

Look y'all—by no means am I saying that great sex only consists of a night that is first filled with romance. Those who've been having great sex for a long time now can totally testify to the fact that sometimes quickies or, what I like to call, "lust runs" (because lusting your partner is about having a really intense desire for them, to the point where you want to even bypass foreplay to get it in), are all a part of having a happy and totally fulfilling sex life.
Still, that doesn't mean that there aren't some moments when couples shouldn't shift gears—make plans, dress up…woo each other. Sometimes, the combination of the romantic gestures, along with not being so quick to hop in the bed is what can make sex so much hotter—and even more meaningful—once the physical connection does transpire.
How To Make Sex More Romantic
If you agree and you'd like for you and yours to have a romantic evening tonight, I've got 10 tips to nudge you in the direction of old-fashion seduction. Something that is oh-so-sexy when it comes to entering into copulation.
1. Go on a Date
I don't care how long you've been with someone or how well you think that you already know them, going on dates with your partner is something that should be prioritized in every relationship. Dates are how two people can spend quality time together. Dates are how two people can escape the…shoot, daily-ness of their everyday lives. And, if the date is planned out well enough, it can also spark a flame of romance into it too. I know that COVID-19 has thrown one of the biggest wrenches known to man when it comes to going out; that's why, a while back, I wrote a piece on how you can date at home. "10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)" will hopefully offer up some inspiration so that you feel closer to your partner. That way, with any luck, the concentrated time alone will make the two of you want to get just that much closer as the night progresses.
2. Discuss Nothing but Each Other
A friend of mine, who's been married for almost three decades now, once said something that has remained in my mind, ever since it came out of their mouth. "Shellie, one of the hardest things about being married is you're trying to have sex with your business partner and, sometimes, business isn't sexy." Whew. This is why I say that, whenever you're on your date with your significant other, try and leave everything that has nothing to do with the two of you directly, totally off of the table. Matter of fact, even what does have to do with you, let it not be gripes, complaints or "issues".
Instead, stroll down memory lane. Flirt. Also, check out my article, "9 Sex-Related Questions You & Your Partner Should Ask Each Other. Tonight." too. Sometimes, when it comes to being sexually intimate with your partner, it's not that the desire is lacking so much as the focus. Set aside some time tonight to focus on nothing but what makes you love—and lust—your partner. Then open up your mind and heart to hear them express the same.
3. Create Bedroom Ambiance
This particular tip is one that could've just as easily gone before the date tip; it's really all about how much time/effort you want to put into setting the stage for a really great evening. Either way, another reason why, sometimes it's a challenge to engage in romantic copulation is because, probably 7-8 times out of 10, you're always in your bedroom. And if your bedroom always looks the same (minus the switch up on the sheets, of course), that can hinder you from getting excited at the mere thought of going back in there…again.
Years ago, I used to get paid to decorate married couples' bedrooms, in honor of special days like Valentine's Day or their anniversary. I learned there's simple things that you can do to make your bedroom so much more appealing. You can put colored light bulbs in your lamps; light some scented soy candles (soy candles burn cleaner and last longer); upgrade your pillows (the more support, the better…right?) including a couple of velvet pillows (they feel amazin'); get some jewel-toned bedding (it's warm and alluring); hang some blackout curtains that look like drapes (so that the room is super dark and a hint of romantic drama added to it) and, remove the appearance of all electronics minus whatever you plan on playing any sexy music from. Oh, and you can never go wrong by bringing some rose petals into the mix, whether it's sprinkling them on the floor, putting them on your bed, using them as potpourri for your nightstand, putting a couple of them into each glass of champagne, or filling your lingerie (or sexy toy) drawer with 'em. Simple "upgrades" like this can change your room from just a place where you sleep to the ultimate sex romp room.
