It's pretty common knowledge that, when it comes to who can last longer in bed, hands down, it's us. While it can easily take a man about five minutes to ejaculate, it can take us somewhere around 20 minutes to climax. Why that is the case is something only Mother Nature truly knows, but whatever the reason is, the bottom line is that the best lovers have to figure out how to strike a balance so that both people can be satisfied. Communication helps. Getting off on giving more than receiving is important too. But let's not act like it's also not a very valid point for men to be able to master how to have a longer—and when needed stronger—erection (especially if you and your partner want to orgasm at the same time).
While this might sound like an ad for some sort of erectile pill (it ain't, but I will say that I've heard a lot of Black men big up the no-prescription-needed pill BlueChew), it's actually an intro into some very practical things that you can encourage your partner to do in order to have the kind of erections that will end up impressing you both. So, once you finish reading this, make sure to pass it along to him. Most of these 10 tips are pretty practical and, if they are actually applied, I'm willing to bet that he'll be so much better equipped at getting on your timetable. If you know what I mean (wink).
10 Practical Tips To Make His Erections Last Longer
1. He Needs to Watch His Diet
For a man to have a long and strong erection, yes, he needs to be turned on, but he also needs to push the value meal deals back as well. Anything that affects how blood rushes to his genitalia can play a direct role in things being much limper than Mother Nature ever intended for them to be. That's why it's imperative that your partner avoids processed and/or fried or fatty foods because that could ultimately lead to high cholesterol, heart disease, clogged up arteries and/or diabetes (which can also affect a man's ability to get it up or keep it up).
Instead, he needs to eat antioxidants like citrus fruit, berries and dark chocolate (they will boost his immunity and fight heart disease); garlic, salmon and tomatoes (they will increase blood circulation), and watermelon, avocado and broccoli (they help to boost a man's libido).
2. He Needs to Eat More Testosterone
Speaking of a man's libido, something that most of us learned in high school level science class is men produce more testosterone and women produce more estrogen. When a man's testosterone levels are low (like if he has an underlying health condition or he's going through andropause), that also can affect how often he has an erection and/or how long his erections are able to last. That's why first, it's important that he sees his physician in order to confirm if it is a serious hormonal imbalance. Second, it's a good idea that he starts to eat more testosterone-boosting foods. Some of those include egg yolks, beans, tuna, beef, almonds, spinach and bananas.
3. He Needs More Exercise
Exercise is good for a billion and one reasons. On the sex tip, it gives us more energy, makes us more flexible, builds up our endurance, teaches us how to deep breathe (which can intensify our orgasms) and it puts us in a much better mood. As far as your partner's penis goes, exercise is also beneficial because it can help to keep two "enemies" of weak erections under control—weight gain and low blood circulation. If your partner isn't the biggest fan of exercise, just let him know that 20 minutes, three times a week, can help to keep the limpness away. It doesn't have to be anything on the Olympian level; a combination of jogging and sit-ups (or push-ups) will do just fine.
4. He Needs “Visual Aids”
It's not a myth or a mere common assumption that men tend to be more visually stimulated than women do (you can read more about this very topic here). And honestly, I can't tell you how many husbands have said in a counseling session that, while they love their wife and find her sexy AF, they are so tired of her coming to bed looking a hella-hot-mess. Finding out what your partner likes to see you in is another way to get—and keep—things right where you want them to be.
5. He Needs More Coffee (and Less Alcohol)
If your partner loves himself a big cup of coffee every morning, that can actually work in his favor when it comes to his erections. It actually makes sense when you stop to think about the fact that caffeine is a stimulant. And since caffeine stimulates our systems, as it directly relates to men, it is able to increase blood flow directly in their penile region. However, as far as alcohol goes, although 1-2 glasses a day typically is fine, there are studies which indicate that anything more than that can actually increase a man's risk of experiencing sexual dysfunction. So yeah, a bottle of wine or whiskey, right before gettin' it in? That's probably not the best idea.
6. He Needs to Smell Some Pumpkin and Lavender Oil
We bring all five senses (sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing) into our boudoir, right? So, of course, our sense of smell would play such a pivotal role in how to create the perfect sexual experience. A while back, I wrote a piece for the site on how to properly apply aphrodisiac scents, along with how to make them last longer (check out "8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last").
But when it comes, specifically, to a man being able to maintain his erection, there's a specific blend that you've just gotta keep nearby. What is it? Pumpkin and lavender, sis. It might sound crazy but there are several studies that say that when a man smells this combo, blood rushes to his penis 40 percent faster than any other smell. Hey, if that ain't a ringing endorsement for both essential oils, I promise you, I don't know what is!
