

Geeze. Talk about totally missing the forest for the trees. Even though we pride ourselves in providing as many sexual tips and tricks as possible, it actually wasn't until I recently read an article about how one's profession can have a direct effect on the quality of sex that they have that I even thought to put the two things together.
After doing a little research, it really does make sense that no matter how many cool ideas, positions, or techniques we introduce you to, it's not gonna matter much if you're totally stressed TF out most of the time. And, for a lot of folks out here, the main cause of their stress is directly connected to where they get their paycheck from. So, you know what that means, sis.
If you currently hate your job, another reason to start putting a plan together to find a new one is it could be standing in between you and your orgasms. I know, right? Talk about the motivation that you need to update your LinkedIn profile.
How Much Can Hating Your Job Hinder Your Sex Life?
OK, so here's the sad truth of it all. There are reports that indicate that as much as 85 percent of people in the world—and 70 percent of Americans—hate their job. 85 freakin' percent. The reasons? They actually vary. Some people don't feel engaged. Others don't feel valued and appreciated. For some, the work is cool, but their co-workers and management staff drive them completely up the wall. Still there are those who hate how long the commute is, that there isn't any real opportunity to move up in the company or—shocker of all shockers—the pay is too low. There's also what I personally believe is a core reason for a lot of folks; it's the fact that they would rather use their time, expertise and resources to build up their own empire instead of someone else's. Whatever the case may be, when you spend most of your waking hours doing something that doesn't bring true fulfillment into your life, that is bound to bring stress into your space. And stress? Stress can do a number on you in a myriad of ways. One of them being your sex life.
Just how concerned should you be about this being a part of your own reality? I'll share with you some findings from a study that I recently read, then let you decide. According to a research review, when they asked approximately 800 people how their job impacted their sex life, 83 percent with low-stress jobs said they were totally satisfied with their sex life while a mere 60 percent with high-stress jobs stated that they could say the same. Not only that, but 74 percent of individuals said that they actually turned down sex, not because of the sex itself, but because of how work-related stress impacted them. 74 percent.
When these same people were asked if they felt that work-related stress had a long-term impact on their sex life, while only 10 percent with low-stress jobs said it did, a whopping 54 percent of people with high-stress jobs agreed. Also, folks with a low-stress job had sex around 10 times each month while individuals with high-stress jobs did, eh, somewhere around seven. Oh, and get this: If you are in a relationship with someone who has a high-stress job, you're twice as likely to get yourself some—have mercy—only once a month.
Oh, there's more, boo. While people on low-stress jobs are able to climax 79 percent of the time, that drops 10 percent for those with high-stress gigs. Twenty percent of men with high-stress positions have trouble performing from time to time while only nine percent of men with low-stress ones do. Out of all of the stuff that I read in this particular study, I think what stood out to me the most is the fact that while only 28 percent of people who did low-stress work felt like their sex life was on the ho-hum routine side of things, 46 percent of individuals who did highly stressful work felt that way.
In a nutshell, high-stress work—and if you hate your job, you are most definitely stressed out on some level—causes your sex life to tank. It's all right here and black and white.
This data actually piqued my curiosity. Are there literal professions that lead to better sex than others? Seek and ye shall find, chile. Indeed, there are.
What Jobs (Reportedly) Have the Best Sex, the Least Sex, and the Most Cheaters?
Now, just to be upfront, this is based on a UK survey (I couldn't find a US one; sorry). However, according to it, farmers have a great sex life (33 percent claim to have it once a day!). Then it's architects (21 percent have it daily) and hairdressers (17 percent have it once a day). I think it's actually hilarious that, as a writer, I'm sharing this, but the poll says that journalists seem to get it in the least while lawyers are the hardest to please. (I could totally see that. They dissect everything for a living.) That's some pretty interesting stuff, right?
I'm a digger by nature so, knowing all of this got me to wondering about if certain jobs somehow influence whether or not it is harder for someone to be faithful. Now there was a US survey for that. The list is a little long, so I'll just touch on the top-tier folks. It would appear that 23 percent of female doctors and nurses tend to cheat due to, take a guess—stress. As far as the fellas go, 29 percent of men in a trade profession do because of their irregular hours. Twelve percent of female teachers and 12 percent of men in IT took the second spot. (No real explanation was given, but perhaps it's to break up their daily routine?) For both men and women, third place went to entrepreneurs, mostly because---both personally as well as professionally---they like things to go their way at all times. Fascinating.
Know More. Do Better.
And just what should you do now that you can't unsee any of what you just read? For starters, don't get paranoid and assume that if you're a teacher, you're bound to cheat at some point, or if your man just announced that he wants to start a business that it's code for wanting to have a couple of chicks on the side; the latter was mere food for thought. If anything, I think if you happen to see any parallels between stress at your job and how it is affecting your sex life, it's time to do some serious reevaluating and possible restructuring. What I mean by that is, if you're unhappy at the office and then you come home and sex seems a little "off", don't just brush it off as a coincidence. There's plenty of data to support that the two things could very well go hand in hand.
And no, I'm not telling you that an orgasm trumps paying rent. But what I am saying is don't fool yourself into believing that you can't climb the walls and pay your bills. You most certainly can do both.
Besides, life is too short to be hating your job, and sex is too good to be having a scaled-down version of it. Hmph. Like I said from the jump—if you loathe your workplace and your sex life isn't quite where you want it to be 1) you're not alone and 2) now you've got another excellent reason to update your resume and prepare to bounce. Let the stressful job go so that you can do what you love—at work and in the bedroom. You feel me? Girl, I know you do.
