10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male And Female Orgasm
I've got some of the (no pun intended) cockiest male friends when it comes to their views of their sexual performance. For instance, I know one guy who firmly stands by the point that he is so good in bed that right this moment, he could call any woman he's ever slept with and get her to fly to where he is and have sex with him. In his mind, he's that good and she will still want it just that much. ***insert eternal eye roll here***
When I asked him if he's had a partner who affects him that same way, he said, "I mean, some women are better than others, but a man is going to have an orgasm regardless, so it's all good."
When I told him that my research on men and orgasms revealed that isn't exactly or altogether true, he dismissed me like I didn't know what I was talking about.
"Shellie, if a man ejaculates, he has an orgasm," he said as if it was Orgasm 101.
Yeah. Whatever dude. I'm going to forward this info to him ASAP.
As we're all about to see in roughly 10 minutes or less, orgasms are mind-blowing and also pretty complex. The more I discover about them, the more I've come to accept that there is so much more to them than what meets the eye—or even what a lot of us have yet to experience.
10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male & Female Orgasm
1.Men Can Ejaculate Without Climaxing
First up, let's get into what my friend was yapping about. Although some of us probably knew that men can master the art of climaxing without ejaculating (it's sometimes referred to as a dry orgasm), I'm not so sure it's common knowledge that men can also ejaculate without having an orgasm at all.
The name for it is ejaculatory anhedonia. It's not harmful, but what man wants to go through all of the steps of an orgasm without feeling the reward of one? Anyway, some guys assume that since they've always thought that ejaculation and orgasm go hand in hand that they automatically have had an orgasm, just because they ejaculate. But that's not automatically the case.
If you forward this to one of your male friends and it sends their head to spinning, tell them that between their health care provider, a urologist, and a therapist, they can get down to if they've truly experienced an orgasm. Or not.
If they're not sure, I'm leaning towards…not.
2.Women Increase Their Chances of Conceiving With An Orgasm
If you're currently trying to make a baby, tell your man that the more orgasms he gives you, the closer you'll be to conceiving. That's at least what Dr. Robert King, author of Tulips at Midnight: Exploring the Latest Research into the Nature and Function of Female Orgasm, believes. Some of the women he studied had 15 percent more liquid in their uterus whenever they climaxed; this means that orgasms increased to their ability to hold more sperm. As a direct result, their chances of getting pregnant increased by 15 percent too.
Talk about a motivator—to climax and conceive.
3.Lots Of Men Fake Orgasms
Usually, when the topic of faking it comes up, we think about women doing it (about 80 percent have before). But I actually had a conversation with a husband who said that he was so sick of his wife pressuring him to have another baby that he faked orgasms for a year straight (wow).
He's not alone either. Reportedly, 1 in 4 men have copped to doing the same thing, albeit for a variety of different reasons ranging from not wanting to hurt their partner's feelings (about being "bad" in bed) or wanting to hurry up and get things over with, to wanting to emotionally manipulate their partner or because they felt insecure about their own performance.
4.Some Women Have Orgasms In Their Sleep
Sleep well. It’s good for your healthGetty Images
Talk about the things that go bumping in the night. Guess how many women are able to have orgasms in their sleep? According to Alfred Kinsey of the Kinsey Institute, a whopping 37 percent!
The technical term for them are nocturnal orgasms. It's basically a spontaneous orgasm that happens during your sleep (usually during some sort of dream). That's kind dope, although, just to be thorough, I should put on record that more women with a form of neurosis (47 percent) get them than women who are in control of their mental state (8 percent). That's at least what one study claims.
5.A Man’s Orgasm Is Shorter Than A Woman’s
Annoyed woman lying in bed with snoring boyfriendSince it only (on average) takes a man five minutes to have an orgasm while it takes a woman around 20 minutes to, it probably comes as no shock that a man's orgasm is shorter as well. While a man's typically lasts for no more than five seconds, a woman's can last for 20-30 seconds. Meanwhile, a man's bounce back can take as much as 30 minutes in many cases. Although as men get older, sometimes it can take up to 12-24 hours.
Hey, don't harp on them too much about this. There is a peptide in their system known as somatostatin. It literally reduces the amount of sexual arousal men have after they climax. It really is Mother Nature that makes them want to fall asleep before round two.
