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Before You Pull Out Your Playlist, This Is How Music Affects Your Sex Life
My friends and I are huge music fans. Basically any genre, at any time, can get some sort of shout-out but, because I was a freshman in college in 1992 (and a lot of my crew is around my age), the 90s—especially when it comes to R&B and hip-hop—is considered to be a truly a golden era. On so many levels. For that reason, it's fairly common that either I or a friend will initiate a round of "So, where were you when?" where we'll mention a particular song and then share the memories we have from around the time that it came out.
Recently, what came up was the total NSFW explicit version of "Call Me" by Too Short featuring Lil' Kim (from 1997). If you've never heard that song before, I'll put it to you this way—if you've never had sex before, you'll definitely feel like you did by the time "Call Me" ends (which reminds me, ALL female rappers need to give Lil' Kim her props; her flow was the sickest. There's no debating that…ever). Anyway, as my friend was asking me if that was the kind of music I would "get down to" back in the day, I shared that jams like Jodeci's "U & I" (1991); Usher's "Nice and Slow" (1997); Sade's "No Ordinary Love"; Mary J. Blige's (featuring Jodeci) "If Loving You Is All I Have To Do" (1992), and "Make Love to Me" by Lorenzo (1992) was more my speed. As we both went back and forth with different songs that we could directly connect different sexual memories to, that got me to wondering why music seemed to be such a powerful aphrodisiac and seduction tool (I mean, when's the last time you watched a sex scene that didn't have any background music?).
If reading this intro has you now wondering the same thing, here's what my research on the topic revealed.
Men Look Better When There’s Music Playing
I've never had a one-night stand before. I've never been much of a clubber either. But I do recall some college parties where I would first meet someone and think they were sexy as hell, only to see them in the university center a few days later and literally be like "WTF?". I can also count the amount of times I've ever been drunk so I can't, pun intended, blame it on the alcohol. But it seems like various studies do believe that I can connect that "limited attraction" to the DJ and the music that he was playing at the party.
Take this one control group that consisted of 64 women and 32 men. Oddly enough, if the women listened to music before looking at a picture of a man for the first time, they actually found him to be more attractive than if they saw a shot of him without hearing any music beforehand. The guys? Music didn't affect their overall opinion of the women they looked at, one way or another (shocking, right?). That got me to wondering if that's why music can be so effective on a date.
Could it be that we ladies end up being drawn to a man more if we're in a club or at a concert because the music is "triggering" some feelings within us that we're actually transferring onto our date—whether we realize it or not? Goodness. That made me want to dig deeper.
Music Affects Us in the Same Way That Food and Sex Does
OK, so if music is powerful enough to alter the way we see someone, what in the world is that all about? Well, according to another article that I read, it would appear that music is able to trigger a pretty solid dopamine release within us. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps our brain to decide what movements we want to make, along with what emotions we should feel, at any given moment.
Well, within the article, another study on how music affects us, stated that, when a song that we like hits its peak, it is able to mimic a similar reaction that we encounter while we are eating a meal or while we are having sex.
I don't know about you, but a good meal or some great sex gets me pretty excited. And much to my surprise, when I thought about some of my all-time favorite songs, they do tend to bring a similar type of satisfaction—at least to my mind. And that revelation made we want to dig even deeper.
Did You Know That Music Can Determine the Kind of Sex You Have?
Yeah. This is where it gets really real. A website called Tick Pick once conducted a survey that consisted of 1,010 people who enjoyed music and were sexually active. The results? Chile, they were truly something else.
The Breakdown of People Who Were Sexually Satisfied Based on Their Preferred Music Genre
- Country: 66.3%
- Blues: 64.3%
- Jazz: 63.2%
- Reggae: 62.8%
- Hip-Hop/Rap: 61.3%
- R&B: 61.2%
- EDM: 60.0%
- Classical: 58:9%
- Pop: 57.2%
(For the record, I didn't include every gene that was listed. You can click here to see that.)
Reportedly, blues fans lasted the longest in bed, hip-hop fans were the least likely to go down on a woman (hmm…) and, 1 in 4 folk music lovers cried during sex. People who liked listening to reggae music enjoyed being on top more than any other genre and people who enjoyed listening to country preferred the bottom the most.
There's more. Who is shocked to hear me say that hip-hop fans preferred the doggy style position the most (Lord knows there are enough rap songs that mention it), while pop fans lean most towards the missionary position? As far as who gets into the cowgirl and reverse cowgirl the most, that award goes to heavy metal. People with different tastes in music typically have sex six days a month while those with similar tastes get it in eight days a month. As far as sexual fetishes go, EDM listeners hold the top spot, hip-hop and reggae hold the fifth and sixth position, and R&B gets 10th place. Indie rock goes for BDSM the most, country music lovers are all about role playing and anal more than anyone else, pop people want the most lingerie and jazz listeners apparently have the biggest foot fetish. Something else that I found to be a trip is heavy metal fans get the top spot for using birth control the most consistently while reggae gets the 10th position, R&B gets the 12th and pop comes in at the 14th (that's out of 15 genres, y'all).
How in the heck could all of this be? A lot of it is connected to how our body naturally responds and reacts to different kinds of music tempos. For instance, there are plenty of studies that point to the fact that listening to upbeat music typically puts us in a good mood while music with a slower tempo is able to calm us down and make us feel less anxious. Not only that but, listening to music that is our personal preference can ignite feelings of passion as it encourages us to tap into our imaginative sides. All in all, music has a powerful affect on us mentally and emotionally…and clearly, sexually as well. I think one of the main reasons why this is the case can be summed in the article, "Music can complement your sex aesthetic":
"Sex is kinda like art…like the way an artist paints, draws, watercolors. They usually prefer one of these types but have dabbled in all. On top of that, you can add all these layers. When you draw, you have shapes. Then you layer colors. Then you layer shades and textures. Sex is the same thing, where you do it, what positions, who it's with, and music is another layer."
Indeed and agreed. So, before you pull out your next playlist for your next "session", think about why you're choosing the songs that you do and how it actually will influence the kind of sex you will have. According to all of this research—if you want to feel calmer, put on some slow jams. If you want your toes sucked on, jazz might be your best bet. And, if you're into role play, Dolly Parton might need to be added to the rotation. I mean, it's all according to science and research. Guess it couldn't hurt (wink).
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Is Your Job Interfering With Your Orgasms?
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8 Men & 8 Women Told Me What They Wish Their Partner Would STOP Doing In Bed
Featured image by Shutterstock
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
Photo courtesy
When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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