The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant
So, here's the deal about store-bought lubricant. Oftentimes, when people think about using it, it's in reference to "treating" vaginal dryness or making sex easier post-menopause (when our vagina walls tend to be thinner and our natural lubrication isn't as much as it once was). However, as you're about to see in just a few minutes, it really doesn't matter how wet you're naturally able to get or how old you are, everyone should have at least a few tubes of lube in their possession — an oil-based kind for non-penetrative sexual stimulation; a water-based one for sexy toys (or if you or your partner's genitalia is naturally sensitive) and a silicone-based one for intercourse.
And just how can lubrication bring you hours of intense pleasure? I've got 10 ways, off the top of my head, below.
1. Massage Each Other with It
In the article, "12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.", something that I touched on is the benefits that come with couples massaging one another. For now, I'll just say that if you're looking for a way to de-stress while getting into the mood at the same time, pulling out some lubricant and rubbing each other with it is certainly a top way to go. In fact, an oil-based brand is great for this because of its texture and how easily it glides on skin, so definitely give it a try.
(Heads up, lube-based massages are really amazing if you put the bottle into a bowl of warm water first [microwaving lube isn't a good idea, no matter what kind you use]; that way, the cool temperature of the lube, straight out of the tube, won't get either of you temporarily out of the mood.)
2. Put It Inside of a Condom
Unless you're in a long-term committed relationship and (if you don't want to get pregnant) either he's had a vasectomy or you're on some form of birth control, there really is no reason to have sex without a condom (check out "10 Things You Should DEFINITELY Know About Condoms"). Not ever. And before you come at me with he doesn't like the way that they feel, I've got you covered on that too because, earlier this year, I wrote "10 Ways To Make Using A Condom So Much More Pleasurable" for the platform.
As far as lube goes, one of the ways to make condoms better is to put a little bit of lubrication inside of the condom before your partner puts it on. Not only will it make things wetter for him but, if you go with a brand that creates a bit of a tingling sensation, that can make him see wearing a rubber in a whole 'nother light, in the absolute best way possible, chile.
(By the way, for this tip, go with a lube that is silicone-based. Oil-based ones can melt condoms and water-based ones will usually dry out during acts like shower sex; plus, you constantly have to reapply them to in order to get more "slip".)
3. Give a Hand Job with It
One of the things that I adore about having male friendships (especially the kind of male friends that I have) is I can ask them, just about anything. When it comes to their feelings about hand jobs, most of them have told me that when it's not solely a substitute for fellatio and their partner uses quite a bit of coconut oil, it can be pretty pleasant. My vote would be to go with some silicone-based lube instead. It can be less messy and the slip is better, which means less friction for him, which means more pleasure for him too.
4. Dip Your Sex Toys into It
Speaking of slip, when's the last time you put some lubrication on your sex toys before you, umm, applied them? That can definitely make them feel more comfortable (especially if you've got any that require penetration). Just make sure that, in this case, you go with water-based lubricant instead of silicone. The reasons why are silicone (or oil-based) lubricants can make your toys feel greasy, can be difficult to clean off and can sometimes damage your toys over time.
5. Treat Flavored Lube Like Ice Cream
OK. I'm thinking that most of you were able to read in between the lines with this one. Anyway, there's a website called Let's Talk Sex that published an article last year entitled, "12 Best Flavored Lubes – Lick, Suck, Eat and Repeat". Whether you're new to giving head, it's not your favorite thing on the planet (if that's the case, check out "Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?") or you just want to switch things up a bit, putting some flavored lube onto his member can make licking it — or whatever you plan on doing to it — a lot more…pleasurable to your palate.
6. Ask Him to Put It on His Lips Before…Going Down
Speaking of pleasurable licking, if you've got a good lover on your hands (no pun intended), he's going to want to give, at least as much as he receives. This might mean that he's an eager kind of person, though. If that's the case and he's trying to "dive in" before you're as "ready" (eh hem, wet) as you want to be, have him put a little bit of favorite lube onto his lips before he gets ready to kiss your lower ones. He'll like the way the lube tastes and that will definitely speed up the process of getting things wetter, in a quicker amount of time, down below.
7. Put a Dollop on Your Erogenous Zones
In short, an erogenous zone is a part of your body that gets you aroused whenever it's stimulated on any kind of level. What's interesting about them, to me, is they really do vary, based on the individual (check out "So, What If 'Typical Erogenous Zones' Annoy TF Outta You?").
Anyway, whether it's your first time with someone, you're on a mission to charter some undiscovered erogenous zone territory (which is always fun) or you and your partner live by the motto "the wetter, the better," even during foreplay, pouring a little bit of lubricant onto your hands before touching on an erogenous zone is one way to cause non-penetrative orgasm or at least intensify foreplay, that much more.
