If you were to ask a lot of sex therapists what a sex date is, they would probably say they are the kind of date that is strictly for the purpose of having sex—no more, no less. To me, that sounds like the calls that I used to get at midnight when I was in my 20s. Come to think of it, I used to know a man who would call those "the blue light special" because the person would come in after dark and leave before dawn. I certainly don't knock those (to each their own, chile). At the same time, because I know that the biggest sex organ is actually our brain, it can help to plan the kind of date where it's mutually understood that sex is at the culmination of the date without it being the only thing that transpires while being on it. To me, a sex date isn't just about having sex. It's more about…extending the foreplay a bit longer. It's about doing something with your partner that is erotic, sexy—something that makes you both feel desired…craved for, even.
Sounds hot, right? If a sex date is something that you and your partner could definitely use right about now, I've got 10 ideas to, at the very least, pique your interest in exploring some of your own naughty thoughts and sexual creativity.
1. Throw a “Wine and Senses” Party
Something tells me that I already had you at "wine". From a scientific standpoint, a part of the reason why red wine is considered to be an aphrodisiac is because the ethanol that's in it tends to stimulate the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus is the part of your brain that regulates things like your body temperature, your hormones, your hunger levels and yes, your sex drive.
If you pair a bottle of red wine up with a blindfold, it can make for a really sexy date because as you and your partner take turns covering up your eyes and exploring different parts of each other's bodies while verbally affirming each other, it can heighten certain senses.
For instance, without being able to see, your sense of hearing will automatically increase (dirty talk, anyone?). Or, if you pair up the red wine with some dark chocolate, not only will the chocolate stimulate your sense of taste on another level, but it will increase blood circulation throughout your body, ultimately intensifying your orgasms as well.
2. Meet Up for Some Midday Sex
When is the best time of the day (or night) to have sex? That answer is kind of multi-layered. On one hand, it's been reported that men's peak of sexual desire tends to transpire between 6-9am while women's are highest between 11pm-2am. However, another scientific study says that men and women's bodies are most (sexually) in sync at around 3pm (with a close runner-up being at 7:30 in the morning). While I am a huge fan of morning sex, there is something that I really like about that 3pm block. To me, it just screams spontaneity. I mean, who wouldn't get excited about receiving an email or text from their partner asking them to meet them at home, a hotel or, umm, somewhere for a lil' sumthin' sumthin'? Especially since science says that the afternoon is almost guaranteed to make sex better.
3. Design Your Own Erogenous Zone Pleasure Maps
Everybody's body is different. This means that while there are some erogenous zones that fall into the "general population" category, there are others that are specific to the person you are currently with. Make a date out of discovering what your partner's favorite hot spots may be by having them strip down to their underwear and then using your hands (and mouth) to figure out where their customized erogenous zones are. Make it even more fun by turning on some slow jams from their favorite music era (that will help to relax them). Then "mark the territory" with some lipstick. To make things even more enjoyable for you, I actually found a line that creates edible chocolate lipsticks. You can cop a tube or two here.
4. Shop for Sexy Items Together
Lingerie. Sex toys. Massage oils. Aphrodisiac foods. A lil' alcohol. Bedding. Whatever works for you and yours, make a date to either order some of these things online or while you're out shopping together. For one thing, it's probably been a while since you've upgraded your sex stash. Secondly, getting these kinds of items together can help you both to get a better grasp of what turns the two of you on—and what doesn't.
5. Make Your Own Fondue. And Then…
I'm thinking that most of us know what fondue is. It's when you melt one food into a dish and then dip other foods into it (like bread into cheese). You can totally put a sexual twist on this by having the fondue be made out of chocolate and the "food" be your various body parts instead. If you're all down for this but (Lord forbid) you hate chocolate, no worries. There's a butterscotch recipe here, a strawberry one here, and a salted caramel recipe here.
6. Create a Sex-Themed Scavenger Hunt
Something that can bring an element of curiosity into your sex life is to create a scavenger hunt that has a sex theme to it. You can leave notes in your partner's briefcase, car and throughout your house with riddles, hints or instructions of where to go next.
