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What Do Your "Weird" Sex Dreams Mean?

The meaning behind your sex dreams could actually have nothing to do with the sex and everything to do with you.

Sex

I remember the first time I had sex. It was in high school, with my boyfriend, and it was unfortunately the least climactic experience ever. No candles lit or rose petals on the floor, it was nowhere near romantic.

It was painful, unexpected, and ironically "Birthday Sex" started playing in the background (yes, it happened to be his birthday). After my first time having sex, I had my share of sexual partners and things got better, thank goodness. As I continued to explore my sexual identity, I would say I started to think about different scenarios of my sexual experience and they would end up in my dreams. I'm sure I am not the only one. Most of you who are reading this, have been curious about how your sex life has evolved over time. So much so that you started to dream about them too. Some of these dreams may have even scared you and made you question things about yourself.


Well, this article is here to answer some of those questions. Dreams are tricky messages that our subconscious likes to send to us when we least expect it. So when we wake up, we start to wonder if a dream is a literal sign that we need to pay attention to or something to brush. Even if your dream gets a little weird and sex is involved, the meaning behind your sex dreams could actually have nothing to do with the sex at all and everything to do with you.

Here are 9 common sex dreams and the meanings behind them.

What Does It Mean To Dream Of Your Partner Cheating?

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Let's start with the worst one, shall we? Dreaming about your partner cheating can create huge tension in waking life. You start to become suspicious and, understandably, are in search of some answers. This type of dream is a telling sign that you may be feeling insecure in your relationship. This dream is a reaction to you feeling left out lately and there could be a lack of trust between you two.

For example, you might have noticed that your partner has been getting too close with someone and you are not happy about it. Or, it honestly doesn't have to be a person at all. There could have been a shift and your partner is becoming too involved in work or a new hobby they picked up, leaving you feeling replaced and left out of their world. Either way, you can use this dream as a way to finally be honest about how you feel. You and your partner can have an open dialogue about your concerns and try to get a clear understanding on where you both stand. Communication is key.

What Dreams About Sex With Your Ex Means

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It has been said that one of the most common sex dreams to have is the one with your ex. But not just any ex. This is the ex that you will never forget. Maybe it was the ex that was your first love or the ex that really made a big impact on your life. If you have had a dream about this ex, this does not mean it's time to get back together. You two are exes for a reason. What this dream does mean is that you are not missing the actual person, instead you are missing the excitement you two once shared.

Maybe the chemistry between you two was passionate and there could be less of that in your day to day life currently. If you have gotten comfortable in a routine for some time now, it is time to switch things up! Try to do something spontaneous or try a new hobby that can help bring back that spark into your life. There is no need to feel you have to move backwards in order to spice things up a bit.

What Sex Dreams With Someone You Hate Means

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You remember that person that you said you hated and never wanted to see ever again but then you have a dream about having passionate sex with them months later? Definitely a WTF moment. While it may seem like a nightmare, the meaning behind this one is a good one, I promise. If you have had this dream before, turns out, it has little to do with you wanting to smash and more to do with the fact that you are holding on to something from this person that you have to let go of.

Forgiveness is so important and it helps us lessen the baggage we are already carrying from our past. This is a dream to pay attention to and free yourself of a grudge you have had all this time. You can even take it a step further and try to make amends with this person. Whatever you decide to do, this will be more beneficial for you than it is for them. Free yourself and wipe your hands of it. Once you do, they will not show up in your dreams again (hopefully).

What Does It Mean To Dream About Being Dominated Or Dominating Someone?

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It's time to take charge! Seriously. If you have had this sex dream before, it means that there is an area in your life that you feel you no longer have control of. Maybe you have been feeling like people have been taking advantage of you. Or you have this big idea that you haven't spoken up about and you are scared people might tear it down. Well, use this dream as an affirmation that you got this! This dream of dominance is an opportunity to tap into your assertive side. Remember that you are confident and it is time that other people know it too. You have the capability to show others who's boss and not the other way around. You know you have it in you, your dream told you so.