Feature image by Shutterstock
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
We Thought All-Inclusives Were Boring Until We Found These Twin Jamaican Gems
I’m not your typical all-inclusive resort girlie—especially for a couple’s trip. My man and I usually hop from one Airbnb or boutique hotel to the next, cooking our own meals, and chasing off-the-beaten-path adventures. But after eight years of host ghosting, catfish listings, and DIY travel stress, we decided it was time to switch gears. Our latest Jamaica baecation was the perfect excuse to give an all-inclusive resort a fair shot.
We landed on Couples Negril and Couples Swept Away—two Jamaican family-owned sister properties nestled in western Jamaica. With Caribbean roots dating back to 1949, this wasn’t just any chain resort—it had legacy and soul. And honestly? It was the reset we didn’t know we needed.
What made it even more special? We were back in the place where we first fell in love, now creating new memories in the same sun-drenched paradise. From booze cruises, pickleball matches, and wellness shots, to alluring late-night jacuzzi rendezvous, soul karaoke, and far too much champagne mixed with tequila, to really good jerk chicken and repeat-visit-worthy Asian cuisine, bae and I had a time.
Couples Negril And Couples Swept Away: Twins On The West Coast Of Jamaica
And it’s fitting that we visited in June (which is considered low season—a time when there are less travelers and better deals) because these sister resorts are like Gemini twins that embody two distinct sides of the same spirit.
Set between Negril and Hanover, Couples Negril is the social butterfly, full of energy and artistic flair; Couples Swept Away is the introspective dreamer, grounded in nature, wellness, and tranquility.
While they’re quite opposite in vibe, they’re united by a shared history and reflect the classic Gemini duality: light and shadow, play and peace, expression and reflection.
Bae’s Favorite: Chic, Modern, And Cozy At Couples Negril
Couples Negril Suite
Courtesy, Couples Negril
Bae’s favorite was Couples Negril—which has more than 230 rooms and spans 18 acres—for its mix of entertainment, modern minimalist vibes, and a diverse crowd of couples. He especially loved Otaheite Restaurant with its low-lit red velvet love seats and dishes meshing luxury with traditional island flavors (like the merlot stewed rabbit served with coconut polenta and the filet mignon with the jerk glaze.) And he lives for hearing me sing, so the piano bar was our jam.
We also spent lots of time at the beach bar, one of five on the property, snacking on fish tacos and sipping margaritas just steps from our suite.
We saved the rum for the included catamaran cruise (book ahead!), which came with endless punch and views of Negril’s West End—a fave spot of ours. Couples Negril made the all-inclusive life feel surprisingly easy and fun.
The property also features a treehouse spa, two pools, four jacuzzis, an au naturale beach (whew, chile!), and sports facilities. Everything was easy to access—the layout felt cozy and well-organized, making it simple to move between activities and amenities. At this resort, you can really have some grown-and-sexy fun without it feeling like a raunchy spring break episode of Couples Gone Wild.
My Favorite: Private, Classic Charm, & Nature Mystique At Couples Swept Away
Couple's Swept Away Suite
Courtesy, Couples Swept Away
While I loved Couples, once we stepped over to Couples Swept Away, the lush nature set on 19 acres won me over. This twin, which has 312 suites, 7 restaurants, 8 bars, 3 pools, 5 jacuzzis, and a spa, leans into intimacy and seclusion, and I felt like we had more privacy and room to explore–just the two of us—at this property. The rooms are rustic-luxurious, dressed in island cedar, with classic shutters and expansive verandahs that have hammocks where you can enjoy bright flora, the sounds of exotic birds, and the sea views.
The absence of TVs—along with its tropical fantasy allure— meant a 10 out of 10 experience for me. This resort invites couples to breathe deeper, slow down, and truly get to the core of intimacy, all within the hum of nature.
There were hidden enclaves with dipping pools, jacuzzis, open-air cafés, and quiet corners where you can sit by ponds filled with fish and bird watch (or have a little sneaky link with bae!)
One of my favorite stand-out amenities at this resort: the 10-acre fitness complex just a short walk across the road from the main property where I’d have my early-morning me-time while bae slept in. It has 10 tennis courts, squash and racquetball courts, a fully equipped gym, and a wide range of wellness and fitness classes are held there. I also enjoyed turmeric and ginger shots at the wellness bar.
Other standouts for food and nightlife included Lemon Grass (where you can enjoy Asian-inspired food and listen to the live music coming from downstairs), the chic Patois Bar (which was the late-night hotspot overlooking one of the pools and serving your usual bar fare like burgers and quesadillas—felt like we were at a Miami nightclub), and the Aura Bar (where bae sang with a quintet of other slightly drunken men and where we did the cliche but super-lit millennial couple thing: danced the night away to Top 40 hip-hop, salsa, and rock classics).
The Patois Bar
Courtesy, Couples Swept Away
Baecation Tip: Just be sure your partner packs a few linen or dress pants, loafers or soft dress shoes, and a few button-down shirts for the restaurants that require reservations. Also book your table and all-inclusive excursions in advance (or on the first day you arrive at the resort).
All in all, this resort-hop wasn’t the stifling, prison-in-paradise all-inclusive experience I remembered from the Jamaica family vacations of my youth. It also wasn’t the stereotypical AI disaster of bland food, lackluster customer service, and senior citizen activities that many complain about on social nowadays.
Both resorts offered a fresh take on luxury, great food, and good vibes—all without losing the intimacy we craved. All-inclusives might not be our every trip vibe, but for this chapter? It was exactly what we needed, and we look forward to making repeat bookings at both Couples Negril and Couples Swept Away in the future.
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