'Tis the season of sensuality, pleasure, and self-indulgence with hella planets in Taurus right now, placing an emphasis on our physical, earthly experience. This energy encourages us to get embodied by enjoying the sensory experience of life like basking in mother nature, enjoying your favorite comfort foods and having a whole lot of sex (cues Megan Thee Stallion's Fever).
When most people think of sex, they likely imagine a passionate exchange between two people; however, we can't overlook the importance of practicing acts of self-pleasure, which can be equally beneficial as a shared experience with a partner.
As taboo as masturbation is, for whatever reason, there are many benefits to being more intentional about including this practice in your self-care routine. According to Planned Parenthood, "Masturbation can release sexual tension, reduce stress, help you sleep better, improve your self-esteem and body image, help treat sexual problems, relieve menstrual cramps, etc…" Not only is masturbation good for your physical health but it can also help you strengthen your relationship with self by giving you the chance to explore yourself, what you like, and don't like.
Developing greater body awareness can make it easier for you to communicate your needs with your sexual partner.
Now there are many ways to do the do—some like the old-fashioned finger or two, others are more into the bells and whistles that come with a five-speed vibrator, and then there's the exceptionally innovative cucumber crew. My personal preference is the traditional method but every now and then I may opt for my toy. After working with Yoni eggs for a couple of years and completing a coaching program last summer, I was gifted my first crystal wand—a girthy, 7-inch, spiraled Rose Quartz wand that I've infrequently referred to as "Mandingo".
Vanessa Cuccia, the mastermind behind the renowned Chakrubs, created her own line of crystal sex toys in hopes of dismantling the stigma around sexual expression. After spending time working in a Los Angeles sex toy shop, Cuccia knew that she had something else to offer the self-pleasure industry. In a 2018 interview with Refinery29, she said:
"I came up with the concept of Chakrubs in 2011 when I was working in an adult shop and living with a spiritual teacher who deepened my understanding of crystal healing. I wanted to create a mindful practice that sensitises you to subtle energetic vibrations, creating a more emotional connection. This is what I needed when I created the concept – a great orgasm, plus a way to connect to myself on a deeper level."
Read on to learn more about how to access the healing power of crystal dildos in your self-love, self-healing, and self-pleasure practices.
Types of Crystal Wands: Rose Quartz, Obsidian, and Amethyst—Oh My!
When it comes to investing in your first crystal, there are a few things to consider—the first being the energy you'd like to cultivate (or release).
Each crystal has its own special components that can offer a variety of experiences unique to the individual using it. As it pertains to crystal wands, the most popular go-to's include Rose Quartz, Black Obsidian, and Amethyst. If you're focused on amplifying self-love and soothing emotional distress, Rose Quartz is your best bet. Black Obsidian is more of a heavy hitter with its potential to unlock repressed sexual trauma and shame surrounding your sexuality. For those of you trying to get your third eye popping, Amethyst is your friend and this crystal is also good for alleviating anxiety.
There are a few other crystals to consider that may better suit your intentions so make sure to do your research prior to making your purchase. You may even wish to simply follow your intuition, as your spirit will be drawn to the energy that you can benefit from the most.
Crystal Wands: Length or Width?
Now it's time to get choosy. Crystal wands come in different sizes and shapes for those of you ladies that prefer the curve ;) A standard wand is about 7 inches long and 1 and a half inches wide. The slim wand is the same length but only a little over an inch wide. The curved wand featuring a bulbous end is perfect for stimulating your G-spot measuring about 6.75 inches long and 1.25 inches wide. Some wands feature enhancements such as the gentle ridges featured on the spiral wands.
It's also imperative that you purchase your crystal sex toy from an ethical source to keep your coochie safe and sound. A reputable provider will often have their crystals go through a gemstone report analysis by the GIA (Gemological Institute of America) and you're more than welcome to request this information prior to making your purchase. A very reputable brand to look into for crystal dildos and sex toys is called Chakrubs, a company founded by Vanessa Cuccia.