4. Exchange Some Verbal Foreplay
While I am a huge fan of dirty talk—and that certainly can fit into this particular point very well—actually, when I say "verbal foreplay", what I mean is you and your partner taking out the time to simply honor and affirm one another. What's your favorite things about your partner? What do you appreciate about each other? What made you choose them above all others? Some of y'all might be too young to remember the scene from The Cosby Show when Cliff and Claire were spending a romantic evening away from home. At first, Cliff rushed to have sex. Yet when Claire basically asked him to step back and seduce her a little bit and he did, all of a sudden, she was ready to jump him (you can watch the clip here)! Telling someone how much you adore them and how important they are in your life definitely perks up their sense of hearing. And since the brain is the biggest sex organ we've got, the more desired we feel in our minds, the more our bodies will become more receptive. There's no doubt about that.
5. Give a Candle Wax or Chocolate Massage
There are at least 25 solid reasons why all of us should probably get a massage, no less than every 4-6 weeks. One of them is because they can work miracles in the area of our sex life. Massages soothe achy muscles and joints. Massages reduce stress levels (stress can make it hard for a man to maintain his erection and it can make it harder for us to orgasm). Massages also put us in a better mood, relieve any headaches or tension that we might have and, they increase flexibility and blood circulation, so that we can get into all of those sex positions that we've been wanting to try so that we can have the best climax ever once we do! Honestly, a massage alone is pretty romantic but if you want to up the ante, how about you and your partner engaging in either a candle wax or chocolate-themed one?
Massage candles are so popular at this point that you can usually even find them at your local drug store. You just let the flame melt the candle and then drip it onto your partner and massage the oil in (it's really sensual). A chocolate massage is one that includes ingredients like chocolate and mint (both of which are aphrodisiacs, by the way). A chocolate massage makes it possible to feel and like at the same time (whew chile!). If you'd like to give that one a shot, you can cop a really easy DIY recipe here.
6. Drink a Love Potion
Do love potion beverages actually make you hornier? Eh. But they are super romantic, really delicious and, if you use them to toast your partner (as they do the same for you), they can become another fitting addition to your evening of sexiness. Two love potion drinks that taste pretty damn wonderful are the Edinburgh Rose Romantic Cocktail (which has raspberries, champagne and even rose petals in it) and the Chocolate Cherry Cha-Cha (which consists of cherry liqueur, coconut rum and chocolate vodka). Or, if neither of those tickle your fancy, you can always go to your favorite search engine and put "Valentine's Day drink recipes" in the search field. I promise that you'll find a ton of romantic alcoholic and non-alcoholic drink recipes for the taking, if you do.
7. Kiss. A LOT.
I don't know about y'all, but based on how good—or not so good—a kiss is, that can determine, BIG TIME, on how much—and quickly—things can go any further. The right kiss? LAWD. HAVE. MERCY. Plus, kissing really is super-uber-especially romantic. The touches. The taste. The sounds. OK, let me get my head back into this article! Anyway, I know A LOT of men who actually find kissing to be at the very least, just as intimate as intercourse. Many have told me because, even with coitus, you can "hide behind" a condom. But when you're kissing, you're both in such an open and vulnerable state. I'd add that there is something very sweet about being so into a person that you're perfectly content with doing nothing but kissing them for countless minutes. Kissing is romantic. Make it a top focal point of your romantic sex-themed night.
8. Get into “Eye Contact” Positions
You know what they say—eyes are the windows of the soul, right? Even if you and your partner never made eye contact during sex, you're still gonna end up bonded because that is what natural hormone oxytocin is designed to do. But when you're that close together and you have moments when your eyes actually meet, there is absolutely no way that you can't feel emotionally connected on a whole 'nother level. If romance is the goal, be intentional about getting into sexual positions where he can stare into your eyes as you do the same to him. If you need a little help or inspiration when it comes to choosing the best position—or hopefully positions—to accomplish this goal, check out an article that has 113 positions (and pics) total here.
9. Participate in Afterplay
Earlier this spring, I penned an article entitled, "Sure, Your Foreplay Game Is On Point. Now What About The 'Afterplay'?" Bottom line, if foreplay is what helps to warm you up, afterplay is what helps to cool you down, in the best way possible. I'm pretty sure it's no surprise to you that, while great sex can hype us up for another round, oftentimes it does the exact opposite for our partner (hey, good sex and ejaculation can take a lot outta a brotha!). Something that can make you feel like you're not being gypped in between sessions is afterplay. It's when the two of you can talk, snack or even just cuddle in the spoon position until you're both ready to go again. Out of all of the tips that I shared here, I sincerely believe that sex would feel more romantic, even without all of the "extras", if couples made more time for afterplay more often.
