"More men should get their bootyhole played with." That's a word to a good friend during a candid girl talk. And though the language is probably not the best for introducing your partner to the idea of giving him a prostate massage, as a cishet woman, I have also come to realize it's sometimes our own colonial ideas around masculinity that keep us from opening the floor for discussions around acts such as giving prostate massages. Or, in some cases, what makes it a difficult topic for men to broach within their partnerships.
For everything men are open to trying during sex, it's very rarely "butt stuff", especially when it comes to their own anus or that vicinity. Despite the fact that their version of the G-spot, called the P-spot, is located in their anus, the approach that most men take is: so what if the prostate massage is the golden gate that unlocks potentially better orgasms?
But I imagine that there are more than enough men who have expressed (whether internally or externally) some curiosity along with their uncertainty, whether it be through sharing fantasies or not totally shutting down when put on the table. At least that it what I have found in my observations during my brief time as a sex educator. I've also noticed that when Black and brown men reach a certain tax bracket, they are less afraid to express fantasies and desires that might otherwise stray from the typical ideals of masculinity. Which makes sense (but is also a different topic for a different day). Nevertheless, where's the fun in life if we're waiting to become the next 50 Cent before we begin to explore our sexuality through new experiences?
So, the only question that remains is, how do you put all your cards on the table while providing a comfortable and safe space for introducing the topic and act of prostate massages?
We spoke with Sex and Pleasure Educator, Luna Matatas for the specifics on prostate massages for Black and brown men who in many instances hold hegemonic views regarding their masculinity and thus their sexuality. While a guide like this might normally dive right in and give you the steps to the actual massage, any sex educator will tell you the communication and consent around any act is the very first step in all actuality. You want to create a safe space because men are deserving of that respect. And ladies, from our own experiences, we know all too well what a difference it makes when comfort and communicativeness are standards held in the bedroom.
Matatas provides a number of ways we can hold space for any and all feelings that might come up while introducing the idea of prostate massages with your partner.
How Can I Introduce A Prostate Massage To My Partner?
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- Talking about prostate pleasure in a way that is curious, exploratory and doesn't have an end goal, like penetration, can be a good way to hold space for any feelings like shame or guilt we have when talking about pleasure.
- Bring up prostate pleasure when talking about other fantasies or sexy things, like G-spots, kissing, massages, sex toys, is a great way to talk about overall erogenous zones on the body. You can talk about ones that are under-explored, like the prostate and erogenous zones that are under-serviced like earlobes and necks or backs. Create a pleasure exploration package of the erogenous zones you might be interested in exploring. Talk about each one in terms of what makes you excited and what makes you anxious or insecure.
- Look at sex toys online together and make a list of the toys you're both curious about using on yourselves and each other.
- Be upfront, own your uneasiness — we ALL have uneasiness around aspects of sex — body shame, performance anxiety, guilty fantasies. Putting it out there can be an opportunity for a partner to be empathetic, reassuring and share their own uneasiness.
- Playing with knuckles and massaging the perineum is a great way to give a gentle massage to the prostate without penetration. This can be done while pleasure is happening to other parts of the body like the penis or testicles.
- Last but not least, for the men who might be reading along, playing with your prostate on your own during masturbation is also a great way to get comfortable with what your body does during prostate pleasure, what pressure or stimulation feels good and what doesn't.
How To: Your Ultimate Guide To Giving Someone A Prostate Massage
Now that all the formalities are out the way, let's get into how to give a prostate massage. All of our teenage lives we mastered the art of handjobs and as young adults we've all but been trained up for the blowjob olympics. So how do we weave all of the gems dropped here to deliver on a fire ass (no pun intended) prostate massage? Step by step, Luna Matatas breaks it down for us, here:
Step 1: Get into a comfortable position - try lying on your stomach with a pillow under your pelvis. If you want to be able to watch your partner, lie on your back and prop up your pelvis with a pillow to give a better angle.
Step 2: Stimulate the butthole first - warm up the external nerve endings to relax the anus and the person
Step 3: Go slow, use lots of lube and check in with each other - faster, slower? Harder, softer?
Step 4: Add pleasure to parts of the body that you know enjoy stimulation. (Not all penises get erect during prostate pleasure and not all prostate massages result in ejaculation. It's OK to just enjoy the relaxing sensation, a new way to explore pleasure or prostate play on the way to other types of sexy things.)
Step 5: Use lube and massage the butthole with your thumb or knuckles as if you were pressing it like a doorbell, no pressure to penetrate at this point.
Step 6: When your partner is ready, you can gently slide the tip of the finger in at an angle towards the front of the body (towards the belly button). Straight up penetration can feel jarring, so we want to creep into the butthole from the bottom and then inwards. Picture having your thumb against the butthole and gently bending it inwards with lots of lube.
