

When you find yourself counting down the number of days you can take PTO or how you can finesse calling off to start looking for another position in your first 90 days, you may be suffering from a case of saying "yes" to the wrong job. Here's an example: During the pandemic, Jorden Patterson, a freelancer in the Midwest, landed the perfect job. After being laid off from her previous gig at an insurance company and spending months surviving off unemployment checks, she happily accepted a call center position.
Her interview process went at the speed of lightning, and she got a call back before she could even get home. When she attended her training on the first day of work, she realized that she made a mistake. "What the trainer shared about the position was not what the recruiter told me in the interview," says Jorden. "Before lunchtime, I knew that the job wasn't for me and I had to have an exit plan."
Jorden is one of the 49 percent of U.S. workers who are not in love with their job according to Forbes. People feel stuck in a company or a position that may pay their bills but doesn't feed their passion to work.
Whether you are looking for a job to fulfill a sense of purpose or just crave a dope work environment until your next professional adventure, you deserve to be at a company that you don't have to resent later.
Here are six warning signs that will help you avoid a work nightmare and steer you toward the job of your dreams:
1. The Job Hired You Very Quickly
Beware of a company that's thirsty to fill a position via a short process. The average hiring turnaround time is 27.5 days because recruiters value finding quality talent. A fast hire may show that the company is looking to fill a role with a warm body by any means necessary. Being placed in a role faster than you can blink can cause anxiety and stress because it is possible that you can inherit problems that haven't been resolved (i.e. lack of processes, distrustful work environment, minimal training; the list can go on!).
2. They've Gotten Trash Reviews From Previous Employees
If you can browse on Indeed.com or Glassdoor on any given day and see more negative employee feedback than positive, you've got yourself a doozie. Researching employee experiences can give you an idea of the company culture and how management treats its employees. While some reviews may have a little bias or exaggeration, the volume of bad reviews might tell you everything you need to know.
3. There's A Misalignment Of Values
As Drake eloquently told us, "Know yourself, know your worth." Quiet as it's kept, what a company stands for can play a part in whether a job is a good fit for you or not. Employees who are satisfied with their company's values report 20 percent higher alignment with work culture. If you find yourself not feeling a company's values, you have to examine your own to make sure the stars are aligned for employment there.
4. The Company Lied In The Job Description
It's been proven time and time again that a job description may not always match the actual duties. If you find yourself often frustrated, bored, or confused in your role, the reality of the job just might not fit what you dreamed it would be. It is important to work in a position that fulfills your expectations so that you can bring your best self to work. Anything less can cause you not perform well and could damage your professional reputation if you don't do well at work.
5. You Don't Have Support From Your Supervisors Or Coworkers
Research shows that 44 percent of women feel unsupported at work. If you hit the ground running with no guidance from your boss or coworkers, that may be a sign that your company is not setting you up for success. Observe who trains you, how they train you, and how confident you feel in the role when (or if) you get any training at all.
6. It's Not The Company, It's The Job
Let's face it - sometimes, it's not the workplace or you. It's the gig itself, sis.
Jorden says that while she thought she was hired too quickly and wanted to skedaddle from her role, she realized that though she liked the company, she just disliked her position.
"After a few weeks on the job, I saw other roles that I got excited about," says Jorden. "My exit plan to leave the company turned into my blueprint to get a promotion to something that I think is a better fit."
Recognize the difference between being unhappy with the duties in your job description and being unhappy with a company. If promotion opportunities are available and you match the company's culture and vibe, stick it out to see if you can get another role. Otherwise, take the red flag for what it is and move on to the next job that's a better fit for your skills, aspirations, and experiences. Period.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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You Don’t Have To Choose: How Black Women Can Care For Others Without Self-Sacrifice
One of the primary instructions we receive before a flight takes off is to prioritize putting on your life vest first if there’s an emergency, even before assisting others. It’s funny how this rule rarely translates to the daily routine of women.