7. He Needs to Put Your Legs over His Shoulders
If your partner is constantly trying to get you into the sexual position where you're on your back and your legs are over his shoulders (almost like you're a human pretzel), his erection could have a lot to do with it. That position makes it where he can get a full look at your body, he can penetrate more easily (and deeply) and he can switch back and forth from intercourse to cunnilingus—which is certainly nothing to complain about. Which brings me to my next point.
8. He Needs More Oral
When it comes to the gift of oral, if you don't like to give or receive, I guess you can skip over this point. But if you're someone who is all about getting some cunnlingus on the regular and yet you try and find every excuse under the moon to not give a little fellatio—to that I say, first read "Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm" (you might be surprised by how much sperm can do a body good). Then, I'll just add that some of the happiest men I know are the ones who have a partner who enjoys oral sex, just as much as they do—on both the giving and receiving end. As a bonus, if foreplay consists of an oral sex round (maybe two), by the time you're up for intercourse, you can probably get your partner to go well into the middle of your sex playlist on Spotify. (Try it before you @ me on that.)
9. He Needs Less Stress in His Life
Stress comes in all forms and from a variety of sources. Work. Financial issues. Physical complications. Family life. RELATIONSHIPS. In fact, when it comes to men who struggle with erectile dysfunction, oftentimes their challenges are directly connected to the worry and anxiety that's transpiring in their lives. And just how is stress able to hinder a long and strong erection?
It's kind of a long story but the short of it is, whenever a guy is stressed out, that can cause his cortisol (stress hormone) levels to get really out of wack. Plus, stress can send signals to his brain that will literally hinder the blood in his body from flowing as smoothly as it should.
The bottom line is that stress benefits no one; this includes you, your partner and y'all's sex life. So, encourage the man in your life to eat right, exercise, budget, set boundaries, take out some me-time and resolve issues as soon as possible. He'll feel better and his erections will last longer as a direct result.
10. He Needs More Rest
There are dozens of reasons why getting 6-8 hours of sleep is critical to anyone's health and well-being. But since we're specifically talking about erections today, let's just say that if your partner is sleep-deprived, that is one more reason why his hard-ons may seem a bit softer. The reality is a lack of sleep can also cause our hormone levels (including a man's testosterone ones) to be all over the place. This can affect his ability to concentrate and totally wreck his blood flow (including to his penis). Yeah, a consistent amount of rest is paramount too. Make sure that he gets some, if for no other reason, for your sexual pleasure's sake. Aight? Cool.
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- How Your Diet Affects Your Sex Life - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- 8 Aprodisiacs To Eat For Better Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- What To Do If Your Partner Has Erectile Dysfunction - xoNecole ... ›
- Give Your Man The Most Intense Orgasm Of His Life - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Foods To Eat Improve Sex Life - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
I’m willing to bet that this is not the first time you’ve seen this couple. Dalen Spratt is a television producer, owner of a tailored men's suit line, and creator of Ghost Brothers: Haunted Houseguests, which is currently streaming on Destination America. Stacey Spratt is also a serial entrepreneur, focusing mostly on events and the nonprofit world, and she is the owner of two award-winning craft beer bars called Harlem Hops. But their accolades are not what united them.
The couple met years ago at their alma mater, Clark Atlanta University, when they were still working to create the life they have now, and if you had told them then that they’d eventually tie the knot, the pair probably would’ve laughed in your face.
Today, they’re new parents, flourishing in their careers, and each others’ “teammates.” When desiring love, Dalen recommends not looking to other couples for advice. And Stacey advises staying true to what you want. “Don’t put age or limitations on love and children. If God could do it for me, why can’t he do it for you?”
Here's How We Met.
How did you meet?
Dalen: We met in 2005 when she was advising the Greek sororities and fraternities in college. She was old as hell in college, and I was a young buck (laughs). Everybody had a crush on her, but I didn’t think much of it. Then, in 2007, we were in the same grad school class, but she still wasn’t trying to see me then either. I had to catch her five years ago; I was very patient.
Stacey: Yeah, everybody in our grad school class called him Young, Fresh to Death because he was always dressed in B-school (what CAU affectionately refers to as business major classes), and we’d just wear sweatpants (laughs).
So, I know Dalen was always attracted to you. But what about you? Did your attraction to him develop over time?