10. Engage in Some Morning Sex
I won't lie. Probably my favorite line in Beyoncé and Jay Z's "Drunk in Love" song is when Jay says, "We sex again in the mornin', your breast-eses are my breakfast, we goin' in." Not only is it SEXY when you didn't get enough from your partner the night before that you've just gotta have them, first thing, in the morning as well—but morning sex can also be hella romantic because natural light, the quiet of the beginning of the day…needing to be with one another, intimately, before anything else…that's also really special. So, if you're out here wanting to have a romantic sex night tonight, try and reserve at least a half hour for some morning sex tomorrow. I have talked to many men about this topic and, for them, morning sex is really hard to beat. Hmph. If a lot of us really pondered when we like to get down, we'd agree with that sentiment too.
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- 10 Easy Ways To Make Sex More Romantic - Society19 ›
- How to Have Incredibly Romantic Sex | LoveToKnow ›
- 50 Easy Ways to Be a (Much) More Romantic Man | Best Life ›
- 11 Ways To Make Sex More Fun, Intense, And Intimate ›
- 10 tips to make your partner more romantic ›
- How to Be Romantic in Bed: 15 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow ›
- 8 Hot Tips for Couples to Have Incredibly Romantic Sex ›
- 5 Simple Ways to Make Sex More Romantic ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your February 2025 Horoscopes Are All About Self-Love & Soulful Alignment
Explore your sign’s 2025 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
February is a coming together, as a culmination of community and abundance is evident. Some significant planets go direct this month after being retrograde since this past year, and we can finally take a deep breath. We walk into the month in Aquarius season, and the focus during this time is on coming together with the people you resonate with on a soul level, opening your heart to love, and gaining perspective in the process. When the Sun is in Aquarius, everything feels more electrified and inspiring, and this is one of the best months of the year to manifest and set your intentions.On Feb. 4, Venus enters Aries, Jupiter goes direct in Gemini, and the energy and passion return. Venus in Aries is fiery, dynamic, and puts self-love first. While Venus is in Aries for the entire month, February is all about going after the things you want in love, and trusting that you will be supported here. Jupiter goes direct on the same day after being retrograde since Oct. 9, and we can see our blessings manifest more effortlessly now, especially regarding communication matters, networking, short travels, education, and the mind. Jupiter finishes its Gemini transit on Jun. 9, so over the next few months, this is a good time to expand your mind and your vision, get creative, and meet new people.
What February 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
The Full Moon of February occurs in Leo on the 12th, and this is the Snow Moon of the year. This Full Moon brings emotions to the surface and creates self-clarity and honesty in the process. This Full Moon is a time to let go of old versions or ideas of yourself that don’t align with who you are today and to focus on what feels authentic and empowering for you right now.
On Valentine's Day, Mercury enters Pisces until Mar. 3, and the mind is on love right now.
While Mercury is in Pisces, we speak in words of poetry and spirituality, and mental connections turn into romantic ones. This is a beautiful energy to walk into on the day of love, signifying an urge to be around people who truly understand you right now.
Pisces season begins on Feb. 18, and we move into a time of closure, healing, creativity, and introspection. On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in Cancer after being retrograde here since Jan. 6, and being retrograde in general since Dec. 6. With Mars now direct, there is more energy and direction at our disposal, and less confusion on where to go from here. Mars will be direct in Cancer until Apr. 18, and there is a lot of love, support, and intuition to be felt right now. Mars in Cancer supports others while also cherishing boundaries, and this is a good time to feel more stability in matters of the home and heart.
We end the month with a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is a time of magic, dreams coming to fruition, and romance in the air.
A New Moon in Pisces reminds us that what has been lost always comes back around in a new form, and helps us see what our heart is grateful for right now. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for the future and to dream the dream. Overall, February is an inspiring and enlightening month, and your heart is the one leading the way right now.