What Does It Mean To Dream About Having Group Sex?

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For my freaky ones reading this, a menage a trois or orgy may be something that has been showing up in your dreams lately. I have personally been curious about getting invited to one of those sex parties at those secret locations (still waiting). But having a dream about sex in a group is more of a metaphor than your "voyeur" flag showing. While this dream comes off as something fun and cool, it tells you that you may have some distress in your life. If you are one of those people that like to stay busy all the time, you can use this dream as a sign to tell you to slow down.

You may have been trying to master juggling, with so many things going on, and it is hard to keep up. This sexy dream is a sign to prioritize what is really important to you. I am sure you can do it all, but you do not necessarily have to. Give yourself some grace because you are only one human. Try and see which projects you can put on hold for now to help you make things a little easier for you in life.

What Do Lesbian Sex Dreams Mean If You're Straight?

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I love women. We are so dope, resilient, and make shit happen. But if you are a heterosexual woman like myself and find yourself dreaming about a passionate encounter with a another woman, do not be alarmed. Typically, it does not correlate with your sexual orientation (you usually have had signs of that earlier on in your life, not just in a dream). So if this dream about a woman has occurred recently, it could be more about the woman in your dream as a person instead of a possible sexual attraction or desire for her.

Who is this woman to you? Are there qualities about her that you admire? Is she a close friend or someone you can confide in? This dream can help answer those questions for you. Use this dream to help you identify important people in your life that you should continue to keep around.

What Dreams About Sex In A Public Place Means

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Having sex in a public place is a thrill in itself. There is excitement in being in different places with the risk of getting caught. I believe that is a part of everyone's fantasy, if it is not already a reality. When you have a sex dream in a public place, the meaning behind it is that you are feeling vulnerable and exposed. Maybe you have a secret and you have been hiding it from a certain someone. Maybe you are embarrassed about a part of yourself and you are afraid that other people might find out.

This sex dream can also tell you something through identifying the actual location of the public place. Is it at a park, at work, or at a restaurant? The place you're dreaming about having sex at could also mean that one part of your life is consuming you more than the other parts. This dream is to acknowledge the anxiety you may be feeling about parts of who you are and you are trying to find the balance in all of it.

What Does A Dream About Having Sex With Your Platonic Friend?

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Starts singing, "Oh baby you! You got what I need! But you say I'm just a friend." On a less joking matter, have you had a sex dream about a friend, a coworker, or an acquaintance and you have zero interest in them sexually? I know I have and I will not say who because we don't want to make things awkward here, but trust me, I completely understand the confusion. You wake up from seeing this person naked and you start to question if there's something more to it.

Similarly to the same-sex dream I mentioned above, it is more about the person in the dream and how they are contributing to your life. It is less about curiosity at this point. Although, if there is some curiosity there, this is your brain processing these thoughts in a more discrete way than you acting on impulse. Take note from these types of dreams and do some emotional digging on what you really want from this person.

What Do Dreams Of Having Sex With A Faceless Stranger Mean?

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The stranger dream. Yes, dreaming about a mystery lover is definitely a fantasy that is the most common type of dream to have, next to dreaming about your ex. Who is this mystery man and why can't I see his face? Well, what if I told you that with this dream, there is no mystery man at all? The faceless man could be representing you; or at least, a part of you. Let me explain.

When you dream of a faceless stranger, it could mean that you have yet to explore a part of you that is ready to come out. This "stranger" is a sign to get to know yourself a little bit more. You are in a time of transition and you should be utilizing different aspects of yourself and applying them to your life. Take this as a time to embrace all of who you are and to become more aware of your truth. Exploring ourselves and accepting everything that makes us unique is all a part of the beautiful ongoing process towards personal growth.

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ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.

Reparations

We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

Featured image by Shutterstock

This article is in partnership with Staples.

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