

The G Spot: Activating Your Inner Sex Goddess With Crystal Wands
'Tis the season of sensuality, pleasure, and self-indulgence with hella planets in Taurus right now, placing an emphasis on our physical, earthly experience. This energy encourages us to get embodied by enjoying the sensory experience of life like basking in mother nature, enjoying your favorite comfort foods and having a whole lot of sex (cues Megan Thee Stallion's Fever).
When most people think of sex, they likely imagine a passionate exchange between two people; however, we can't overlook the importance of practicing acts of self-pleasure, which can be equally beneficial as a shared experience with a partner.
As taboo as masturbation is, for whatever reason, there are many benefits to being more intentional about including this practice in your self-care routine. According to Planned Parenthood, "Masturbation can release sexual tension, reduce stress, help you sleep better, improve your self-esteem and body image, help treat sexual problems, relieve menstrual cramps, etc…" Not only is masturbation good for your physical health but it can also help you strengthen your relationship with self by giving you the chance to explore yourself, what you like, and don't like.
Developing greater body awareness can make it easier for you to communicate your needs with your sexual partner.
Now there are many ways to do the do—some like the old-fashioned finger or two, others are more into the bells and whistles that come with a five-speed vibrator, and then there's the exceptionally innovative cucumber crew. My personal preference is the traditional method but every now and then I may opt for my toy. After working with Yoni eggs for a couple of years and completing a coaching program last summer, I was gifted my first crystal wand—a girthy, 7-inch, spiraled Rose Quartz wand that I've infrequently referred to as "Mandingo".
Vanessa Cuccia, the mastermind behind the renowned Chakrubs, created her own line of crystal sex toys in hopes of dismantling the stigma around sexual expression. After spending time working in a Los Angeles sex toy shop, Cuccia knew that she had something else to offer the self-pleasure industry. In a 2018 interview with Refinery29, she said:
"I came up with the concept of Chakrubs in 2011 when I was working in an adult shop and living with a spiritual teacher who deepened my understanding of crystal healing. I wanted to create a mindful practice that sensitises you to subtle energetic vibrations, creating a more emotional connection. This is what I needed when I created the concept – a great orgasm, plus a way to connect to myself on a deeper level."
Read on to learn more about how to access the healing power of crystal dildos in your self-love, self-healing, and self-pleasure practices.
Types of Crystal Wands: Rose Quartz, Obsidian, and Amethyst—Oh My!
When it comes to investing in your first crystal, there are a few things to consider—the first being the energy you'd like to cultivate (or release).
Each crystal has its own special components that can offer a variety of experiences unique to the individual using it. As it pertains to crystal wands, the most popular go-to's include Rose Quartz, Black Obsidian, and Amethyst. If you're focused on amplifying self-love and soothing emotional distress, Rose Quartz is your best bet. Black Obsidian is more of a heavy hitter with its potential to unlock repressed sexual trauma and shame surrounding your sexuality. For those of you trying to get your third eye popping, Amethyst is your friend and this crystal is also good for alleviating anxiety.
There are a few other crystals to consider that may better suit your intentions so make sure to do your research prior to making your purchase. You may even wish to simply follow your intuition, as your spirit will be drawn to the energy that you can benefit from the most.
Crystal Wands: Length or Width?
Now it's time to get choosy. Crystal wands come in different sizes and shapes for those of you ladies that prefer the curve ;) A standard wand is about 7 inches long and 1 and a half inches wide. The slim wand is the same length but only a little over an inch wide. The curved wand featuring a bulbous end is perfect for stimulating your G-spot measuring about 6.75 inches long and 1.25 inches wide. Some wands feature enhancements such as the gentle ridges featured on the spiral wands.
It's also imperative that you purchase your crystal sex toy from an ethical source to keep your coochie safe and sound. A reputable provider will often have their crystals go through a gemstone report analysis by the GIA (Gemological Institute of America) and you're more than welcome to request this information prior to making your purchase. A very reputable brand to look into for crystal dildos and sex toys is called Chakrubs, a company founded by Vanessa Cuccia.
How to Clean Your Crystal Wand
So you finally made the leap and purchased your crystal wand. What next?
The first thing you want to do is energetically cleanse your wand just as you would for any any of your personal crystals. There are a few ways to go about this. My go-to method is burning a stick of Sage around my crystal wand while affirming that it be cleansed of any energies that came into contact with it prior to me receiving it. If you're not into Sage, you can burn your favorite incense or some Palo Santo.