Read for your Sun and Rising Sign below to see what February has in store for you.
ARIES
February is all about love for you, Aries. You are thriving within relationship matters as Venus is in your sign for most of this month. Venus moves into Aries on Feb. 4 and will be here until Mar. 27, however, Venus will be going retrograde in your sign on Mar. 1. So, use February to walk into some new beginnings in love, but remember to take your time with things here as well. You are overall feeling more reciprocity, support, and positive recognition now, and self-love is key this month.
On Feb. 12, we have a Full Moon in fellow fire sign Leo, and this Full Moon occurs in your 5th house of romance.
This is a beautiful Full Moon for seeing love bloom and for experiencing a sense of fulfillment that brings you closer to another. Before the month ends, Mars goes direct after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with the home, family, close loved ones, and emotional stability. With Mars now direct here, new foundations can be built in your world, and you feel more supported and secure as you end the month.
TAURUS
This month is a time to reflect, accept, and move into your new beginning, Taurus. There is a lot to process this month, and with the Sun in your 10th house for most of February, a lot of your focus right now is on your goals, purpose, and life path. The Full Moon happening mid-month is an opportunity for you to see things clearer in the home, and to create space for more support and nourishment here. You are letting go of what is weighing you down or making your emotional world feel more difficult to process this month.
Mercury enters your 11th house of hope, community, friendship, and manifestation on Valentine’s Day this year, and you move into a time of inspiration. You are thinking of all the things that make you feel empowered, loved, and in tune, and it’s time to create more of this energy around yourself. We have a New Moon in this same area of your chart before the month ends on Feb. 27, and you are ready to look forward in life rather than at the past of what could have been.
Overall, this month is about listening to your heart and spending more time taking care of yourself.
GEMINI
February is a chance to take a break, Gemini. You need more time to process and prepare for what’s ahead of you, and you are taking the time to do so this month. February begins with Jupiter going direct in your sign after being retrograde here since Oct. 9. Jupiter, the planet of blessings, will be direct in your sign until Jun. 9, and won’t be here again for another decade. This is your opportunity to set intentions, focus on your dreams, and make some important achievements happen.
Extra good luck and support from the universe are with you now, and the key for you is to let things come to you naturally through patience and dedication.
On Feb. 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and some important culminations are coming through in matters of the mind. You are coming to some conclusions about something, and it’s changing your perspective overall. Before the month ends we have a New Moon in an area of your life having to do with your career, professional world, and reputation, and this is a good time to set your intentions for what goals you want to see through right now.
CANCER
February is a month of enlightenment, Cancer. You are aligned with the path you are walking on right now, and everything is starting to make a little more sense to your heart. This month we have a Full Moon in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving away from an emotionally heavy space. You are letting go of a lot of what has kept you conflicted, and there is a sense of peace that is being obtained in the process. This is your month of inspiring others through your resilience and gift of forgiveness.
Mars goes direct in your sign on Feb. 23 after being retrograde here since Jan. 6. With Mars retrograde in your sign since we began the year, there has been a lot for you to reflect on and emotionally process, and you are seeing yourself and your life with a new perspective and passion. Mars will be in Cancer until Apr. 18, and this is the time to take action on the things that you haven’t been ready to move forward with these past few months. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces, and you are leaving the month in the mood for an adventure.
This is the time to get out of your comfort zone, travel, or do something fun.
LEO
February is about protecting your energy and what you are bringing to fruition in your life, Leo. With a Full Moon in your sign mid-month, you are moving through a time of culmination, release, and inner clarity, and there is a lot to reflect on right now. You are recognizing your need to create boundaries from those who don’t serve you or your life path and are focusing on the things that feel good for you.
With the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month as well, you are gaining clarity on the relationships you want to move forward with, and where you need to create more space.
Venus is in Aries and in your 5th house of romance, self-expression, creativity, and joy for most of the month, and your heart is yearning for some excitement. When it comes to love in February, opportunities are coming to the surface for you to get out of your head and into your heart, heed the call. At the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving into a breakthrough. You end February with less weight on your shoulders and more energy to just be.
