
This Will Get You Through The “Ho-Hum Seasons” In Your Relationship

Here's my heads up—I don't know if what I'm about to say is technically classified as an unpopular opinion or not, but since the actor who actually played this character even said she got on her last nerve (at times), I'm gonna go for it. Carrie Bradshaw (you know, from Sex & the City) really bugged and still bugs me. She was neurotic. Bratty. Couldn't receive criticism. Sulked a lot. She treated Aiden like crap. Her style was fly but yeah ugh…just ugh (oh, as far as Sarah Jessica's co-sign, check out "Sarah Jessica Parker Just Threw Some Serious Shade at Carrie Bradshaw").
And what does this even remotely have to do with the title of this piece? Let's revisit that Aiden point for just a moment, shall we? Some of y'all may remember the "Drama Queens" episode when things were going so well with Aiden that Carrie created drama, just to bring some so-called "spice" into the relationship. This. Girl. Right. Here.
So, before diving deeper into all of this, let me just say that if you're someone who is used to having drama in your own relationship, you might want to track that episode down, just to be sure that your relationship isn't going through a blasé moment so much as you aren't used to something that is healthy, stable and sane. On the other hand, if you're sure that you are not a drama queen, and it really is that your relationship has plateaued and you're not sure what to do about it, first know that it happens to even the best of couples. And then, share this with your partner so that you can get through the ho-hum-yawn season that you're in—together.
Ask Yourself: Is It Due to Boredom, a Lack of Passion or Unadulterated Disinterest?
Stuck in a rut. That's another way to describe what a ho-hum season in a relationship feels like. That's not uncommon; it happens. But if you feel like it's been this way for a while now and it's low-key starting to freak you out, ask yourself what has you feeling that way. Are you bored? If so, when's the last time that you and yours have tried something new? Has the passion died down? If that's the case, although National Sex Day was in June, you can still click here for some ways to get the fire back. Maybe it's simply a lack of interest. If that's the issue, it's time to spend some time together and maybe go on some love-language-based dates so that you can do a little emotional reconnecting.
A lot of times, when a relationship has plateaued, the way to remedy that is to figure out when it started and why. Once you have those answers, it can be so much easier to get out of the rut; before it starts feeling like the two of you are in a ditch.
Then Ask Yourself: Are You a Thrill-Seeker or Can You Enjoy “Relationally-Still Moments”?
Senior couples tell me often that a sign of true intimacy is when two people don't feel like they have to entertain each other all of the time. They can sit in silence with one another and be perfectly fine with that. (Ladies, this means that our man can be quiet for an hour without us asking, "So, what are you thinking about?")
Some of us are such adrenaline junkies that we confuse our relationship feeling like it's stuck with our personalities being on-10 ninety percent of the time. If you and yours are able to chill on the coach without a lot of dialogue or ride in the car without having to have constant chatter going on, that doesn't automatically or necessarily mean that something is wrong. It actually could be an indication that things are going oh-so-right. That there is peace between you. And peace is always a good thing.
Make Sure You Don’t Manufacture Problems
Guy friends are gems. They have a way of breaking things down without sugar-coating or beating around the bush. Whenever I go to my male friends for their insights on how women can make the quality of their relationships better, it never goes without saying. They will say something along the lines of, "Stop making a problem where there isn't one."
If you're emotionally yawning a lot, that doesn't necessarily mean that your partner isn't being proactive or romantic enough; it could just mean that it's time to do step outside of the box (and maybe you should be the one to initiate doing so). If the sex isn't as hot as it used to be, don't jump to conclusions that you both are no longer attracted to one another; it could just mean that you need to book a hotel room or try some new positions to bring more spice into the situation. If there's not a ton of dialogue happening, don't assume that he's more interested in someone else. Also, don't go lurking around to prove your point. Breaks in communication ain't always a bad thing; especially if you know how to be secure in it.
Far too many people end up going from a ho-hum season to a full-on break-up, and it's all due to not knowing how to mentally chill out during those kinds of times. I've done enough counseling to assure you that it's more women than men who create drama out of nothing during a ho-hum season, simply because they don't know how to be emotionally and relationally still. Perhaps this ho-hum season is so you can master that. Everything has a purpose.
Keep Your Boundaries with “Others” Firm
Most of us have heard of the 80/20 rule before. It's about accepting the fact that you're probably only going to get 80 percent (max) out of what you want in the person you're seeing. During the good times, that's fine. But when you're going through a ho-hum season and you're looking for some excitement or more passion than what you are getting, that 20 percent that your partner doesn't have to offer can start looking really, really good. And desirable.
A part of the reason why affairs begin is because, as I once heard a person say, "secrets are seductive". It can be intriguing, fun even, to sneak around. But should you ever get found out (which is more likely than not), you may end up with more than you bargained for. Plus, "the 20 percent person" can start to get old after a while if that's literally all that they have to offer.
So yeah, although it might be tempting to venture out and try something new, if there is ever a time to withstand temptation and keep your boundaries clear and firm, this season would be it. If you know that, deep down, you want to keep your relationship intact, anyway.
Be Intentional About Intimacy
Something that you have to be really careful about during a ho-hum season is that you don't pull away from your partner. Instead, move in. You can do that by focusing on how to cultivate intimacy. I don't (just) mean sex. I mean making sure that you both still feel connected, on some level, even if it's not super-intense at the moment.
You can do this by inquiring about the worlds you both have that don't include each other (like work), planning dates that you know your partner will like and doing sweet-yet-simple stuff like holding hands and taking a walk around the neighborhood after dinner.
