A couple of years ago, I wrote an article for the site entitled, "Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP". I'm pretty sure that you can tell from the title that I'm not particularly a fan of faking it. In fact, back in my "getting it in" days, I would have no problem letting a guy know that if he needed more motivation (cue Kelly Rowland) to get me to where I wanted to go. I was down for that more than acting like he was doing what needed to be done. Still, between all of the counseling that I do, the conversations that I've had and the research that I've done, I am more than just a little bit aware that a whopping 80 percent of women have faked orgasms and 1 out of 4 guys do it too (just because a man ejaculates, that doesn't mean he climaxed; that's another topic for another time, though).
Taking all of this intel into account, I figured that now would be just a good of a time as any to ask some women why they opt to fake it because, as you're about to see, as with most things in life, faking orgasms isn't really a simple black-and-white or cut-and-dried issue. Not by a long shot.
(By the way, I didn't go by middle names this time. The women chose the names themselves. Due to the sensitivity of the topic, I'm pretty sure you can understand why.)
Gayle, 33. Single.
"I'm gonna be real with you — I fake most of the time because while the men I'm having sex with tell me how good my stuff is, I'm usually not all that impressed with their performance. So, the quickest and easiest way to bring intercourse to a close is to fake it. Otherwise, they'll get to the point of releasing, only to pull out and the cycle starts all over again. Who has time for that?"
Mya. 24. Engaged.
"My issue is there's only one man who has made me cum and it's not my fiancé. And when I cum, girl? It is loud, long, and ugly! Not only that but it takes some pretty, let's go with unconventional thinking, to really get me there and I'm uncomfortable sharing what those acts are with my man. I think it's just easier to fake it than to fully expose myself like that. Also, I've been faking for this long that if my man knew that, I'd be in for some long discussions that I don't want to have. At least not yet."
Leeyah. 28. Married.
"My deal is that I cum, every time, with oral sex. My hubby is the master at that. His stroke? Not so much. He's kind of sensitive about his sexual performance overall and so I figure, so long as I gets mine one way or another, faking can't hurt. Can it?"
Bethaney. 40. Divorced.
"What's crazy is a part of the reason why I'm divorced now is because I used to fake it with my husband. For years, I would, and then, one vacation, he hit my spot…girl, he hit my spot! Because I hadn't reacted quite that way before, he was like, 'Hold up. Have you been faking it all this time?' which led to conversations about trust which opened up Pandora's box about a whole lot of issues. Faking it is a complicated thing."
Angelia. 27. Dating.
"I've been faking it, pretty much ever since I lost my virginity. With the first guy, I didn't know what the hell was going on; all I knew was my friends were always talking about how great orgasms felt and so I thought there would be something wrong with me if I didn't 'play the role.' Then, it just kinda stuck. I do enjoy sex a lot but to this day, I'm not sure if I've ever had an orgasm before. I'm so used to faking it that it's just…a part of who I am."
Jasmina. 45. Married.
"Chile, fake it until you make it — that's my motto! See, I have a system. My husband gets off on me getting off and so, the more I fake having an orgasm from intercourse, the more he'll give me head, and [the] head is what actually gets me there. So, technically, do I even qualify for this interview? Anyway, if any of your readers find themselves in the same boat, I highly recommend my strategy. Faking one way can get you just what you want in other ways."
Eryn. 36. Divorced.
"My reason is probably not a very surprising one. I don't really have sex for the orgasms. I like the intimacy and closeness. I actually can go months without having sex and be just fine with it. But I know men like to feel like they've 'shook the floor,' so I'll fake it so that I can cuddle once it's over. Might sound sad but it's fine with me."
Gem. 35. Dating.
"This is gonna sound weird but it's my truth. There is a man who I've been having sex with for over a decade now. We're long-distance. We don't really want the same things out of life. Real talk, we're not all that compatible except for in the bedroom. There, he's my soulmate. I've been used to having great sex with him for so long that I think there's a 'block' when it comes to me and other men because no matter how hard they try — we both try — I just can't seem to get there with anyone but him. So, I fake it because I don't want to share what I just told you with anyone. I've gotten so used to it that it doesn't even bother me anymore."
Zen. 47. Married.
"OK, I don't fake it all of the time. Well, yes and no. I fake quickies. When you're married and parenting and busy, you don't always have 30 minutes for real foreplay and intercourse. To keep my husband satisfied, I'll oblige a couple of quickies a week to boost his confidence and yes, I'll act like he's blowing my entire back out. Then, when we have time to really get it in, I'll have real orgasms. I'm not sure if he can tell the difference and I sure as hell ain't gonna ask him."
Nina. 39. Dating.
"I don't fake having orgasms; I fake having multiple orgasms. If a man thinks that he can give you those from the start, girl, you will have his ego soaring so much that he'll be down to do whatever you want to do — in and out of the bedroom. So, the first round, I'll shake, yell 'n everything and then when I'm like 'lick my ass,' he's down for it because he wants to see me cum again and again. Faking has some real upsides. You've just gotta know how to work the program." (She literally winked at me after she said it.)
Like I said, faking it has layers and while it's still not something that I'm personally down to do, I get the method behind the madness and the psyche of some. That said, if you've got some other reasons for why you think faking orgasms can work in a woman's favor, please drop it into the comments. The more we all hear each other out, the more we can learn how to be more honest — at least with ourselves. Right?
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