So, here's the deal about store-bought lubricant. Oftentimes, when people think about using it, it's in reference to "treating" vaginal dryness or making sex easier post-menopause (when our vagina walls tend to be thinner and our natural lubrication isn't as much as it once was). However, as you're about to see in just a few minutes, it really doesn't matter how wet you're naturally able to get or how old you are, everyone should have at least a few tubes of lube in their possession — an oil-based kind for non-penetrative sexual stimulation; a water-based one for sexy toys (or if you or your partner's genitalia is naturally sensitive) and a silicone-based one for intercourse.
And just how can lubrication bring you hours of intense pleasure? I've got 10 ways, off the top of my head, below.
1. Massage Each Other with It
In the article, "12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.", something that I touched on is the benefits that come with couples massaging one another. For now, I'll just say that if you're looking for a way to de-stress while getting into the mood at the same time, pulling out some lubricant and rubbing each other with it is certainly a top way to go. In fact, an oil-based brand is great for this because of its texture and how easily it glides on skin, so definitely give it a try.
(Heads up, lube-based massages are really amazing if you put the bottle into a bowl of warm water first [microwaving lube isn't a good idea, no matter what kind you use]; that way, the cool temperature of the lube, straight out of the tube, won't get either of you temporarily out of the mood.)
2. Put It Inside of a Condom
Unless you're in a long-term committed relationship and (if you don't want to get pregnant) either he's had a vasectomy or you're on some form of birth control, there really is no reason to have sex without a condom (check out "10 Things You Should DEFINITELY Know About Condoms"). Not ever. And before you come at me with he doesn't like the way that they feel, I've got you covered on that too because, earlier this year, I wrote "10 Ways To Make Using A Condom So Much More Pleasurable" for the platform.
As far as lube goes, one of the ways to make condoms better is to put a little bit of lubrication inside of the condom before your partner puts it on. Not only will it make things wetter for him but, if you go with a brand that creates a bit of a tingling sensation, that can make him see wearing a rubber in a whole 'nother light, in the absolute best way possible, chile.
(By the way, for this tip, go with a lube that is silicone-based. Oil-based ones can melt condoms and water-based ones will usually dry out during acts like shower sex; plus, you constantly have to reapply them to in order to get more "slip".)
3. Give a Hand Job with It
One of the things that I adore about having male friendships (especially the kind of male friends that I have) is I can ask them, just about anything. When it comes to their feelings about hand jobs, most of them have told me that when it's not solely a substitute for fellatio and their partner uses quite a bit of coconut oil, it can be pretty pleasant. My vote would be to go with some silicone-based lube instead. It can be less messy and the slip is better, which means less friction for him, which means more pleasure for him too.
4. Dip Your Sex Toys into It
Speaking of slip, when's the last time you put some lubrication on your sex toys before you, umm, applied them? That can definitely make them feel more comfortable (especially if you've got any that require penetration). Just make sure that, in this case, you go with water-based lubricant instead of silicone. The reasons why are silicone (or oil-based) lubricants can make your toys feel greasy, can be difficult to clean off and can sometimes damage your toys over time.
5. Treat Flavored Lube Like Ice Cream
OK. I'm thinking that most of you were able to read in between the lines with this one. Anyway, there's a website called Let's Talk Sex that published an article last year entitled, "12 Best Flavored Lubes – Lick, Suck, Eat and Repeat". Whether you're new to giving head, it's not your favorite thing on the planet (if that's the case, check out "Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?") or you just want to switch things up a bit, putting some flavored lube onto his member can make licking it — or whatever you plan on doing to it — a lot more…pleasurable to your palate.
6. Ask Him to Put It on His Lips Before…Going Down
Speaking of pleasurable licking, if you've got a good lover on your hands (no pun intended), he's going to want to give, at least as much as he receives. This might mean that he's an eager kind of person, though. If that's the case and he's trying to "dive in" before you're as "ready" (eh hem, wet) as you want to be, have him put a little bit of favorite lube onto his lips before he gets ready to kiss your lower ones. He'll like the way the lube tastes and that will definitely speed up the process of getting things wetter, in a quicker amount of time, down below.
7. Put a Dollop on Your Erogenous Zones
In short, an erogenous zone is a part of your body that gets you aroused whenever it's stimulated on any kind of level. What's interesting about them, to me, is they really do vary, based on the individual (check out "So, What If 'Typical Erogenous Zones' Annoy TF Outta You?").
