Here Are This Year's Sex Trends That We Can Actually Get Behind
If you’ve checked out my byline here, even for a little while, you have probably caught on to the fact that I thoroughly enjoy researching random information (I get it from my daddy). For instance, I can’t explain what exactly prompted the search but, not too long ago, I was curious about what place is currently considered to be the sexiest in the world. It’s actually one of my favorite cities — London (NY and LA are in the top 10). That got me to looking up some of the sexiest hotels in the world as well (some ones in general are here and here; some cool Black-owned joints are here). And that got me to wondering about currently popular sexual trends — you know, stuff that is super popular in the realm of all things sexual activity right now.
Let’s just say that when it comes to 2023, they pretty much run the gamut. Anyway, if you have a natural curiosity for random intel like I do, here are 12 sex-related things that could make coitus even better in your neck of the woods.
1. Sex Outside of the Bedroom
GiphyRecently, while in a session with some married clients, a wife helped to prove a point that I’ve been making, on repeat, for a few years now — a lot of people are leaving their marriage, not due to abuse or cheating but sheer boredom. Because as shallow as that sounds, when things become tedious, they can almost start to feel almost like torture. Sex is not exempt here either.
That said, let’s not act like the reason why most of us prefer to have sex in a bed is because, when the bed/mattress is hella comfortable, it makes getting into (and out of) positions so much easier; plus, falling asleep right after is super convenient in that spot. However, if you want to spice things up, getting out of the bed can be a wise move.
Some current favorite spots (according to what I’ve read and some folks that I’ve interviewed have shared):
- Couches
- Showers
- Hallways
- Dryers (when it’s on)
- Kitchen Counters
- Walk-In Closets
- Work Offices (when no one’s there)
- Tents in Backyards
- Hotel Balconies
- Fitting Rooms
At the very least, this should get your imagination going. So, whatcha gonna try?
2. All-Natural Aphrodisiacs
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that, even though aphrodisiacs have been around since FOR-E-VER, probably until the end of time, folks will debate on if they are actually “real” (as far as their effectiveness goes) or not. Personally, I think that if supplements (which we’ll get into later) can help to give your libido a boost, foods that contain said supplements will probably do the same.
Anyway, something that keeps coming up in sex-related content these days is all-natural aphrodisiacs. Food-wise, I penned a couple of articles for the platform a while back (check out “Eat Your Way To Better Sex With Aphrodisiacs” and “10 In-Season Fall Foods That Are Incredible Aphrodisiacs”). Scent-wise, read “8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last” for a variety of essential oils that can help to take things to another level (especially if you apply them to the right pressure points) too.
3. ASMR Sound Effects
GiphyFor years (and years…and then some more years), I’ve slept in silence and slept just fine. Yet over the past several years, I’ve gone to bed to the sound of rain (YouTube has a ton of channels that will play it for hours on end; just put “rain sounds for sleeping” in the search field) and it has taken my quality of sleep to a whole ‘nother level! From what I’ve read and researched sounds like rain, ocean waves, and even a blowing fan can help you to rest better and more; that’s because certain ASMR sounds activate the part of the brain that releases dopamine and oxytocin — both of which help you to feel calm and more relaxed.
On the sex tip, you might want to crank up some ASMR sounds too because it also helps to decrease your stress levels. Not only that but when your hearing is stimulated in this fashion, it can actually intensify your other senses (sight, taste, smell, and touch).
I mean, a lot of y’all went wild over H.E.R’s song “Damage” and whether you realized it or not, it’s, in part, because she referenced the sexy ass classic “Making Love in the Rain” by Herb Alpert ft. Lisa Keith and Janet Jackson. And doesn’t it now make even more sense that those kinds of songs make sex even better?
Hell, don’t wait for a rainy day. Put on a YouTube video. Do it ASAP too — the sounds and the sex, if you can.
4. Remote-Controlled Vibrators
GiphySince it’s been reported that somewhere around 14 million individuals are in a long-distance relationship, there’s no way that we could talk about sex trends without addressing one that’s growing in popularity among couples who don’t get to see each other as much as they would probably like.
