15 Sex Hacks To Take Your Bedroom Action To The Next Level

You ready to make your sex life that much better? These 15 hacks will do it.


I don't know about y'all, but I always enjoy a good hack. With all that I've got going on, anything that can help me get something accomplished faster or easier, that is something I want to know about—quick, fast and in a hurry. And since y'all also (probably) know that I like to write about sex, I thought it would be a good idea to share some sex hacks—you know, certain things that you can do to bring more pleasure into your sexual experience without having to expend a lot of unnecessary time, effort and energy.

If that's something you've secretly been Googling while you're at work but haven't been able to find a cheat sheet that totally "scratches the itch", hopefully this is the answer to your prayers. I've got 15 sex hacks that can make foreplay, climaxing and all things in between better than they've probably been in a while. Perhaps, even better than they've ever been before. #wink

1. Do Some Stretches Together


It's kind of crazy that, while most of us know it's a good idea to do some stretches before working out, we don't give stretching out much thought before having sex. If you want to be able to easily get into some of the positions that are able to maximize your sexual pleasure, doing simple things like touching your toes, putting your arms behind your back and bringing your knees up to your chest while laying on your back are all ways to warm your body up, so that you and your partner can easily switch from a favorite sex position to something new without a lot of discomfort—whether during the act or the hours that follow.

2. Eat Some Papaya


If you really look at a papaya (when it's sliced in half), it actually makes sense why it's a good idea for a man to umm, eat it (and I'll leave that right there). Anyway, when guys add papaya to their diet, the enzyme arginine that's in it will help to increase the blood flow to his penile region.

As far as we're concerned, because papaya is a fruit that is also considered to be an estrogenic (which basically means that it triggers the production of estrogen in the body), it can also help to strengthen our libido whenever we snack on some of it too.

3. Dance to Your Favorite Sex Jams Together


For a lot of people, sex and music go hand in hand (check out "Before You Pull Out Your Playlist, This Is How Music Affects Your Sex Life"). But whether or not that is actually the case for you and your boo, a great form of pre-foreplay is slow dragging together in a dimly lit room to some of your favorite sex-themed jams. "Adorn" (Miguel). "Nice & Slow" (Usher). "So Anxious" (Ginuwine). "Soon As I Get Home" (Faith Evans). "Brown Skin" (India.Arie). "Sex Therapy" (Robin Thicke). "Untitled (How Does It Feel?)" (D'Angelo). "Dive In" (Trey Songz). "Say Yes" (Floetry). "Breathe" (Raheem DeVaughn). C'mon, y'all. How can you not want to get some after listening to 2-3 of these tracks while dancing all up on your partner? Whew.

4. Tell Each Other What You Love Most About Sex with Each Other


If you've been in a long-term relationship since you can remember, it can be easy to take your partner for granted. When I'm working with a couple who seems to be in a bit of a ho-hum state in their relationship (hey, it happens), something that I will oftentimes recommend that they do is write down all of the reasons why they fell for their partner in the first place. After they do, I then suggest that they post it up somewhere so that they and their partner can look at it, whenever they'd like to.

Along these same lines, sex ruts are fairly common too (check out "7 Signs You're In A 'Sex Rut' & How To Get Out Of It"). One way to pull out of those is to take a similar approach. Take out a moment to think about all of the things that you enjoy about your partner sexually. But rather than (just) writing those things down, tell them. Taking a stroll down your own sexual memory's lane can pull you back into why your partner is your sex partner of choice as well. Plus, them hearing you share the reasons why you are so into them can do wonders for their sexual self-esteem (you too when they make a point to return the favor). By the way, make sure to be as graphic as possible. It's a kind of "dirty talk affirming" that definitely doesn't get the level of credit that it very much so deserves.

5. Keep Some Baby Wipes Nearby


Spontaneity in sex is always a good thing. That said, if you happen to be a bit of a germaphobe but making the time to take a shower feels like it would ruin the mood, keep some baby wipes nearby. They're convenient and able to "clean up" whatever needs it in a pinch. A brand that is good for your vagina and the environment, actually isn't baby wipes but disposable ones. They're called GoodWipes Flushable Down There Rosewater Cleansing Wipes. You can get a box for under five bucks.

6. Cop a Waterproof Blanket


If you're someone who loves sex but hates the clean up of it all, something that you might want to consider investing in is a waterproof blanket. If you put one of those underneath you and your partner, you'll be able to enjoy the comfort of a regular blanket while being able to simply wipe off any of the fluids that get onto it once you're, well, done. (You can find some of these by going to your favorite search engine and putting "waterproof blanket" in the search field.)

7. Bring a Chair into the Mix


I'm in my 40s, so it's actually kind of funny to hear the people, who I knew when we were both in our 20s, talk about how, while the drive for sex is still well and good, their back isn't as "youthful" as it used to be. If that is something you are able to nod your head in agreement about, when's the last time you had sex in a chair? Not only is it a great way for your partner to get some of the spine support that he needs but you can oftentimes get deeper penetration this way too. At first, I was going to try and explain in words how to try a few new positions that involve a chair, but sharing pics is more effective. Plus, I was tickled that there's actually a site out in cyberspace called Christian Friendly Sex Positions (hilarious) that features some. Anyway, you can see over 40 different ways to have sex in a chair there, here.

