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Is The Grind For The Corner Office Putting Us In the Casket?
Mikki Taylor, ESSENCE Editor and author of the newly acclaimed Editor and Chic, changed my life with one quote, "Queens do not belong on well-being welfare."
I think I was on the third trip to my primary care doctor and had about four brush strokes filled with clumps of hair before I realized that paying attention to myself was no longer an option but a necessity.
Stress kept me rolling around in the bed for hours before the alarm clock, exhausted before I began the day, running for shots of espresso at 3 p.m., and dragging myself to bed with aching muscles and punching bags under my eyes.
I wore the fact that I had PTO that carried over because I refused to take a day off. It proved a lack of commitment and I found myself doing so in hopes that this entity would value my loyalty. The same entity that would steamroll over bodies and simply "replace" countless employees who left on a medical leave from nothing other than pure exhaustion.
World Health Organization (WHO) and National Institute of Mental Health quotes from a 2017 survey says anxiety disorders affect 18.1 percent of adults in the United States (approximately 40 million adults between the ages of 18 and 54). And a lot more go unreported every year.
In Black Girl Magic History of Push Through, we often ignore the very real and tangible signs that our body gives us to slow down:
- Upset stomach,
- Waking up fatigued,
- Tension in the muscles,
- Frequent headaches, and
- Chest pain.
Nonetheless, it's unrealistic to say that our lives can be lived without stress but how we choose to cope with stress can ultimately either shorten or prolong our lives. It is that serious. We have been taught as black and brown people to trudge through enormous amounts of pain in order to reach a far-reaching goal.
However, there are things you can do to make time for you and organize the chaos causing you stress:
- Prepare the Day Before: Before leaving the office, I cue up any work I have to complete the next day and set reminders for the next morning.
- Create a Daily Master Plan: Creating a time management schedule will allow you to schedule productivity in an effective and regimented way. Having a morning ritual that begins way before you enter the workplace including a relaxing shower, water with lemon, and a morning coffee is important. I also take a few moments to look at my calendar to mentally prepare for what is going to happen that day.
- Utilize Your PTO: I have a 2-days a-month rule or a one-week every-season vacation rule.
- After Work "Me" Time: I can't wait to clock out today because Travis - my massage therapist and I - have a date at 6 pm. On days where he is not working the stress out of my body, I take a warm bath or run on the treadmill. Whatever it takes for you to have a few minutes to yourself to process the day and unwind, do it!
- Invest In You: So, I hated my job and complained about it every day but made absolutely no moves to change it. It wasn't until I took advantage of the tuition reimbursement benefit and the seminar/conference advance pay that I realized it is important to use your current circumstances to fund your aspirations. Also, take advantage of any pre-tax benefits your organization may afford including retirement, commuter benefits, health spending, or flexible spending accounts. Budget for the things that make you happy and not just the bills. I LOVE eating at a new restaurant at least once a week and travel. Knowing this, I plan to take one big trip a year and budget for the luxury of dining at somewhere posh once a month.
Stress will come but if we can identify what triggers it, we can proactively hinder it from inflicting permanent damage on us. Remember, you are the boss of your own life.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- Health Effects of Work-Related Stress | Examinetics ›
- Work Related Stress - 6 Common Causes ›
- After‐effects of job‐related stress: Families as victims - Jackson ... ›
- Stress at work - Work-related stress and how to tackle it - HSE ›
- Job-Related Stress Can Have Fatal Consequences - The Atlantic ›
- Coping With Stress at Work ›
- Work-Related Stress A Guide for Employers ›
- Job Killing You? 8 Types of Work-Related Stress - Health ›
- Work-related stress - Better Health Channel ›
Danielle Kimberly is a Jersey girl and a health & wholeness educator. Read her humorous & habit forming stories for women of faith on www.luxevoyage.org. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @dannikimberly.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."