How to Clean Your Crystal Wand
So you finally made the leap and purchased your crystal wand. What next?
The first thing you want to do is energetically cleanse your wand just as you would for any any of your personal crystals. There are a few ways to go about this. My go-to method is burning a stick of Sage around my crystal wand while affirming that it be cleansed of any energies that came into contact with it prior to me receiving it. If you're not into Sage, you can burn your favorite incense or some Palo Santo.
Using the power of a Full Moon is also a great way to dispel unwanted energies from your crystal sex toy. On the night of the Full Moon, or during the waning phase, place your crystal wand in a glass container with fresh water and a little bit of salt. Avoid tap water unless you've boiled it and wait until the water cools down before you put your crystal in it. If you can, set your container out on the night of the Full Moon, as this energy is perfect for cleansing rituals. Keep in mind that your intention is powerful and even a simple prayer can do the job.
Now that you've energetically cleansed your crystal wand, it's time for a physical cleanse as well. I typically opt for a solution of warm water and Apple Cider Vinegar. You can also replace the ACV with Lemon instead. Mild soap or your favorite feminine wash can also be used. Check out the piece I wrote about Yoni eggs for a more detailed synopsis of the cleansing method.
Using Crystal Wands: The Initiation
After I energetically and physically cleanse my crystal wand, I like to partake in a self-care ritual to initiate it. I've been big on spiritual baths for the past few years as they're perfect for energetic clearing and enhancing sensuality. Have fun and use your intuition when it comes to what you include in your bath. Before preparing your bath, make sure you have an intention in mind. This will be different for each person and may include something along the lines of "getting over an ex", "enhancing self-esteem", "healing sexual shame/trauma", "attracting new love", etc.
After you've spent some time reflecting on this, it's time to brew your spiritual bath. Sea salt is an absolute must for me in every single bath that I take due to my work as a spiritual practitioner (but you don't have to be a Tarot reader to benefit from a salt bath). We come into contact with so many energies throughout our day making the aura muddled and discordant. Not only does the salt help remove toxins from your body but it also dispels foreign energies that may latch onto you throughout your day. Relax, sis. You're not hosting dark forces but you may be carrying around your bestie's break up blues or your boss's irritability.
Soaking in a salt bath can actually neutralize your aura back to its home state by clearing out the energy that is not yours.
As you prepare your bath, you may like to play some music that gets you in the mood or some self-love affirmations. The element of water has the ability to take on the energy of anything around it and the effects of sound can actually alter the frequency of the water you'll be bathing in. If you've got a Singing Bowl or Bells, you can use those as well. So we've got the water and earth elements taken care of for the spiritual bath and now all we're missing is air and fire. Burning pink, red, or white candles can add to the ambiance while also helping you focus on the intention you set for your spiritual bath.
Now that your bath is intricately and lovingly prepared, it's time to actually enjoy it. Give yourself a minimum of 30 minutes to one hour maximum to soak in the water. It's during this time that I initiate my crystal wand. During my first go-around with this, I was hella apprehensive given the size of my crystal wand. If you're a bit scary like myself, that's totally okay. There's no need to rush right into insertion (which I mistakenly assumed was the right way to go about it). Instead of going all the way, I found myself seductively gliding my crystal wand across my body as I soaked in my bath. Before I knew it, my wand had found a hot spot that it wanted to give extra attention to, which resulted in me gliding the crystal in a circular motion around my womb area for about 10-15 minutes.
The primary focus of both my Yoni egg and crystal wand practices has been about healing childhood sexual trauma, which is often stored in the womb so I was pleased to witness how my spirit was guiding this whole process, knowing exactly what I needed. As I continued with the foreplay process, I slowly began feeling ready to go all the way by starting off with just the tip for a few minutes. At this point, all inhibition went out the door, I drained my bath water, and went to my bedroom to finish the deed (you can definitely do this in the bathtub, if that's your preference).
