How To Have Sex On The Beach Without Getting Caught

1. Hide in plain sight.

Please don’t get bust down in the middle of the day in the middle of the beach – unless you’ve found yourself a swinger’s beach. I’m Team Fuck Those Kids just as much as anybody and I can even be Team Fuck The Police, but our goal here is to make sexy memories – not *claps* getting *claps* locked *claps* up *claps* abroad. Hiding in plain sight is probably the best way to make your fantasy come to life. Try having sex in the water, in a cabana, or wait until the sun has set. By then, it’ll be difficult for people to make out your figures and the oceanic movements.

2. Bring protection. 

You might think I’m talking about condoms, and while that’s vital I’m actually talking about protection from the good outdoors. You want to be equipped with bug spray and maybe even a blanket. If you’ve seen the way sand spreads, and gets in nooks and crannies you never even knew existed – you know why I’m suggesting a blanket. It won’t completely eliminate the sand but it will help some. This might also add some extra coverage from sand fleas and such.

3. Think bigger than the basics.

​You have to be ready for anything. With that in mind, you might want to consider sex outside of penetrative sex. Not only might it be easier to execute without getting caught but it could be easier for your partner if they’re feeling a little anxious about public sex. It can be difficult for us to get aroused when we’re anxious. This can make a penetrative experience go sour if, let’s say, a penis-presenting person is unable to stay erect due to nervousness. In this instance, non-penetrative sex speaks to oral and digital sex or even heavy-heavy petting. Dunno about you but I love a good teenage love affair, makeout sitch.

4. Slide and ride.

​Instead of being butt-naked for your beach romp, you might consider sliding your swimwear to the side when trying to access the nookie. You do want to maintain a certain level of stealth on the beach.

5. Respect the local customs.  

If you’re out of the country, you may want to exercise greater caution if this is a spontaneous thing. The cultural differences outside the country could get you in big trouble, and most people fail to look into those differences and laws before traveling. If you’re a Sex and the City fan then you remember the turmoil Samantha caused in Abu Dhabi – and none of us want that.

6. 'What's your fantasy?'

If your fantasy is strictly about sex on the beach and not an exhibitionist fantasy, then consider getting an Airbnb near a private beach. Crowds are more limited there and there will be significantly fewer people than if you were to be on a public beach. And quite frankly, I think it would be far more intimate.

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