Anyway, whether it's your first time with someone, you're on a mission to charter some undiscovered erogenous zone territory (which is always fun) or you and your partner live by the motto "the wetter, the better," even during foreplay, pouring a little bit of lubricant onto your hands before touching on an erogenous zone is one way to cause non-penetrative orgasm or at least intensify foreplay, that much more.
8. Put It in Between Your Breasts and…
I'm a 36H. So yes, I've certainly had my fair share of men who've wanted to put their penis in between my girls. When I asked one of them what the thrill was, he said that it's more of a visual turn-on than anything. If that's how your partner feels too, this is another place where oil-based lubricant can be of service because it will provide the kind of slip that will significantly reduce his chances of experiencing any uncomfortable friction — if you know what I mean.
9. Give Him a Prostate Massage with It
Ah yes, the prostate massage. A couple of months ago, I wrote about it (check out "What In The World Is 'Prostate Milking'? And Chile, How Do You Do It?"). For now, I'll just say that if you — and he — are down to give it a shot but you'd prefer to use a finger cot (which is another name for finger condoms; Best Reviews Guide has a list of some of the best ones that are currently on the market here), apply some water or silicone-based lube onto them first and it should help to put everyone's mind should be at ease. Or, if you'd prefer to ease into the idea by giving your partner a lingam massage (check out "Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage"), that's another way to make an oil-based lube work for you.
10. Smear Some All over Prior to Intercourse
Why would anyone want to put lubricant all over their body? I mean, if you like shower sex, isn't that pretty much the same thing — only wetter? Personally, I can totally get the point of slathering some lubricant on and slip-sliding away in between the sheets. It's definitely a lot safer than risking falling down in the tub. Just make sure that you go with water lubricant (on the outside) because it's easy to clean up and won't stain your sheets. Now, what are you waiting for? Open up another browser and cop some lubricants, sis!
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at email@example.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
There’s nothing quite as humbling as navigating adulthood with no instruction manual. Since the turn of the decade, it seems like everything in our society that could go wrong has, inevitably, gone wrong. From the global pandemic, our crippling student debt problem, the loneliness crisis, layoffs, global warming, recession, and not to mention figuring out what to eat for dinner every night. This constant state of uncertainty has many of us wondering, when are the grown-ups coming to fix all of this?
But the catch is, we are the new grown-ups.
As if it happened without our permission, we became the new adults. We are the members of society who are paying taxes, having children, getting married, and keeping our communities afloat, one iced latte at a time. Still, there’s something about doing all these grown-up duties that feel unnaturally grown-up. Enter the #teenagegirlinher20s.
If there’s one hashtag to give you the state of the next cohort of adults, it’s this one. Of the videos that have garnered over 3.9M views, you’ll find a collection of users who are overwhelmed by life’s pressing existential responsibilities, clung to nostalgia, and reminiscent of the days when their mom and dad took care of their insurance plans.
no like i cant explain to her why i had to buy multiple tank air dupes from aritzia #teenagegirlinher20s #fyp
The concept of being a 20-something or 30-something teenager is linked to the sentiment of not feeling “grown up enough” to do grown-up things while feeling underprepared and even nihilistic about whether that preparation even matters.
It’s our generation’s version of when we ask our grandmothers how old they are and they simply reply with, “I still feel 45,” all while being every bit of 76 years old. In this, we share a warped concept of time while clinging to a desire for infantilization.
Granted, the pandemic did a number on our concept of time. Many of us who started the pandemic in our early or mid-20s missed out on three fundamental years of socialization, career development, and personal milestones that traditionally help to mark our growth.
Our time to figure out and plan our next steps through fumbling yet active participation was put on pause indefinitely and then resumed provisionally. This in turn has left many of us hanging in the balance of uncertainty as we try to make sense of the disconnect between our minds and bodies in this missing gap of time.
Because we’re all still figuring out what the ramifications of being locked away and frozen in time by a global pandemic will have on us as a society, there really is no “right” way of making up for lost time. Feeling unprepared for any new chapter of life is a natural rite of passage, pandemic or not. However, it’s important to not stay stuck in the last age or period of life that made sense to us because self-growth is the truest evidence of personal progress.
So whether you’re leaning on your inner child, teenager, or 20-something for guidance as you fill the gap between your real age and pandemic age, know that it’s okay to grieve the person you thought you would be and the milestones you thought you’d hit before you ever knew what a pandemic was. If there’s anything that the pandemic taught us, it’s that we have the power to reimagine a better world and life for ourselves. And if we tap into our inner teenager as a compass, we can piece together our next chapter with a fresh outlook.
Sure, we’ve lost a couple of years, but there are still some really amazing ones ahead.
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