

As a marriage life coach and avid relationships reader, I think that some of the biggest mistakes we as women can (sometimes) make is 1) assuming what a man is thinking; 2) speaking for him or 3) generalizing men as a whole.
Take their views on sex, for example. Several weeks ago, Joe Budden received a fair share of social media attention for "turning down" his lady (and the mother of his one-year-old son), Cyn Santana, on the premiere episode of LHHNY: Comeback Season. If you watched it and thought that he was playing up the dramatics for the show, think again. He took not wanting to have sex a step further by doing on a phone interview on The Breakfast Club and saying — and I quote — "If I never had sex again, I'd be OK."
It sounded a little odd but that's what I like about Joe. He's an odd cat and a bit of a wild card. But then it got a little more interesting when Charlamagne Tha God (who's married) responded by casually saying, "I get it. I haven't had sex in months." In fact, the only man to seem excited about sex was DJ Envy (who is also married). He said, "I try and make it at least three a week, minimum."
Hmm. Two men who have been very open about their high libidos in the past are now in committed relationships and seemingly "good" on sex. I know. Some of y'all will probably want to naturally assume they're cheating, but I didn't get that vibe. If anything, Joe and Charlamagne simply seemed busy…and tired (kinda like what Ray J does these days when he talks about sex life after marriage; he and Charlamagne make an interesting point at the 11:25 mark here).
Here's the problem with this. Contrary to what some might believe, there are a ton of women out here who not only have strong sex drives but ones that literally run laps around their man's (check out "Why Women Need Twice as Much Sex as Men" and "Turns Out Women Have Really, Really Strong Sex Drives: Can Men Handle It?"). I've counseled my fair share of wives who can certainly vouch for this. Over half have told me that it's oftentimes their husbands who "have a headache," not them.
So, in the effort to allow other men to speak for themselves, I decided to ask five husbands that I personally know who were once seriously out here in these streets as single men about how their libido has shifted since marriage. For better or worse, their answers just may surprise you.
*(Oh, and so they can remain happily married, their names have been changed.)
*Michael—mid 20s and married for three years.
" Married sex was like culture shock for me. When I was a single man, sex was so recreational that I didn't even think about how much my drive or even my performance would affect my partner. Now that I'm married, since my wife has such a high drive, it's not just about giving her some; it's about making sure it's just the way she wants it. Married sex has taught me how selfish I was when I was single."
*James—early 30s and married for seven years.
"I think some women feel that so long as they look good and are good in bed, we'll be sexually attracted, no matter what. Don't believe that. If there's no harmony and peace, we can instantly be unattracted, especially as we get older. I can't relate to Joe in not ever wanting to have sex again, but I will say that if there's a lot of drama going on, I'd rather jack off and get eight hours of sleep than try and have sex with my wife. Drama-free sex is the best kind of sex."
"Drama-free sex is the best kind of sex."
*Rick—early 40s and married for close to a decade.
"When you're young, your testosterone levels are going through the roof. It's almost like you're starving for sex. Now that I'm married, I don't want it quite as much as I used to. But, at the same time, I'm getting it more consistently than I ever have. Also, my wife is getting closer to 40 and it's evident that she's hitting her sexual peak. Sometimes it can be a challenge finding a balance, but I'll tell you what — you couldn't pay me enough money to be back out there again. Single sex is usually very one-dimensional. Married sex is so broad. It's incomparable."
*Alex—mid 40s and married close to 20 years.
"When you're younger, all you think about is how hard your d*ck is and what you should do about it. You can have sex with a girl you don't even like with no problem. As a man gets older, it's not about your d*ck telling you what to do, it's about [what] you tell it to do. That starts to make sex more psychological. So, if there is stress in the relationship, it can make us less interested in sex. Sometimes women think that if a man isn't having sex, he's cheating, when really it's that there's so much more to focus on —making money, paying bills, raising kids — that if I'm emotionally turned off, I just put that energy somewhere else. For me, it's making money."
*Charles—late 40s and married five years.
"When I was single, gettin' some was more like a challenge. Now that I'm married, it's a responsibility. It's not just about me or when I'm in the mood for it. It's about genuinely caring about the wants and needs of my partner too. We've had moments when we've gone weeks without having sex, but I don't think that's a red flag unless it goes into months of that. Like anything in life, even sex has peaks and valleys. When we have it, it's good…really good. When we don't, I'm good. The comfort of knowing I'm with the woman I want makes me less anxious sexually."
"When I was single, gettin' some was more like a challenge. Now that I'm married, it's a responsibility."
Ah. So, Joe Budden isn't as odd as I thought; at least, not when it comes to this particular topic. Now that we've heard from eight different men on what their libidos are like after marriage, seems to me that men aren't all about sex like the media wants us to think. That if they're not gettin' it in every day with their wife, that doesn't mean they're doin' it and doin' it well with someone else.
Like everything in life, their libidos simply mature and evolve.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Roscoe Dash joined xoMan host Kiara Walker to share the journey of his personal and spiritual evolution—from the party anthems that made him famous to a deeper life rooted in faith, family, and purpose. This episode offers an honest look at how the artist has grown beyond early fame, addressing fatherhood, masculinity, creativity, and healing.
Dash opened up about the internal transformation that has guided him away from chasing the spotlight and toward seeking peace. “Faith and fear can’t occupy the same space,” he said, underscoring his shift toward a more spiritually grounded life. Throughout the interview, he emphasized the importance of self-reflection:
“The most important conversations to me, honestly, outside of the ones you have with God, is the ones you have with yourself in the mirror.”
Dash is focused on the man he’s become. “I’m not the accolades I’ve achieved—I’m the person who achieved them,” he added, pointing to a broader understanding of identity and worth. A large part of that growth has come through fatherhood, especially raising daughters, which he said has deepened his understanding of love. “Love is unconditional and love loves to love no matter what,” he shared.
He also spoke candidly about the pressures of fame and its impact on creativity. “Chasing fame can kill your creativity as a musician,” he warns. Instead, his advice to other artists is simple but clear: “Keep your focus on your art form, whatever that may be, and stay passionate.”
The conversation also touches on gender dynamics and emotional safety in relationships. “Safe men make soft women. If she feels safe, she’ll melt like butter,” he said, challenging traditional notions of masculinity. Roscoe also offers wisdom on discernment and spiritual testing: “Sometimes the devil will give you what looks better than your blessing.”
Ultimately, Dash has learned to embrace peace over chaos. “All I can do is control what I can control. And that's how I respond to things and what I'm giving out,” he said. It’s a thoughtful, soulful side of Roscoe Dash that many may not expect—but one that leaves a lasting impression.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube