You Can Take Your Man's Orgasm To A Whole 'Nother Level

Ready to turn your partner all the way out?


OK, so I'm gonna hit the ground running on today's topic by saying, any person who feels like their partner's sexual pleasure isn't a priority, I have to wonder how great of a sex life they've actually got. Because any couple who is, not only sexually happy, but extremely fulfilled, they will undoubtedly vouch for the fact that, one of the main keys to an off-the-charts sex life is when both partners get off on pleasing each other.

In a nutshell, that's why we write articles like these. It's because we truly believe that if your man is all about getting you off, while you're all about returning the favor, automatically the two of you are well on your way to experiencing some really amazing intimacy and hopefully, even a few super orgasms along the way.

Speaking of super orgasms, the more heightened you and yours are, the easier it is to achieve them. So, let's get into some "sexual stimulation hacks" that can get your man damn near climbing the walls as much as he's (hopefully) trying to get you to do the same. You ready to blow his mind tonight? Let's do this.

1. Put on a Sweet Scent


Man. It's like there is an organization for everything on the planet. Today, it's all about The Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. When it comes to what they discovered turns men on, apparently, it's scents that lean on the sweeter sides of things. Vanilla, black licorice, donuts, orange and chocolate are all smells that typically send men to new heights of sensual desire. Also, I've shared on this platform, more than once, that the combination of pumpkin and lavender can increase the blood flow to a guy's genital region by as much as 40 percent. So, while you may be out here thinking that you need to spend a mint on perfume—excuse me, parfum—to turn your man on, some sweet-smelling essential oil or even maybe putting a little bit of donut glaze on your neck (or other sexual pressure points) is really (probably) all that you'll ever need to get his sense of smell into the game.

2. Wear Red. Or Be Butt Naked.


It's no secret that men are stimulated visually; very much so. That's why, if you want to "visually edge" your partner, "dressing up the present" is a great way to do it. According to several psychological studies, a color that a vast majority of men are highly sexually stimulated by is red. It really does make sense when you think about the fact that red symbolizes things like passion, lust and love. Plus, I don't know one Black woman who is not ABSOLUTELY KILLIN' THE GAME when she's got red on (whew!).

Here's the thing, though. When I asked a few of my male friends, if they were put in the position to have to choose between lingerie and a woman being in her birthday suit, about 70 percent of them said buck naked was their preference, by far. When I asked one of them why, he candidly said, "Lingerie is a tease tactic. It's the kind of s—t that we want to see you just walking around in, just because, more than it being some kind of sign that sex is about to go down. Let us see what we could be getting while you're just chillin' with a teddy on. Then, when we get into the bedroom, just be naked. The build-up from hours before of just looking at you will already have us wanting you on a whole 'nother level." Duly noted, sir.

3. Offer More (Ashwagandha) Tea. Less Alcohol.


Something that I believe all of us should do more often is get our hormone levels checked. There is so much about our health that can sometimes feel compromised, simply because our hormones are a little "off". A good example of this is men who have a lower level of testosterone. Some signs of that include less hair (on the head and body), reduced muscle mass, mood swings, fatigue, erectile dysfunction and yep—a lower sex drive. If your partner has any of these issues, it's a good idea for him to set an appointment with his physician so that he can get tested and, perhaps, to look into hormone therapy. However, if there's nothing super drastic going on, but you'd simply like him to have a little more pep in his step in the bedroom, a good idea would be to 1) push the alcohol bottle back and 2) to serve him some ashwagandha tea.

Why? Well, as far as alcohol goes, since it's a depressant, that means it can actually tank your partner's drive (not to mention, put him in a pretty pissy mood). As far as the tea goes, I actually listed ashwagandha tea in the article, "Plantain Flour, Spirulina & Other Uncommon Foods To Add To Your Diet" a while back. It is proven to reduce depression-related symptoms, decrease fertility challenges in men and, because it significantly increases testosterone levels, it's a tea that can also elevate your partner's libido and intensify his orgasms too. Yeah, forget Patrón. Get your man some herbal tea instead. See what that thing do tho, once you do.

4. Invest in a Ball Stretcher


Speaking of natural ways to increase a man's testosterone levels, another technique is to cop a ball stretcher. What the heck is that? It's basically a metal ring that fits (comfortably) around a man's testicles. Why would a guy want one? Well, when he puts the stretcher and it gently tugs at his scrotum and stretches it out, the result is it keeps his testicles/balls from retracting whenever he climaxes; as a result, his orgasms are significantly stronger. An added bonus is, if the stretcher is put on during foreplay, it can make a man's scrotum so much more sensitive to the touch. Some women say that they enjoy ball stretchers during intercourse as well because the ring grazing their body is an additional stimulant for them too. If a ball stretcher is something that you want to add to your sex collection, you can read about how to select your very first one here.