Using the power of a Full Moon is also a great way to dispel unwanted energies from your crystal sex toy. On the night of the Full Moon, or during the waning phase, place your crystal wand in a glass container with fresh water and a little bit of salt. Avoid tap water unless you've boiled it and wait until the water cools down before you put your crystal in it. If you can, set your container out on the night of the Full Moon, as this energy is perfect for cleansing rituals. Keep in mind that your intention is powerful and even a simple prayer can do the job.
Now that you've energetically cleansed your crystal wand, it's time for a physical cleanse as well. I typically opt for a solution of warm water and Apple Cider Vinegar. You can also replace the ACV with Lemon instead. Mild soap or your favorite feminine wash can also be used. Check out the piece I wrote about Yoni eggs for a more detailed synopsis of the cleansing method.
Using Crystal Wands: The Initiation
After I energetically and physically cleanse my crystal wand, I like to partake in a self-care ritual to initiate it. I've been big on spiritual baths for the past few years as they're perfect for energetic clearing and enhancing sensuality. Have fun and use your intuition when it comes to what you include in your bath. Before preparing your bath, make sure you have an intention in mind. This will be different for each person and may include something along the lines of "getting over an ex", "enhancing self-esteem", "healing sexual shame/trauma", "attracting new love", etc.
After you've spent some time reflecting on this, it's time to brew your spiritual bath. Sea salt is an absolute must for me in every single bath that I take due to my work as a spiritual practitioner (but you don't have to be a Tarot reader to benefit from a salt bath). We come into contact with so many energies throughout our day making the aura muddled and discordant. Not only does the salt help remove toxins from your body but it also dispels foreign energies that may latch onto you throughout your day. Relax, sis. You're not hosting dark forces but you may be carrying around your bestie's break up blues or your boss's irritability.
Soaking in a salt bath can actually neutralize your aura back to its home state by clearing out the energy that is not yours.
As you prepare your bath, you may like to play some music that gets you in the mood or some self-love affirmations. The element of water has the ability to take on the energy of anything around it and the effects of sound can actually alter the frequency of the water you'll be bathing in. If you've got a Singing Bowl or Bells, you can use those as well. So we've got the water and earth elements taken care of for the spiritual bath and now all we're missing is air and fire. Burning pink, red, or white candles can add to the ambiance while also helping you focus on the intention you set for your spiritual bath.
Now that your bath is intricately and lovingly prepared, it's time to actually enjoy it. Give yourself a minimum of 30 minutes to one hour maximum to soak in the water. It's during this time that I initiate my crystal wand. During my first go-around with this, I was hella apprehensive given the size of my crystal wand. If you're a bit scary like myself, that's totally okay. There's no need to rush right into insertion (which I mistakenly assumed was the right way to go about it). Instead of going all the way, I found myself seductively gliding my crystal wand across my body as I soaked in my bath. Before I knew it, my wand had found a hot spot that it wanted to give extra attention to, which resulted in me gliding the crystal in a circular motion around my womb area for about 10-15 minutes.
The primary focus of both my Yoni egg and crystal wand practices has been about healing childhood sexual trauma, which is often stored in the womb so I was pleased to witness how my spirit was guiding this whole process, knowing exactly what I needed. As I continued with the foreplay process, I slowly began feeling ready to go all the way by starting off with just the tip for a few minutes. At this point, all inhibition went out the door, I drained my bath water, and went to my bedroom to finish the deed (you can definitely do this in the bathtub, if that's your preference).
Afterwards, I felt a rush of euphoria and an expansiveness in my heart that wasn't quite there before. Whenever I use Rose Quartz, I feel a sense of innocence restored, which is necessary for the inner child work that I've been doing the past few years. And to think, this was just my first time using my crystal wand and it was already proving to be another integral, cathartic tool for my healing journey.
10/10, would definitely recommend.
Featured image by Giphy
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Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Masturdating: A TikTok Dating Trend That We Should Totally Get Behind
Imma tell y’all what — it seems like not one week goes by when I don’t see some sort of so-called term that has me like, “What in the world?” For instance, when I first stumbled upon “self-partnering,” honestly, I laughed. Then shared it with some other single people as well as married folks I know. And I kid you not, every individual was like, “What the heck does that mean?” When I told them that it was yet, one more way to seemingly define single living, basically everyone’s follow-up was, “Oh, brother.”
