This Will Get You Through The “Ho-Hum Seasons” In Your Relationship
Here's my heads up—I don't know if what I'm about to say is technically classified as an unpopular opinion or not, but since the actor who actually played this character even said she got on her last nerve (at times), I'm gonna go for it. Carrie Bradshaw (you know, from Sex & the City) really bugged and still bugs me. She was neurotic. Bratty. Couldn't receive criticism. Sulked a lot. She treated Aiden like crap. Her style was fly but yeah ugh…just ugh (oh, as far as Sarah Jessica's co-sign, check out "Sarah Jessica Parker Just Threw Some Serious Shade at Carrie Bradshaw").
And what does this even remotely have to do with the title of this piece? Let's revisit that Aiden point for just a moment, shall we? Some of y'all may remember the "Drama Queens" episode when things were going so well with Aiden that Carrie created drama, just to bring some so-called "spice" into the relationship. This. Girl. Right. Here.
So, before diving deeper into all of this, let me just say that if you're someone who is used to having drama in your own relationship, you might want to track that episode down, just to be sure that your relationship isn't going through a blasé moment so much as you aren't used to something that is healthy, stable and sane. On the other hand, if you're sure that you are not a drama queen, and it really is that your relationship has plateaued and you're not sure what to do about it, first know that it happens to even the best of couples. And then, share this with your partner so that you can get through the ho-hum-yawn season that you're in—together.
Ask Yourself: Is It Due to Boredom, a Lack of Passion or Unadulterated Disinterest?
Stuck in a rut. That's another way to describe what a ho-hum season in a relationship feels like. That's not uncommon; it happens. But if you feel like it's been this way for a while now and it's low-key starting to freak you out, ask yourself what has you feeling that way. Are you bored? If so, when's the last time that you and yours have tried something new? Has the passion died down? If that's the case, although National Sex Day was in June, you can still click here for some ways to get the fire back. Maybe it's simply a lack of interest. If that's the issue, it's time to spend some time together and maybe go on some love-language-based dates so that you can do a little emotional reconnecting.
A lot of times, when a relationship has plateaued, the way to remedy that is to figure out when it started and why. Once you have those answers, it can be so much easier to get out of the rut; before it starts feeling like the two of you are in a ditch.
Then Ask Yourself: Are You a Thrill-Seeker or Can You Enjoy “Relationally-Still Moments”?
Senior couples tell me often that a sign of true intimacy is when two people don't feel like they have to entertain each other all of the time. They can sit in silence with one another and be perfectly fine with that. (Ladies, this means that our man can be quiet for an hour without us asking, "So, what are you thinking about?")
Some of us are such adrenaline junkies that we confuse our relationship feeling like it's stuck with our personalities being on-10 ninety percent of the time. If you and yours are able to chill on the coach without a lot of dialogue or ride in the car without having to have constant chatter going on, that doesn't automatically or necessarily mean that something is wrong. It actually could be an indication that things are going oh-so-right. That there is peace between you. And peace is always a good thing.
Make Sure You Don’t Manufacture Problems
Guy friends are gems. They have a way of breaking things down without sugar-coating or beating around the bush. Whenever I go to my male friends for their insights on how women can make the quality of their relationships better, it never goes without saying. They will say something along the lines of, "Stop making a problem where there isn't one."
If you're emotionally yawning a lot, that doesn't necessarily mean that your partner isn't being proactive or romantic enough; it could just mean that it's time to do step outside of the box (and maybe you should be the one to initiate doing so). If the sex isn't as hot as it used to be, don't jump to conclusions that you both are no longer attracted to one another; it could just mean that you need to book a hotel room or try some new positions to bring more spice into the situation. If there's not a ton of dialogue happening, don't assume that he's more interested in someone else. Also, don't go lurking around to prove your point. Breaks in communication ain't always a bad thing; especially if you know how to be secure in it.
Far too many people end up going from a ho-hum season to a full-on break-up, and it's all due to not knowing how to mentally chill out during those kinds of times. I've done enough counseling to assure you that it's more women than men who create drama out of nothing during a ho-hum season, simply because they don't know how to be emotionally and relationally still. Perhaps this ho-hum season is so you can master that. Everything has a purpose.
Keep Your Boundaries with “Others” Firm
Most of us have heard of the 80/20 rule before. It's about accepting the fact that you're probably only going to get 80 percent (max) out of what you want in the person you're seeing. During the good times, that's fine. But when you're going through a ho-hum season and you're looking for some excitement or more passion than what you are getting, that 20 percent that your partner doesn't have to offer can start looking really, really good. And desirable.
A part of the reason why affairs begin is because, as I once heard a person say, "secrets are seductive". It can be intriguing, fun even, to sneak around. But should you ever get found out (which is more likely than not), you may end up with more than you bargained for. Plus, "the 20 percent person" can start to get old after a while if that's literally all that they have to offer.
So yeah, although it might be tempting to venture out and try something new, if there is ever a time to withstand temptation and keep your boundaries clear and firm, this season would be it. If you know that, deep down, you want to keep your relationship intact, anyway.
Be Intentional About Intimacy
Something that you have to be really careful about during a ho-hum season is that you don't pull away from your partner. Instead, move in. You can do that by focusing on how to cultivate intimacy. I don't (just) mean sex. I mean making sure that you both still feel connected, on some level, even if it's not super-intense at the moment.
You can do this by inquiring about the worlds you both have that don't include each other (like work), planning dates that you know your partner will like and doing sweet-yet-simple stuff like holding hands and taking a walk around the neighborhood after dinner.
If you've got loved ones who've been married for over a decade, they're gonna tell you that if you are serious about going the long haul, you are going to have quite a few ho-hum seasons to get through. The key is to not start worrying but instead, remind one another that you're not going anywhere; that the intimacy may not be smoldering at the moment, but the fire isn't completely out either.
Know this Season Is Just a Season
The same guy who wrote the bookThe Five Love Languages has some other reads that are really good. If you are married or plan on getting married, one that I recommend isThe Four Seasons of Marriage. In a nutshell, it compares the marriage union to nature and its seasons—spring, summer, autumn and winter. It talks about the purpose that each season serves and how to handle your relationship throughout each one of them.
It's a great reminder that everything has its season and that seasons do indeed pass. This not-so-thrilling time in your relationship is no exception. Sit tight. It will pass too.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
6 Signs You're A Relationship Self-Sabotager
The Signs Of A Truly Intimate Relationship
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
Photo courtesy
When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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