

Here's How To Increase Vaginal Lubrication. Naturally.
So, before getting into how to naturally produce more vaginal lubrication, I think it's important to put on record that, when it comes to what comes out of our vagina, there's discharge, there's cervical fluid and then there's lubrication which typically happens whenever you're sexually aroused. Discharge (and to a certain extent, cervical fluid; they both tend to change somewhat throughout the month) is fluid that comes out of your vagina and consists of cells from your cervix and vagina, along with bacteria, mucus and water. Lubrication—you know, "getting wet"—is all about what happens when you're either strongly physically attracted to someone or you're in the act of foreplay. Today, we're gonna touch on how to keep the latter (sexual arousal-related fluids) flowing.
Foreplay is certainly one of the best ways to ensure that you are able to get and stay wet so that sex can be more comfortable and pleasurable for you. And, of course, there's definitely nothing wrong with using manufactured lubricant to get the job done. Still, it's also wise to keep in mind that there are things that you can do, health-wise, from the natural side of things, that can keep everything going…just as you would like it to too. So, if you're someone who lives by the motto "the wetter, the better" when it comes to sex, here are 10 ways that can help you with attaining this particular goal.
1. Drink More Water
Did you know that 75 percent of Americans are chronically dehydrated? That they only consume about 2 ½ cups of water each day? You can check out "10 Overlooked Signs That You're Dehydrated" to get a good idea of why being dehydrated tends to be so problematic. In the meantime, I'm pretty sure you can put two and two together as it relates to how not having enough H2O in your system can cause your vagina to become like the Sahara up in there. Drinking eight glasses of water each day is the traditional recommendation when it comes to staying properly hydrated. "She" will definitely thank you if you adhere.
2. Exercise 2-4 Times a Week
No matter how you're trying to improve your overall health and well-being, you're going to have a hard time finding an article that doesn't mention exercise as one way to do it. As far as lubricating your vagina is concerned, cardio, 2-3 times a week, for 20-45 minutes at a time, is great because it helps to get your blood circulation going. Your body needs this to happen because that's how your system gets the consistent oxygen and nutrients that it requires. Blood flow to your nether regions is important, especially when it comes to sexual arousal because it can intensify your orgasms. Plus, exercising also helps to keep your hormones balanced. The more balanced they are, the easier it will be for your vagina to get and remain lubricated. So, definitely make working out a part of your daily routine.
3. Take a Vitamin D Supplement
Because we've got melanin in us, it's more difficult for our bodies to produce Vitamin D. As a result, one study cites that as much as 76 percent of the American Black population is Vitamin D deficient. We need Vitamin D because it helps to strengthen our bones and muscles, helps to fight bodily inflammation and it can even assist in preventing type 1 and 2 diabetes. Not only that but there is more and more data coming out to support the fact Vitamin D that can also help to protect us—yes, Black people—from getting COVID-19. And just why does your vagina need it? Word on the street is, if you take Vitamin D in supplement form, daily, for eight weeks, you should notice less vaginal dryness and more lubrication.
Since Vitamin D is beneficial in so many other ways, it definitely can't hurt to give it a shot.
4. Also, Take a Vitamin E One While You’re at It
While we're on the topic of supplements, another one that you may want to take is Vitamin E. One of the best things about this particular vitamin is it's an awesome antioxidant that helps to protect your cells from experiencing damage. As it specifically relates to your vagina, Vitamin E has the ability to reduce vaginal atrophy-related issues. Vaginal atrophy is what happens when the walls of your vagina start to thin which can lead to dryness. In fact, the results of Vitamin E increase significantly when they are paired with Vitamin D, so hopefully that's the inspiration you need in order to take both.
5. Add Some Sea Buckthorn Oil to Your Regimen
Something that I try to do is provide a heads up on various things that may not be brought up often. In walks, sea buckthorn oil. Long story short, it's an oil that is extracted from berries that come from the sea buckthorn plant. It's actually an oil that is very popular in Ayurvedic and traditional Chinese medicines. Aside from being packed with antioxidants, sea buckthorn oil is full of mono and polyunsaturated fat which are healthy fats. This makes the oil good for your heart. It's also able to help to prevent diabetes, boost your immunity, protect your skin from UV damage, fight cancer cells and help to keep your liver in top condition. Sea buckthorn oil makes the cut in this article because it's so hydrating that it can help to relieve vaginal dryness over time. Taking it daily, for three months, should result in your experiencing noticeable improvements.