Why can’t (more) singles just be single and be okay with that? Good Lord. Why does there need to be some sort of relational play-on-words to make it sound like we’re with someone — even if we’re not?
Now masturdating? Even though it’s not even close to being a “real” word, it’s something that also brought a laugh outta me — although it was then followed by a genuine smile. The laugh because I almost immediately caught the play-on-words. The smile was due to the intention behind it all.
If you’re not familiar with what masturdating is and you’re curious about why you should even care, take a few moments to at least skim through what it’s about and why I think participating, as a single person, is a pretty cool (and effective) concept.
@knotlukas Masturdate: a date w oneself
What’s Masturdating All About?
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Masturdating. Okay, so let the word marinate for just a moment. What does it sound like? Yeah…exactly. And since a huge part of masturbation centers around self-pleasure, it’s cool to explore how “self-dating” could produce similar (as far as pleasure is concerned in a broader sense) results. Because masturdating is all about spending quality time with yourself, pampering yourself, treating yourself— and yes, taking yourself out on dates.
Any of you who may think that masturdating is a consolation prize — and a pitiful one at that — for not being able to go out with another human being or get that dream $200 first date that social media was all in a tizzy about last year (bookmark that) — personally, I think that you’re the demographic who needs to try out masturdating first and the most. Why? Off top, I’ll share my three good reasons.
3 Reasons To Strongly Consider Masturdating
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1. It’s an intimate way to get to know yourself better. I’ve been working with couples for a pretty long time at this point and if there’s a pattern that I see arise, OFTEN, it’s that two people are oftentimes so busy trying to “find their person” that they didn’t even know who they were. As a direct result, they found themselves in a relationship with someone who only complemented the “kiddie pool version” of who they were.
That’s why it can be so beneficial to spend time getting to know yourself on the “deep end” of things: what makes you tick, what your passions are, what you want most out of life, what are your interests beyond obvious things — and masturdating can help you to discover all of this. Whether it’s traveling alone or taking out a weekend to drink some wine and journal, the more you get to know yourself, the clearer you’ll be about who complements you on a romantic and friendship level.
2. It will definitely help to boost your confidence levels. I guess since I’m an ambivert, I don’t really get why people freak out at the mere thought of going to a restaurant or movie alone. Personally, I think it requires a helluva lot more energy and gumption to wait around and plan stuff with other people (#Elmoshrug). However, whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, there’s no way around the fact that the more comfortable you get with doing things alone, the more your confidence levels will increase — no, soar — because of it.
One article that I read on the topic said that doing things alone can make you more creative, improve your mental health, and help you to be totally okay with being alone (so that you’re not “needy” for other people’s attention). A psychotherapist from a New York Times article on the benefits of spending time alone said, “Getting better at identifying moments when we need solitude to recharge and reflect can help us better handle negative emotions and experiences, like stress and burnout.” And when you’re able to stare negativity in its face without flinching, how could that not make you bolder, more self-secure, and hopeful about your life?
3. It will teach you to value your time more effectively. In every facet of your world, you’re gonna operate from a healthier place if you’re operating from a “full cup” rather than an empty one. When it comes to this topic, think about it — if you’re constantly waiting on someone to call you to go out or wishing for a dream date with some guy, all you’re doing is wasting precious time that you could be spending taking a cooking class or hell, hiring a chef to make you dinner at your own home.
Indeed, waiting has two sides to it: when it’s in the form of patience, it is indeed a virtue, yet when it’s wrapped up in the notion that you’re not really living life unless you have an audience…it is totally working against you. Choose wisely.
10 Solo Date Ideas To Help You To “Master” Masturdating
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So, what if you’re someone who has either never considered actually masturdating before or you don’t really know what to do beyond dinner and the movies? Here are a few ideas to consider:
1. Attend a workshop or masterclass that you’re interested in. If there’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn, sign up for a workshop or masterclass. The cool thing about this option is there are probably some in your city, as well as some that you can find online (like here) that are convenient and affordable.