One of them is remote-controlled vibrators. If you’re not familiar, it’s basically a vibrator that can be controlled by someone else. Although the possibilities are clearly — eh hem — endless with this, just make sure to keep in mind that you typically need a strong Wi-Fi signal. Also, you should read as much fine print on the product you’re considering because sometimes there are data and privacy issues.
Don’t let that last point freak you out too much, though. Honestly, these kinds of vibrators have been around for a long while now. Personally, I think the pandemic has brought them back into the sex spotlight. Anyway, Allure (here) and Self (here) did you a solid by providing a list of some of the best ones around. At least do a lil’ bit of window shopping, if you can.
5. Multi-Purpose Lube
GiphyThere used to be a time when people thought that lubrication was pretty much for women who couldn’t get “wet enough.” These days, as folks are getting more creative when it comes to sex, they know that wetter truly is better. That’s why I wrote articles like “If You've Always Wanted A 'Lubricant Cheat Sheet,' Here Ya Go” and “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant” for the site.
So, when you get a chance, check those out and then determine in your mind that you will invest in a couple of bottles of lube (if you haven’t already). If you’re not sure which brands to go with, a good (no pun intended) entry brand is Astroglide because it’s water-based (which means it will feel natural and won’t compromise condom use or damage your bedding), it’s super affordable and you can find it in just about any drugstore around.
Just for the record, if you like to engage in activities like shower sex (check out “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better”), go with a silicone-based lubricant like Wet Platinum. A water-based lube while you’re in water is not gonna do you much good. Stuff is a lot more slippery with silicone in there.
6. At-Home STI/STD Testing
GiphyWhile I’m over here irritated that so much data supports the fact that ONLY one-third of men use condoms (eye roll), I think that’s why I’m never shocked whenever I see that STI/STDs continue to increase with every passing year (SMDH).
This is why, if you are sexually active, you need to get tested annually (no exceptions). And if you happen to have multiple sex partners, this needs to go from every 12 months to every 3-6 months (no joke).
And what if you “don’t have time”? Yeah, that won’t fly because, these days, you can get tested from the comfort and convenience of your own home (you can read about a list of some of the best that are currently out on the market here). Even though a lot of at-home tests aren’t exactly the cheapest things in the world, nothing is more valuable than your health, so…budget for them. It’s worth it.
7. Menstrubation
GiphyIf you just read this heading and thought it was a typo, I get it. When I first read about it, so did I. Basically, menstrubation is period sex — only with yourself: menstrual masturbation. And why would someone want to do that? Well, the reality is that it’s not so much the sex (or touching) itself that helps bring menstrual pain-related relief but the orgasms that can come from it.
According to science, when we climax, it causes a burst of endorphins that can ease uterine discomfort. Some say that it can even be just as, if not more, effective than ibuprofen. The more you know, chile. The more you know.
8. (Black) Sex Influencers
GiphyCurrently, I’m getting certified to go another level in my life coaching work. One of the classes that I tiptoe in sometimes explores all things sensuality. While one of the other students and I were discussing the class (well, actually the instructor), we both talked about how surprising it was to learn that something as simple as breathing deeply can totally change how you feel about your looks, your sexuality and how you cope with stress.
That’s a big part of the reason why I personally think that, no matter how conservative or totally-out-of-the-box you might be about sex, being open to listening to a sex educator or influencer could prove to be beneficial on some level — and when it comes to our particular platform (and who it serves), particularly if they’re Black. Because if there’s one thing that the majority of us participate in, in some way, it’s sex. So, the more insights, perspectives, and tips that we’re given in this area, the more the experiences, overall, are able to potentially improve — and who doesn’t want that?
If you’re interested in checking out some sex influencers, last year, BuzzFeed published an article entitled “These 22 Black Sex Educators Are Changing The Way We Think And Talk About Sex” that can serve as a cool starting point.
9. Eco-Friendly Sex Toys
GiphyIt’s pretty much irrefutable that sex toys continue to grow in popularity. In fact, one more report says that by 2026, it will gross close to $55 billion bucks. So, if those are totally your thing and you want to be on-trend, make sure that you go with ones that are good for the environment. This would basically mean sex toys that are made from an ethical standpoint and with vegan ingredients. One company that carries those is The Natural Love Company.