If you've got loved ones who've been married for over a decade, they're gonna tell you that if you are serious about going the long haul, you are going to have quite a few ho-hum seasons to get through. The key is to not start worrying but instead, remind one another that you're not going anywhere; that the intimacy may not be smoldering at the moment, but the fire isn't completely out either.
Know this Season Is Just a Season
The same guy who wrote the book The Five Love Languages has some other reads that are really good. If you are married or plan on getting married, one that I recommend is The Four Seasons of Marriage. In a nutshell, it compares the marriage union to nature and its seasons—spring, summer, autumn and winter. It talks about the purpose that each season serves and how to handle your relationship throughout each one of them.
It's a great reminder that everything has its season and that seasons do indeed pass. This not-so-thrilling time in your relationship is no exception. Sit tight. It will pass too.
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6 Signs You're A Relationship Self-Sabotager
The Signs Of A Truly Intimate Relationship
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Roscoe Dash joined xoMan host Kiara Walker to share the journey of his personal and spiritual evolution—from the party anthems that made him famous to a deeper life rooted in faith, family, and purpose. This episode offers an honest look at how the artist has grown beyond early fame, addressing fatherhood, masculinity, creativity, and healing.
Dash opened up about the internal transformation that has guided him away from chasing the spotlight and toward seeking peace. “Faith and fear can’t occupy the same space,” he said, underscoring his shift toward a more spiritually grounded life. Throughout the interview, he emphasized the importance of self-reflection:
“The most important conversations to me, honestly, outside of the ones you have with God, is the ones you have with yourself in the mirror.”
Dash is focused on the man he’s become. “I’m not the accolades I’ve achieved—I’m the person who achieved them,” he added, pointing to a broader understanding of identity and worth. A large part of that growth has come through fatherhood, especially raising daughters, which he said has deepened his understanding of love. “Love is unconditional and love loves to love no matter what,” he shared.
He also spoke candidly about the pressures of fame and its impact on creativity. “Chasing fame can kill your creativity as a musician,” he warns. Instead, his advice to other artists is simple but clear: “Keep your focus on your art form, whatever that may be, and stay passionate.”
The conversation also touches on gender dynamics and emotional safety in relationships. “Safe men make soft women. If she feels safe, she’ll melt like butter,” he said, challenging traditional notions of masculinity. Roscoe also offers wisdom on discernment and spiritual testing: “Sometimes the devil will give you what looks better than your blessing.”
Ultimately, Dash has learned to embrace peace over chaos. “All I can do is control what I can control. And that's how I respond to things and what I'm giving out,” he said. It’s a thoughtful, soulful side of Roscoe Dash that many may not expect—but one that leaves a lasting impression.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
I Tried It: 3 Low-Maintenance Wigs That Will Elevate Your Look This Season
There's nothing like the feeling you get when your hair is done. It can instantly boost your confidence and put you in a great mood. I've never been a stranger to hair trends and I often experiment with the latest braided styles and colors.
But there are moments when I just don't feel like doing my hair. I'm natural and a lot of times I will braid or twist my hair up and cover it with a scarf or turban. However, when I crave a different look without the hassle of styling, I reach for a wig.
I've always had a love-hate relationship with wigs. Sometimes, I struggle to get them to lay flat and don't get me started with the bonding glue process. So when it comes to wearing wigs, I like to keep it nice and breezy around this b--- (word to Katt Williams), especially in the summertime.
That's why I jumped at the chance to try these three versatile wigs from Luvme Hair. Each one offers a unique look and is surprisingly low maintenance, which aligns perfectly with my philosophy that wearing wigs should make life easier. Let’s dive into the three styles below.
Headband Wig
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This was the first wig I tried on, and I instantly fell in love with it. So much so that it took me weeks to even consider trying the other two. I’m partial to colored hair, especially blonds, browns, and reds, so I was skeptical about the jet black hair. However, I think the color, combined with the curl pattern, worked surprisingly well for me.
One of the things I really liked about this wig was that I didn’t have to braid my hair down first. I could simply throw it over a low ponytail, which is the epitome of a low-maintenance style. The headband has combs inside and velcro on the ends, ensuring a secure fit.
Half Wig
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I had never worn a half wig before, so I faced some challenges. I cornrowed the bottom half of my hair where the wig would sit, but I believe this made it more difficult to use the combs. It might just be me though. I straightened the top part of my hair to blend it with the wig, which looked cute for about five minutes.
Firstly, I have a brown/blonde color mix on the ends of my hair, and the half wig is black. So, I had to hide some of the color (I didn’t have time to dye the wig). Secondly, straightening my hair myself is always a hassle because it never lasts long. Add to that the summer humidity, and you get a hot mess. Despite all this, I managed to get some cute pictures before things got out of control, and that’s all that matters, right?
Would I consider this a low-maintenance hair style? Yes and no. I think it’s unrealistic for me during the summer, especially since I enjoy summer activities. However, when the weather cools down, I’ll definitely rock it, dyed, of course.
Bob
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Now, this is the wig I was nervous about. I never had a bob and I didn't think I would like it. But once I put bobiana on, my mind instantly changed. I finally understood why the gworls rave about the bob so much. It was giving boss. It was giving grown woman. It was giving the bob means business. Iykyk. It was the ultimate statement.
I will say when I first put it on, one side of my wig just would not lay flat. It took some trial and error, but I finally managed to get it to look good. With the bob, I highly recommend braiding your hair down first as small as you can so it can lay as flat as possible. I really liked the ash blonde color, which is perfect for summer. The length also makes it a great low-maintenance style for the season, so you don't have to worry about the hair making your neck sweaty.
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