just like an employee, often offering services and talents to business owners, nonprofits, or organizations. An entrepreneur typically offers goods and services to a client or customer, registers their business for tax purposes, and can reap the benefits of resources like business bank accounts, financing, and investments.
When you're self-employed, you often don't get paid if you don't work, most typically as a freelancer or on a project-by-project or client-by-client basis. When you're an entrepreneur, you can successfully scale a business where you can reap the benefits whether you're actively working in it or not.
You can indeed launch a one-person business (i.e., as a limited liability company or LLC), but there are requirements related to that, particularly when it comes to taxes. There are also things to consider, such as lifestyle, goals, and risk tolerance. The annual and financial obligations entrepreneurs have aren't the same as self-employed professionals, like additional taxes, filing fees, and mandatory financial reports.
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(I know some of y'all entrepreneurs might be reading this with a side-eye, but hey, not every self-employed person is a business person, and some simply might not want the extra maintenance and responsibilities of having a registered business, no matter the perks.)
While I'm not discouraging any self-employed person from launching a business, knowing the difference between the two is important because it sets the tone for how you approach the work that you do, your expectations on the lifestyle and requirements, and what benefits might be afforded to you.
Many entrepreneurs can employ people, scale their businesses for expansion, get capital investment, and even take days, weeks, or months off without having to actually work yet still reap the benefits. This is often not the case for a self-employed person whose salary largely depends on actual work hours, paid invoices, and strategic budgeting.
2. Inform yourself about the tax obligations and other financial shifts that might happen once you are self-employed.
When you're working a 9-to-5, your company handles taking taxes out of each check. This is not the case for self-employed folk. There's a quarterly schedule that must be followed for federal taxes, and there are other regulations based on the state where you primarily work (even if you're working remote). If you're used to having a hands-off approach to taxes (other than going to the tax preparer once a year), you definitely want to shift your expectations and get to know all the information you can about self-employment taxes.
Also, the way you budget might be a bit different when you're self-employed. If you find, for example, that you're constantly living check to check or that you're used to a guaranteed paycheck every two weeks, you'll need to shift the way you look at how money flows in your household.
Self-employment can include periods where you're not getting paid as consistently, and many companies work with invoices that are paid 30, 60, or even 90 days after you've finished the work you've done for them. Keep this in mind and plan accordingly based on the industry you'll be working within.
Talk to a tax or personal finance professional to find out about how your finances and tax obligation might change once you decide to become self-employed, and then set up a plan so that you won't get caught slipping come Tax Day. The process is different for self-employed people, and this is an important aspect of the process that will save you lots of money and stress in the long run.
I learned the hard way to negotiate, upfront, a set period of time for my services (when applicable and reasonable) to be written into a contract and to set my rates not solely based on my previous salary but considering additional costs like WIFI, travel, health insurance that I have to pay for out-of-pocket, home office technology and tools, and the time it actually takes to complete tasks. The pandemic brought home how super-important this was because, as a freelancer, someone can simply cut you with no compensation or warning.
3. Get to know your true strengths and weaknesses when it comes to work ethic, skills, environment, and motivation.
Self-employment is definitely not for the faint at heart. It can be a constant hustle in the beginning, and if you're not careful, you might end up wondering how you'll pay your rent or car note simply because you don't have clients or work lined up. It's good to be a self-starter and super-organized. It's also good to brush up on your marketing, communications, and sales skills because you'll need to pitch yourself and your background in order to land projects and clients.
While working your full-time job, take a few courses or find a self-employed mentor so that you can strengthen your skills in areas where you might need some improvement (i.e., pitching, online marketing, social media branding, or project management.) Practice self-employment on the side as an intern or with a side hustle so you can learn a bit more about yourself that you might be overlooking while serving as an employee.
Being self-employed means you become multiple departments in one person. For example, your current company provides support like assistants, accounting departments, legal teams, and IT, so you might not be used to having to handle all of those things on your own. For some, this can be overwhelming, while others find the challenge invigorating and worth the sacrifice if it means having autonomy and financial and time freedom.
Also, if you're motivated to do your best by being around teams or working in an office, self-employment might be too isolating for you. True, there are groups and co-working cultures you can join, but it's definitely not the same as having built-in comradery of fellow full-timers at a company. Be aware of these things so that you're realistically making a choice that suits the life you want to live and the work experience you want to have in order to thrive.
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4. Create an emergency fund solely for the transition.
While you're working a 9-to-5, create a separate savings account just for the transition. Anything can happen between quitting your job and getting your first freelance gig, client, or project. When I first stepped out to be self-employed, I thought I had the dream client, only to find out that it wasn't a good fit and I'd be looking for a new one after six months. This might happen several times before you really hit a groove, find your fit, build up your reputation, and get consistent work.
Having a financial cushion outside of your usual emergency fund helps to soften the blow if something like a client loss, a late invoice payment, or an unexpected work-related expense (i.e., computer replacement or broken equipment repair) comes up.
Sometimes, self-employment can include certain up-front costs like renting an office space, investing in new technology or other tools, travel expenses, or hiring other self-employed professionals (i.e., a consultant, web designer, or tax preparer), so you'll want to be smart, be prepared, and keep your receipts.
5. Understand your why.
Every great and sustainable journey starts with a good reason---a "why" that keeps a person going. If you know your why, you're less likely to just give up when things get rough, and you're less likely to make costly, mentally and physically draining mistakes. I decided to go for full-time self-employment because, after more than a decade working in my field, I really felt burned out at the time, began to resent not being promoted as quickly as I thought I should, and saw that I could make more money contracting my skills and talents out than working full-time for one company.
I also loved that I could pick and choose who I worked with and align my values with the projects that I was part of (versus being forced due to being a full-time employee beholden to a contract and the so-called values of a corporation or company.)
I've made quite a few mistakes over the years, but my why remains the same, and when times get hard, I simply remember the overall peace, flexibility, and autonomy I have in serving the women millennial audiences I want to serve through journalism and communications.
6. Be sure that you're offering services or expertise that can be used for years to come and that's competitive.
If you're considering self-employment, be sure your skills are competitive and have a future of need. I knew, even a decade ago, that much of the media industry was going the freelance route, and today, with layoffs becoming commonplace and full-time employee budgets being cut, contract work has become the name of the game. I saw this industry shift coming a mile away, and, like my early foray into digital media before publishing houses were monetizing it, I knew eventually, freelance work would be abundant and preferred.
If you're already doing a job that is in high demand or you offer something niche and one-of-a-kind, working for yourself might be the move. But if you've found that your current skills might be obsolete in the next two to five years, try learning another skill, shifting how you do the work you do, or tapping into another passion that can ensure you're offering something valuable in a market where it's direly needed.
Self-employment can be a joy and a pain, and for many of us, it's the only choice for self-care, mental wellness, and financial freedom. If you're considering taking the leap, take into account these tips and go forward in bold confidence, informed, and prepared.
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