

DJ Envy & Gia Casey On The Realities Of Love Not Being So 'Gram Perfect
Search the popular hashtag #RelationshipGoals on social media and there will be an influx of picture-perfect couples engaged in a photo opt on a red carpet or on vacation. We see these images, hit the like button, and hope to one day be that couple.
While we crave the lifestyle publicized in front of us via social media, most notably Instagram, we often ignore that couple's story and what it took for them to be where they are today. One of the couples that fall into the #RelationshipGoals category is The Breakfast Club's Raashaun "DJ Envy" Casey and his wife Gia Casey. You can't look on their Instagram pages without falling in love with photos of their big adorable family in matching outfits with clear blue waters as their backdrop, or dressed up in elegant gowns and tuxedos as they wish everyone a Happy New Year.
But the Caseys are more than just a filtered photo. The couple met as teenagers in Queens, NY and have been together for 23 years, married for 16. It's not hard to imagine all of the things DJ Envy and Gia had to overcome as a couple throughout their years together. With their shared podcast The Casey Crew, the couple have managed to bring dimension to the label Relationship Goals and bring realness and transparency to their unfiltered side.
Launched only a year ago, The Casey Crew podcast has touched on a variety of topics, such as love, money, kids, and infidelity, hoping to be a true testament for listeners who are facing hardships in their relationships and don't know how to come out of it on the other side. In fact, their first live show was titled "The Cheating Episode" and they talked about DJ Envy's infidelity, not holding back a single detail.
As they continue to candidly share their unconditional love for one another and their family with the world through their podcast and social media, I think it's safe to say that we are undoubtedly witnessing the genesis of a power couple.
On why it was important for them to be explicit about their marriage on their podcast:
DJ Envy: "The funny thing is, we're not acting and so, sometimes when you're listening to the podcast, you will hear us discuss things such as my insecurities or how we dealt with this and that and it's really opening up to people like, 'Wow we do this, it's normal.' Because when you look on social media, everybody's lives are so picture perfect, but it's not perfect."
Gia: "In order to do a podcast and to be successful, you have to put yourself in a position where other people can relate to you, so it was never an interest to me, when we discussed doing the podcast, to be fraudulent [and] to put out a face that didn't represent us."
On habits that they believe ensure a happy, successful marriage:
The Real
DJ Envy: "We're both into each other's things. I'm a car guy. Ever since I was a little child, I collected cars and Gia's into that. She can tell a difference between a Ferrari, McLaren, Mercedes, or an Aston Martin - not necessarily because she's into it, but because her husband's into it and same for me. I probably know more about shoes and Birkin bags, Kelly bags, Constance bags, Chanel Boy bags, Louis Vuitton and jewelry than most women out there, but I am because my wife is into it. Not only that, but most people don't know that maybe 98% of the stuff my wife has, I bought and that's just because I like shopping for her. I like going to the mall and saying, 'I think my wife will like this.' And 95% of the time, I'm right. I don't like watching The Bachelor, well maybe I do a little bit, but I'll sit and watch it with her."
Gia: "Suffering the whole time, but it's the effort." (Laughs)
DJ Envy: "And it's the same thing with football, you know. She's in there watching it with me and yeah, she asks a lot of questions, 'What position is that?'"
Gia: "Oh, so I annoy you now?"
DJ Envy: "I didn't say you annoy me, you just ask a lot of questions. But she does that because she knows I'm into it."
On how they keep things spicy:
DJ Envy: "We just try to recreate different things that are outside of the box. We do role play. I've been Barack Obama, I've been a cowboy."
Gia: "He's been Maxwell, most memorably."
DJ Envy: "That was in college by the way, when I was Maxwell. But we try to do things where we spice things up. Our goal is to satisfy each other and have fun in our relationship. We don't take anything too serious. We have date night every week where we leave the kids at home and do different things, whether it's a movie, dinner, or we stay in a hotel in the city, or we go gambling."
Gia: "We go to the spa."
DJ Envy: "It's something that we do once a week so we can have that time so that we can say this is our time or we might just stay at home and watch El Chapo or Narcos."
Gia: "Our biggest goal is to have fun with each other. You can't really ask how do you keep things spicy without asking how do you stay connected because you stay connected and you actually like the person you're married to and enjoy each other's company, then the sexy kinda follows suit."
On how they cater to each other's wants and desires:
Gia: "We both take really good care of ourselves for one another. To me, Raashaun always looks sexy. I feel like when he gets dressed, he's getting dressed for me. I don't get dressed for women, I don't get dressed for other men. I get dressed for my husband. If I'm choosing a shade of lipstick, I'm thinking about what he might like, what appeals to him. When I'm deciding to do my hair, I'm thinking, 'Well, he likes it parted down the middle and straight, that's what I'm going to do.' Like we are very into pleasing each other in all facets, including the bedroom, and we try different things."
"He makes me feel like he's looking at gold."
"If you can imagine being with someone for 23 years, all the sex we've had. (Laughs). Obviously. But how many things can you do begs that question right? Like the other day, Raashaun came home with four books on Tantra and he was like 'look this is something I think we need to get into' and I'm like 'bet. Let's start a little you and me book club.' That interests me and it impresses me that he's still into it and enthusiastic about it and that turns me on because you know as a woman, the more a man is into you, the more you are into them and the better you perform. The more a man makes you feel secure, the better you perform. You don't feel as inhibited because he's looking at [you] like he's looking at gold. He might be looking at copper for real (laughs), but I don't know that because he makes me feel like he's looking at gold."
On maintaining a relationship with their kids despite their busy schedules:
DJ Envy: "First off, we are open and honest with our kids about everything."
Gia: "We might be too honest."
DJ Envy: "From finances [to] whatever. In our house, our kids know what's going on. If I'm paying a bill, I tell my kids what the bill is and how much it is so that they get a sense of what money is and the value of money and how hard we work to bring that money in."
Gia: "Right, because if you have kids like ours, if you don't take those teaching moments and show them the difference between $200 and $2000, all they know is, if they ask for something and they're well behaved, they get it. So, it's important that they understand what $200 can buy you, what $2000 can buy you. They can have a point of reference so that when they are growing into young adults, they have a good perspective on money and value. But like I was saying earlier ,when my kids first come home, they drop their book bags at the front door, they walk up the stairs, and come straight into my room where I usually am. They take off their shoes and hop in the bed and they spend about a half hour each catching me up on their day. We're very close."
On what's next for the Caseys:
The Real
DJ Envy: "We love the podcast and we're gonna continue to do the podcast and really just push the brand. We really enjoy helping people and talking to people about our relationship in hopes that it can help them in their relationship. We'll do more podcasts, live events and take it on the road where we'll see people in different markets. You never know you may see us on TV one day, cross our fingers."
Follow The Casey Crew on Soundcloud or iTunes. And keep up with the Caseys on social @djenvy and @gia_casey.
London Alexaundria is a writer and contributing editor for xoNecole. After graduating with a B.A. in mass media arts from Clark Atlanta University, London went on to work for several media outlets and started her own writing coaching business.
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
Featured image by skynesher/Getty Images