2. Binge-read at a local coffee shop. Aside from their coziness and oftentimes inviting scents, I once read that a lot of us gravitate to coffee shops because we can be around people without having to actually socialize with them. So, if you want to “hang out” while still being able to enjoy a bit of solitude, take a book that you’ve been trying to finish to a local coffee shop, order your favorite latte, and sit in a big-ass comfy chair. Usually, you can sit there for hours, and the staff will be just fine with it (another bonus).
3. Have a spa day in the next town. You can never go wrong with a spa day. And while going with a friend can be fun, sometimes there’s too much talking transpiring to be able to fully chill out and relax. So, go off of the grid, get a change of scenery, and hit up a spa in the next city (or town). There are lots of studies out here supporting that day trips or “daycations” can actually be really good for your long-term health and well-being.
4. See a community play. Some of the best solo dates that I’ve ever been on consisted of taking in some of the local arts in my city. What’s really cool about this particular option is, oftentimes, they are extremely inexpensive, if not totally free of charge (in exchange for making a donation or putting money into a tip jar).
5. Plan a trip. Whenever people say something along the lines of, “If you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed,” I know that they low-key have some (additional) healing to do from past disappointments. There’s simply too much intel out here to support that anticipation (of good stuff) makes us more motivated and optimistic, keeps our dopamine levels up, and makes life more exciting overall.
Since traveling alone is more cost-effective, gives you the freedom to do whatever you want (when you want), and increases the possibility of meeting new people and having new experiences on your journey — why not devote a day this weekend to planning a solo trip? All the way around, it’s good for you.
6. Try your hand at your own “$200 date.” Uh-huh. Roll your eyes if you want to, but it’s real easy to talk left about how a man should be able to just drop $200 like it’s nothing…until you actually try to do it. So yes, while taking yourself out on this type of date could serve as a bit of a reality check, it can also “scratch the itch” of waiting on some dude to do it for you. It’s also way less emotionally draining because, at least when you’re taking your own self out, it’s guaranteed that you’ll enjoy the company…right?
7. DIY some pampering. When you get a chance, check out “5 Reasons You Should Unapologetically Pamper Yourself,” “Want To Love On Yourself? Try These 10 Things At Home.,” “I’ve Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul,” and “When's The Last Time You Actually Pampered Your Vagina?” The bottom line here is pampering is all about, not mere self-maintenance; it’s all about treating yourself to levels of EXTREME SELF-INDULGENCE. So, if nothing else tickles your fancy on this list, at least consider doing that, chile.
8. Feed your creativity. Something that I used to be really good at is art. That said, one of my goddaughters is insanely talented, so she has reminded me to tap back into it. Also, a big part of what got me into the writing world is poetry; I actually used to be a house poet at a local spot. Sometimes, my best quality time moments with myself have been revisiting these creative sides of me — and this is definitely easier to do (and enjoy) alone.
9. Try some stargazing. When’s the last time you took a blanket into your backyard, laid down on it, and just stared at the stars for hours on end? While some say that stargazing can teach you to be mindful, others say that being in that form of nature reduces stress, while others believe that looking up at the universe at night can increase your attention span. All solid reasons to give it a shot, if you ask me.
10. DO. ABSOLUTELY. NOTHING. Let me tell you something that nobody will ever be able to make me feel bad about: doing absolutely nothing. I’ve got data to back me up. Good Housekeeping shares that doing nothing can help you decide how you want to respond or react to certain things. I like howThe Guardian says that taking this approach helps you to regain control of what you give your attention to.
TIME magazine says that it can ultimately make you more productive.BBC offers up that it can help you tap into your ingenuity.Henry Ford Health says that it can make you kinder and a better problem-solver. So, if you want to invest in yourself, do nothing sometimes.
Closing Thoughts from the Lovely Javicia Leslie
While some of y'all may know Javicia Leslie from being the former Batwoman, I discovered her back in the day from the indie series Chef Julian (and yes, "Julian" was right to say that "Mo" looks like Tatyana Ali...the real ones know). Sometimes I'll hop on her IG to see what she's got going on and this story popped up within a few hours of me penning this...so, I took it as hella confirmation.
TREAT YO SELF. WAIT FOR NO ONE.
WAIT FOR NO ONE. TREAT YO SELF.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
_____
Sooo…what kind of masturdating plans do you have for this coming weekend? While going out with others has its perks, hanging out with yourself has a ton of ‘em too. Enjoy!
No…for real. ENJOY!
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