As women we are taught, directly and indirectly, to put others first. Whether it’s our romantic partners, kids, parents, friends, or even our jobs. Mental health survivor and founder of Sista Afya Community Care, Camesha Jones-Brandon is challenging that narrative by using her platform to advocate for Black women and their right to self-care.
Camesha created the organization after her struggles with mental health and the lack of community she experienced. The Chicago native explains how she created Sista Afya to be rooted in “culturally grounded care.”
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“So at my organization, Sista Afya Community Care, we focus on providing mental health care through a cultural and gender lens,” she tells xoNecole. “So when we think about the term intersectionality, coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, we think about the multiple identities that lead to certain experiences and outcomes as it relates to Black women.
“So in the context of culturally grounded care, being aware of the cultural history, the cultural values, and then also the current issues that impact mental health outcomes.”
Words like “strong” and “independent” have long been associated with Black women for some time and many of us have begun to embrace the soft life and are using rest as a form of resistance. However, some of us still struggle with putting ourselves first and overall shedding the tainted image of the “strong, Black woman” that had been forced on us.
Camesha shares that while there’s more and more communities being created around empowerment and shared interests like running, she still questions, “are Black women really comfortable with being vulnerable about sharing their experiences?”
Being vulnerable with ourselves and others play an important role in healing the instinctive nature of always being “on” for everyone. “I'm currently facilitating a group on high functioning depression, and yesterday, we talked about how when Black women may be struggling or have shared their concerns with other people. They may be minimized, or they're told to just be strong, or it's not so bad, or I went through something worse back in Jim Crow era, so you should be thankful,” she explains.
“So I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people. So that is probably a very common theme. I think we've made a lot of progress when we talk about the superwoman syndrome, the mammy stereotype, the working hard stereotype, the nurturing stereotype. I think we're beginning to unpack those things, but I still see that we have definitely a long way to go in that area.”
I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people.
Roman Samborskyi/ Shutterstock
While we’re unpacking those things, we know that we’re still women at the end of the day. So as we continue to serve in various roles like mothers, daughters, sisters, and caretakers, we have to make caring for ourselves a priority. Camesha reveals four ways we can still care for others without abandoning ourselves.
Trust
First things first, trust. Camesha explains, “Some of the burdens that Black women have can be linked to not feeling like you can trust people to carry the load with you.
“It's hard because people experience trauma or being let down or different experiences, but one of the things that I found personally is the more that I'm able to practice trust, the more I'm able to get my needs met. Then, to also show up as my best to care for other Black women.”
Know Your Limitations
Another thing Camesha highlighted is Black women knowing their limitations. “The other thing that I would like to bring up in terms of a way to care for yourself is to really know your limitations, or know how much you can give and what you need to receive,” she says.
“So often, what I see with Black women is giving, giving, giving, giving, giving to the point that you're not feeling well, and then not receiving what you need in return to be able to feel well and whole individually. So I really think it's important to know your limitations and know your capacity and to identify what it is that you need to be well.”
Don’t Take On A Lot Of Responsibilities
Next on the list is not taking on so many responsibilities, sharing herself as an example. “The other thing is taking on too much responsibility, especially in a time of vulnerability.
“One thing that I personally struggled with was being so passionate about community mental health for Black women, and saying yes to everything and taking on so much responsibility,” she reveals. “That affected me to do well in serving Black women and then also impacting my own well being.”
Practice Self-Care
Lastly, she notes the importance of practicing self-care. “The last thing is really practicing regular self care, regular community care, so that it's embedded into your daily life. So for me, having prepared meals, going to the gym, getting eight hours of sleep, spending time with friends and family, all of those things are part of my self care that keep me at my best,” she explains.
“Then community care, leaning into social networks or social groups, or spending time with other interests or hobbies. That's a part of my community care that keeps me going, so that I can take care of my needs, but also to be able to show up best in care for others.”
Find out more about Camesha and Sista Afya Community Care at communitycare.sistaafya.com.
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