Afterwards, I felt a rush of euphoria and an expansiveness in my heart that wasn't quite there before. Whenever I use Rose Quartz, I feel a sense of innocence restored, which is necessary for the inner child work that I've been doing the past few years. And to think, this was just my first time using my crystal wand and it was already proving to be another integral, cathartic tool for my healing journey.
10/10, would definitely recommend.
Featured image by Giphy
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We have less than 40 days left in 2024, and while I'm not one to rush goals just because it's the end of the year, it can be fun to challenge yourself to think about ways you'll close out this year big.
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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While there's always an element of gloom and doom in the news when it comes to employment and the job search, it's not all bad out in these career streets. Some jobs will not only be in demand in 2025, but they'll be paying even higher salaries.
In fact, Mercer, a human resources and financial services firm released a few very optimistic insights in a recent report. Companies are set to increase compensation budgets by 3.3% for merit increases and 3.7% for total salary increases for non-unionized employees in 2025, despite economic uncertainty. They’re also “prioritizing talent investment, with 69% expressing confidence in their compensation budget projections, and plan to promote 9.3% of employees in 2025.”
If you're looking to change careers or even figure out your next move in your current one, you'll want to look into these jobs, per the experts, that are set to see pay increases next year, allowing you to make that vision board a reality:
1. Human Resources (“People” or “Talent”) Manager
Average salary: $137,212, or more with specialty, experience, and advanced degree
According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, the human resource manager's role is expected to see a 6% uptake in demand over the next 10 years—faster than the average job growth rate.
In this role, you oversee senior levels of strategic talent management and recruitment—from handling complaints and bridging the gap between management and their teams to managing learning and development, among other duties.
2. Renewable Energy Project Manager
Average Salary: $95,206, a bachelor's degree in engineering or related subjects, with more salary for advanced degree
Energy firms and corporations are among those reporting the highest planned overall salary increases in 2025.
In this role, you’ll be in charge of projects centered on renewable energy projects, such as solar and wind farms. You’ll handle budgets, progress reports, site investigations, and feasibility studies.
3. Digital Marketing Manager
Average Salary: $126,704 or more with bachelor's degree and/or practical experience showcasing successful projects
Communications is another industry set to offer the highest salary raises next year. As a digital marketing manager, you'll have hands-on experience and must have a knack for leveraging digital platforms to promote products, services, or brands. You’ll work with a range of niche digital media, including social media, email, online advertising, and content creation. You'll also manage teams to meet client and campaign deliverables to target and engage with audiences and customers.
4. Insurance Actuary
Average Salary: $135, 203, with a bachelor's degree in actuary science, accounting or related, with more for experience, advanced degree
While AI is impacting the insurance industry, experts are predicting that experienced and detail-oriented actuaries will still be in high demand in 2025. For this role, you’ll need to have the perfect knowledge mix of math, statistics, tech, and business modeling when making strategic decision-making. When it comes to insurance, you’ll decide the risk of potential events, and help businesses develop policies that minimize the cost of a risk.
5. Cybersecurity Engineer
Average Salary: $122,890, bachelor's degree in computer science or related field, and more with advanced degree
Tech is an industry also expected to have high instances of salary increases next year, and cybersecurity is apparently booming. You’ll be in charge of coming up with the networks that protect against cyberattacks, cybersecurity procedures for a brand or company, and the monitoring and testing systems to keep them up to date.
6. Psychiatric Nurse Practioner
Average Salary: $153,643, bachelor’s in nursing and master’s, with more for DNP (Doctor of Nursing Practice)
This specialty is the “fastest-growing choice” among nurse practitioner students, and the job remains in high demand even with the high volume of supply for the role due to the increased need and prevalence of mental health issues in the U.S. In this role, you’ll lead in individualized treatment plans, prescribing medications (DNP), providing psychotherapy, and implementing behavioral interventions (DNP).
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