5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar
This is one of those things I really wish I could take the credit for, but I can't. One day, while doing some research for a wedding article, I saw a "sex jar" on Pinterest.
I read the fine print and the gist is this—every time a couple has sex, they agree to put some money into a big jar (or vase, jug or piggybank). It can be a quarter or $10, but something must go in there. Then, after six months to a year, the couple empties out the jar and uses the money to do something romantic. (Dope, right?)
Ever since I got hip to the sex jar concept, it's something that I incorporate into my marriage life coaching sessions. Now that I've got a few years of recommending sex jars under my belt, I've discovered a few other bonafide reasons for couples to invest in one.
It's A Great "Sex Gauge".
Every couple is unique. This means that each one's sex life is going to be different. But if you're wondering how much sex is considered to be "healthy", there are plenty of articles that say if you're having sex once a week, you're actually doing pretty good.
So, what's the sign that you need a lil' more nookie in your life? I'll put it to you this way—20 million Americans are only having sex 10 times a year. Technically, that's what a "sexless marriage" is.
Since sex is great for your health (sperm included; I'm just sayin') and it's also one of the absolute best ways to bond with your partner, it's a good idea to not deprive yourself. A sex jar can help you to (literally) see if you are—or aren't.
It's One Of The Coolest Ways To Save Money.
I recently read that the average household has about $134,000 worth of debt (I also read 74 percent of engaged couples will take on debt in order to get married). Sometimes that's because couples don't have emergency funds or savings accounts that are strictly for vacations and second honeymoons.
If you and yours haven't gotten away in a while because funds are tight, peep this: Americans toss as much as—count it—$62 million in loose change every year. Every. Single. Year. By putting some of yours into your sex jar, not only is it a great way to tell how much sex you are having, it's also a fun way to hold onto your coins and save a little cash in the process too.
It Reminds Couples To Make Sex A (Top) Priority.
If you're someone who has a to-do list, tell me something. Is sex on it? If what you're about to say is you don't want to schedule sex because that doesn't seem very sexy, I hear you. I'll say two things about that, though.
One, I promise you that scheduling it is better than not having it at all. And two, putting sex on your schedule can make the activity something that you look forward to during the week. Again, I am a marriage life coach but you don't have to take my word for it. There's a great read on this very topic here.
Just think. If you have a big ole sex jar in your bedroom and you walk past it every day, it's going to at least remind you to think of sex. And, the more we tend to think of something, the greater chance it has of becoming a priority (and for all of the reasons I've already shared, sex should always be a priority!).
It Reminds Couples To Make Romance A Top Priority Too
Question. How much romance is in your marriage? If that's too complex of a question, how about this one? When's the last time you and yours went on an actual date? (Picking up takeout or watching a movie on the couch does not qualify!)
If you know that romance is lacking but you haven't been able to make it happen because funds are tight, this is just one more reason to get yourself a sex jar. Just think—if you have sex three times a week and you each put $5 in the jar for every time that you do, you'll have $30 a week/$120 a month to spend on going on a real date. (This sex jar thing is just getting better and better isn't it?)
It's An Awesome Gift To Give To Your Other Married Friends
As long as you have friends, there are going to be occasions when you'll need to get them a present. A sex jar is the kind of gift that keeps on giving!
All you've got to do is go to a local arts and crafts store, get a big jar and (if you want) decorate it. Then attach a note that explains what it's for—maybe something along the lines of "Here's a piggy bank for all of the times you and yours are intimate. All you've got to do is put some money in it and watch the cash stack up!"
I'm telling you, out of all of the books I've read and tips I've given to married couples, this one right here is in the Top Five and continues to be a winner.
Reward yourself—and your spouse—with a sex jar. You definitely won't regret it!
Related Stories:
What I've Learned About My Vagina Since Getting Married - Read More
Is Scheduled Sex Really Better Than No Sex At All? - Read More
I Saved My Virginity For My Husband And Ended Up With Bad Sex - Read More
We Gave Up Sex After Having Our First Child - Read More
Featured image by Shutterstock
- How Sex Changes After Marriage - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 10 Sex Resolutions To Make This Year - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What GROWN Women Consider Great Sex To Be - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Grown Woman Keys To Great Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Americans Are Having Less Sex. Here's How To Avoid Being A Statistic. - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 7 Ways Couples Can Improve Their Sex Life In the New Year - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Why We'll Probably Never Hear Lupita Nyong'o Share Her Relationship With The World
Lupita Nyong'o is sharing a transparent look into her life after a recent breakup.
In a cover story for NET-A-PORTER, the A Quiet Place: Day One star shed light on the significant heartbreak she experienced following the end of her relationship with ex-boyfriend and TV host, Selema Masekela.
As a public figure, Nyong'o, 39, sought to divulge the news of the breakup in hopes of presenting a more authentic perspective on the pain that follows a separation.
"I was living in a lot of pain and heartbreak," she told the publication. "I looked at the environment of my social media and thought I don’t want to be a part of this illusion that everything is always coming up roses. Surely there is a lesson for me to learn in this, and I just want to be real about it."
The Black Panther star went on to explain that her choice to be transparent with her fans about her breakup came from the certainty she felt after ending the relationship. “In my mind, when I shared my relationship status with the world, it was because I felt sure about it,” she said.
While she didn’t know how the news would land with her fans, she found relief in knowing she wasn’t alone in her experience.
“I knew how it could be interpreted; I knew it would have a life of its own,” she reflects. “But then I started to see the comments and people were being so loving and supportive. The ones that moved me the most were other people sharing their pain and their heartbreak.”
Nyong'o and Masekela went Instagram official in December 2022, publicly announcing their relationship in a couple's video. In October 2023, Nyong'o took to her personal Instagram account to share the news of her breakup in her caption, writing, "At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust.”
She continued the vulnerable note, "I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception. I am tempted to run into the shadows and hide, only to return to the light when I have regained my strength enough for me to say, 'Whatever, my life is better this way.' But I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love."
These days, Nyong'o tells NET-A-PORTER that she is prioritizing profound self-discovery that extends beyond her career. She notes having a deliberate and unhurried approach to understanding herself.
She also alludes to keeping her relationships private moving forward after noting it was "very, very sage" of her not to talk about her private life professionally in the days before her last relationship. "I'm going back to those days by the way," Nyong'o shares of her reinstated boundaries around her personal life.
Earlier this month, Nyong'o made headlines alongside her new boyfriend actor Joshua Jackson. Nyong'o and Jackson went through public splits from their respective SOs in October 2023, with the latter splitting from his long-time partner Jodie Turner-Smith following her divorce filing from the Dawson's Creek alum.
The pair have been spotted together as early as December 2023, but nothing screamed "couple" quite as loudly as their recent getaway to Mexico for Nyong'o's 41st birthday featuring passionate displays of affection.
"Our purpose in life is to love. And so you have to get back in it," she tells the outlet, seemingly alluding to her budding new romance.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Taylor Hill/Getty Images