Step 7: Once inside, you can circle the anal canal gently, check in with your partner, add more lube.
Step 8: Then start to bend your finger towards the anterior part of the anus (think about heading towards the back of the testicles) and gently massage back and forth or in circles until you find an area that feels more sensitive for your partner. For your finger, it might feel firmer. Curve your finger tip towards the front of the body and increase pressure to find the right spot.
Step 9: Prostates like firm and continuous pleasure, so try circles, swiping side to side or light tapping — all in small movements and see which one your partner's body enjoys. Experiment with speed, slow it down and pair it with eye contact, dirty talk or using your other hand to add pleasure somewhere else if that feels good.
The Best Lube For Prostate Massages
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Once you've had the dialogue and consent has been provided, you want to put more emphasis on the physical comfort. This is where ensuring that you and your partner are using lubricant comes in.
If you've ever tried anal play without lube, you're well aware that it can be easy to write it off afterwards (understandably so). Anal play without lube can cause the skin to break or tear. And to this Matatas further elaborates by explaining, "The anus isn't self-lubricating, like the vagina, so lube is a must." If you're normal, you might feel overwhelmed by the world of lube readily available on the shelves of the internet (without the guidance of a salesperson), but don't worry Matatas has you covered there as well. She adds, "You want to use a thick and long-lasting lube; silicone lubes are great and so are thick water-based lubes. Don't forget to re-apply during penetration, sometimes we lubricate at the start, but forget to re-apply once we get going! Using lube creates a silky smooth texture in the rectum that makes penetration more pleasureable and less likely to cause damage to the anal tissue."
Now, should you be using toys at any point during the prostate massage, Luna recommends using a water-based lube for silicone toys. However, "If they have a favorite silicone toy and like silicone lube, throw a condom on the toy." I will also add that if you're planning on taking this to the shower at any point, water lube should be switched out for a silicone lube.
Sex Toys For Prostate Massages
If you are, in fact, looking to incorporate toys into the prostate massage that you're providing, according to Matatas, "Check out prostate sex toys — with or without vibration, they are shaped in a way that makes it easy for you or a partner to reach the prostate."
In fact, this might actually be a nice change of pace as she further states, "Prostates also like firm and continuous stimulation - and sometimes fingers can't provide enough firmness or they get tired." Matatas adds, "Smaller, smooth, rounded tip butt plugs with flared bases are great for anyone who is just started to explore anal penetration and can help train the anus to take penetration more easily over time. You can put in a butt plug while your partner is doing other sexy things you already are familiar with like oral or kissing, and this will warm up the anus for more direct prostate play later on."
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Ananda Lewis Clarifies Why She Didn't Get A Mastectomy & Says She's Doing 'Better' After Stage IV Breast Cancer Diagnosis
Former MTV VJ Ananda Lewis received a lot of backlash from online critics after sharing she decided to forgo a double mastectomy. But there's more to the story.
Ananda was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer in 2019, and during a recent round table discussion with CNN's Stephanie Elam and Sara Sidner, she revealed that she decided not to get a double mastectomy and, now, she has stage IV cancer.
Following that interview, she clarified why she did not get the surgery. “The circumstances were not conducive to surgery because my tumor wasn’t aggressively growing at the time, and then COVID hit,” Ananda told The Epoch Times.
She opted for a cryoablation treatment instead, which uses extreme cold to destroy the cancer cells.
Another thing the 51-year-old wanted to clarify was whether she was dying. She said she is not. “Nothing happened. Today, I am fantastic. I may have felt like I was dying in February, but I’m not dying, and I’m definitely doing better than I was last October,” she said.
She is focused on taking care of herself and getting a "good 20 more years out of this body." She follows a keto diet and avoids alcohol, white flour and white sugar.
During the CNN roundtable discussion, the mother of one shared that she had an integrative approach to her treatment, which included traditional medicine and homeopathy methods such as red light therapy.
“My plan at first was to get out excessive toxins in my body. I felt like my body is intelligent, I know that to be true. Our bodies are brilliantly made,” she said.
“I decided to keep my tumor and try to work it out of my body a different way,” she continued. “Looking back on that, I go, ‘You know what? Maybe I should have.’
Ananda also admitted that she wasn't prioritizing early detection, such as getting mammograms. The former talk show host's mom also had breast cancer and chose to go the conventional route, which influenced her to go a non-traditional route.
As a content creator, Ananda uses her social media to inform others on the things she's learned about obtaining good health such as toxic items to through out of your pantry and the many benefits of water.
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