Stacey: So 2006-2008 – all the years went by. I don’t think we were really thinking about each other at all back then. Years later, I had an event in Dallas, and I booked him to be a speaker. Then, a few years ago, Dalen posted a photo of him on Instagram, and I slid in his DMs. I remembered him being so young and handsome, and I’m like, I should hook him up with my younger cousin. His response was: "If you’re not hooking me up with you, no thank you." But I still thought he was too young at the time, and he started pulling receipts. Taraji P. Henson was dating someone young at the time, Gabrielle Union–
Dalen: First of all, I didn’t do that. You did that.
Stacey: Okay, I did. I thought he was a cutie pie, but that age thing was on my mind!
"Dalen posted a photo of him on Instagram, and I slid in his DMs. I remembered him being so young and handsome, and I’m like, I should hook him up with my younger cousin. His response was: 'If you’re not hooking me up with you, no thank you.'"
Talk to me about the first date. How did he change your mind?
Stacey: Our first date was at Tin Lizzy's in Atlanta. During that time, he was living in Dallas, so it was long-distance. But he came into town, and we just had a good time. We talked a lot, which we still do. It wasn’t anything fantastic.
Dalen: Don’t downplay our first date.
Then, walk me through your courtship. How did you get to the next level? What was that conversation like?
Stacey: I think he knew at age 43 or 44 I wasn’t playing around. But also, I think it just naturally progressed.
Dalen: Yeah, it just happened naturally. And I’m going to be honest, I don’t think initially either one of us thought it would be as serious as it was. She thought I was too young and I wasn’t ready for marriage, kids, and all that. I think we both thought we were just hanging out. But after spending so much time together, a lot of stuff started happening. Like, she had to have surgery early on. It wasn’t just time together; it was intimate time. Next thing we know, we just never left each other. That’s why we still don’t have an anniversary date because we never really asked.
"It wasn't just time together; it was intimate time. Next thing we know, we just never left each other. That's why we still don't have an anniversary date because we never really asked."
What made you want to commit to each other?
Dalen: The moment I knew Stacey was for me was from a phone call. I don’t really like talking on the phone, and I can be really blunt sometimes. But we were talking, and I said, ‘I don’t really feel like talking anymore.’ And she was just like, okay, and hung up. I wasn’t trying to be rude, and she understood that. It sounds bad, but that’s how I knew she just got me. I felt like she could get my random awkward moments, and she does to this day.
Stacey: For me, I liked him as a person. Even when times get rough and tough, I could still like him as a human. He is my best friend. We have time. We laugh until we cry, and it’s just always like that. Even when we get pissed at each other, something happens, and we fix it. Also, how he treats his mother. That’s a momma’s boy, but I’m a daddy’s girl – so I get it. I know how I want to be treated, and I see how he is with her and that’s beautiful.
What are some important lessons you’ve learned about yourself through loving your partner in this relationship?
Dalen: I grew up an only child and she grew up with siblings. So, when you have someone who is used to doing things by themselves, there is definitely a learning curve when you get into a serious relationship. It’s funny now, but it was definitely a process.
Stacey: I agree – definitely the only child thing. There’s times I look at him like, did you ever live with anyone else? That comes from being momma's baby, too. I have to say, my “mother-in-love” spoiled him. But also with Axel (their daughter), that brings another level of patience.
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
What was the biggest challenge that you had to overcome together?
Dalen: We’ve gone through a lot within the years we’ve been together. We suffered two miscarriages – I’d say that’s the biggest.
Stacey: Having those miscarriages and trying to understand what’s next and what our options are was a lot. I had two myomectomies (fibroid surgeries), and he supported me through that time. Also, still, it was on my mind that he’s eight years younger than me. I was wondering if I can’t carry [a child] what that looks like for us. We had very real conversations pretty early in our relationship.
"Having those miscarriages and trying to understand what’s next and what our options are was a lot. I had two myomectomies (fibroid surgeries), and he supported me through that time. Also, still, it was on my mind that he’s eight years younger than me."
What do you fight the most about?
Dalen: Nagging. Stacey nags; she’s a complainer. She’s that momma that will look in a room and just hunt for something to complain about. Like, I’m worried for Axel when she's in high school.
Stacey: It’s because I like things to be in place. He leaves stuff all over the place. I can tell where he’s been in the house because something is left around. So he says I’m nagging – but it’s like, just get your stuff.
What are your love languages?
Dalen: Stacey is gifts all day.
Dalen: We’ve talked about this. xoNecole is about to cause problems in our home (laughs).
Stacey: Obviously I love you. *thinks again* It’s words of affirmation.
Dalen: That’s it.
What’s your favorite thing about each other?
