Is Your Job Interfering With Your Orgasms?
Geeze. Talk about totally missing the forest for the trees. Even though we pride ourselves in providing as many sexual tips and tricks as possible, it actually wasn't until I recently read an article about how one's profession can have a direct affect on the quality of sex that they have that I even thought to put the two things together.
After doing a little research, it really does make sense that no matter how many cool ideas, positions, or techniques we introduce you to, it's not gonna matter much if you're totally stressed TF out most of the time. And, for a lot of folks out here, the main cause of their stress is directly connected to where they get their paycheck from. So, you know what that means, sis. If you currently hate your job, another reason to start putting a plan together to find a new one is it could be standing in between you and your orgasms. I know, right? Talk about the motivation that you need to update your LinkedIn profile.
How Much Can Hating Your Job Hinder Your Sex Life?
OK, so here's the sad truth of it all. There are reports that indicate that as much as 85 percent of people in the world—and 70 percent of Americans—hate their job. 85 freakin' percent. The reasons? They actually vary. Some people don't feel engaged. Others don't feel valued and appreciated. For some, the work is cool, but their co-workers and management staff drive them completely up the wall. Still there are those who hate how long the commute is, that there isn't any real opportunity to move up in the company or—shocker of all shockers—the pay is too low. There's also what I personally believe is a core reason for a lot of folks; it's the fact that they would rather use their time, expertise and resources to build up their own empire instead of someone else's. Whatever the case may be, when you spend most of your waking hours doing something that doesn't bring true fulfillment into your life, that is bound to bring stress into your space. And stress? Stress can do a number on you in a myriad of ways. One of them being your sex life.
Just how concerned should you be about this being a part of your own reality? I'll share with you some findings from a study that I recently read, then let you decide. According to a research review, when they asked approximately 800 people how their job impacted their sex life, 83 percent with low-stress jobs said they were totally satisfied with their sex life while a mere 60 percent with high-stress jobs stated that they could say the same. Not only that, but 74 percent of individuals said that they actually turned down sex, not because of the sex itself, but because of how work-related stress impacted them. 74 percent.
When these same people were asked if they felt that work-related stress had a long-term impact on their sex life, while only 10 percent with low-stress jobs said it did, a whopping 54 percent of people with high-stress jobs agreed. Also, folks with a low-stress job had sex around 10 times each month while individuals with high-stress jobs did, eh, somewhere around seven. Oh, and get this: If you are in a relationship with someone who has a high-stress job, you're twice as likely to get yourself some—have mercy—only once a month.
Oh, there's more, boo. While people on low-stress jobs are able to climax 79 percent of the time, that drops 10 percent for those with high-stress gigs. Twenty percent of men with high-stress positions have trouble performing from time to time while only nine percent of men with low-stress ones do. Out of all of the stuff that I read in this particular study, I think what stood out to me the most is the fact that while only 28 percent of people who did low-stress work felt like their sex life was on the ho-hum routine side of things, 46 percent of individuals who did highly stressful work felt that way.
In a nutshell, high-stress work—and if you hate your job, you are most definitely stressed out on some level—causes your sex life to tank. It's all right here and black and white.
This data actually piqued my curiosity. Are there literal professions that lead to better sex than others? Seek and ye shall find, chile. Indeed, there are.
What Jobs (Reportedly) Have the Best Sex, the Least Sex, and the Most Cheaters?
Now, just to be upfront, this is based on a UK survey (I couldn't find a US one; sorry). However, according to it, farmers have a great sex life (33 percent claim to have it once a day!). Then it's architects (21 percent have it daily) and hairdressers (17 percent have it once a day). I think it's actually hilarious that, as a writer, I'm sharing this, but the poll says that journalists seem to get it in the least while lawyers are the hardest to please. (I could totally see that. They dissect everything for a living.) That's some pretty interesting stuff, right?
I'm a digger by nature so, knowing all of this got me to wondering about if certain jobs somehow influence whether or not it is harder for someone to be faithful. Now there was a US survey for that. The list is a little long, so I'll just touch on the top-tier folks. It would appear that 23 percent of female doctors and nurses tend to cheat due to, take a guess—stress. As far as the fellas go, 29 percent of men in a trade profession do because of their irregular hours. Twelve percent of female teachers and 12 percent of men in IT took the second spot. (No real explanation was given, but perhaps it's to break up their daily routine?) For both men and women, third place went to entrepreneurs, mostly because---both personally as well as professionally---they like things to go their way at all times. Fascinating.
Know More. Do Better.
And just what should you do now that you can't unsee any of what you just read? For starters, don't get paranoid and assume that if you're a teacher, you're bound to cheat at some point or if your man just announced that he wants to start a business that it's code for wanting to have a couple of chicks on the side; the latter was mere food for thought. If anything, I think if you happen to see any parallels between stress at your job and how it is affecting your sex life, it's time to do some serious reevaluating and possible restructuring. What I mean by that is, if you're unhappy at the office and then you come home and sex seems a little "off", don't just brush it off as a coincidence. There's plenty of data to support that the two things could very well go hand in hand.
And no, I'm not telling you that an orgasm trumps paying rent. But what I am saying is don't fool yourself into believing that you can't climb the walls and pay your bills. You most certainly can do both.
Besides, life is too short to be hating your job, and sex is too good to be having a scaled-down version of it. Hmph. Like I said from the jump—if you loathe your workplace and your sex life isn't quite where you want it to be 1) you're not alone and 2) now you've got another excellent reason to update your resume and prepare to bounce. Let the stressful job go so that you can do what you love—at work and in the bedroom. You feel me? Girl, I know you do.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
How To Experience Amazing Foreplay (When You and Yours Are Apart)
What Is A Super Orgasm & How Can I Have One?
7 Things Married Couples Do To Damage Their Sex Lives & Don't Even Know It
Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream
Feature image by Shutterstock
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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From Toxic Traits To Transformative Growth: Understanding Evolved Vs. Unevolved Zodiac Signs
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
Have you ever heard someone talk about a certain zodiac sign and wondered why your experience of that particular sign has been completely different? We have all heard about the notorious Gemini Man or Virgo Man being a difficult partner to have in love, but does this apply to all Geminis and all Virgos? Well, this is where the discussion of evolved signs vs. unevolved signs comes in. It’s the idea that, while some toxic or challenging traits are more prevalent in certain signs, it also depends on the individual at hand and on whether or not they have evolved in life.
Evolved vs. Unevolved Signs: A Guide
Astrology is life-changing not only because it allows you to learn more about yourself, but it also allows you to see certain behaviors or traits in yourself, and change them if you are not happy with the way they manifest in your life. To be evolved means to learn and develop. In order to tell whether you are dealing with an evolved sign or an unevolved sign, look at the way they navigate their strengths and weaknesses. We are all predisposed to certain behaviors aligned with our zodiac sign; it’s how you grow from your experiences rather than what you accept as a defining characteristic of who you are.
Evolved signs have done the inner work, unevolved signs make excuses for their behavior.
When we are talking about evolved zodiac signs, we are talking about the Virgo who appreciates progress more than perfection, the Libra who trusts that they can stick to a decision rather than accepting they are incapable of making the best one, and the Aries who takes intentional action rather than an impulsive one. It’s those people you meet and they make you change your perspective on a certain sign you may have had a negative experience with in the past. An unevolved sign, however, is the Aquarius who isolates rather than expresses how they are feeling, the Scorpio who lets their jealousy get the best of them rather than trusting their connections, and the Leo who puts their ego before anything else.
The good news is that if you feel you are living a more unevolved version of your zodiac sign, you can change this by first addressing where you may be self-sabotaging, and where you can highlight more of your strengths. Healing from past traumas, seeking a therapist or astrologer, or overall making your well-being more of a priority all will benefit. When you are feeling good within, you attract more experiences to you to where you can be that evolved version of yourself rather than entertain old habits or ways of relating that don’t serve you.
It takes work, but the more you tap into the evolved version of yourself and strengthen this part of you, the less you will revert to your old ways or attract those same types of toxic or unevolved people towards you.
So, how do you know which side of the coin you are dealing with or are yourself? Read below to find out more about the traits and characteristics of the evolved vs. unevolved signs of the zodiac.