6.Many Women Experience Orgasm “Aftershocks”
If you're able to have multiple orgasms, pat yourself on the back; you're reportedly one of the 47 percent of women who can. And if after having such an earth-shattering experience, it seems like you experience what can only be defined as aftershocks, it's not in your head. What's happening is, just like you experience involuntary muscle contractions while you're actually climaxing, sometimes you may feel smaller versions of that for up to an hour afterward.
There's nothing to worry about. It's all good.
7.A Man’s Foreskin Works To A Woman’s Climax’s Advantage
Turtlenecks. Pigs in a blanket. Hooded ninjas. I've heard of all kinds of terms to describe an uncircumcised penis. And while I've never personally had the pleasure, I did recently read something that piqued my interest a bit and actually caused me to see them in a bit of a different light.
Did you know that many women have found that men who have foreskin oftentimes have more stamina and are also more comfortable for them to be with physically? Not only that but they also say that it significantly increased their ability to have multiple orgasms? #themoreyouknow
8.Clitoral Placement Plays A Huge Role In A Woman’s Vaginal Orgasms
If you've heard that 75 percent of women do not have orgasms, the answer to that is yes and no. I'll go with the good news first—a lot of women can climax; what the stat is saying is an overwhelming amount have a difficult time experiencing an orgasm via vaginal stimulation alone.
A couple of things come into play with that. For one thing, not all scientists can agree on the fact that every woman has a G-spot (a pea-sized area that's located 1-2 inches on the vaginal wall that is closest to your belly button). The other issue is how far apart a woman's clitoris is from her vaginal opening. If it's approximately the width of her thumb apart, she has a much greater chance of experiencing a vaginal orgasm (an orgasm from penetration that doesn't require clitoral stimulation) than if she doesn't.
9.Men Go Through What’s Known as “Ejaculatory Inevitability”
Bless their hearts. There is a point that just about all men reach when they can't stop from ejaculating, even if they wanted to. It's called ejaculatory inevitability and it's the second phase of their orgasm.
The first phase is when their vas deferens, prostate, and seminal vesicles all contract, leading their semen into their urethra. The second is when the contractions are so strong that there is nothing that a guy can do to stop ejaculation from happening.
So, if you tell your man you're not ready for him to climax and he does anyway, don't assume that he's been selfish. Chances are, he heard you but there was absolutely nothing that he could do. Not at all.
10. Women Who Are Insecure (In Their Relationship) Have a Hard Time Climaxing
One more. Did you know that no two orgasms are exactly the same, pretty much ever? Some are more intense than others. Some last longer than others. And some are totally dependent on how you are feeling emotionally towards your partner.
If only lately, you've been having trouble climaxing with a partner you used to with easily and regularly, don't chalk it up to being nothing. We as women need to our mind and body to be in sync in order for sexual pleasure to reach its peak.
If you're not currently sexually satisfied, the last thing you need to do is fake an orgasm or grin and bear it. Let your partner know. It could be as simple as needing to reconnect on a deeper level or your intuition alerting you that something isn't right. Either way, communication is the key to getting your relationship—and orgasms—back on track.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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This Luxe Hotel Made My First Time In Memphis The Perfect Vacay
Memphis is one of those cities where, when you visit, you instantly feel its soul. The southern metropolitan, nicknamed Bluff City, is located right on the banks of the “mighty” Mississippi River. It is the headquarters for some major companies, such as FedEx and AutoZone, and it is home to St. Jude Hospital and the world-famous Beale Street. Conveniently placed near the action are Hyatt Centric Beale Street and Caption by Hyatt Beale Street. These sister hotels, which are connected, have a lot to offer guests, especially those who are visiting Memphis for the first time, such as myself.
Hyatt Centric Beale Street Memphis
Hyatt Centric Beale Street Memphis rooftop bar Beck & Call
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Sitting along the Mississippi River, both hotels offer breathtaking water views from the rooms, and Hyatt Centric’s rooftop whiskey lounge, Beck & Call, which is the city’s only riverfront rooftop bar, captures expansive views of both the river and the Memphis skyline. Grab a cocktail and take in the beautiful sites Memphis has to offer or enjoy the light show the Hernando de Soto Bridge, aka the “M” Bridge, has every night. On Fridays, guests can unwind and listen to live music.
Hyatt Centric also has CIMAS Lobby Lounge, which provides breakfast bites in the morning and cocktails in the afternoon and evening. CIMAS restaurant has a delectable menu that includes Latin-infused dishes for breakfast and lunch. Other amenities include room service, an outdoor pool with a cabana and poolside dining, a concierge, a fitness center, and more. My room was comfortable and the perfect place to unwind after a full day of exploring the city. I even had a view of the river.
Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis
Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis
Courtesty
While I didn’t stay at Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis, I did frequent its coffee shop/eatery called Talk Shop. Talk Shop is a laidback hangout spot that encourages community among its locals through its events like Blues & Brews and everyday activities like work (for all the remote workers) or meeting a friend for coffee or a cocktail in its beer garden. Its menu is full of variety, having everything from soft pretzels to BBQ pork sandwiches.
Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis is built into the historic Wm. C Ellis & Sons Ironworks and Machine Shop building. Everywhere you look, you are reminded of its history due to the building’s industrial charm. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t modern. The rooms are colorful and incorporate a lot of iron rods into the design, a nod to the ironworks building.
What is the Difference Between Hyatt Centric Beale Street Memphis and Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis?
Caption by Hyatt Beale Street's Talk Shop and Beer Garden
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If you’re looking for more luxury or traveling with family, then Hyatt Centric might be the better option for you. If simplicity and vibrancy are key, then you may prefer to stay at Hyatt Centric’s sister hotel, Caption by Hyatt. Either way, you can’t lose.
Memphis Attractions
Beale Street sign
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Both hotels are walkable to all the city’s attractions, but of course, I have to start with the iconic Beale Street. Beale Street is where blues orginated and it is one of Memphis’ most popular places for tourists. Walking down Beale Street, you are quickly transported into another world, especially at night. Lights fill the streets as an array of restaurants and bars entice guests with its electrifying music. If you enjoy live music, B.B. King’s Blues Club is the place to go. The restaurant was created by the legendary singer B.B. King, who got his start in blues performing on Beale Street.
BBQ Chicken Nachos at Rendezvous
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As revered as Beale Street is, it's not the only spot in town to find good food and a good vibe. For breakfast, take a quick ride to Sunrise Memphis and take your pick from the mouthwatering biscuits on its menu. If BBQ is your thing, then you are in the right spot. Memphis is known for its BBQ, and Rendezvous is one of the city’s best BBQ joints. The highlight for me is the BBQ chicken nachos, which is a Memphis stable. If you’re looking for fine dining, then Amelia Gene’s is a must. The food is exquisite as it serves food pairings that are unique and full of flavor. I especially love the food presentations of each dish, which adds to the restaurant’s ambiance.
Amelia Gene's
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Other walkable attractions are the National Civil Rights Museum, the Blues Hall of Fame, and the Orpheum Theater. The National Civil Rights Museum is located at the Lorraine Motel, which is where Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was killed. However, the motel has become a memorial for Dr. King as well as the work that many historical figures have done over the years, specifically during the civil rights movement.
The Blues Hall of Fame is near the National Civil Rights Museum, and it features exhibits dedicated to blues artists and culture. It has over 400 inductees and focuses on the history and achievements of each one. The Orpheum Theater is across the street from the hotels, and it is one of Memphis’ treasured venues. Its opulence is displayed inside and out as it stands at the intersection of Main St. and Beale St. As you walk in, you are greeted by a grand staircase and crystal chandeliers hanging above.
The Orpheum Theater
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Touring the theater, you see its beauty, but like many southern businesses that have been around for generations, you also learn about the segregated history. Walking around to the side of the building, there’s a “colored entrance” that was used during segregation. You can even watch a video from people who grew up during that era as they each reflected on their experiences of going to the theater. Many cited all of the steps that they had to take to get to the balcony, which was the only area Blacks were allowed to sit.
Issac Hayes 24k gold Cadillac in Stax Museum
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If you want to take a ride around the city, then hop on the Memphis Mojo tour. This bus tour stops at many landmarks, including Sun Studios, where Elvis Pressley and other artists recorded music. Or you can explore on foot by visiting all the haunted properities on the Memphis Ghost Tour. But we all know Memphis is known for blues, so I can’t end the story without mentioning Stax Museum.
The museum is named after Stax Records, which was a record label based in Memphis that housed a number of talented musicians like soul singer Otis Redding and Grammy award-winning artist Issac Hayes. What makes this museum exciting is that it showcases a variety of photos, records, costumes, and more from the artists on the label. But the highlight was Issac’s 24k gold Cadillac, which was put on full display.
Memphis is a charming city with a rich history and tons of activities for solo travelers, friend groups, and even families. So why not add it to your travel bucket list? By staying at one of the sister properties, Hyatt Centric Beale Street Memphis and Caption by Hyatt Beale Street Memphis, you will be surrounded by everything you need.
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