Some people like the notes to include directives to take off certain articles of clothing. Others prefer to "reward" their partner if they get an answer right to a question about a certain sexual memory that they can recall with their partner. Or, you could let all of the items that you bought on your other sex-related outing to serve as clues to your "grand finale".
The details are totally up to you, but a sex-themed scavenger hunt is definitely a way to bring some real fun back into your boudoir.
7. Have an Electrical Outage (on Purpose)
Earlier this year, Mashable posted a video sharing some of the reasons why having sex with the lights on is better than in the dark. One of the reasons it shared was it makes us feel more exposed to our partner; by them accepting us "in that light", it can, in turn, create a stronger connection. I totally get and support that. At the same time, no one said that the lighting had to be a neon light in your bedroom. There's something that's both sexy and mysterious about being alone with your partner in the dark. So, for one night, pretend that you've got absolutely no electricity, light up some scented soy candles, pull out your massage oil and give each other an erotic rub down. Don't even turn any music on. Enjoy the silence and sounds that the both of you make—before, during and after sex happens.
8. Enjoy a Romantic Dinner with Aphrodisiac Appetizers and Dessert
A romantic dinner is always a classic move. Spare yourself all of the work that comes with preparing everything; instead, order your favorite main dishes from a restaurant. Then, focus on creating the right ambiance with some vanilla-scented candles (and/or fairy lights), some rose petals, some 90s R&B playing and absolutely no phones. Next, pull out your good dishware and a fancy pair of glasses. The sexy twist here is to make your own aphrodisiac-inspired appetizers and dessert, along with a signature libido-boosting drink. Perhaps some avocado egg rolls (with sweet chili sauce), a little Mexican chocolate mousse or homemade honey ice cream and, for the drink, a blueberry martini. You'll be tipsy, horny and full by the end. A "perfect store" for a sexual rendezvous.
9. Become a Shibari Master
If you are saying to yourself, "What the heck is that?", consider this to be your something new for the day. Basically, shibari is the word for Japanese rope bondage. You tie your partner up (or let them do that to you) via different types of rope patterns that are designed to stimulate various pressure points throughout their body. I did some digging around for beginner's tutorials and chile, this ain't as easy as you think. But if you want to step out there and give it a shot, click here to learn how to create single and double-column ties.
10. Go on a Monthly Hotel Room Tour
There aren't going to be too many articles written by me where the topic of sexual suggestions come up and I don't mention a hotel room. Hmph. Just because it's been a while since I've gotten any, that doesn't mean that many of my memories aren't still crystal clear when it comes to the pleasure of sex on a bed that has a mattress that costs a few thousand dollars in a room that is somewhat unfamiliar that I don't have to clean up afterwards. Pretty much every city is known for having at least one really sexy hotel. Have you and yours ever tried it? If you really want to get buck wit it, use your sex jar to go on a regional, national or even international hotel tour. You can get some inspiration by checking out articles like "20 Sexy Hotels That Make Banging Better", "The Sexiest Hotels in America" and "13 Naughty Hotels That Aren't Afraid of a Little Nudity, and More…". Out of all of these date suggestions, I'm not sure a sex date gets any sexier than this!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of 'Sex Bucket List'
These 10 Foreplay Hacks Can Take Your Sex Game To Another Level
10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)
If You've Always Wanted A 'Lubricant Cheat Sheet,' Here Ya Go
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Know what’s wild, though? There are actually some science-based reasons why so many of us are such big fans of that time of the year — one that is steadily approaching. So, if you’ve been trying to talk yourself out of getting a new neutral-colored comforter for your bed or you’re wondering if you’ve already gone too far with the pumpkins that you’ve got on your porch — my answer would be that you haven’t done enough to officially ring fall in! I’m not the only one who thinks that, either. Quite a bit of research thoroughly agrees.
