Search the popular hashtag #RelationshipGoals on social media and there will be an influx of picture-perfect couples engaged in a photo opt on a red carpet or on vacation. We see these images, hit the like button, and hope to one day be that couple.
While we crave the lifestyle publicized in front of us via social media, most notably Instagram, we often ignore that couple's story and what it took for them to be where they are today. One of the couples that fall into the #RelationshipGoals category is The Breakfast Club's Raashaun "DJ Envy" Casey and his wife Gia Casey. You can't look on their Instagram pages without falling in love with photos of their big adorable family in matching outfits with clear blue waters as their backdrop, or dressed up in elegant gowns and tuxedos as they wish everyone a Happy New Year.
But the Caseys are more than just a filtered photo. The couple met as teenagers in Queens, NY and have been together for 23 years, married for 16. It's not hard to imagine all of the things DJ Envy and Gia had to overcome as a couple throughout their years together. With their shared podcast The Casey Crew, the couple have managed to bring dimension to the label Relationship Goals and bring realness and transparency to their unfiltered side.
Launched only a year ago, The Casey Crew podcast has touched on a variety of topics, such as love, money, kids, and infidelity, hoping to be a true testament for listeners who are facing hardships in their relationships and don't know how to come out of it on the other side. In fact, their first live show was titled "The Cheating Episode" and they talked about DJ Envy's infidelity, not holding back a single detail.
As they continue to candidly share their unconditional love for one another and their family with the world through their podcast and social media, I think it's safe to say that we are undoubtedly witnessing the genesis of a power couple.
On why it was important for them to be explicit about their marriage on their podcast:
DJ Envy: "The funny thing is, we're not acting and so, sometimes when you're listening to the podcast, you will hear us discuss things such as my insecurities or how we dealt with this and that and it's really opening up to people like, 'Wow we do this, it's normal.' Because when you look on social media, everybody's lives are so picture perfect, but it's not perfect."
Gia: "In order to do a podcast and to be successful, you have to put yourself in a position where other people can relate to you, so it was never an interest to me, when we discussed doing the podcast, to be fraudulent [and] to put out a face that didn't represent us."
On habits that they believe ensure a happy, successful marriage:
The Real
DJ Envy: "We're both into each other's things. I'm a car guy. Ever since I was a little child, I collected cars and Gia's into that. She can tell a difference between a Ferrari, McLaren, Mercedes, or an Aston Martin - not necessarily because she's into it, but because her husband's into it and same for me. I probably know more about shoes and Birkin bags, Kelly bags, Constance bags, Chanel Boy bags, Louis Vuitton and jewelry than most women out there, but I am because my wife is into it. Not only that, but most people don't know that maybe 98% of the stuff my wife has, I bought and that's just because I like shopping for her. I like going to the mall and saying, 'I think my wife will like this.' And 95% of the time, I'm right. I don't like watching The Bachelor, well maybe I do a little bit, but I'll sit and watch it with her."
Gia: "Suffering the whole time, but it's the effort." (Laughs)
DJ Envy: "And it's the same thing with football, you know. She's in there watching it with me and yeah, she asks a lot of questions, 'What position is that?'"
Gia: "Oh, so I annoy you now?"
DJ Envy: "I didn't say you annoy me, you just ask a lot of questions. But she does that because she knows I'm into it."
On how they keep things spicy:
DJ Envy: "We just try to recreate different things that are outside of the box. We do role play. I've been Barack Obama, I've been a cowboy."
Gia: "He's been Maxwell, most memorably."
DJ Envy: "That was in college by the way, when I was Maxwell. But we try to do things where we spice things up. Our goal is to satisfy each other and have fun in our relationship. We don't take anything too serious. We have date night every week where we leave the kids at home and do different things, whether it's a movie, dinner, or we stay in a hotel in the city, or we go gambling."
Gia: "We go to the spa."
DJ Envy: "It's something that we do once a week so we can have that time so that we can say this is our time or we might just stay at home and watch El Chapo or Narcos."
Gia: "Our biggest goal is to have fun with each other. You can't really ask how do you keep things spicy without asking how do you stay connected because you stay connected and you actually like the person you're married to and enjoy each other's company, then the sexy kinda follows suit."
On how they cater to each other's wants and desires:
Gia: "We both take really good care of ourselves for one another. To me, Raashaun always looks sexy. I feel like when he gets dressed, he's getting dressed for me. I don't get dressed for women, I don't get dressed for other men. I get dressed for my husband. If I'm choosing a shade of lipstick, I'm thinking about what he might like, what appeals to him. When I'm deciding to do my hair, I'm thinking, 'Well, he likes it parted down the middle and straight, that's what I'm going to do.' Like we are very into pleasing each other in all facets, including the bedroom, and we try different things."
"He makes me feel like he's looking at gold."
"If you can imagine being with someone for 23 years, all the sex we've had. (Laughs). Obviously. But how many things can you do begs that question right? Like the other day, Raashaun came home with four books on Tantra and he was like 'look this is something I think we need to get into' and I'm like 'bet. Let's start a little you and me book club.' That interests me and it impresses me that he's still into it and enthusiastic about it and that turns me on because you know as a woman, the more a man is into you, the more you are into them and the better you perform. The more a man makes you feel secure, the better you perform. You don't feel as inhibited because he's looking at [you] like he's looking at gold. He might be looking at copper for real (laughs), but I don't know that because he makes me feel like he's looking at gold."
On maintaining a relationship with their kids despite their busy schedules:
DJ Envy: "First off, we are open and honest with our kids about everything."
Gia: "We might be too honest."
DJ Envy: "From finances [to] whatever. In our house, our kids know what's going on. If I'm paying a bill, I tell my kids what the bill is and how much it is so that they get a sense of what money is and the value of money and how hard we work to bring that money in."
Gia: "Right, because if you have kids like ours, if you don't take those teaching moments and show them the difference between $200 and $2000, all they know is, if they ask for something and they're well behaved, they get it. So, it's important that they understand what $200 can buy you, what $2000 can buy you. They can have a point of reference so that when they are growing into young adults, they have a good perspective on money and value. But like I was saying earlier ,when my kids first come home, they drop their book bags at the front door, they walk up the stairs, and come straight into my room where I usually am. They take off their shoes and hop in the bed and they spend about a half hour each catching me up on their day. We're very close."
On what's next for the Caseys:
The Real
DJ Envy: "We love the podcast and we're gonna continue to do the podcast and really just push the brand. We really enjoy helping people and talking to people about our relationship in hopes that it can help them in their relationship. We'll do more podcasts, live events and take it on the road where we'll see people in different markets. You never know you may see us on TV one day, cross our fingers."
Follow The Casey Crew on Soundcloud or iTunes. And keep up with the Caseys on social @djenvy and @gia_casey.
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
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I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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