

In my opinion, New Year's is the best time to start over. I love the first of the year because it inspires me to dream big again and to recommit to goals I didn't achieve the previous year, like getting back into the gym, eating healthier, and reading more books. New year resolutions help us become better versions of ourselves. But how about our sex lives? We rarely think of including our sexual lives in our new year resolutions.
A study by EdenFantasies found that one-third of Americans in relationships are unhappy with their sex life, which tells me more people should make sex a part of their resolutions. Sex resolutions are just like regular resolutions. You make them after reflecting on the past and deciding how you want things to be different in the future. A good sex resolution is one that makes sex more comfortable, pleasurable, and exciting. This could mean taking a whole new approach to the bedroom or just swapping out some old toys for new ones.
This year along with my usual New Year, New Me resolutions, I’m including resolutions that deal specifically with improving my sex life and I want you to add some too. Here are some sex resolutions we all can incorporate this year to have a better more fulfilled sex life this year and for years to come.
1.Stop faking orgasms.
In the name of everything sacred, please don't fake it anymore. If you do nothing else on this list in 2023, promise yourself and me that this will be the one thing you’ll do. In truth, faking orgasms causes more harm than good, because it's a lie. Your partner won't be able to improve if you're constantly lying to them. Rather than faking it, talk about it instead. Talk with your partner about your needs and/or what you dislike about sex and work together to improve it.
2.Have more sex outside the bedroom.
This year, have more sex outside the bedroom. A simple change in location can spice up your old routine and make sex feel exciting again. According to research from House Method, sex outside the bedroom may even help your relationship and sex life. They conducted a survey and found that people who were having sex outside the bedroom reported having more sex, more relationship satisfaction, and more sexual satisfaction.
3.Explore your fantasies.
Sex in public? Threesomes? BDSM? Fantasy is not just for children. Whatever your fantasies are, there are healthy ways to explore them. Exploration is a great teacher that reveals who we are, what excites us, and how colorful our imagination can be. Fantasies don’t have to be taboo secrets that we keep hidden away, rather they should be embraced. Repeat after me: It’s okay for me to pretend.
4.Buy a new sex toy.
The new year is the perfect time to try something new—why not try a sex toy? Whether you have a penis or vulva, there is a sex toy designed solely for your pleasure. Sex toys are meant to be used in collaboration, not competition. Although, most sex toys can be used solo, adding them into the mix with a partner can bring added excitement.
5.Take a sex class.
Any skill you want to learn can be taught in a class. For example, if you wanted to learn how to speak Chinese, you would enroll in a Chinese class. As teenagers, when we wanted to learn to drive, we took driver’s ed. The same applies to sex as well. Truth is, we all have room for improvement, and what better way to brush up on our skills than with a sex class? Contrary to popular belief, people do not just “know” how to have great sex, they are taught. Great sex is more practice than skill. So, just like a cooking class to improve your kitchen skills, sex classes improve your bedroom skills. Fortunately for all of us, there are plenty of sex classes available IRL and online to help improve our performance.
6.Masturbate more.
There are SO many health benefits to masturbation. Stress reduction. Better sleep. Fewer headaches. And of course orgasms! Masturbation isn’t just for single people. In fact, regular masturbation can bring back your sex drive, whether you're exploring on your own or with someone else. Masturbation strengthens the pleasure pathways in your brain, which make it easier to locate them.
7.Get tested at least once a year.
This is the most important resolution on the list. As sexually active adults, whether married or single, it’s important for us to know our status and get tested yearly. As long as you're sexually active, you should be tested for STDs at least once a year. If you have more than one partner, share intravenous (IV) needles, or don't always practice safer sex by using a condom each time you have intercourse, you should be tested every three to six months. Don’t put your sexual health in the hands of someone else this year, get tested!
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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From Rock Bottom To Redemption: Paula Patton Opens Up About Her New Film 'Finding Faith'
When Paula Patton’s name is on a project, you already know it’s going to bring some soul. From Jumping the Broom to Baggage Claim, she’s long been a radiant presence on-screen. But in her new film Finding Faith, premiering in theaters June 16–17 via Fathom Events, Paula digs deeper—into grief, healing, and ultimately, redemption.
The film follows Faith Mitchell, a wife and mother whose life is upended by a devastating loss. As she spirals into despair, it’s the love of family, friends, and God that slowly leads her back to light. And for Paula, this story wasn’t just a role—it was personal.
“It connected to a time in my life that I could really relate to,” she says. “That feeling of having lost so much and feeling like so much pain, and not knowing how to deal with the pain… and numbing out to do that.”
Courtesy
A Story That Hit Close to Home
Having been sober for seven years, Paula says the emotional territory was familiar. But more than anything, it brought her closer to a deeper truth.
“Once you give [the numbing] up, you have to walk in the desert alone… and that’s when I truly found faith in God.”
Turning Pain Into Purpose
While the film touches on loss and addiction, Finding Faith ultimately lives up to its title. Paula describes the acting process as cathartic—and one she was finally ready for.
“Art became healing,” she says. “That was the biggest challenge of all… but it was a challenge I wanted.”
More Than an Inspirational Thriller
Finding Faith is described as an “inspirational thriller,” with layered tones of romance, suspense, and spiritual reflection. Paula credits that dynamic blend to writer-director LazRael Lison.
“That’s what I love about Finding Faith,” she explains. “Yes, she goes on this journey, but there’s other storylines happening that help it stay entertaining.”
"Finding Faith" cast
Courtesy
On-Set Magic with Loretta Devine
With a cast stacked with phenomnal talent—Loretta Devine, Keith David, Stephen Bishop—it’s no surprise that the film also came alive through unscripted moments.
“We did this kitchen scene… and Loretta changed it,” Paula shares. “She wouldn’t leave. I had to change my dance and figure out how to work with it, and it took on this whole other layer. I’m forever grateful.”
Faith When It Feels Like Night
The film leans on the biblical verse: “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Paula says that reminder is something she’s lived.
“When you’re feeling so anxious, and you look out in the distance and see nothing there… that’s when you have to trust God’s timing.”
Divine Timing Behind the Scenes
Paula didn’t just star in the film—she produced it through her company, Third Eye Productions. And the way the opportunity came to her? Nothing short of divine.
“I said, ‘Just for one week, believe everything’s going to be perfect,’” she recalls. “That same day, my friend Charles called and said, ‘I have a film for you. It’s called Finding Faith.’ I thought I was going to throw the phone down.”
What’s Next for Paula Patton?
When asked about a dream role, Paula didn’t name a genre or a character. Her focus now is on legacy—and light.
“I want to make sure I keep making art that entertains people, but also has hope… That it has a bright light at the end to get us through this journey here on Earth.”
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