How To Cope When You Hate Your Job
Beyoncé ain't neva lied when she said, "All these people on the planet working 9 to 5 just to stay alive, and 9 to 5 just to stay alive, how come?"
The majority of your life consists of earning a living and, believe it or not, many people are unhappy with their jobs. According to a 2016 study conducted by Gallup, a research-based research consulting firm, 9 out of 10 employees are "actively disengaged" from their job. The average American retires between the ages of 62 to 65. So from around 16 to 65, we are dissatisfied in what we do for a living. So are we just supposed to work all our lives at shitty jobs we don't like? Hell yeah, we are! At least, up until we decide to say, “Hell naw" and find what it is that we are passionate about.
Many people hate the lack of freedom, the consumption of irreplaceable time, missing out on events with family and friends, and simply just not wanting to go to the same place day in and day out. The motions of constantly going into work and feeling an instant shift in your mood, thinking about other things while you are robotically doing your job, and constantly telling yourself that working a job you hate is better than having no job at all is not what we all imagined being when we were asked what we wanted to be when we grew up.
It's a universal truth that everyone wants happiness.
So, how do we find happiness in a place that we absolutely hate?
Create your own reality.
Get over your dislike for your job by using it to fund your dreams. Doing so will help you in creating your own reality. Of course, we would love to give our supervisor a resignation letter one day in advance of quitting but that won't stop the bills from building up or keep the refrigerator stocked. Many of the people that we look up to like Karen Civil, Sophia Amoruso, and Melissa Butler of The Lip Bar would not be who they were if they were not happy with working at places that left them feeling unfulfilled while they worked to achieve their dreams. If they can do it, you can too.
Use what you know and turn it into actions.
If your desire is to start a catering company, find some new recipes that you have never tried and make them. If you fail, don't take it to heart. Failure is expected and I promise it will help you to improve by changing your approach to things. Many people encounter that failure and they will get discouraged, which is expected, but remember to keep your goal in mind.
Do the work.
Whatever your dream may be will require your hard work, sacrifice, and money. Take the time to figure out what makes you happy, how you can help others, and what can you do for free while maintaining your passion. Also, find someone that has the time to commit to helping you, not only professionally but personally. If you can't find someone who will help you reach your dreams yet, read what you can to increase your knowledge and apply it to what you already know.
To start with, read #GirlBoss by Sophia Amoruso, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, and Mastery by Robert Greene. Read them, take notes, and then read them again.
After continuously doing what you love and being purposeful in your actions, the people, and opportunities will come to you. So girl, we all hate our jobs, but it's an attitude that is necessary to get over in order to claim the success that is meant for us. Get over it! Use that feeling of knowing that there are better opportunities for you out in the world to create whatever it is that you'd like to do. Stay encouraged beautiful.
Related Stories:
Your Attitude Could Be the Reason You're Stuck - Read More
Passion Over Paycheck: Why I Quit My Job at 30 to Start Living - Read More
How to Write a Resignation Letter - Read More
Ask Ayana Iman: I Hate My Job But I Can't Afford to Quit - Read More
- Ask Ayana Iman: I Hate My Job But I Can't Afford to Quit - xoNecole ›
- Unhappy At Work? Signs It's Time To Leave Your Job - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 3 Ways to Bear a Job That You Hate - wikiHow ›
- 6 Strategies For Surviving In A Job You Hate | Work It Daily ›
- How To Survive A Job You Hate (But Can't Leave – Yet ... ›
- Article How To Handle Those Days When You Hate Your Job ›
- How To Cope When You Hate Your Job ›
- 11 Tips To Cope With A Job You Hate - AskMen ›
- Ten Things to do if you Really, Really Hate Your Job | Experience ›
- Hate Your Job? Try These Survival Skills - The New York Times ›
- What To Do When You Hate Your Job And Can't Leave ›
- How to Cope When You Hate Your Job - The Muse ›
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images