Making Love To Self: The Benefits Of Masturbation
I don't know how readily people often admit that they masturbate.
I just remember while growing up that for a long time, masturbation was something I kept a secret even before I knew what it was called or why I felt inclined to do it or why I felt so exhilarated after. I do remember, however, a clear distinction in how proudly a man spoke about jacking off. He could joke about it and was even advised to do it as a means to last longer when he finally became sexually active. But on the flip side, as a woman, I wasn't really allowed to talk about it. In fact, I didn't realize it could be something heralded until an ex enjoyed watching me as I did it.
But that's something that I notice a lot about women and our bodies, it is okay to be a vessel for sexuality for the male consumption, but not our own and in our own way. I guess you can tell that masturbation means a lot to me. My weapon of choice is my handy dandy six-speed vibrator I picked up from Starship (might need to upgrade my life soon though)! It not only taught me about what I love done to my body, but also gave me a release when others could not.
In addition to those two things, here are some benefits of making love to self, aka masturbation if you're nasty. ;)
It Relieves Sexual Tension
Sexual tension is a dirty, pretty thing. It's intense, it's compelling, and sometimes it makes you believe that you want something you might not really truly want. Sometimes you do really truly want it, but the tension or build up is far better than the actual pay off. Why cross that line when you're not really sure either way? Being sexual does not mean having sex with anybody.
You can be selective even while ravenous, and masturbation helps to clear up any uncertainty you might have towards a member of the opposite sex and your attraction towards them. In addition to relieving sexual tension between two people, it is also a very good stress reliever by stimulating the body's ability to produce endorphins, which helps with stress and pain.
It Promotes Sexual Health
I cannot tell you how many times masturbation has come in handy as it relates to my ability to have self control. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a dog humping at whatever leg is within my reach, but there have been times that I've gone on dates and felt so attracted to my date, that I was like, “Hmmm, even though this isn't going anywhere, let me throw caution to the wind and just go to Poundtown with this dude." But, I didn't. I refrained because I was like, what's the point in having sex with this guy I'm not even the least bit interested in aside from this free meal? So I kept in mind the fact that me and my vibrator could have a hell of a time later on that night without the messiness of bringing a completely new sex partner into the mix.
The less partners you have, the less risky your sexual behaviors. Masturbating means you can open your legs and keep it tight at the same time. It's also form of safe sex while abstaining (for those who wish to abstain).
Develops Sexual Identity
Masturbation is typically the first sexual experience a person has. And with all this talk of love yourself first, it seems rather fitting. Men can use it to help prolong the arrival of their orgasms, while women can use masturbation as a way to guide them to achieving theirs. Although a vaginal orgasm is very possible, the clitoral stimulation that we learn during our solo acts can very well be a catalyst to how we orgasm with future partners. You're able to learn which parts of you tingle when you touch it and can be adventurous in your journey with yourself through the use of toys. Masturbating is a great way to learn your body, what works for you, and what doesn't.
It Feels Damn Good
This benefit is rather self-explanatory but it ought to be said. I love the human and connection aspect that comes with having sex with someone, however, I love the way I know myself and my body like no one ever will – and that in itself can be a stimulant while masturbating as well. If I wanted to, I could get myself there in three minutes – that's how in tune with my own body I am.
An orgasm is one of those feelings that are hard to rival. And you haven't lived until you've mutually masturbated. It's one thing to watch yourself touch someone, but to watch that someone touch themselves? One of the sexiest things I've ever endured in my life. Try it tonight if you haven't already. It's a beautiful and intense experience.
Do you masturbate? Do you view it as more of an experience to be savored or as a chore? Hands or toys? Share below.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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We all love that Beyoncé's recent foray into country music has turned the world's attention back to the impact of Black legends and icons who were foremothers of the genre. All of the buzz around the superstar's take on country music (along with the fab TikToks of Black women getting their country glam on to prep for a possible country music tour), brings to the forefront stories of the amazing impact of women like Sister Rosetta Thorpe, Elizabeth Cotton, and Linda Martell. These women laid the groundwork for folk, country, and rock music way before any of us reached our mother's wombs.
