So, here's the deal about store-bought lubricant. Oftentimes, when people think about using it, it's in reference to "treating" vaginal dryness or making sex easier post-menopause (when our vagina walls tend to be thinner and our natural lubrication isn't as much as it once was). However, as you're about to see in just a few minutes, it really doesn't matter how wet you're naturally able to get or how old you are, everyone should have at least a few tubes of lube in their possession — an oil-based kind for non-penetrative sexual stimulation; a water-based one for sexy toys (or if you or your partner's genitalia is naturally sensitive) and a silicone-based one for intercourse.
And just how can lubrication bring you hours of intense pleasure? I've got 10 ways, off the top of my head, below.
1. Massage Each Other with It
In the article, "12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.", something that I touched on is the benefits that come with couples massaging one another. For now, I'll just say that if you're looking for a way to de-stress while getting into the mood at the same time, pulling out some lubricant and rubbing each other with it is certainly a top way to go. In fact, an oil-based brand is great for this because of its texture and how easily it glides on skin, so definitely give it a try.
(Heads up, lube-based massages are really amazing if you put the bottle into a bowl of warm water first [microwaving lube isn't a good idea, no matter what kind you use]; that way, the cool temperature of the lube, straight out of the tube, won't get either of you temporarily out of the mood.)
2. Put It Inside of a Condom
Unless you're in a long-term committed relationship and (if you don't want to get pregnant) either he's had a vasectomy or you're on some form of birth control, there really is no reason to have sex without a condom (check out "10 Things You Should DEFINITELY Know About Condoms"). Not ever. And before you come at me with he doesn't like the way that they feel, I've got you covered on that too because, earlier this year, I wrote "10 Ways To Make Using A Condom So Much More Pleasurable" for the platform.
As far as lube goes, one of the ways to make condoms better is to put a little bit of lubrication inside of the condom before your partner puts it on. Not only will it make things wetter for him but, if you go with a brand that creates a bit of a tingling sensation, that can make him see wearing a rubber in a whole 'nother light, in the absolute best way possible, chile.
(By the way, for this tip, go with a lube that is silicone-based. Oil-based ones can melt condoms and water-based ones will usually dry out during acts like shower sex; plus, you constantly have to reapply them to in order to get more "slip".)
3. Give a Hand Job with It
One of the things that I adore about having male friendships (especially the kind of male friends that I have) is I can ask them, just about anything. When it comes to their feelings about hand jobs, most of them have told me that when it's not solely a substitute for fellatio and their partner uses quite a bit of coconut oil, it can be pretty pleasant. My vote would be to go with some silicone-based lube instead. It can be less messy and the slip is better, which means less friction for him, which means more pleasure for him too.
4. Dip Your Sex Toys into It
Speaking of slip, when's the last time you put some lubrication on your sex toys before you, umm, applied them? That can definitely make them feel more comfortable (especially if you've got any that require penetration). Just make sure that, in this case, you go with water-based lubricant instead of silicone. The reasons why are silicone (or oil-based) lubricants can make your toys feel greasy, can be difficult to clean off and can sometimes damage your toys over time.
5. Treat Flavored Lube Like Ice Cream
OK. I'm thinking that most of you were able to read in between the lines with this one. Anyway, there's a website called Let's Talk Sex that published an article last year entitled, "12 Best Flavored Lubes – Lick, Suck, Eat and Repeat". Whether you're new to giving head, it's not your favorite thing on the planet (if that's the case, check out "Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?") or you just want to switch things up a bit, putting some flavored lube onto his member can make licking it — or whatever you plan on doing to it — a lot more…pleasurable to your palate.
6. Ask Him to Put It on His Lips Before…Going Down
Speaking of pleasurable licking, if you've got a good lover on your hands (no pun intended), he's going to want to give, at least as much as he receives. This might mean that he's an eager kind of person, though. If that's the case and he's trying to "dive in" before you're as "ready" (eh hem, wet) as you want to be, have him put a little bit of favorite lube onto his lips before he gets ready to kiss your lower ones. He'll like the way the lube tastes and that will definitely speed up the process of getting things wetter, in a quicker amount of time, down below.
7. Put a Dollop on Your Erogenous Zones
In short, an erogenous zone is a part of your body that gets you aroused whenever it's stimulated on any kind of level. What's interesting about them, to me, is they really do vary, based on the individual (check out "So, What If 'Typical Erogenous Zones' Annoy TF Outta You?").
Anyway, whether it's your first time with someone, you're on a mission to charter some undiscovered erogenous zone territory (which is always fun) or you and your partner live by the motto "the wetter, the better," even during foreplay, pouring a little bit of lubricant onto your hands before touching on an erogenous zone is one way to cause non-penetrative orgasm or at least intensify foreplay, that much more.
