

If you were to ask a lot of sex therapists what a sex date is, they would probably say they are the kind of date that is strictly for the purpose of having sex—no more, no less. To me, that sounds like the calls that I used to get at midnight when I was in my 20s. Come to think of it, I used to know a man who would call those "the blue light special" because the person would come in after dark and leave before dawn. I certainly don't knock those (to each their own, chile). At the same time, because I know that the biggest sex organ is actually our brain, it can help to plan the kind of date where it's mutually understood that sex is at the culmination of the date without it being the only thing that transpires while being on it. To me, a sex date isn't just about having sex. It's more about…extending the foreplay a bit longer. It's about doing something with your partner that is erotic, sexy—something that makes you both feel desired…craved for, even.
Sounds hot, right? If a sex date is something that you and your partner could definitely use right about now, I've got 10 ideas to, at the very least, pique your interest in exploring some of your own naughty thoughts and sexual creativity.
1. Throw a “Wine and Senses” Party
Something tells me that I already had you at "wine". From a scientific standpoint, a part of the reason why red wine is considered to be an aphrodisiac is because the ethanol that's in it tends to stimulate the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus is the part of your brain that regulates things like your body temperature, your hormones, your hunger levels and yes, your sex drive.
If you pair a bottle of red wine up with a blindfold, it can make for a really sexy date because as you and your partner take turns covering up your eyes and exploring different parts of each other's bodies while verbally affirming each other, it can heighten certain senses.
For instance, without being able to see, your sense of hearing will automatically increase (dirty talk, anyone?). Or, if you pair up the red wine with some dark chocolate, not only will the chocolate stimulate your sense of taste on another level, but it will increase blood circulation throughout your body, ultimately intensifying your orgasms as well.
2. Meet Up for Some Midday Sex
When is the best time of the day (or night) to have sex? That answer is kind of multi-layered. On one hand, it's been reported that men's peak of sexual desire tends to transpire between 6-9am while women's are highest between 11pm-2am. However, another scientific study says that men and women's bodies are most (sexually) in sync at around 3pm (with a close runner-up being at 7:30 in the morning). While I am a huge fan of morning sex, there is something that I really like about that 3pm block. To me, it just screams spontaneity. I mean, who wouldn't get excited about receiving an email or text from their partner asking them to meet them at home, a hotel or, umm, somewhere for a lil' sumthin' sumthin'? Especially since science says that the afternoon is almost guaranteed to make sex better.
3. Design Your Own Erogenous Zone Pleasure Maps
Everybody's body is different. This means that while there are some erogenous zones that fall into the "general population" category, there are others that are specific to the person you are currently with. Make a date out of discovering what your partner's favorite hot spots may be by having them strip down to their underwear and then using your hands (and mouth) to figure out where their customized erogenous zones are. Make it even more fun by turning on some slow jams from their favorite music era (that will help to relax them). Then "mark the territory" with some lipstick. To make things even more enjoyable for you, I actually found a line that creates edible chocolate lipsticks. You can cop a tube or two here.
4. Shop for Sexy Items Together
Lingerie. Sex toys. Massage oils. Aphrodisiac foods. A lil' alcohol. Bedding. Whatever works for you and yours, make a date to either order some of these things online or while you're out shopping together. For one thing, it's probably been a while since you've upgraded your sex stash. Secondly, getting these kinds of items together can help you both to get a better grasp of what turns the two of you on—and what doesn't.
5. Make Your Own Fondue. And Then…
I'm thinking that most of us know what fondue is. It's when you melt one food into a dish and then dip other foods into it (like bread into cheese). You can totally put a sexual twist on this by having the fondue be made out of chocolate and the "food" be your various body parts instead. If you're all down for this but (Lord forbid) you hate chocolate, no worries. There's a butterscotch recipe here, a strawberry one here, and a salted caramel recipe here.
6. Create a Sex-Themed Scavenger Hunt
Something that can bring an element of curiosity into your sex life is to create a scavenger hunt that has a sex theme to it. You can leave notes in your partner's briefcase, car and throughout your house with riddles, hints or instructions of where to go next.