6. Consume Some Fatty Acids
Omega-3-6-9 are all considered to be fatty acids. Fatty acids are good for you because they help to build your cell membranes. Specifically, omega-3 fats can fight inflammation, strengthen your heart and decrease liver fat. Omega-6 can help to fight off chronic diseases. Omega-9 is one that your body naturally produces; it also fights off inflammation. If you eat foods that are high in omega-3 like fish, walnuts, and chia seeds and take an evening primrose oil supplement (something that I am a huge fan of) for your omega-6 fix (by the way, foods that contain this fatty acid include sunflower seeds, almonds, and cashews), they both can help to increase vaginal lubrication; especially if you're currently going through menopause.
7. Have Some Isoflavones
Sometimes vaginal dryness is the direct result of being lower in estrogen than you should be. One way to combat this particular issue is to consume more isoflavones which, at the end of the day, are nothing more than plant-based estrogen. Foods that contain soy have isoflavones in them. However, if you're not a big soy person, green peas, cherries, celery, peanuts, lima beans, chickpeas and flaxseeds contain a lower amount of isoflavones than soy does; still, they do have a good amount of isoflavones in them. Drinking some red clover tea or taking a red clover supplement is another route that you can take. Just make sure to run that one by your doctor first because sometimes red clover is so powerful that it can affect your birth control's potency.
8. Up Your Protein
Long story short, protein is a macronutrient that helps to build muscle mass. That's not all, though. Protein is necessary because our hair and nails are made up of protein. We also need protein to keep our bones strong, boost our metabolism, lower our blood pressure, repair body tissues and oxygenate our system.
Your vagina could use some protein because a lot of protein-based foods contain amino acids that produce collagen. Collagen helps to give your vagina more elasticity which improves your vagina's ability to produce more lubrication. Foods that are high in protein include red meat, poultry, fish, eggs and yogurt (also check out "Vegetarian Or Vegan? Check Out These High Protein Foods.").
9. Stand Up More Often
You know, there are a lot of articles out in cyberspace that basically say "sitting is the new smoking". One of the reasons why is because sitting for hours on end can affect our posture which can affect our blood circulation and I've already touched on how that can cause your vagina to produce less lubrication than it needs to. A remedy? Stand up more often throughout the day. On your breaks and during your lunch hour, get away from your desk and walk around a bit. Every 15-20 minutes or so, stand up and stretch for a couple of minutes. If you're conducting a meeting, opt for standing rather than sitting if you can. Standing is a simple way to get more blood flowing through your body which can help you from head-to-hip-to toe.
10. Manage Your Stress
Something else that can definitely get your hormones totally out of wack is stress. And again, when your hormones are all topsy-turvy, it can make vaginal lubrication so much more of a challenge. That's why it's important to get no less than 6-8 hours of sleep, to do things that you enjoy, practice self-care, chill out sometimes, and—oh, the irony—have sex. All of these things will keep you calm so that the juices can flow. Yes, sis. Quite literally.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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A dead bedroom can kill any relationship. In all long-term, committed relationships, couples experience various phases, from the initial passion to a more complex and enduring connection. Yet, as time passes, sex may decrease, which introduces an issue often referred to as "bed death."
According to Advance Psychology Partners, 'bed death' occurs when individuals in a committed relationship experience a decline in the frequency of sexual activity and fall short of the desires of both or either partner. It is sometimes labeled a "sexless relationship" due to the infrequency of sex. In the U.S., an estimated 20 million people find themselves in such relationships.
This shift is a significant change for couples. Let’s face it: no one wants to be in a sexless marriage or relationship. But how can couples effectively confront the impact of fading physical intimacy on the overall health of their enduring partnership?
"I have found that many factors influence one's desire to dive, and it is often not a majority of just one thing. Most people assume that if they don't desire [sex], they are no longer physically attracted, but in my experience, that has little to do with it most of the time," explained Brittanni Young, LMFT, CST.
"Some of the heavy contributors that I see most often include excessive goal orientation towards orgasm, people not prioritizing their own sexuality, and the landfill of ‘should’s’ that develop from toxic sexual scripts created long ago in upbringing," she added.
Furthermore, these issues are not exclusive to any particular orientation, but it does manifest differently.
Young is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sexologist, and board-certified sex therapist who practices in Georgia and Florida. She has worked in the sexology field for over a decade. Young helps couples and individuals looking to get through challenges of all facets facing sexuality and intimacy, such as desire mismatch, over-compulsion, and dysfunctions. She recently launched a deck of intimacy connection cards called "Show Me Your Cards." Young is working on another product that helps teach children to consent and negotiate appropriate touch. She sat down with xoNecole to discuss what causes the decline in the bedroom, the myth of 'lesbian bed death,' and recommendations on overcoming "bed death."