I've loved country music since childhood and would rock, sway, and sing along to songs by The Neville Brothers, Patsy Cline, and Elvis. (Yep, I loved me some Elvis, honey. It was an admiration I inherited from my mom.). Back in the day, my friends and I would all enjoy the country music songs played at a popular hangout spot, the local skating rink. The DJ would go from 69 Boys, Brandy, and Usher to Billy Ray Cyrus ("Achy Breaky Heart), Dolly Parton ("9-to-5" and "I Will Always Love You,") and Shania Twain ("Man! I Feel Like A Woman.") Country music has always been part of my life's soundtrack.
Since it's Women's History Month, what a perfect time to highlight some of the other Black women who have been standing it the gap for years, doing this country music thing, and doing it well. Here are a few to add to your playlists this month and beyond.
The Boykin Sisters AKA The BoykinZ
Sisters Nylan, Nytere, Anale, and Alona took the country music world by storm on TikTok, drawing more than 480,000 followers and 10 million likes for their soulful country music swag. They've performed with Shania Twain on the Country Music Awards, appeared on The Kelly Clarkson Show, and have recorded with legendary country music producer Nathan Chapman. Each brings their own unique flavor to the group, from style to music abilities.
Rissi Palmer
She released her self-titled debut album with hit singles, “Country Girl,” “Hold On To Me,” and “No Air,” and has since performed at The White House, New York's Lincoln Center, and the Grand Ole Opry. She’s also shared stages with country and pop music heavy-hitters including The Eagles, Charley Crockett, and Taylor Swift. Taking things to the advocacy level, she launched her own radio show Color Me Country with Rissi Palmer on Apple Music Country and created the Color Me Country Artist Grant Fund to support newbie country artists of color to reach their entertainment industry dreams.
C Brandon / Contributor/Getty Images
Yola
A U.K.-bred country music artist, this singer and actress was nominated for multiple Grammys for her 2019 debut album, Walk Through Fire, including Best Americana Album. Her 2021 album, Stand For Myself, mixes country and soul with intriguing and relatable visuals. She also magnificently starred as Rosetta Thorpe in the 2023 Elvis biopic, a film whose soundtrack was an American Music Award winner.
Mickey Guyton
A modern-day pioneer in her own right, Mickey Guyton was the first Black woman to be nominated in the Best Country Solo Performance category at the Grammy Awards in 2021, and, that same year, she became the first Black woman to co-host the Academy of Country Music Awards. Her song, “Black Like Me,” released in the wake of the George Floyd protests and the Black Lives Matter movement, added more to her legacy of being a leader and advocate in country music.
Brittney Spencer
This newbie artist in the game has given us strong previews of her talent, releasing two EPs and receiving Country Music Awards and Country Music Television award nominations. Elektra signed her to a deal in 2022, and this year, she released her debut album, My Stupid Life, which has been described by one Rolling Stone reviewer as “one of the most convincing country statements in a while.”
Reyna Roberts
The self-proclaimed "Princess of Outlaw Country," is serving soul, sass, and style with her music, with a debut album titled, Bad Girl Bible, Volume 1, sparking intrigue and fan support. Her more than 300,000 followers on IG rally behind her, as she campaigns for big-ticket performances that we are sure, will be in her future.
Chapel Heart
Sisters Danica and Devynn Hart have joined musical forces with cousin Trea Swindle as a country music trio, and found early viral success performing on “America’s Got Talent.” In 2021 the group was inducted into Country Music Television’s “Next Women of Country,” and they’ve been honored as “International Group of the Year” as well as “International Song of the Year” for the single “You Can Have Him Jolene” in Scotland. They have been nominated for several British CMAs including “Group of the Year” and “Album of the Year” for their second album release The Girls Are Back In Town.
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Featured image by Emma McIntyre / Staff/Getty Images