8. Put It in Between Your Breasts and…
I'm a 36H. So yes, I've certainly had my fair share of men who've wanted to put their penis in between my girls. When I asked one of them what the thrill was, he said that it's more of a visual turn-on than anything. If that's how your partner feels too, this is another place where oil-based lubricant can be of service because it will provide the kind of slip that will significantly reduce his chances of experiencing any uncomfortable friction — if you know what I mean.
9. Give Him a Prostate Massage with It
Ah yes, the prostate massage. A couple of months ago, I wrote about it (check out "What In The World Is 'Prostate Milking'? And Chile, How Do You Do It?"). For now, I'll just say that if you — and he — are down to give it a shot but you'd prefer to use a finger cot (which is another name for finger condoms; Best Reviews Guide has a list of some of the best ones that are currently on the market here), apply some water or silicone-based lube onto them first and it should help to put everyone's mind should be at ease. Or, if you'd prefer to ease into the idea by giving your partner a lingam massage (check out "Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage"), that's another way to make an oil-based lube work for you.
10. Smear Some All over Prior to Intercourse
Why would anyone want to put lubricant all over their body? I mean, if you like shower sex, isn't that pretty much the same thing — only wetter? Personally, I can totally get the point of slathering some lubricant on and slip-sliding away in between the sheets. It's definitely a lot safer than risking falling down in the tub. Just make sure that you go with water lubricant (on the outside) because it's easy to clean up and won't stain your sheets. Now, what are you waiting for? Open up another browser and cop some lubricants, sis!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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Sheryl Lee Ralph On Why Living Separately From Her Husband Of 19 Years Works For Them
Sheryl Lee Ralph has always unapologetically been herself, and her approach to marriage is no exception to that rule.
In a recent PEOPLE cover story with Janine Rubenstein, the Abbott Elementarystar opened up about the unconventional marriage she and her husband, Vincent Hughes, have embraced since tying the knot in 2005: living separately. Vincent, a Democratic member of the Pennsylvania State Senate, resides in Philadelphia, while Sheryl's thriving career keeps her in Los Angeles as her home base.
“We also live in separate places,” Sheryl revealed to the publication. “When I go to see him, love to see him. When it’s time to leave, ‘Bye-bye. See you soon!’ I’m telling you, life is good. Perfect. I get to be the real good wife!”
Their unconventional setup allows them both to thrive in their respective careers while maintaining a strong union. “He has his own life. I have my own life,” she explained. “He has his own real career, I have my own real career. He has his light to stand in, I have my light to stand in. He’s not looking at me thinking about status or this or that. He’s doing his thing. I get to do my thing.”
Sheryl, who has two children from her previous marriage to Eric Maurice, shared that their decision to live separately stemmed from practical considerations. “You fall in love with somebody and you realize, he’s not leaving his career. He is not leaving Philadelphia. I’m not leaving Hollywood. And when you have children, you can’t just pick up your children and move across country,” she told PEOPLE.
She added, “So it just worked out that I was in California, he was in Philadelphia, and every two weeks we saw each other, and it worked out well, and it has continued to work out well. We will celebrate 20 years of marriage, thank you, and some people can’t even get through two. So, it’s all good.”
This isn’t the first time Sheryl has made it known that their marriage is nothing but solid. In 2023, xoNecole covered the actress set the record straight that she and her husband had moved in together full-time after nearly 18 years of a long-distance marriage. Speaking exclusively to E! News, Sheryl clarified, “It’s not true at all. If you’re going to write things, just try to get it close to right. We’ve been married 18 years and together 21 years.”
She further elaborated on their dynamic: “We live together on and off, in that I’m shooting Abbott Elementary in L.A. He is at the Capitol every week, so we see each other in between.”
While Sheryl's marriage continues to thrive, her career has also seen quite the "renaissance" thanks to the success of Abbott Elementary. “I’m in a show that is literally lightning in a bottle,” the Emmy winner shared with PEOPLE. “But it was not given to me. I worked towards this moment, and it took a young person to see and value the work and offer me this way forward. That doesn’t happen a lot, but it happened to me.”
Reflecting on the remarkable highs of her career journey, Sheryl recalled a moment foreshadowing what was to come from the late Cicely Tyson. “One day I was on a plane, and Cicely Tyson said, ‘Many great things are going to happen to you. Many, many, many,’” she said. “The elders have been good to me, and they would not be surprised.”
Just as Sheryl's career has flourished by her staying true to herself, her marriage has also reaped the benefits of doing what works best for them. The couple will celebrate 20 years of marriage this July. And for them, living apart reflects their ability to honor their individuality and personal ambitions while growing together.
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