VIRGO
Trust your intuition this month, Virgo. February is a month of getting organized, gaining clarity, and feeling purposeful. With Jupiter going direct in your 10th house at the start of the month, blessings follow through regarding your career and professional world. The intentions you have been setting and going over these past few months, are coming to fruition for you now, and you are being recognized and supported for your efforts here. This is a month of feeling a level up in your life, and like you are where you want to be.
Mars goes direct on Feb. 23, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with friendship, community, and your hopes and dreams over the past month or so. With Mars now direct in Cancer, it’s easier for you to feel hopeful and to see and experience the magic in life. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in your sister sign Pisces on Feb. 27, and love takes on a new beginning. This New Moon is one of the best of the year for you to set your intentions for love, and trust where your heart is being called to right now.
LIBRA
February is all about perspective and the intentions you are setting in your life through the thoughts you are thinking, Libra. The Sun is in your house of romance and Venus is in your house of partnership for most of the month, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. New developments are coming to fruition within your relationships, and you are reaping what you have sown, feeling grateful for what has come to fruition for you.
This is a beautiful month for travel, moving forward in your partnerships, and feeling more commitment and support in doing so.
With Jupiter also going direct this month, your home life and foundations see improvements and expansion. Anywhere you have been feeling limited here is being lifted for you now, and you are able to breathe and think bigger about what is possible for you and your sense of stability in life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is a chance for you to connect with the people who inspire you, and to let go of anything that doesn’t feel authentic to who you are today or how you feel about things.
SCORPIO
February is a month of feeling loved, Scorpio. Everything's coming together for you exactly how you have envisioned it, and with the Sun in your house of family, support, and foundations, you are feeling closer to your loved ones in the process. We have a Full Moon in your 10th house of career in mid-February, and culminations are coming through in your professional world, as recognition for your efforts and hard work are here for you now. This Full Moon is about taking the time to congratulate yourself for how far you have come and to feel gratitude for your progress in life.
On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in fellow water sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with travel, adventure, spirituality, and education over the past month or so. With Mars now direct, travel plans follow through and it’s easier for you to see the bigger picture. The New Moon of the month takes place on Feb. 27, and this is a beautiful time for you to experience joy and pleasure. You are ending the month by making your inner child happy, showing up, and connecting with the love that surrounds you now.
SAGITTARIUS
This month is a transition month for you, Sagittarius. You are moving on from what has been, and a few of you may even be moving physically or traveling during this time. This is a month of getting into new energy and letting things go where it is needed. February begins with your ruling planet Jupiter going direct after being retrograde since last fall, and you are able to experience more of the blessings in love that you have been looking for.
Love turns a new page this month, and it’s because you are no longer settling for things that don’t align with what you want for yourself or your future.
On Feb. 12, a Full Moon is happening in an area of your life that has to do with your passion, inspiration, travel ventures, and perspective, and you are getting the full picture right now. This Full Moon is about accepting the truths that have come to the surface and following through on plans that you have had for yourself. Mars goes direct in your 8th house of transformation on Feb. 23, and you end the month experiencing a personal breakthrough. A lot is changing for you in February, and you are the one leading these efforts forward because you are owning the life you deserve.
CAPRICORN
A new month is here, and you are looking forward to all of the new experiences you are about to get into, Capricorn. February is an inspiring, passionate, and eye-opening month for you and you are making a lot of progress. With the Sun in your 2nd house of finances, values, and self-confidence for most of the month, you are spending a lot of your time developing new plans and intentions for yourself, especially financially. Mid-month we have a Full Moon in your 8th house of shared resources, and the support that you need to thrive and expand financially right now is becoming clearer to you.
Towards the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your sister sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with love, partnership, and harmony over the past month or so. With Mars moving forward again, so are you in love, and your relationship dynamics feel a little more balanced and empowered for you. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces to close out the month, and this New Moon for you is all about setting your intentions regarding communication, networking, and the ideas you want to build off of right now.
AQUARIUS
Your season is here, and everything is falling into place for you now, Aquarius. This is a month of feeling a positive culmination of everything you have been working towards, and seeing the rewards for your efforts. With the Sun in your sign until the 18th, all eyes are on you and you are focused on your personal goals, investments, and self-courage. Jupiter goes direct as we begin the month, turning things around for you in love and helping you see things with a new perspective here.
Blessings and understanding within relationship matters bloom for you now, and you can finally take a break from the confusion here.
With Venus in your 11th house of friendship for most of February, this is the month for connecting with the people who you resonate with on a soul level and giving your heart more time to enjoy the company. The Full Moon happening mid-month occurs in your opposite sign, highlighting your romantic life and sense of partnership. Love comes full circle as you let go of the past here and see the gifts of the partnerships you have been building in your life.
PISCES
February is your month of abundance and opportunities, Pisces. There is a lot to tend to this month, but you have the empowerment and passion to do so. Jupiter goes direct in your 4th house as the month begins, and you are feeling stronger foundations emotionally and within the home right now. Progress is being made in the spaces that are close to the heart, and you are feeling the blessings of support and stability in your life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is about letting go of unhealthy daily routines or habits and giving yourself more space to figure out what feels right for you.
On Valentine's Day this year, Mercury enters your sign, and your mind is focused on love, understanding, and connection. The conversations you are having now are fulfilling your heart and inspiring you, and you are gaining clarity in relationship matters as well. Pisces season officially begins on Feb. 18, and it’s your time to shine, to love, and to be loved in return.
Before the month ends we have a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is one of the best times of the year for you to set your personal intentions, manifest, and reinvent yourself.
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This Year, Please Don't Let Valentine's Day 'Infect' Your Relationship
Personally, I think that Valentine’s Day and weddings have quite a bit in common. Both can be wonderful days that are centered around love — so long as the real motives are right. Both can also put couples in debt if they are not careful. And boy, if I hear one more woman say that weddings are “MY day” and/or that she isn’t concerned with doing anything for her man on V-Day because “It’s all about ME,” I think I’m going to scream! SMDH.
Indeed, something else that Valentine’s Day and weddings have in common? You can see how genuine or selfish someone truly is.
Maybe one day, I’ll write something, extensively, about how to not ruin your own wedding day by putting more pressure on you, your man, and/or your expectations than you actually should.
For now, though, since Valentine’s Day is once again upon us, I just wanted to share a few keep-it-in-perspective reminders, so that your relationship can actually flourish on the holiday instead of it finding itself on some pretty shaky ground — because, believe it or not, 1 in 14 people people actually break up with their partner on Cupid’s Day, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s (partly) because they weren’t factoring in the following points.
It’s a Sweet Day. Still, It’s Just a Day.
When I was younger, I remember hearing about a local couple who had such an extravagant wedding that they had to live with the wife’s parents for almost three years just to pay it off (they are divorced now, by the way). Goodness, thousands upon thousands of dollars, just for an event that lasts for one day — and not even the entire day, at that.
Are weddings a once-in-a-lifetime event? I mean, they should be (some of y’all will catch that later). Still, does it make sense to spend money that you don’t really have on it? No. It doesn’t. Financial issues continue to be a leading cause of divorce and 56 percent of couples go into immediate debt just paying for their wedding alone. Hmph, seems to me that folks should either have a wedding that they can afford or…wait until they can actually foot the bill.
Same thing goes for Valentine’s Day, although on a smaller scale. Although I have read before that around 220,000 people get engaged on V-Day and somewhere around six million end up getting married then, unless it’s a diamond ring or a wedding ceremony, it’s my opinion that no one needs to be stressed out, breaking banks, acting like they are a character in a throwback soap opera, simply to express their love for someone else on that day.
On February 15, bills will still need to be paid. In a couple of weeks, rent/mortgages are going to be due. And besides, if the love is both solid and genuine, nothing needs to be “proven” by over-the-top gestures on one day anyway.
That said, is Valentine’s Day a sweet and sentimental day on the calendar to express love? Sure. However, a 24-hour period shouldn’t do so much financial damage that it’s hard to recover once it’s over. And you know what? Any person who pressures their partner into thinking otherwise, they are showing some bright yellow flags at best — which brings me to the next point.
