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7 Reasons You Should TOTALLY Be In Love With Your Clitoral Hood
Wanna know why I am so fascinated with the clitoris? It's because I am also very fascinated with sex; especially marital sex (because I am a marriage life coach). And so, every time the topic of a clitoris comes up, it's weird but I get excited! Why? Because plenty of research points to the fact that there's not one purpose or reason why the clit exists other than for a woman's sexual pleasure.
So, you know what that means, right? It means that God intended for women to enjoy sex, just as much as men. Full stop. And, if we're going to explore all of the beauty that is the clitoris, a part of what has to be discussed is something that I bet you give every little thought to—your clitoral hood. Girrrl….girl. That little bit of skin is something that I am hoping you will come to love and cherish with all of your heart after you read the seven reasons why it's a small thing that has a significant purpose.
1. Your Clitoral Hood Is the Foreskin That Protects Your Clitoris
Let's go back to science class for just a moment. Did you know that all sex organs actually develop from the same embryonic cells and that they are also connect each human's nervous system in similar ways?
This is why some people say that every baby starts out with a clitoris, although some eventually end up with a penis. To a certain extent, that would be correct because the clitoris (also known as the aforementioned glans) has a similar function to the penis (which is also known as a glans) on the sexual tip. They both get bigger and harder when they are sexually aroused. They both return to their "normal" size after an orgasm.
And, when a man hasn't been circumcised (by the way, uncircumcised men reportedly have more sexual sensitivity and women who have sex with them reportedly experience more sexual pleasure too), he has something called foreskin; it's a flexible piece of skin that covers the tip of a man's penis and covers up the external opening of his urethra (the tube where his urine and semen comes out).
Yeah, well. While I've never personally been with an uncircumcised man myself, I will say I find it hilarious—and a bit hypocritical—whenever women try to act all grossed out at the thought of being with someone who hasn't been "cut". I mean, how would you feel if a man said the same thing about you because, guess what a clitoral hood is? It's the foreskin that covers up your clitoris (BAM!). And it helps to protect you too. Only, in a bit of a different kind of way.
2. Your Clitoral Hood Keeps Your Clitoris from Annoying You All Day Long
If you want to know some pretty interesting facts about your clitoris, check out "10 Things I Bet You Didn't Know About Your Clitoris". As far as your clitoral hood is specifically concerned, one reason to be especially thankful for it is because, while your clitoris is attached to—count 'em—15,000 nerve endings, the outer part of your clit contains 8,000 nerve fibers alone. Just think about if your clitoris was constantly exposed all day long, rubbing against your panties 'n stuff. Nerves are really sensitive, so while you might think it would be like having a non-stop orgasm (a woman from Atlanta went through that and she wasn't exactly thrilled), actually, it could get to be pretty painful. This is where your clitoral hood comes in. Not only does it protect your clitoris from being over-stimulated and receiving uncomfortable friction, it also protects it from debris and other things that could possibly irritate it.
3. Your Clitoral Hood Helps You to Have a Clitoral Orgasm
The placement of your clitoris plays a huge role in if you are able to experience a vaginal orgasm (an orgasm that comes from penetration) or not. But, thanks to your clitoris, you can definitely have a clitoral orgasm; so long as your clitoris is stimulated to the point of you climaxing, you're all set. And just what is the difference, sensation-wise, between a vaginal and clitoral orgasm? While a vaginal orgasm is usually more intense and can be felt deeper within the body, a clitoral orgasm is more of a surface one that gives you a tingly sensation on the surface of your skin. Something that's pretty cool about clitoral orgasms is they can cause you to have anywhere between 3-16 contractions, plus they can last anywhere from 10-30 seconds.
The reason why your clitoral hood can actually help you to have a clitoral orgasm is, when your clitoris is stimulated, the extra skin that covers it moves up down; that can help to arouse your clitoris quicker and more intensely. How awesome is that?
5. Your Clitoral Hood Is the “Source” of Multiple Orgasms
Another thing that is dope about your clitoral hood is it can be the key to experiencing multiple orgasms. How? Because it serves as a bit of a buffer. Remember how I said that the hood is foreskin for your clitoris? Well, a lot of women have trouble having multiple orgasms, simply because the first orgasm was so powerful that their clitoris feels too sensitive to be immediately touched.
But, thanks to your clitoral hood, if, after having your first orgasm, you deep breathe for about 30 seconds and then get on top of your partner for another round, it's very possible that you'll receive just enough stimulation to have another orgasm without your clitoris feeling uncomfortable—due to being over-stimulated—in the process. (Well, what do ya know?)
6. Each Clitoral Hood Is Quite Unique. And Beautiful.
OK, sooo…I'm thinking that you already know how to locate your clitoral hood, right? Just to be on the safe side, if you opened up your legs and looked at your vulva (the outer part of your vagina) in the mirror, the pea-sized "hump" of flesh that is at the top of your "slit" is your clitoris. The skin that covers it is your clitoral hood. And, just like every woman is unique, so is every vulva, clitoris and yes, clitoral hood. And you know what? Every single one is beautiful. I mean, when you stop and think about the fact that your clitoris and clitoral hood ONLY exist to bring you sexual pleasure (well, the hood also exists so that you're not overly-stimulated into a painful experience as well), how can you not find them to be alluring, appealing, delightful, fascinating and magnificent—no matter what shape, size or color they are?
7. All This…and Still, Your Clitoral Hood Is Pretty Low-Maintenance
The fact that a lot of you have probably never even considered your clitoral hood prior to reading this shows just how low-maintenance it actually is. I will say that there are some women who have had pubic hair, lint or even dried-up discharge caught in their clitoral hood that has led to irritation. That's why, as a preventative measure, it can be a good idea to take a Q-Tip, dip it in some olive oil, gently pull your hood back (not all the way, just a little) and swab around your clitoral hood once a month or so in order to dislodge anything that may be up in there. But other than that, there's not much that you need to do in order to keep yours happy and healthy.
Bonus: What Do Some People Like About Clitoral Hood Piercings?
And just how many women have clitoral hood piercings? From what I've read, it's two percent (that's actually kinda high). As far as the scientific/medical side of things, while they claim that vertical clit hood piercings won't do much for you as it relates to increasing your chances of having an orgasm or intensifying your pleasure, what the piercings are able to do is increase your level of sexual desire and quite possibly add to how often you are able to get aroused.
Now that's what the professionals say. I personally know some women who have a vertical clit hood piercing and they all say that it has taken their sexual climaxes to a whole 'nother level, chile. Still, if it's something that you've been considering doing (or you're thinking about doing now), make sure you know exactly what you are getting yourself into. You can check out some videos featuring some sistahs talking about their personal experience here and here. If you want to watch the actual procedure (which is totally NSFW), go here. Piercing or not, when you get home tonight, do a toast to your clitoral hood. I'm not quite sure where any of our sex lives would be without it—and that's real.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
What Your Vagina Wishes You Would Do More Often
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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