Dalen: I’ve always respected her business-mindedness. That may sound superficial, but it’s not because I’ve never been with someone who thinks like me. It’s one of my most treasured things about her. I remember one day, I was just running through ideas with her, and each time Stacey had a suggestion on how I could make it better. It’s just very comforting. She takes whatever I’m doing and elevates it – including me.
Stacey: I love Dalen’s hustle and creativity. He’s been on multiple shows, and he continues to create, produce, and reinvent himself and the product he’s putting out. I love that we can create together and bounce things off each other. Even though we may be in different arenas, there’s nothing he can’t offer me great advice about. I love that drive.
Finally, how did you know it was love?
Dalen: Well – she said it – first. (laughs)
Stacey: And he looked at me and smiled! He didn’t say it back. We were on a trip, out of the country.
Dalen: We were arguing when she said it, and she just threw it out.
Stacey: But we continue to do that. We’ve spent holidays and everything outside of the country.
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Porsha Williams And Simon Guobadia’s Marriage Has Ended: Here’s A Look Into Their Relationship Timeline
Porsha Williams and Simon Guobadia have called it quits.
After a 15-month-long marriage commenced with two elaborate wedding ceremonies, PEOPLEexclusively reports that the former Real Housewives of Atlanta star has filed for divorce from the Nigerian businessman on Thursday.
With online rumors around Guobadia's citizenship status coinciding with the announcement of their separation, a source informed PEOPLE that the divorce is "unrelated to recent allegations involving Simon's past" and is an “ongoing matter.”
In November 2022, the ex-lovebirds tied the knot in Atlanta during a show-stopping, 350-guest Nigerian traditional native law, with a traditional American wedding to follow.
Ahead of their wedding, Williams told PEOPLEexclusively, “I am ridiculously excited. I am just so ready. I'm not even nervous. I know I'm marrying the love of my life, and it's going to solidify our relationship and our family bond. I'm calm and excited."
Although their relationship has come to a sudden conclusion, their whirlwind romance was one to watch; or in this case, look back on. Here’s a breakdown of the moments that made Williams and Guobadia’s relationship one to remember.
2020 - Porsha and Simon's First Encounter
Porsha Williams and Simon Guobadia first crossed paths in 2020 on the set of Season 13 of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Guobadia was then married to friend of the show, Falynn Pina.
May 2021 - Their Surprise Engagement
In May 2021, Porsha Williams surprised fans by announcing her engagement to Simon Guobadia shortly after he reportedly declared his divorce from Falynn Pina. Williams shared on Instagram that their relationship started a month earlier, and Guobadia had initiated divorce proceedings in January 2021, which had been resolved.
Williams took to Instagram to dispel rumors around the overlap in Guobadia’s prior relationship.
“Our relationship began a month ago—yes we are crazy in love,” she wrote in the caption. “I know it’s fast but we are living life each day to its fullest. I choose happiness every morning and every night. Tuning out all negative energy and only focused on positive wishes.”
November 2021 - Porsha Clears Up Rumors Around Their Relationship Timeline
On an episode of Watch What Happens Live, Andy Cohen looked to “nail down some dates” in connection to alleged overlaps with Porsha, Simon, and his ex-wife. She shared that she reached out to Guobadia to express her sympathy for his divorce, having experienced the weight of divorce herself.
“I actually told him, ‘I’m sorry for your divorce,’ and all of that because I know what that feels like,” Williams shared. “I know what it feels like to go through betrayal and hurt.”
She continued, "A little birdie had told me that [Falynn] was pregnant, so I knew what he was about to go through." Porsha noted that his ex-wife’s pregnancy announcement prompted her to offer support to Simon, which opened a door for their connection to deepen and eventually fall in love.
November 2022 - Williams and Guobadia Tie the Knot
The couple spared no expense for their not one, but two wedding ceremonies. On Nov. 26 and Nov. 27, the two celebrated their love in front of 350 wedding guests at the Four Seasons Hotel in Atlanta, GA. The first ceremony celebrated Guobadia's Edo culture, while the following day featured a star-studded American wedding. Williams told PEOPLE that the double-wedding was a "true fashion extravaganza," as a nod to her numerous outfit changes.
November 2023 - A Diamond-Studded Declaration
To celebrate their one-year anniversary, the couple exchanged extravagant dazzling diamond rings — a stunning emerald cut for her and a stylish band for him.
February 2024 - The Two File for Divorce
Williams filed for divorce from Guobadia on Thursday, Feb. 22 2024, after nearly a half of marriage. While the cause of their divorce is still unknown, sources close to Williams confirmed that the divorce is an “ongoing matter.”
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