Some people like the notes to include directives to take off certain articles of clothing. Others prefer to "reward" their partner if they get an answer right to a question about a certain sexual memory that they can recall with their partner. Or, you could let all of the items that you bought on your other sex-related outing to serve as clues to your "grand finale".
The details are totally up to you, but a sex-themed scavenger hunt is definitely a way to bring some real fun back into your boudoir.
7. Have an Electrical Outage (on Purpose)
Earlier this year, Mashable posted a video sharing some of the reasons why having sex with the lights on is better than in the dark. One of the reasons it shared was it makes us feel more exposed to our partner; by them accepting us "in that light", it can, in turn, create a stronger connection. I totally get and support that. At the same time, no one said that the lighting had to be a neon light in your bedroom. There's something that's both sexy and mysterious about being alone with your partner in the dark. So, for one night, pretend that you've got absolutely no electricity, light up some scented soy candles, pull out your massage oil and give each other an erotic rub down. Don't even turn any music on. Enjoy the silence and sounds that the both of you make—before, during and after sex happens.
8. Enjoy a Romantic Dinner with Aphrodisiac Appetizers and Dessert
A romantic dinner is always a classic move. Spare yourself all of the work that comes with preparing everything; instead, order your favorite main dishes from a restaurant. Then, focus on creating the right ambiance with some vanilla-scented candles (and/or fairy lights), some rose petals, some 90s R&B playing and absolutely no phones. Next, pull out your good dishware and a fancy pair of glasses. The sexy twist here is to make your own aphrodisiac-inspired appetizers and dessert, along with a signature libido-boosting drink. Perhaps some avocado egg rolls (with sweet chili sauce), a little Mexican chocolate mousse or homemade honey ice cream and, for the drink, a blueberry martini. You'll be tipsy, horny and full by the end. A "perfect store" for a sexual rendezvous.
9. Become a Shibari Master
If you are saying to yourself, "What the heck is that?", consider this to be your something new for the day. Basically, shibari is the word for Japanese rope bondage. You tie your partner up (or let them do that to you) via different types of rope patterns that are designed to stimulate various pressure points throughout their body. I did some digging around for beginner's tutorials and chile, this ain't as easy as you think. But if you want to step out there and give it a shot, click here to learn how to create single and double-column ties.
10. Go on a Monthly Hotel Room Tour
There aren't going to be too many articles written by me where the topic of sexual suggestions come up and I don't mention a hotel room. Hmph. Just because it's been a while since I've gotten any, that doesn't mean that many of my memories aren't still crystal clear when it comes to the pleasure of sex on a bed that has a mattress that costs a few thousand dollars in a room that is somewhat unfamiliar that I don't have to clean up afterwards. Pretty much every city is known for having at least one really sexy hotel. Have you and yours ever tried it? If you really want to get buck wit it, use your sex jar to go on a regional, national or even international hotel tour. You can get some inspiration by checking out articles like "20 Sexy Hotels That Make Banging Better", "The Sexiest Hotels in America" and "13 Naughty Hotels That Aren't Afraid of a Little Nudity, and More…". Out of all of these date suggestions, I'm not sure a sex date gets any sexier than this!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of 'Sex Bucket List'
These 10 Foreplay Hacks Can Take Your Sex Game To Another Level
10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)
If You've Always Wanted A 'Lubricant Cheat Sheet,' Here Ya Go
Featured image by Shutterstock
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
Be Careful. Those Casual Friendships Can Be Red Flags Too.
A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to someone vent about an area of frustration that they couldn’t seem to get to the root of — why they keep getting taken advantage of by certain individuals. When you’ve been a life coach for as long as I have (and you were a journalist before that), you learn how to ask certain questions that can cause people to consider things that they may never have before.
So, when I asked her, “What is the common thread with all of those folks? And sit still for two minutes before answering,” when she finally heard her own self speak, her eyes got wide and her mouth dropped open: “They’re all people who I’m not really sure what they are in my life.”
Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
There’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
A couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
I’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock