I've been told I have what many might call a "cool apartment." From my friends to my favorite aunties to my grandmother, who has been a homeowner for more than fifty years, everyone who visits tells me they can tell how much love I put into this place. I'd have to agree; I do. I lived at home until I was almost 30 years old, so when I moved out, I knew my place had to feel like I had arrived into adulthood, and it does.
I live on one of the top floors of a high-rise apartment overlooking my city. Each room in my home was painted with love and intention, a theme of African contemporary rests throughout my aesthetic and decor, and each piece of art has been carefully chosen to showcase various parts of my life and personality. Still, every once in a while, I get a comment from someone when they ask how much I've spent on furniture and decor that goes a little something like, "Girl, for all that, you could have bought a house!"
I could respond by telling them that I was raised by a single mother (who encourages me to live my best luxury-living life) whom I watched firsthand navigate all of the responsibilities of homeownership alone and that between roof replacements, countless water pumps for our flooded basement, and unreliable contractors, homeownership as a single woman isn't something I exactly want to rush into.
I could also tell them that as a woman who desires marriage, I have my whole life to have a home and pour love into it and that what I don't have my whole life to do is live in a high rise and enjoy the luxuries of a maintenance staff, gym, sauna, swimming pool, and hosting area.
I could also say that while this furniture was expensive, it will come with me to the home that I will have someday, whether it finds itself in a main bedroom, guest room, or office. But the truth is that none of that is the answer; the answer is this: I deserve to design the life that I want for myself, and in this moment, that life includes pouring love into my rental.
"I deserve to design the life that I want for myself, and in this moment, that life includes pouring love into my rental."
Courtesy of Yasmine Jameelah
While I didn't have the language for why I needed even my first apartment to feel good, I recently came across this idea called dopamine decor. Recently, researchers have discovered that decorating your home with specific patterns, textures, and colors can be good for your brain. Home living and interior design experts likeArchitectural Digest andBetter Homes and Gardens say, "The dopamine decor trend—like dopamine dressing that came before it—you just need to focus on surrounding yourself with furniture, art, and objects that make you happy."
Take this trend as an opportunity to ask yourself, are there color themes, patterns, textures, or shades that bring you joy?
Dopamine decor is inviting us to be intentional about buying what we love, not just what we see.
Courtesy of Yasmine Jameelah
Suppose you're wondering how this trend will impact your pockets. In that case, dopamine decorating is also said to help us be thorough about purchases, inviting us to be more intentional about how we shop, step away from over-consumption, and buy what we love, not just what we see. That's not to say that trendy pieces can't be what you love; the point is to focus on feeling - not impulse.
Whether you're someone who is into minimalism and needs a home that supports your mental health, or you desire unique pieces in each small corner of your home, you deserve to live in a space that feels good - to you.
So, how can you apply this trend to your rental? Here are some decor decisions that I've used to infuse decor dopamine into my apartment.
1. Colored Glass
Colored glass has had me in a trance since working with my set designer for a project with Puma. I'd never seen taper candle holders made from colored glass, and at the end of the shoot, when we'd begun to decide what we were returning to the stores, I asked her to hold the colored glass items for me because I told her that I'd use them in my new apartment. I was living with my mom and had no apartment at the time, but I was manifesting!
Two years later, from the candles that sit across my bar to my stemware and items on my mantel, colored glass fills my home.
Some of my favorite colored glass products can be found below:
2. Unique Furniture
Black women can relate to growing up and having that relative who had beautiful furniture that you could only look at; well, I wanted to change the narrative. My furniture is beautiful but also functional, and with yearly maintenance and cleaning, it will stay in this shape while I'm in my rental and when I decide on my next chapter.
Shop my favorite unique furniture finds below:
3. Black Art
When I was deciding on my artwork, I knew two things - that I wanted my artwork to be curated by Black artists and that I wanted it to reflect what I wanted to manifest in my life and bodies of work that are of importance to me.
Shop some of my favorite Black art finds:
4. Romantic Taper Candles
This one is for all the lover girlies; I have decided that I'm not waiting for an evening of romance to light taper candles. Every day that I'm living is an opportunity to romanticize my life. Lighting my taper candles reminds me that I deserve romance, and it encourages me to stay present in the beauty that each day can provide, even when I'm not in the best space.
No matter what your aesthetic, I hope this inspires you to be intentional about pouring love into your rental in 2024.
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Featured image courtesy of Yasmine Jameelah
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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