If you are a diehard fan of the movieLove Jones, I'm sure you can quickly recall the scene when Darius said that when people say that the romance is dead, what they're really saying is that they've exhausted the possibilities. Agreed. That's why, whenever someone tells me that their sex life has hit a wall, I basically think the same thing. If the attraction and connection are still intact (and yes, those two things are key), I firmly believe that a couple can maintain the kind of sex life that is as fresh and exciting as the first year that they started gettin' it in. The key is to make passion a priority, to state your sexual needs (and wants), and to not be afraid to try new things—not just at Christmas or for birthdays either. Do it as much as possible.
As far as trying something new goes, boy, do I have something for y'all. Well, for him. Actually, if you do it right, it will ultimately be for the both of you. It's called a lingam massage and, with the pun totally intended here, it's one of the easiest and sexiest ways to get—and keep—your man hard. And happy. And from being anything but bored in your sexual relationship.
What Exactly Is a Lingam Massage?
Ah, the lingam massage. So, let's start with what lingam even means. I wouldn't be shocked in the least if you've heard the word "yoni", at least once this week already.
You probably know that it's referring to your vagina, but did you know the origin of the word itself? It's actually a Sanskirt word, and just like vagina has its own term, so does the penis. A penis is a lingam which also means "wand of light".
In the world of tantra, a man is encouraged to see his member as a literal wand of light that is able to perform supernatural acts (sounds pretty reasonable to me). Well, when it comes to massaging a light wand, the ultimate objective is to relax, then stimulate, then encourage intense multiple orgasms from your male partner. Some sex experts refer to this as a form of foreplay while others see it as an edging technique. Either way, it's great when it comes to you becoming (even more) comfortable and familiar with your partner's lingam. It's also really effective if you want him to feel treasured, pampered, esteemed and desired. I'd venture to say that all good lovers want this for their partner, right?
First, a Refresher Course on (a Part of) a Man’s Anatomy
As far as we, the actual massagers go, performing a lingam massage can be an excellent way to refamiliarize ourselves with the lower part of a man's anatomy. Why is this necessary? In order to give the best kind of lingam massage, all parts of "the wand" need to be catered to. This includes the base of a man's penis, his shaft, the head and, if he is uncircumcised, his foreskin (which is considered to be highly-sensitive). His testicles are important too, although they tend not be the main focal point for this particular kind of massage. They have their own kind of massage. We'll get into that at another time.
The base is what's closest to a man's pubic bone and perineum (the front area of his anus which is closest to his scrotum which holds his testicles). If a man is circumcised, he will have something that is known as the corona; it's the small ridge that separates his shaft from the head of his penis (if a man is uncircumcised, this ridge will be covered up). A man's head (or glans) is the tip of his penis; it's also where his urethral opening is (where urine and also sperm come out). If you want to give your man a stellar lingam massage, all of these parts must be tended to.
How to Prep for a Lingam Massage
I think that all of us can agree that in order for mind-blowing sex to transpire, there needs to be trust between both individuals.
With that in mind, before hitting your man up with a "How 'bout a lingam massage?" text, it's important to never forget how vulnerable this type of massage can make a man feel; especially if he lets you explore his perineum. That's why it's essential to set the right kind of atmosphere on the front end.
In other words, asking him to strip in your brightly lit living room in the middle of a television show is probably not the best approach.
Instead, take him to the bedroom. Dim the lights or, even better, light some scented soy candles (some smells that are both calming as well as relaxing include lavender, bergamot, clary sage and jasmine). Put on some music that is soothing and/or sensual to him (there's nothing wrong with asking him what playlist he'd prefer). Put on something that he loves to see you in, even if that is absolutely nothing at all (the skin-to-skin approach can make things even more erotic). Make sure that he places his head on a comfortable pillow; one that you might want to sprinkle with a little lavender essential oil so that he's able to relax even more. And finally, make sure that you have some water-based lube and some warm massage oil—both are what will take a lingam massage to the very next level. If you'd prefer to make both (just so you can feel good about all of the ingredients you are using), click here for some DIY lube recipes and here, here and here for some DIY massage oil ones.
How to Perform a Lingam Massage
Now that the mood has been properly set, let's get into the steps of how to perform a successful lingam massage:
- Have your partner sit in an upright position on the side of the bed. Then kneel down in front of him.
- Pour some of the lubricant into your hand. Warm it up a bit by rubbing your hands together for about 30 seconds or so.
- Gently take hold of his penis with one hand and apply the lubricant down his shaft with the other.
- As you get closer to his actual pubic bone, make small circular motions.
As you both become more comfortable, you can:
- Use one of your hands to caress the base of his penis and you use the other to stroke his shaft, up to his head and back down to the base again.
- Massage the tip of his penis with your thumb and index finger.
- Interlock your fingers (similar to when you're about to say a prayer) and stroke his shaft up and down.
- Use your thumb and fingers to massage his frenulum which is the part of the penis that is right underneath the head.
- Throughout all of these techniques, encourage your partner to take slow and deep breaths; this will help to intensify the sensations that he feels.
- As he becomes even more comfortable and relaxed, ask if you can give him a gentle and surface perineal massage. All you need to do is use the tip of your fingers to very gently caress his perineum (make sure to keep your nails out of the way).
- Either continue the massage until he climaxes or "edge him on" (bring him to that point) and then transition into intercourse.