8. Put It in Between Your Breasts and…
I'm a 36H. So yes, I've certainly had my fair share of men who've wanted to put their penis in between my girls. When I asked one of them what the thrill was, he said that it's more of a visual turn-on than anything. If that's how your partner feels too, this is another place where oil-based lubricant can be of service because it will provide the kind of slip that will significantly reduce his chances of experiencing any uncomfortable friction — if you know what I mean.
9. Give Him a Prostate Massage with It
Ah yes, the prostate massage. A couple of months ago, I wrote about it (check out "What In The World Is 'Prostate Milking'? And Chile, How Do You Do It?"). For now, I'll just say that if you — and he — are down to give it a shot but you'd prefer to use a finger cot (which is another name for finger condoms; Best Reviews Guide has a list of some of the best ones that are currently on the market here), apply some water or silicone-based lube onto them first and it should help to put everyone's mind should be at ease. Or, if you'd prefer to ease into the idea by giving your partner a lingam massage (check out "Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage"), that's another way to make an oil-based lube work for you.
10. Smear Some All over Prior to Intercourse
Why would anyone want to put lubricant all over their body? I mean, if you like shower sex, isn't that pretty much the same thing — only wetter? Personally, I can totally get the point of slathering some lubricant on and slip-sliding away in between the sheets. It's definitely a lot safer than risking falling down in the tub. Just make sure that you go with water lubricant (on the outside) because it's easy to clean up and won't stain your sheets. Now, what are you waiting for? Open up another browser and cop some lubricants, sis!
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Why We'll Probably Never Hear Lupita Nyong'o Share Her Relationship With The World
Lupita Nyong'o is sharing a transparent look into her life after a recent breakup.
In a cover story for NET-A-PORTER, the A Quiet Place: Day One star shed light on the significant heartbreak she experienced following the end of her relationship with ex-boyfriend and TV host, Selema Masekela.
As a public figure, Nyong'o, 39, sought to divulge the news of the breakup in hopes of presenting a more authentic perspective on the pain that follows a separation.
"I was living in a lot of pain and heartbreak," she told the publication. "I looked at the environment of my social media and thought I don’t want to be a part of this illusion that everything is always coming up roses. Surely there is a lesson for me to learn in this, and I just want to be real about it."
The Black Panther star went on to explain that her choice to be transparent with her fans about her breakup came from the certainty she felt after ending the relationship. “In my mind, when I shared my relationship status with the world, it was because I felt sure about it,” she said.
While she didn’t know how the news would land with her fans, she found relief in knowing she wasn’t alone in her experience.
“I knew how it could be interpreted; I knew it would have a life of its own,” she reflects. “But then I started to see the comments and people were being so loving and supportive. The ones that moved me the most were other people sharing their pain and their heartbreak.”
Nyong'o and Masekela went Instagram official in December 2022, publicly announcing their relationship in a couple's video. In October 2023, Nyong'o took to her personal Instagram account to share the news of her breakup in her caption, writing, "At this moment, it is necessary for me to share a personal truth and publicly dissociate myself from someone I can no longer trust.”
She continued the vulnerable note, "I find myself in a season of heartbreak because of a love suddenly and devastatingly extinguished by deception. I am tempted to run into the shadows and hide, only to return to the light when I have regained my strength enough for me to say, 'Whatever, my life is better this way.' But I am reminded that the magnitude of the pain I am feeling is equal to the measure of my capacity for love."
These days, Nyong'o tells NET-A-PORTER that she is prioritizing profound self-discovery that extends beyond her career. She notes having a deliberate and unhurried approach to understanding herself.
She also alludes to keeping her relationships private moving forward after noting it was "very, very sage" of her not to talk about her private life professionally in the days before her last relationship. "I'm going back to those days by the way," Nyong'o shares of her reinstated boundaries around her personal life.
Earlier this month, Nyong'o made headlines alongside her new boyfriend actor Joshua Jackson. Nyong'o and Jackson went through public splits from their respective SOs in October 2023, with the latter splitting from his long-time partner Jodie Turner-Smith following her divorce filing from the Dawson's Creek alum.
The pair have been spotted together as early as December 2023, but nothing screamed "couple" quite as loudly as their recent getaway to Mexico for Nyong'o's 41st birthday featuring passionate displays of affection.
"Our purpose in life is to love. And so you have to get back in it," she tells the outlet, seemingly alluding to her budding new romance.
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Featured image by Taylor Hill/Getty Images