8. Add Some Coconut Oil and Honey


If you or your partner are someone who struggles with chafing during sex, something that you might want to do is bring some coconut oil into the mix. If you both apply it to your genitalia and inner thighs, it can significantly decrease the amount of uncomfortable friction that you might usually experience.

To make this an even more delightful hack, add a teaspoon of honey to every three tablespoons of coconut oil. Zap the mixture in the microwave for 15 minutes and then apply. Things will not only be wetter, but tastier too (if you know what I mean).

9. Spray Your Sheets with Casimiroa Edulis


Putting pretty much any essential oil (that doesn't have menthol in it like peppermint or eucalyptus do) on your sheets is going to make for a pretty sexy evening. But Casimiroa Edulis (also known as white sapote) is dope because it's able to increase your partner's sex drive, improve the quality of his semen and hinder premature ejaculation. If you're wondering what it smells like, a lot of people compare the fruit itself to a combination of a peach and banana. As far as where you can get some, I'll admit that it takes a little bit of doing. But Now Foods features a love blend that has Casimiroa Edulis as one of its main ingredients. You can cop a bottle of it here. Oh, and sites like Top Tropical and even Etsy sell the fruit.

10. Maintain Eye Contact


If you're someone who really does prefer to have sex in the dark, here's a reason to at least consider putting a blue or red light bulb into one of your lamps. If you want to feel emotionally closer and more connected to your partner during sex, eye contact is a surefire way to do that. I've actually had several of my male friends and clients tell me that when a man never wants a woman in a sexual position to where he has to look at her for a long period of time, it's usually because he wants to have sex "at" her rather than with her (meaning, it's more about getting off than being intimate with her). Besides, eye contact during sex helps for both people's walls to come way down. And when you feel naked, on all levels, with your partner, that helps to cultivate a level of trust and security that makes you far more open to exploring all ways to bring forth mutual sexual pleasure.

11. Give Your Partner a Pre-Prostate Exam (Kinda)


Probably, until the end of time, there will be debates on whether or not the G-spot (on a man or woman) is a "real" thing. What I will say is when I found out where mine was supposedly located and I gave it a test run, some doors of pleasure opened up for me that I hadn't ever experienced before. Several of the fellas in my life say the same thing about when their prostate is ever so gently massaged. Basically, a prostate is a walnut-sized gland that is right between a man's bladder and rectum. When you touch it, it can create an extra level of pressure and pleasure that is hard for them to describe. If you're down to do a little experimenting, you can click here for tips on where exactly to find your partner's prostate and how to massage it in a way that will make him not forget you. Ever.

12. Get into Some Femoral Action


Remember when I shouted out the coconut oil and honey a couple of points up? Another way that the blend can come in handy is if you and your partner are down for a little femoral action. If you're not familiar with what that is, it's when a man uses his penis to caress your inner thighs without actually penetrating you. Why the heck would you wanna do that? It's actually a great way to build up excitement and for him to increase his stamina, so that by the time intercourse actually takes place, you both are so revved up that a simultaneous orgasm is almost a given!

13. Have Your Partner Make “Cunnilingus Circles”


Clitoral hoods are important. So important, in fact, that I actually wrote an entire article devoted to that little part of our anatomy (check out "7 Reasons You Should TOTALLY Be In Love With Your Clitoral Hood"). And since our clitoris and clitoral hood have leading roles in how often we orgasm and how intensely we are able to climax whenever we do, I'm always down for finding "clit hacks" to increase sexual pleasure.

Well, Men's Health featured a study of over 1,000 women with 3 out of 4 ladies saying that, whenever a man uses his tongue or even his fingers to draw tiny circles around their clitoral area, that is a guaranteed way to get them off. If you've never tried it that way before, 75 percent of women say that you should. It definitely couldn't hurt. Quite the opposite, in fact.

14. Try a New Position. Often.


Here's something that's a trip. According to some sex experts, there are only six actual sex positions. The missionary, the cowgirl, the reverse cowgirl, doggy style, spooning and standing. Anything else is basically a variation of those. While that may be true, I look it this little discovery like ice cream flavors. Vanilla, chocolate and strawberry might be the classics, but vanilla bean, rocky road and strawberry cheesecake can make those flavors good AF. Same thing with sex positions. If you want to bring more variety into your sex life, get out of the traditional sex and try a new variation, at least every third time you and yours come (and cum) together. If you need some inspiration, Kinkly is a site that actually features dozens of different sex positions ranked by type, mobility and what part of your body it will excite the most. How cool is that? Check it out here.

15. Kiss As You Cum


Some people hate to kiss. Personally, I'm not one of those individuals, but I do think that sharing your mouth with someone else is pretty damn intimate and something that we shouldn't be out here just randomly doing (check out "Before You Lean In For Another Kiss, Read This."). But when you do find that person who you want to slob down (LOL), try and be intentional about doing it, right as you're about to have an orgasm. Kissing is intense. The oxytocin that is shared with your partner can make you feel closer to them. And there's something about tongues touching during a climax that is—whew! NEXT LEVEL, chile! Kissing while coming is truly one of the best sex hacks that there is. Enjoy every single moment, sis.

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ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.


We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
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