EVOLVED ARIES
- Confident
- Methodical
- Disciplined
- Leader
- Energetic
UNEVOLVED ARIES
- Aggressive
- Short-tempered
- Reckless
- Arrogant
- Impulsive
You’ll know whether you are dealing with an evolved Aries versus an unevolved Aries through the way they communicate and approach others. If they are confident and encouraging, you are dealing with an evolved Aries who is comfortable with who they are but also doesn't feel the need to force their energy on you. Unevolved Aries will make you take a step back, evolved Aries will make you want more. Aries’ strengths are that they are bold and assertive, but an unevolved Aries tends to create more disagreements or challenges with others in the process.
EVOLVED TAURUS
- Abundance-mindset
- Grounded
- Generous
- Compassionate
- Trustworthy
UNEVOLVED TAURUS
- Materialistic
- Stubborn
- Lazy
- Vengeful
- Envious
An evolved Taurus versus an unevolved Taurus can be differentiated by the person who has stability or who has goals in life that they share with you and are working towards. The unevolved Taurus you will most likely find on the couch, demanding that you give them what they need at the same time. Unevolved Tauruses tend to show traits of envy or jealousy when you are explaining a recent win to them. An evolved Taurus will be the first person you want to go to with the good news, and they are a big support and secure person to their loved ones.
EVOLVED GEMINI
- Communicative
- Curious
- Creative
- Innovative
- Fun
UNEVOLVED GEMINI
- Confusing
- Chaotic
- Disorganized
- Bored
- Unpredictable
An evolved Gemini will have you feeling understood, heard, and inspired. They are fun and light-hearted people to be around. An unevolved Gemini will have you questioning them, life, and everything in between- and will create unneeded chaos in your life. Unevolved Geminis are notorious for being unavailable and disloyal in relationships, and you can tell the difference between whether they are evolved or not by what they do when they are bored. Do your Gemini create or connect, or do they do something destructive, leaving you feeling a deep sense of distrust around them?
EVOLVED CANCER
- Compassionate
- Nostalgic
- Supportive
- Nourishing
- Protective
UNEVOLVED CANCER
- Moody
- Holds a grudge
- Pessimistic
- Manipulative
- Clingy
An evolved Cancer leaves you feeling supported, nourished, and loved. An unevolved Cancer may make you feel the same way, but will be hot and cold on when and how they show it. An evolved Cancer will be your go-to and someone you can trust with basically anything. An unevolved Cancer, however, you will steer away from and not want to express yourself to them for fear of them making things worse. Evolved Cancers understand their emotions, unevolved Cancers let their emotions get the best of them.
EVOLVED LEO
- Self-confident
- Passionate
- Generous
- Motivating
- Kind-hearted
UNEVOLVED LEO
- Entitled
- Angry
- Selfish
- Controlling
- Dramatic
Evolved Leo has an evolved ego. They have a strong sense of self, they know who they are and what they want, but they don’t let that get in the way of how they treat others. Unevolved Leos command the room in a way where you are looking at them in shock rather than in awe. Unevolved Leos think the world revolves around them, evolved Leos think the same thing but also want other people to be in that world or think the same thing about themselves as well. Evolved Leos are like the Sun, and you will feel enlivened in their presence.
EVOLVED VIRGO
- Organized
- Caring
- Down-to-Earth
- Inspiring
- Helpful
UNEVOLVED VIRGO
- Perfectionist
- Overly critical
- Resentful
- Anxious
- Cynical
The easiest way to tell the difference between an evolved Virgo and an unevolved Virgo is the way they make you feel. If they make you feel inspired and like you can accomplish or experience great things, you are dealing with an evolved Virgo. If they are overly critical of everything you do, you are dealing with an unevolved Virgo. Evolved Virgos help you grow, unevolved Virgos tend to make you feel incapable of that. Evolved Virgos can laugh off or let go of the little things, unevolved Virgos will get caught up in them.
