Whew. OK. I'm already gonna tell y'all that some of you have men who are gonna shut this entire conversation down, the very moment that you dare to bring it up. The reason why is because, there are some guys who struggle with anything that has to do with their anal region being toyed with (even though they'll find a way to be all up in ours, if/when we let them) — and that's kind of unfortunate. The reason why I say that is because, when it comes to them experiencing an orgasm that is truly on a whole 'nother level, giving their prostate some attention is going to be required.
As a lot of us learned in anatomy class, the prostate is a walnut-sized gland that is located below your bladder and right in front of your rectum, although it should go on record that a woman's prostate is typically referred to as the Skene's glands (they're what help to lubricate your urethra, produce antimicrobial substances to prevent UTIs and secrete mucus-containing fluids to your genital region so that sexual intercourse is more pleasurable). For men, the prostate produces fluid that supports and transports sperm and semen. For both men and women, at the end of the day, the prostate is where our G-spot is housed. And you know what that means, right? #wink
Now that we've gotten the science of the prostate out of the way, let's touch on what it means to milk it, why every man should be open to trying it (at least once), and how you should go about doing it. Take a deep breath. Ready?
What Is Prostate Milking?
Something tells me that some of you were already able to figure out what prostate milking was, just from the intro alone.
The bottom line is prostate milking is what happens when you intentionally massage a man's prostate gland until some milky fluid is produced from that particular part of his body. Back in the day (the 19th century), physicians used to do it in order to treat an inflamed prostate. These days, it's seen as a way to encourage men to have a more pleasurable sexual experience.
Something that's pretty fascinating about prostate milking is, just like men can ejaculate and not have an orgasm (it's amazing how many men and women don't seem to know this), there is actually a difference between prostate fluid and semen as well. See, when a man ejaculates, what he's releasing is a combination of sperm, prostate fluid and other fluid that helps to serve as a lubricant (it can help to neutralize your vagina's acidic levels).
On the other hand, prostate milking simply releases the fluids that are housed within his prostate. This is important to keep in mind because 1) prostate milking isn't the same as ejaculate and 2) not all men ejaculate during the prostate milking process. Truth be told, not all of them have an orgasm with the milking process either, especially when they are first trying it out; however, prostate milking certainly ups the ante of them having a really powerful one which brings me to my next point.
Why Does Every Man Need It?
OK, so why does every man need to experience prostate milking, at least once in their life? Again, for an unbelievable orgasm! And here's why. Did you know that approximately 1 in 4 men fake orgasms? Did you also know that only 10 percent of men in their 20s and seven percent of men in their 30s and over never experience multiple orgasms? So yes, while men do typically orgasm more than we do, that doesn't mean that they couldn't stand to have more and better ones and possibly even a few multiples along the way.
Prostate milking helps to make that possible.
Prostate Milking: How Do You Actually Do It?
So, what if you're super curious about prostate milking and you're somehow actually able to convince your partner to give it a shot? How do you go about doing it? Good question.
First, take a shower together. Oftentimes, knowing that there won't be any, well, surprises down there can ease the stress/tension/overthinking for both you and your partner. It can also make you both more relaxed and put you into a sensual mood.
Create the right ambiance. If this is your partner's first time, they're not going to want to feel like they are experiencing a routine prostate exam. Dim the lights. Play some nice music. Light a scented soy candle. Toss back a couple of drinks. Even have some light conversation to get their mind off of things. Because there continues to be such a stigma with anal pleasure when it comes to straight men, you need to help him to loosen up.
Have some lube nearby. Lube makes things wetter and easier which always makes things better in the long run — for all parties involved.
Encourage him to get into a position that he's comfortable in. For a lot of men, this is while they are on their side with a pillow in between their legs. Being on their back with their legs propped up can sometimes cause them to feel incredibly self-conscious. Either way, encourage him to do whatever feels the least uncomfortable.
Prepare for light insertion. With lube generously applied to his anal area and your finger (watch those nails), gently caress his anus. As his sphincter begins to relax, try inserting the tip of your finger. Then make it go into small circles, slightly pulling back and then re-entering, only as your partner becomes more comfortable with you doing so.
Pay attention to when you've hit your "mark". And just how will you know when you've gone deep enough? His prostate should be no more than 2-3" inside of his anus. One way to get his mind off of the fact that you are going further in is to either manually stimulate his penis or to get him into a position where you can massage his prostate and perform fellatio at the same time.
Once you feel "the walnut", stop stimulating his penis and become more intentional about massaging his prostate. One of the most effective ways to do it is by signaling "come here" with your index finger, again, ever so gently. If you continue to do this while kissing or dirty talking, it can send waves throughout him that will culminate in a very intense orgasm — sometimes multiple ones — and quite a bit of prostate fluid and, at the end, ejaculate.
Some say that it can be double the amount of ejaculate that a man normally has, so definitely be prepared for that. He might pull a Marcus (from Boomerang when he got turned out by Jacqueline), so definitely be prepared for that too. #doublewink
So, there you have it. Like I said in the beginning, it's kind of an acquired taste yet it would be a shame of your partner missed out on some really excellent sexual stimulation simply because prostate milking was never introduced into the conversation. So, why not bring it up? The worst he can say is "no". Oh, but if he's down…it could be somewhat life changing. And how dope is that?
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
There’s people who perform songs, and then there’s performers, and let me tell you something: Victoria Monét is a PERFORMER. I first fell in love with her as an artist after hearing her hit song “Moment,” and then when her album JAGUAR was released in 2020, I was hooked. JAGUAR was one of those albums that I kept on repeat as I and the rest of the world were going through the motions of being in a pandemic. I remember watching her perform her single “Jaguar” from the album on her YouTube channel, and the way she performed so effortlessly with such confidence, I knew I had to see her live.
Luckily, I got the opportunity. Along with dropping JAGUAR II, which features the viral single “On My Mama,” Victoria also announced The Jaguar Tour, and as soon as the tickets dropped, it quickly sold out. I attended her Atlanta show at the Buckhead Theatre, and besides being met with a sea of concertgoers from wall to wall, my ears were immediately hit with a beautiful voice from none other than Alex Vaughn, who opened for the mother of one. Once Alex finished her set, it was time for the main event.
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
As soon as Victoria stepped on stage, it was hers. She commanded the room with her sultry voice and hypnotic dance moves, performing songs from albums JAGUAR I and II and previous projects such as Life After Love, Pt. 1. Fans were singing her songs word for word to the point where, at times, you no longer heard her singing. However, it was clear that she was in a room filled with love and support, and she also showed it back on stage. The singer rarely took breaks in between songs and dazzled fans with her smooth moves that is reminiscent of the legendary Janet Jackson.
One of my favorite moments was when she performed “Cadillac (A Pimp’s Anthem).” She dressed in a trench coat and fedora, complete with her pimp cane, and another big moment was when she performed “Stop (Askin’ Me 4Shyt)”. Overall, it was nice to vibe out to live performances of some of my personal faves like “Ass Like That,” “How Does It Make You Feel,” “Alright,” and “Big Boss.” In a recent cover story for Galore, Victoria revealed what she hopes concert attendees walk away with.
“On tour, I really wanna give people the best version of Victoria on stage, better than I’ve ever been before. I’m hoping people have the time of their life at the show,” she said. After working behind the scenes as a songwriter for so long, the California native now has all eyes on her, and it’s clear she was ready for this moment.
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Feature image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images