It Takes Us Back to Our Childhoods
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It’s very common for fall to create feelings of nostalgia.For instance, even though it’s the season that technically doesn’t happen until the third week of September, many of us associate it with the first day of school, high school games, new television schedule line-ups (gee, remember that?), some of our favorite foods and drinks (like ginger snaps and hot cocoa), corn mazes, carving pumpkins, going trick-or-treating, attending fall festivals and so much other stuff that made autumn such a special time while growing up. Yeah, I bet if you thought back to what fall was like back when you were a kid right now, at least a couple of memories would immediately bring a smile to your face. (See…I told you.)
The Aesthetic Is Cozy and Comforting
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Scented candles. Roaring fireplaces. Fresh chrysanthemums. Foliage art. Metallic branches in vases. Neutral throw rugs. Carved pumpkins. Warm hues. Big throw pills. Cable-knit blankets. All of these are things that say “fall is here” in the most cozy and comforting ways. I mean, can you think of another time of year that beckons you to stay indoors more than fall does? Yeah, me neither.
It Boosts Your Self-Image
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Listen, if there’s one thing that I’m gonna do during the fall and winter seasons, it’s layer my outfits. That’s actually one of the reasons why I like fall so much — it’s because the fashion and style takes tend to be super on-point. And yes, based on what I’ve read, that’s another reason why a lot of people like the fall so much…since layering is about adding additional articles of clothing on, you don’t have to worry (as much) about the condition that your body is in like you do in the summertime. And when your body image is elevated, so is your confidence overall.
The Landscape Calms Us Down
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You might’ve already been aware of the fact that when you spend time in nature, it can help to de-stress you. Well, were you also aware of the fact that the beautiful colors of fall foliage can keep you calm as well? If you know anything about color psychology, this makes a lot of sense, considering a lot of leaves are shades of red (love), orange (happiness), and yellow (hope). So, if you’ve had a really stressful day at work, take the long way home to check out some fall trees or even rake up a pile and jump into them like when you were a kid. It could end up giving you the feeling of much-needed relief that you’ve been looking for.
It Creates a “Temporal Landmark”
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If you’ve never heard of a temporal landmark before, the long short of it is it’s moments in time that stand out to you to the point that it creates the perceptions that you currently have, plus it influences how you use your time in real-time. Since the holiday season kicks off during the fall season, activities like football games and homecomings mean a lot to people, and for some of us, the fall season marks the beginning of a new year (Rosh Hashanah), that’s another thing that makes autumn such a wonderful time of the year — we enjoy the way that we spend that season…a lot.
It’s an Unexpected Motivator
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On the heels of what I just said, whether you observe Rosh Hashanah or the winding down of the year is simply when you choose to pause and reflect in preparation for the calendar new year that is to come, some people really like the fall season because it motivates them to set new plans and goals. In fact, when you get a chance, check out “Why Fall Is The Perfect Time To Prep For The New Year.”
Using the next couple of months to ease into the new year makes a helluva lot more sense than jotting something down on New Year’s Eve real quick and then pressuring yourself to follow through for the first month of January.
It Means More Time with Family and Friends
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There’s probably no other time in the year when you are able to spend so much quality time with your loved ones than during the fall season, especially if they live out of town. I mean, just Thanksgiving alone proves that. Plus, winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21, which means that if you take time off leading into Christmas to visit family as well — that’s two times in less than a month that you’ve been able to get in some family and friends bonding time. If you love being around your family, fall always gives you time with them to look forward to.
It Means More Fall-Themed Sex
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When you get a chance, check out “Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex.” A part of the reason why I wrote it is because, did you know that late fall/early winter are the best times of the year to get some nookie? If you don’t believe me, also read “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?”
Between it being darker for a longer period of time, science saying that rainy weather actually makes us hornier, and pumpkins being an aphrodisiac (among other things) — if fall wasn’t your favorite time of year before you read this, maybe it will convince you to change your mind. Enjoy your fall season, everybody! Oh, and read up on what the combination of pumpkin and lavender scents can do for your boudoir experience. Thank me later. #wink
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