It's pretty common knowledge that, when it comes to who can last longer in bed, hands down, it's us. While it can easily take a man about five minutes to ejaculate, it can take us somewhere around 20 minutes to climax. Why that is the case is something only Mother Nature truly knows, but whatever the reason is, the bottom line is that the best lovers have to figure out how to strike a balance so that both people can be satisfied. Communication helps. Getting off on giving more than receiving is important too. But let's not act like it's also not a very valid point for men to be able to master how to have a longer—and when needed stronger—erection (especially if you and your partner want to orgasm at the same time).
While this might sound like an ad for some sort of erectile pill (it ain't, but I will say that I've heard a lot of Black men big up the no-prescription-needed pill BlueChew), it's actually an intro into some very practical things that you can encourage your partner to do in order to have the kind of erections that will end up impressing you both. So, once you finish reading this, make sure to pass it along to him. Most of these 10 tips are pretty practical and, if they are actually applied, I'm willing to bet that he'll be so much better equipped at getting on your timetable. If you know what I mean (wink).
1. He Needs to Watch His Diet
For a man to have a long and strong erection, yes, he needs to be turned on, but he also needs to push the value meal deals back as well. Anything that affects how blood rushes to his genitalia can play a direct role in things being much limper than Mother Nature ever intended for them to be. That's why it's imperative that your partner avoids processed and/or fried or fatty foods because that could ultimately lead to high cholesterol, heart disease, clogged up arteries and/or diabetes (which can also affect a man's ability to get it up or keep it up).
Instead, he needs to eat antioxidants like citrus fruit, berries and dark chocolate (they will boost his immunity and fight heart disease); garlic, salmon and tomatoes (they will increase blood circulation), and watermelon, avocado and broccoli (they help to boost a man's libido).
2. He Needs to Eat More Testosterone
Speaking of a man's libido, something that most of us learned in high school level science class is men produce more testosterone and women produce more estrogen. When a man's testosterone levels are low (like if he has an underlying health condition or he's going through andropause), that also can affect how often he has an erection and/or how long his erections are able to last. That's why first, it's important that he sees his physician in order to confirm if it is a serious hormonal imbalance. Second, it's a good idea that he starts to eat more testosterone-boosting foods. Some of those include egg yolks, beans, tuna, beef, almonds, spinach and bananas.
3. He Needs More Exercise
Exercise is good for a billion and one reasons. On the sex tip, it gives us more energy, makes us more flexible, builds up our endurance, teaches us how to deep breathe (which can intensify our orgasms) and it puts us in a much better mood. As far as your partner's penis goes, exercise is also beneficial because it can help to keep two "enemies" of weak erections under control—weight gain and low blood circulation. If your partner isn't the biggest fan of exercise, just let him know that 20 minutes, three times a week, can help to keep the limpness away. It doesn't have to be anything on the Olympian level; a combination of jogging and sit-ups (or push-ups) will do just fine.
4. He Needs “Visual Aids”
It's not a myth or a mere common assumption that men tend to be more visually stimulated than women do (you can read more about this very topic here). And honestly, I can't tell you how many husbands have said in a counseling session that, while they love their wife and find her sexy AF, they are so tired of her coming to bed looking a hella-hot-mess. Finding out what your partner likes to see you in is another way to get—and keep—things right where you want them to be.
5. He Needs More Coffee (and Less Alcohol)
If your partner loves himself a big cup of coffee every morning, that can actually work in his favor when it comes to his erections. It actually makes sense when you stop to think about the fact that caffeine is a stimulant. And since caffeine stimulates our systems, as it directly relates to men, it is able to increase blood flow directly in their penile region. However, as far as alcohol goes, although 1-2 glasses a day typically is fine, there are studies which indicate that anything more than that can actually increase a man's risk of experiencing sexual dysfunction. So yeah, a bottle of wine or whiskey, right before gettin' it in? That's probably not the best idea.
6. He Needs to Smell Some Pumpkin and Lavender Oil
We bring all five senses (sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing) into our boudoir, right? So, of course, our sense of smell would play such a pivotal role in how to create the perfect sexual experience. A while back, I wrote a piece for the site on how to properly apply aphrodisiac scents, along with how to make them last longer (check out "8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last").
But when it comes, specifically, to a man being able to maintain his erection, there's a specific blend that you've just gotta keep nearby. What is it? Pumpkin and lavender, sis. It might sound crazy but there are several studies that say that when a man smells this combo, blood rushes to his penis 40 percent faster than any other smell. Hey, if that ain't a ringing endorsement for both essential oils, I promise you, I don't know what is!
7. He Needs to Put Your Legs over His Shoulders
If your partner is constantly trying to get you into the sexual position where you're on your back and your legs are over his shoulders (almost like you're a human pretzel), his erection could have a lot to do with it. That position makes it where he can get a full look at your body, he can penetrate more easily (and deeply) and he can switch back and forth from intercourse to cunnilingus—which is certainly nothing to complain about. Which brings me to my next point.
8. He Needs More Oral
When it comes to the gift of oral, if you don't like to give or receive, I guess you can skip over this point. But if you're someone who is all about getting some cunnlingus on the regular and yet you try and find every excuse under the moon to not give a little fellatio—to that I say, first read "Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm" (you might be surprised by how much sperm can do a body good). Then, I'll just add that some of the happiest men I know are the ones who have a partner who enjoys oral sex, just as much as they do—on both the giving and receiving end. As a bonus, if foreplay consists of an oral sex round (maybe two), by the time you're up for intercourse, you can probably get your partner to go well into the middle of your sex playlist on Spotify. (Try it before you @ me on that.)
9. He Needs Less Stress in His Life
Stress comes in all forms and from a variety of sources. Work. Financial issues. Physical complications. Family life. RELATIONSHIPS. In fact, when it comes to men who struggle with erectile dysfunction, oftentimes their challenges are directly connected to the worry and anxiety that's transpiring in their lives. And just how is stress able to hinder a long and strong erection?
It's kind of a long story but the short of it is, whenever a guy is stressed out, that can cause his cortisol (stress hormone) levels to get really out of wack. Plus, stress can send signals to his brain that will literally hinder the blood in his body from flowing as smoothly as it should.
The bottom line is that stress benefits no one; this includes you, your partner and y'all's sex life. So, encourage the man in your life to eat right, exercise, budget, set boundaries, take out some me-time and resolve issues as soon as possible. He'll feel better and his erections will last longer as a direct result.
10. He Needs More Rest
There are dozens of reasons why getting 6-8 hours of sleep is critical to anyone's health and well-being. But since we're specifically talking about erections today, let's just say that if your partner is sleep-deprived, that is one more reason why his hard-ons may seem a bit softer. The reality is a lack of sleep can also cause our hormone levels (including a man's testosterone ones) to be all over the place. This can affect his ability to concentrate and totally wreck his blood flow (including to his penis). Yeah, a consistent amount of rest is paramount too. Make sure that he gets some, if for no other reason, for your sexual pleasure's sake. Aight? Cool.
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