PSA: How Your Partner Acts on Valentine’s Day Is Quite Telling
There’s a guy I know who was all ready to propose to his lady on Valentine’s Day a few years back. He wanted to surprise her and so, he didn’t do anything beyond say “Happy Valentine’s Day” throughout the day.
After it got dark and she didn’t see any flowers or other evidence that he was going to acknowledge the day, she basically flipped out. She told him that she felt humiliated because her other friends had a great day (which of course, they posted online), that she didn’t feel appreciated, and that he didn’t deserve her. As if that wasn’t “enough,” she then decided to go the social media route and pose their situation as a not-so-hypothetical dilemma (meaning, if you knew offline what was going on, you knew that she was talking about her man).
“He” ended up being both hurt and semi-floored that he didn’t even mention that he had a ring in tow. Then, after almost a week of her not answering his calls, he ended it. He sent her a picture of the engagement ring, told her that, clearly, he was one of the most selfish men in the world (insert sarcasm there), that he learned a lot about her and he didn’t think that he could trust her moving forward.
All because the man didn’t go hard for you on Valentine’s Day? You blew up an entire relationship over that? Not to mention — where was your gift for him? Funny how that never came up.
To be fair, if you’re dating someone who you know makes a big deal over St. Patrick’s Day let alone Valentine’s Day and you choose to ignore it, you already know that it’s gonna cut deeper than it would for other individuals.
However, all I’m saying is a lot of people show all the way out with their sense of entitlement when it comes to V-Day — and that can reveal a lot about their attitude towards the relationship, in general, how they are able to handle (potential) disappointment and how they prioritize things overall.
Bottom line, some folks end up with partners who bring nothing but headaches and drama on Valentine’s Day…and that ends up being a blessing in disguise because if one holiday can get someone totally bent out of shape, imagine how they’ll be when a REAL problem occurs. Whew, chile.
When You Love Well Every Day, Valentine’s Day…Isn’t That Big of a Deal
I grew up a biblical Sabbath observer which is Friday sunset to Saturday sunset. The Hebrew word for Sabbath is Shabbat and it means to cease from creating (Genesis 2:1-3). When you grow up taking that kind of time off, each and every week, it kind of feels like a holiday in a way (although a “holy day” would be an appropriate assessment).
In fact, for many years, my mother would get me something (like a new pair of pantyhose, a purse, or some lip gloss) as a token of the beginning of the Sabbath, every Friday, which made it even more special and celebratory. And probably, that’s why I can pretty much take or leave a holiday now. Other than my birthday, Sabbaths were/are extraordinary in several ways and so I don’t “live” for something like Christmas.
My point? When two people love each other well and consistently, Valentine’s Day is typically seen in a similar fashion.
You already speak each other’s primary love languages. You are already proactive and intentional regarding the time that you spend together. Intimacy is already and consistently prioritized. In fact, you and your bae are so into each other, so often, that if you’re not paying attention, February 14 may pass you by without you barely even noticing. And how truly awesome is that? February 13 you loved well. February 15 you will love well. February 14 is just the day that’s in between the two.
And that is why I entitled this article the way that I did. To infect something is not just about poisoning or tainting it; it’s about allowing things to influence it in such a way that those people, places, things, and/or ideas end up doing more harm than good. And y’all — if you allow the commercialism, the social media hype, the unnecessary pressures of people who you don’t even know (or who aren’t invested in your relationship in a beneficial way) INFLUENCE how you feel about Valentine’s Day, you very well could end up irritated or…alone. All because of a day. ONE DAMN DAY.
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I’ve written enough articles on Valentine’s Day before that if you think that I’m simply hating on the day, it’s only because you’re choosing to. Valentine’s Day, when it’s coming from a healthy mindset and realistic perspective, is just fine. Celebrate love and have a ball doing it! All I’m saying is 24 hours shouldn’t make or break a relationship. And sometimes a gentle reminder of this fact can end up sparing it.
Enjoy the day. Don’t stress over it, though.
Bottom line, love isn’t any different on Valentine’s Day.
Or at least…it shouldn’t be.
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Featured image by Jasenka Arbanas/Getty Images