The Decline In Intimacy
Intimacy often dwindles within relationships, a phenomenon triggered by various factors such as stress, the insidious monotony of routine, and the toxicity of unresolved conflicts, to name a few. While couples manage daily life, exchanging intimate desires and concerns may take a backseat. Sadly, this gradually erodes the closeness once shared in the relationship.
"Typically, the first thing I do when working with a couple on desire challenges is rule out medical causes by referring them to their primary care physician or other provider they are working with," Young shared. "There are times when unmanaged or mismanaged conditions factor into low desire levels. Also, many medications can wreak havoc on keeping desire levels up, such as antidepressants, SSRIs, anti-anxiety, and blood pressure medications, to name a few."
Jeff Bergen/ Getty Images
"Next, I look at the state of the relationship. If there is dissatisfaction in the relationship, then it definitely affects how close and intimate one wants to be to another. There are also plenty of individual factors one can bring into the equation, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, feelings of shame or guilt around one's own sexuality, and external life stressors that can get in the way. I find that life stressors can be a big one for folks, as once you get in the habit of not prioritizing sex, it tends to stick," she added.
Fortunately, there are ways to prevent "bed death." It can involve prioritizing your wants and open communication about sexual needs.
"What tends to be effective for all couples is taking an inventory of how satisfied they are with their sexual behaviors and engagement. Being truthful in this vein can be the start of unlocking inhibitions that can keep you from seeking out and being genuinely vulnerable in intimate spaces," Young explained. "Next, I suggest opening up lines of communication around these truths. When people assume that nothing can be done, hope is lost."
The Myth Of 'Lesbian Bed Death'
The notion of "lesbian bed death" perpetuates a simplistic and inaccurate stereotype about the sexual dynamics within lesbian relationships. Contrary to the myth, the experience of a decline in intimacy is not universal among lesbian couples. The diverse spectrum of relationships among women challenges this oversimplified narrative, emphasizing that the complexities of sexual dynamics extend beyond stereotypical assumptions.
"The notion of 'lesbian bed death' is based on a research study done by Pepper Schwartz in 1983 that found that lesbian couplings fell behind in sexual frequency compared to heterosexual and gay male couplings," Young revealed.
"Several other studies [after] have replicated these findings but give very little information about sexual satisfaction. Despite there being more research needed overall in the sexuality field, more recent research did find that when it comes to the length of sexual encounters, lesbian couples had the longest duration of encounters. To that end, sexual quality over quantity is a better marker of satisfaction, and that is what I pay most attention to in my work. With that said, dissatisfaction can happen in all couplings over time," the sexologist continued.
Factors influencing reduced intimacy among lesbian couples may include communication challenges, societal pressures, and individual variations in libido. Menstruation can also play a role, with some couples navigating discomfort or hormonal changes during this period.
"There are certainly some nuances that come into play with lesbian couples that differ from heterosexual or other-oriented couples. As I stated earlier, physiological factors can factor into the rise and fall of libido. The hormone fluctuations that come from menstruation and menopause can impact desire levels, and it is double present in lesbian couples. Another nuance is the lack of a sexual script from society on lesbian sexual behavior. There are patriarchal roots to sexual research, which have created our societal norms that tend to leave out anyone who isn't heterosexual," Young stated.
Overcoming The Challenges
Westend61/ Getty Images
While 'bed death' challenges couples, solutions are within reach. By identifying and addressing the underlying causes, couples can rekindle the flame of intimacy and ensure a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
"In the words of Esther Perel, another sexual professional in the field, 'love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.' I recommend keeping it in the front of your mind, prioritizing, and keeping it interesting. Be open to learning more about your own sexuality every day, as well as your partner. You are always growing; what worked for you 20 years ago may not be the same today. Stay curious with one another and be open to exploring new ways to pleasure. You deserve it," Young said.
For instance, Young advised that couples should "keep sexual encounters light and playful." And not be afraid to introduce new elements, such as toys.
"Touch often in ways that are consensual and feel safe! I made 'Show Me Your Cards' to serve this purpose specifically. Just because you do not feel in the mood to go all the way does not mean you aren't in the mood to hold hands, exchange body massages, or dance together. Connecting often in any physical form, as long as it feels pleasurable, still counts as 'being in the mood,'" she said.
Overcoming the hurdles of "bed death" and debunking myths surrounding 'lesbian bed death' offers a unique perspective for couples grappling with the difficulties of sustaining a connection. Learning the proper ways to work through a sexless relationship can help foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
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