EVOLVED LIBRA
- Relationship-oriented
- Balanced
- Charming
- Diplomatic
- Fair
UNEVOLVED LIBRA
- Codependent
- People-pleaser
- Flaky
- Indecisive
- Dishonest
Evolved Libras make some of the best partners, friends, and confidants. Unevolved Libras make some of the hardest of the above to maintain. The difference between the two is the Libra's ability to find the balance between their needs and the needs of others. Libras are relationship-oriented people, but unevolved Libras tend to let this trait get the best of them and will be in and out of relationships and never really settle down to figure out what they truly want and need. Evolved Libras love, but will not sacrifice their sense of self in the process.
EVOLVED SCORPIO
- Passionate
- Mysterious
- Intuitive
- Transformative
- Resilient
UNEVOLVED SCORPIO
- Obsessive
- Secretive
- Reclusive
- Destructive
- Ruthless
The difference between an evolved Scorpio and an unevolved Scorpio is their ability to let go. Evolved Scorpios have learned from their past and have made their life better in the process. Unevolved Scorpios hold onto a lot of resentments and often cause themselves or others emotional turmoil. Evolved Scorpios can let people in and make some of the most loyal, protective, and supportive partners. Unevolved Scorpios tend to be very distrustful of others and have a hard time letting go of control in any way or letting people get close to their inner world.
EVOLVED SAGITTARIUS
- Outgoing
- Optimistic
- Spiritual
- Adventurous
- Genuine
UNEVOLVED SAGITTARIUS
- Dramatic
- Brash
- Superiority-complex
- Unreliable
- Careless
The evolved Sagittarius are inspiring, optimistic, and hopeful. The unevolved Sagittarius is just about the complete opposite of that. Evolved Sagittariuses have learned to fuel their adventurous spirit with intentional action rather than recklessness, and are there for their loved ones rather than leaving people hanging or being unreliable. Unevolved Sagittariuses can be very rude and aggressive and will mask this behavior with humor. They can be very harsh, rather than the evolved Sagittarius who is still outgoing, but is also genuine and confident and aligned with their highest self.
EVOLVED CAPRICORN
- Hard-working
- Loyal
- Stable
- Sensible
- Ambitious
UNEVOLVED CAPRICORN
- Workaholic
- Unforgiving
- Rigid
- Stubborn
- Dominating
When you are looking at an evolved Capricorn, you find yourself in the presence of someone loyal, hardworking, and down-to-earth. An unevolved Capricorn can be judgemental and cold, with only their personal goals in mind. Unevolved Capricorns seem to be stuck in the same place in life, and unmoving in what they believe is best for them. Evolved Capricorns are open to feedback and are flexible enough to figure out what is truly best for them, to explore, and to allow someone else to lead them at times. Evolved Capricorns are responsible and productive but take care of their well-being in the process.
EVOLVED AQUARIUS
- Freedom-oriented
- Logical
- Friendly
- Open-minded
- Outgoing
UNEVOLVED AQUARIUS
- Distant
- Cold
- Disloyal
- Detached
- Superiority-complex
Evolved Aquarius and unevolved Aquarius are mirrors of each other. The evolved version of Aquarius is friendly, open-minded, and supportive of not only themselves but of others as well. The unevolved version of Aquarius can be quite distant and detached from their relationships and life altogether and can be hard for people to get close to. Evolved Aquariuses value their independence, but don't use escapist behavior as an excuse for their actions. Unevolved Aquariuses will leave someone on read for months instead of just telling someone how they feel.
EVOLVED PISCES
- Loving
- Intuitive
- Compassionate
- Creative
- Romantic
UNEVOLVED PISCES
- Consuming
- Escapist
- Moody
- Distant
- Unrealistic
Evolved Pisces are the artists, muses, lovers, and dreamers. Unevolved Pisces may have that same creative energy but tend to wear rose-colored glasses that get them into trouble in the process. Pisces are hard to grasp in the first place with their fluid, mutable nature, but an unevolved Pisces will make that distance feel like miles. Unevolved Pisces can get pretty messy and will act out on their emotions without getting the full picture or giving themselves time to sort things through. Evolved Pisces on the other hand, let their emotions inspire them and know how to step into their true power.
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Featured image by Tanja Ivanova/Getty Images