Everyone here’s grown and can do whatever they want. However, while we’re on this topic, I just want to say that I was chatting it up with a friend of mine who said that one of his female friends told him that she had to basically go into detox over one of her vibrators. Why? Basically, because it caused her to orgasm so quickly and consistently that she found herself getting mad at her actual partner.
Yeah, that’s how “too much of a good thing” can turn around and bite you in the ass (no pun intended). While using sex toys to enhance intimacy is one thing, if it’s causing you to have a disconnect from actual human connection, think twice about adding more to your collection.
10. Libido-Inducing Supplements
GiphyA lot of us don’t eat as healthy (or consistently healthy) as we should. That’s just a fact of life. Thankfully, there are things like supplements that can help our systems to get the vitamins and minerals that we’re not receiving from our diet alone.
For whatever the reason, this year, supplements that can help to increase your sex drive are all the rage. Ones that top the list include:
Fenugreek: it increases testosterone levels in both men and women
Maca root: it helps to improve symptoms that are related to erectile dysfunction in men
L-arginine: it expands blood vessels which can give men harder and longer erections and intensify orgasms for women
Vitamin D: it can decrease vaginal dryness; especially in menopausal women
Saffron: it can improve your sex drive if you happen to be on an antidepressant
Magnesium: it can put you in a better mood, so that you can enjoy sex more
Zinc: studies show that a lack of it can result in lower testosterone levels
Those are just for starters yet have enough data to back them to give them a try. Just make sure that if you’re currently on a prescribed medication that you run adding a supplement into your diet by your doctor and that you follow the instructions on the label when it comes to taking them. Supplements can be pretty potent, sometimes not in a good way, if you’re not careful.
11. Emotional Intimacy
GiphyI live in Nashville (shout-out to Music City!) and so, I’ve been making it a point to try and entertain — although on some levels, it feels more like tolerate — the current season of Married At First Sight. Airris? Yeah…AIRRIS. I actually know some people who know him and they’ve been able to give me some insight on why it seems like he only has two channels: arrogance and horniness (and Twitter’s been letting him have it for it too).
Anyway, I didn’t even need to know the late bloomer scoop to catch that he hasn’t even begun to know how great sex can actually be because not only (according to him) has he never been in love before, he seems to not establish the greatest emotional connections with his sex partners either.
I hate that for him because, even the guys I know personally who are, let’s just say, quite active in these streets, they will vouch for the fact that sex is so much more fulfilling when it’s with someone you are emotionally connected to. And just for the record, let me run down seven signs that an emotional connection — mutually so — actually exists between two people:
- A strong chemistry is mutually there
- You know each other beyond the surface level
- You are open to meeting each other’s needs (not just in the bedroom either)
- There’s some sort of friendship established
- You enjoy each other’s company (even outside of sex)
- You’re consistently curious about each other
- Reciprocity is present
With articles and videos touching on the fact that hookup culture is getting really old (even I once wrote about how I’m not a fan of casual sex based on what “casual” actually and literally means; you can read it here), perhaps we’re seeing a turning of the tide. Maybe we’re remembering that sex is fun yet it can also be something special that transpires between two people. Hmm…just maybe.
12. Sexual Mindfulness
GiphyLast one. In the holistic wellness space, a word that comes up pretty consistently is “mindfulness.” The simplest way to define what it means to be mindful is you’re intentional about doing whatever is necessary to stay in the moment, be self-aware, and stay almost hyper-conscious of what’s around you.
If you really let all of this sink in, it makes perfect sense that sexual mindfulness would be quite effective and beneficial when it comes to sex because, the more in tune you are with your own body, your partner, and the space that’s around you, all without overly concerning yourself about time, that can make for a much more intense and satisfying sexual experience.
So, how can you do things that will make you more sexually mindful? When it comes to yourself, sex journaling (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”) and vaginal mapping (check out “Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey”) are great starting points. When it comes to amplifying sexual mindfulness with your partner, orgasmic meditation (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”) is a powerful way to go.
Whatever you choose, try and slow down, get still and really take each other in without any electronics around. Being fully “in” with your partner can tap you into an energy field that will take sex to a whole ‘nother level. Yeah…out of all of the sex trends for this year, this might be the best one. #wink
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Featured image by Nikada/Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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