5. Give Him a Foot Massage


Quite possibly, this might be your something new for the day. Did you know that, while all of us have literally thousands of nerve endings in our feet, men have many more of them than women do? Now here's the trick.

If you offer to give your partner a foot massage and you specifically aim for his third toe and you go about one-third of the way down it, you will hit a pressure point that will encourage more blood to rush through his body, including his genitalia. When blood circulation increases, orgasms intensify.

And what if feet are sooooo not your thing? Thumbs are mad sensitive (due to all of the nerve endings in them) as well so, gently sucking on one of his (especially during sex) is a great alternative. Try it. I'd be shocked if you both didn't like it. A LOT.

6. Do Variations of the Cowgirl


While checking out an article on Women's Health Mag's site, it stated that they surveyed 800 men about what their favorite sexual position was. Can you guess what the results were? If your immediate thought is doggy style, you'd actually be correct (LOL)! Yet, what I found to be interesting, is the position that men wished women would get into more often is the cowgirl. When I asked some of my own male friends what they thought about that, they shared that the cowgirl is dope (to them) because the view is amazing, they like their partner being able to fully control her movements and, they noticed that she is able to have more multiple orgasms that way which, for them, meant they were able to get off a lot more. I don't know a lot of women who frown at riding, so…if you want to help your partner go to new heights, it's a win/win for you both if you get on top.

7. Get Out of the Bed(room)


While doggy style and the cowgirl sexual positions are fan favorites among the fellas, I conducted my own unofficial study to see what a lot of them wished would happen more often in the bedroom. You know what they said? They wanted to get out of it. When I then asked them to share some of their favorite places to have sex—the living room floor, the kitchen counter, the stairs, their deck in their backyard and in a chair, all topped their list. When I then asked them to expound on why, one answer, in particular, stayed with me. "Different places in the house makes sex more spontaneous. And, when you feel like your lady has just got to have you and she can't wait until you're in the bed, that already makes you wanna nut." Yep. That's a direct quote. (Oh, if you'd like a little more thinking-outside-of-the-box inspiration, check out Paired Life's offering, "200 Best Places Ever to Have Sex" and get inspired!)

8. Fondle His Frenulum 


Be honest (with yourself). How much do you really know about the penis? If it's not much, I first recommend that you check out, "15 Pretty Tripped Out Things You May Not Know About Penises" because, the reality is, the more you educate yourself on something, the better you can be at "excelling" at it. Once you're a little more knowledgeable, then consider doing some frenulum fondling. The frenulum is the part of the skin that's on the underside of your partner's penis where the shaft and head of his penis connect. Because it's extremely sensitive, the frenulum can actually trigger more orgasms in a man than any other part of his penis. In walks, "Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage". #wink

9. Touch the Back of His Neck During Intercourse


Not too long ago, a male friend of mine and I were discussing a tweet that said something along the lines of, you're not a real freak unless you're into choking. My male friend was baffled by that because, as a self-professed freak (what man isn't, chile?), he had never done it before and wanted to understand the allure. If you're in the same boat as he is, the technical term for it is erotic asphyxiation; its "nickname" is breath play. The theory is that, by restricting a certain amount of oxygen to the brain, it intensifies climaxes. But even if you ain't that "freaky", something that you should definitely consider is touching the back of your partner's neck; especially during intercourse. It's another part of the body that is loaded with nerve endings so, slightly grazing it while you're dirty talking in the process, can increase his arousal and deepen his penetration which means…double the pleasure for you both!

10. Edge Him…to LIFE!


In the article, "Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream" that I wrote for xoNecole, something that I shouted out is edging. It's the practice of getting someone right to the brink of an orgasm and then pulling back so that, eventually, the orgasm is way stronger. Oftentimes, edging is mentioned in the context of intensifying our orgasms, but best believe, it works for men too. During intercourse, wait for him to let you know when he's at his point of climax and then…pause. Change positions. Kiss more. Touch an erogenous zone or two. Then start back up all over again. If you do this three times or so, when he is finally ready to blow, it'll be so powerful that it'll probably get you off in the process too! Yeah, edging really is one of the unsung heroes of intensified orgasms. Plus, it never ever gets old. That's why I'm always on the tip of—don't edge your man "to death"…edge him to life! He'll adore you all the more if/when you do. I guarantee it!

Join us in the xoTribe community today to get free access to weekly workshops, Mentor Mondays, virtual happy hours with the xoNecole team, personal development coaches, exclusive career opportunities, and an entire archive of digital masterclasses. We've saved you a seat at the table!

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ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.


We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
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