OK, so I'm gonna hit the ground running on today's topic by saying, any person who feels like their partner's sexual pleasure isn't a priority, I have to wonder how great of a sex life they've actually got. Because any couple who is, not only sexually happy, but extremely fulfilled, they will undoubtedly vouch for the fact that, one of the main keys to an off-the-charts sex life is when both partners get off on pleasing each other.
In a nutshell, that's why we write articles like these. It's because we truly believe that if your man is all about getting you off, while you're all about returning the favor, automatically the two of you are well on your way to experiencing some really amazing intimacy and hopefully, even a few super orgasms along the way.
Speaking of super orgasms, the more heightened you and yours are, the easier it is to achieve them. So, let's get into some "sexual stimulation hacks" that can get your man damn near climbing the walls as much as he's (hopefully) trying to get you to do the same. You ready to blow his mind tonight? Let's do this.
1. Put on a Sweet Scent
Man. It's like there is an organization for everything on the planet. Today, it's all about The Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. When it comes to what they discovered turns men on, apparently, it's scents that lean on the sweeter sides of things. Vanilla, black licorice, donuts, orange and chocolate are all smells that typically send men to new heights of sensual desire. Also, I've shared on this platform, more than once, that the combination of pumpkin and lavender can increase the blood flow to a guy's genital region by as much as 40 percent. So, while you may be out here thinking that you need to spend a mint on perfume—excuse me, parfum—to turn your man on, some sweet-smelling essential oil or even maybe putting a little bit of donut glaze on your neck (or other sexual pressure points) is really (probably) all that you'll ever need to get his sense of smell into the game.
2. Wear Red. Or Be Butt Naked.
It's no secret that men are stimulated visually; very much so. That's why, if you want to "visually edge" your partner, "dressing up the present" is a great way to do it. According to several psychological studies, a color that a vast majority of men are highly sexually stimulated by is red. It really does make sense when you think about the fact that red symbolizes things like passion, lust and love. Plus, I don't know one Black woman who is not ABSOLUTELY KILLIN' THE GAME when she's got red on (whew!).
Here's the thing, though. When I asked a few of my male friends, if they were put in the position to have to choose between lingerie and a woman being in her birthday suit, about 70 percent of them said buck naked was their preference, by far. When I asked one of them why, he candidly said, "Lingerie is a tease tactic. It's the kind of s—t that we want to see you just walking around in, just because, more than it being some kind of sign that sex is about to go down. Let us see what we could be getting while you're just chillin' with a teddy on. Then, when we get into the bedroom, just be naked. The build-up from hours before of just looking at you will already have us wanting you on a whole 'nother level." Duly noted, sir.
3. Offer More (Ashwagandha) Tea. Less Alcohol.
Something that I believe all of us should do more often is get our hormone levels checked. There is so much about our health that can sometimes feel compromised, simply because our hormones are a little "off". A good example of this is men who have a lower level of testosterone. Some signs of that include less hair (on the head and body), reduced muscle mass, mood swings, fatigue, erectile dysfunction and yep—a lower sex drive. If your partner has any of these issues, it's a good idea for him to set an appointment with his physician so that he can get tested and, perhaps, to look into hormone therapy. However, if there's nothing super drastic going on, but you'd simply like him to have a little more pep in his step in the bedroom, a good idea would be to 1) push the alcohol bottle back and 2) to serve him some ashwagandha tea.
Why? Well, as far as alcohol goes, since it's a depressant, that means it can actually tank your partner's drive (not to mention, put him in a pretty pissy mood). As far as the tea goes, I actually listed ashwagandha tea in the article, "Plantain Flour, Spirulina & Other Uncommon Foods To Add To Your Diet" a while back. It is proven to reduce depression-related symptoms, decrease fertility challenges in men and, because it significantly increases testosterone levels, it's a tea that can also elevate your partner's libido and intensify his orgasms too. Yeah, forget Patrón. Get your man some herbal tea instead. See what that thing do tho, once you do.
4. Invest in a Ball Stretcher
Speaking of natural ways to increase a man's testosterone levels, another technique is to cop a ball stretcher. What the heck is that? It's basically a metal ring that fits (comfortably) around a man's testicles. Why would a guy want one? Well, when he puts the stretcher and it gently tugs at his scrotum and stretches it out, the result is it keeps his testicles/balls from retracting whenever he climaxes; as a result, his orgasms are significantly stronger. An added bonus is, if the stretcher is put on during foreplay, it can make a man's scrotum so much more sensitive to the touch. Some women say that they enjoy ball stretchers during intercourse as well because the ring grazing their body is an additional stimulant for them too. If a ball stretcher is something that you want to add to your sex collection, you can read about how to select your very first one here.
5. Give Him a Foot Massage
Quite possibly, this might be your something new for the day. Did you know that, while all of us have literally thousands of nerve endings in our feet, men have many more of them than women do? Now here's the trick. If you offer to give your partner a foot massage and you specifically aim for his third toe and you go about one-third of the way down it, you will hit a pressure point that will encourage more blood to rush through his body, including his genitalia. When blood circulation increases, orgasms intensify.
And what if feet are sooooo not your thing? Thumbs are mad sensitive (due to all of the nerve endings in them) as well so, gently sucking on one of his (especially during sex) is a great alternative. Try it. I'd be shocked if you both didn't like it. A LOT.
6. Do Variations of the Cowgirl
While checking out an article on Women's Health Mag's site, it stated that they surveyed 800 men about what their favorite sexual position was. Can you guess what the results were? If your immediate thought is doggy style, you'd actually be correct (LOL)! Yet, what I found to be interesting, is the position that men wished women would get into more often is the cowgirl. When I asked some of my own male friends what they thought about that, they shared that the cowgirl is dope (to them) because the view is amazing, they like their partner being able to fully control her movements and, they noticed that she is able to have more multiple orgasms that way which, for them, meant they were able to get off a lot more. I don't know a lot of women who frown at riding, so…if you want to help your partner go to new heights, it's a win/win for you both if you get on top.