Do these things while sharing with your partner what you find to be special and appealing about him as a whole. As you're speaking, make sure that you not only concentrate on his shaft, but all of the parts that we discussed earlier. It will remind you that a lingam massage is not about "jacking him off"; it's about celebrating him and his penis. It's about making him feel safe, desired and honored. How could a man not have, at least a couple of orgasms, in this type of setting?
The more research that I do on lingam massages, the more I see that it truly is an act that reminds partners of how sex is not just a sexual but a spiritual act as well; that our genitalia is sacred in every way—and should be treated as such.
Hmph. Something tells me that a few fellas are gonna be some happy campers tonight. No need to thank us. When it comes to making sure your sex life stays on-point, we've got you covered, sis. Always.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male And Female Orgasm
I Asked 10 Men What Turned Them On. This Is What They Said.
Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm
More Single Men Are "Pulling Out" Than Ever. That's Why You Should Read This.
Feature image by Shutterstock
Did you know that xoNecole has a podcast? Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to join us for weekly convos over cocktails (without the early morning hangover.)
The Libra woman is looking for her equal in love, someone who is willing to put in the same effort she is, and the Aries man sees Libra as someone he is willing to do that with.
The Love Compatibility Of A Libra Woman And An Aries Man
What attracts a Libra woman and an Aries man to each other?
There is a magnet of attraction pulling these two together, and things tend to move pretty fast in this relationship. The Libra woman is always open to love and her charming nature rarely has any challenges here. The Aries man fights for his independence and doesn’t sacrifice that unless he is completely enamored with someone.
Once the Aries man catches the eye of the Libra woman, he is typically the one to make the first move and this instantly wins the approval of Libra.
These two feel like they have known each other forever when they meet, and this spark between them doesn’t die down easily.
Hero Images Inc/Getty Images
What is the relationship like between a Libra woman and an Aries man?
The relationship between the Libra woman and the Aries man is one of balance and excitement. The Aries man tends to take on the more dominant role in this relationship and the Libra woman tends to be the more receptive one. Aries is ruled by masculine Mars, and Libra is ruled by feminine Venus. They understand they are coming from two completely different worlds, yet they also instinctively feel this underlying connection to each other and like they could be something each other needs in their lives.
The Libra woman can rely on the Aries man, and the Aries man never has to ask for the love that Libra already knows he needs.
This is a couple that is often reading each other’s minds and wanting to do a lot of the same things. However, not everything is rainbow in this relationship as well, and there are some major differences they have to overcome to make things work. One argument can lead to an explosion between these two, and addressing things when they come up rather than sweeping them under the rug, will be needed to make this relationship long-term.
What is the sex like between a Libra woman and an Aries man?
The sex between a Libra woman and an Aries man is adventurous. These are two cardinal signs with plenty of energy and stamina to keep things exciting in the bedroom. There tends to be a good give and take in this relationship, and their yin and yang energy benefits them when it comes to their sex life.
There is electricity felt between the two of them in this area of their life, and their power of attraction to each other is strong. These are two people who will want to do a lot of things together, including exploring sexually together.
The Aries man will have to be careful with being overly aggressive, however, as the soft Libra woman may not like this energy- it will completely depend on the two individuals at hand. The Libra woman wants to ease into things, the Aries man wants to get going right away. Learning about each other's bodies, and energy, and reading each other’s cues will help with this.
Petri Oeschger/Getty Images
What makes a relationship between a Libra woman and an Aries man work?
These two genuinely like each other, and that basis is a key factor for success in any relationship. The Aries man is straight to the point, direct, and inspired. The Libra woman admires these characteristics in others, as she is often herself finding her balance in this type of energy as well. Neither sign is overly emotional in a way that turns them off, and they both require a lot of the same things in a committed relationship. They want honesty, fun, good communication, passion, and to be moving towards a common goal together.
The Libra woman and Aries man don’t have a problem being real with each other and this is something they really value within the relationship. They are both very charming, and there is plenty of flirtation and attraction to keep this relationship going. Aries being the protector they are, Libra finds a sense of safety and ease in this energy, and like they have found their match. Overall, this is a well-balanced relationship and one where they don’t have a problem when it comes to compatibility or chemistry in the relationship.
What may cause a Libra woman and an Aries man to break up?
Libra is the lover, Aries is the fighter, and this energy may be tiring for the both of them after time. The Libra woman can be passive to a fault, and the Aries man who is not evolved, may take advantage of that. She will need to be careful with putting Aries’ needs above her own, creating resentment later down the road. The Aries man loves a challenge, and the Libra woman would be up for that game for a little bit, but if she is not being met in the middle, she will begin to look for other places. These two can have a difficult time keeping the peace in the relationship, and there could be a lot of arguments and disagreements here if they both aren’t willing to put their egos or self-pleasing attitudes to the side.
The Libra woman and Aries man are both more sensitive than they appear or come off as. They are also not necessarily the type to dive deep into their emotions and express them to others, even in their relationships. However, this energy can keep the relationship to a surface level than what is needed to progress and grow the relationship, and a sense of openness is required for this couple to work. Libra needs romance, she wants to be wowed. Aries needs to remember this and to always consider her love language.
Summary
Overall, this is a successful pairing. They will have their fair share of challenges in the relationship, but nothing they can’t overcome if they are willing to. The trouble will come in when it comes to the longevity of the relationship, keeping Aries excited and Libra in love. However, all in all, there is more power, attraction, and love to keep this relationship together rather than apart. No relationship is perfect, but this one is a little more blessed than most.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Weekend Images Inc./Getty Images