7. Get Out of the Bed(room)
While doggy style and the cowgirl sexual positions are fan favorites among the fellas, I conducted my own unofficial study to see what a lot of them wished would happen more often in the bedroom. You know what they said? They wanted to get out of it. When I then asked them to share some of their favorite places to have sex—the living room floor, the kitchen counter, the stairs, their deck in their backyard and in a chair, all topped their list. When I then asked them to expound on why, one answer, in particular, stayed with me. "Different places in the house makes sex more spontaneous. And, when you feel like your lady has just got to have you and she can't wait until you're in the bed, that already makes you wanna nut." Yep. That's a direct quote. (Oh, if you'd like a little more thinking-outside-of-the-box inspiration, check out Paired Life's offering, "200 Best Places Ever to Have Sex" and get inspired!)
8. Fondle His Frenulum
Be honest (with yourself). How much do you really know about the penis? If it's not much, I first recommend that you check out, "15 Pretty Tripped Out Things You May Not Know About Penises" because, the reality is, the more you educate yourself on something, the better you can be at "excelling" at it. Once you're a little more knowledgeable, then consider doing some frenulum fondling. The frenulum is the part of the skin that's on the underside of your partner's penis where the shaft and head of his penis connect. Because it's extremely sensitive, the frenulum can actually trigger more orgasms in a man than any other part of his penis. In walks, "Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage". #wink
9. Touch the Back of His Neck During Intercourse
Not too long ago, a male friend of mine and I were discussing a tweet that said something along the lines of, you're not a real freak unless you're into choking. My male friend was baffled by that because, as a self-professed freak (what man isn't, chile?), he had never done it before and wanted to understand the allure. If you're in the same boat as he is, the technical term for it is erotic asphyxiation; its "nickname" is breath play. The theory is that, by restricting a certain amount of oxygen to the brain, it intensifies climaxes. But even if you ain't that "freaky", something that you should definitely consider is touching the back of your partner's neck; especially during intercourse. It's another part of the body that is loaded with nerve endings so, slightly grazing it while you're dirty talking in the process, can increase his arousal and deepen his penetration which means…double the pleasure for you both!
10. Edge Him…to LIFE!
In the article, "Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream" that I wrote for xoNecole, something that I shouted out is edging. It's the practice of getting someone right to the brink of an orgasm and then pulling back so that, eventually, the orgasm is way stronger. Oftentimes, edging is mentioned in the context of intensifying our orgasms, but best believe, it works for men too. During intercourse, wait for him to let you know when he's at his point of climax and then…pause. Change positions. Kiss more. Touch an erogenous zone or two. Then start back up all over again. If you do this three times or so, when he is finally ready to blow, it'll be so powerful that it'll probably get you off in the process too! Yeah, edging really is one of the unsung heroes of intensified orgasms. Plus, it never ever gets old. That's why I'm always on the tip of—don't edge your man "to death"…edge him to life! He'll adore you all the more if/when you do. I guarantee it!
Join us in the xoTribe community today to get free access to weekly workshops, Mentor Mondays, virtual happy hours with the xoNecole team, personal development coaches, exclusive career opportunities, and an entire archive of digital masterclasses. We've saved you a seat at the table!
Featured image by Giphy
- When's The Last Time You And Your Man Had A 'Sex Date ... ›
- If Your Man's Erections Need To Last Longer, Read This. - xoNecole ... ›
- This Is How You Have A Super Orgasm - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 10 Hacks & Tips To Help You Orgasm More - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- How to Perform a Lingam Massage - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- How To Give A Tantric Lingam Massage - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Ananda Lewis Clarifies Why She Didn't Get A Mastectomy & Says She's Doing 'Better' After Stage IV Breast Cancer Diagnosis
Former MTV VJ Ananda Lewis received a lot of backlash from online critics after sharing she decided to forgo a double mastectomy. But there's more to the story.
Ananda was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer in 2019, and during a recent round table discussion with CNN's Stephanie Elam and Sara Sidner, she revealed that she decided not to get a double mastectomy and, now, she has stage IV cancer.
Following that interview, she clarified why she did not get the surgery. “The circumstances were not conducive to surgery because my tumor wasn’t aggressively growing at the time, and then COVID hit,” Ananda told The Epoch Times.
She opted for a cryoablation treatment instead, which uses extreme cold to destroy the cancer cells.
Another thing the 51-year-old wanted to clarify was whether she was dying. She said she is not. “Nothing happened. Today, I am fantastic. I may have felt like I was dying in February, but I’m not dying, and I’m definitely doing better than I was last October,” she said.
She is focused on taking care of herself and getting a "good 20 more years out of this body." She follows a keto diet and avoids alcohol, white flour and white sugar.
During the CNN roundtable discussion, the mother of one shared that she had an integrative approach to her treatment, which included traditional medicine and homeopathy methods such as red light therapy.
“My plan at first was to get out excessive toxins in my body. I felt like my body is intelligent, I know that to be true. Our bodies are brilliantly made,” she said.
“I decided to keep my tumor and try to work it out of my body a different way,” she continued. “Looking back on that, I go, ‘You know what? Maybe I should have.’
Ananda also admitted that she wasn't prioritizing early detection, such as getting mammograms. The former talk show host's mom also had breast cancer and chose to go the conventional route, which influenced her to go a non-traditional route.
As a content creator, Ananda uses her social media to inform others on the things she's learned about obtaining good health such as toxic items to through out of your pantry and the many benefits of water.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Paul Archuleta/Getty Images