

I don't know how readily people often admit that they masturbate.
I just remember while growing up that for a long time, masturbation was something I kept a secret even before I knew what it was called or why I felt inclined to do it or why I felt so exhilarated after. I do remember, however, a clear distinction in how proudly a man spoke about jacking off. He could joke about it and was even advised to do it as a means to last longer when he finally became sexually active. But on the flip side, as a woman, I wasn't really allowed to talk about it. In fact, I didn't realize it could be something heralded until an ex enjoyed watching me as I did it.
But that's something that I notice a lot about women and our bodies, it is okay to be a vessel for sexuality for the male consumption, but not our own and in our own way. I guess you can tell that masturbation means a lot to me. My weapon of choice is my handy dandy six-speed vibrator I picked up from Starship (might need to upgrade my life soon though)! It not only taught me about what I love done to my body, but also gave me a release when others could not.
In addition to those two things, here are some benefits of making love to self, aka masturbation if you're nasty. ;)
It Relieves Sexual Tension
Sexual tension is a dirty, pretty thing. It's intense, it's compelling, and sometimes it makes you believe that you want something you might not really truly want. Sometimes you do really truly want it, but the tension or build up is far better than the actual pay off. Why cross that line when you're not really sure either way? Being sexual does not mean having sex with anybody.
You can be selective even while ravenous, and masturbation helps to clear up any uncertainty you might have towards a member of the opposite sex and your attraction towards them. In addition to relieving sexual tension between two people, it is also a very good stress reliever by stimulating the body's ability to produce endorphins, which helps with stress and pain.
It Promotes Sexual Health
I cannot tell you how many times masturbation has come in handy as it relates to my ability to have self control. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a dog humping at whatever leg is within my reach, but there have been times that I've gone on dates and felt so attracted to my date, that I was like, “Hmmm, even though this isn't going anywhere, let me throw caution to the wind and just go to Poundtown with this dude." But, I didn't. I refrained because I was like, what's the point in having sex with this guy I'm not even the least bit interested in aside from this free meal? So I kept in mind the fact that me and my vibrator could have a hell of a time later on that night without the messiness of bringing a completely new sex partner into the mix.
The less partners you have, the less risky your sexual behaviors. Masturbating means you can open your legs and keep it tight at the same time. It's also form of safe sex while abstaining (for those who wish to abstain).
Develops Sexual Identity
Masturbation is typically the first sexual experience a person has. And with all this talk of love yourself first, it seems rather fitting. Men can use it to help prolong the arrival of their orgasms, while women can use masturbation as a way to guide them to achieving theirs. Although a vaginal orgasm is very possible, the clitoral stimulation that we learn during our solo acts can very well be a catalyst to how we orgasm with future partners. You're able to learn which parts of you tingle when you touch it and can be adventurous in your journey with yourself through the use of toys. Masturbating is a great way to learn your body, what works for you, and what doesn't.
It Feels Damn Good
This benefit is rather self-explanatory but it ought to be said. I love the human and connection aspect that comes with having sex with someone, however, I love the way I know myself and my body like no one ever will – and that in itself can be a stimulant while masturbating as well. If I wanted to, I could get myself there in three minutes – that's how in tune with my own body I am.
An orgasm is one of those feelings that are hard to rival. And you haven't lived until you've mutually masturbated. It's one thing to watch yourself touch someone, but to watch that someone touch themselves? One of the sexiest things I've ever endured in my life. Try it tonight if you haven't already. It's a beautiful and intense experience.
Do you masturbate? Do you view it as more of an experience to be savored or as a chore? Hands or toys? Share below.
'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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The Acne Expert-Approved Skincare Routine This Author Swears By
In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
For historian and influencer Blair Imani, beauty is in the details. Because she never really had acne outside of the occasional zit, she never really saw the importance of creating a skincare routine. However, the year 2020 marked a change for her and the way she approached taking care of her skin. “I had to make peace with the fact that I was getting acne in my adulthood,” she recalls. “It made me step back and realize that I was not taking care of myself, and I was putting a lot of value in whether or not I had acne. Choosing to confront that insecurity and focus on recognizing my beauty despite what I’d been taught has made all the difference.”
In addition to a newly implemented skincare regimen, the Los Angeles-based creator takes care of herself through her anxiety and ADHD medications, prayer, stretching, reciting mirror affirmations, and intentional forms of self-care. She tells xoNecole, “Self-care for me has been shifting to adding more plant-based proteins to my diet and pausing before I react to things. I’ve been learning the importance of amplifying the good instead of shouting at the bad and trying to apply that in my work.”
As an author, self-expression is something Imani knows a thing or two about. In our conversation, the 28-year-old recalls leaning into makeup at the age of five. Whereas her peers had parents who stigmatized makeup, her parents fostered her freedom of creativity and self-expression through makeup. It would eventually lead to one of her most significant beauty lessons: “You can just wear lipstick. You don’t need to wear a full face of foundation and concealer to justify it.” For Imani’s biggest beauty lesson to be centered on lipstick is quite the alignment as the woman behind the best-selling book, Read This to Get Smarter, has also created a beauty line where lipstick is the star of the show.
The Blair Imani x Fempower Beauty Smarter Lip Sets launched early last month and is a collection of matte/dewy lip color duos that include bold shades, nude shades, as well as shades paired with affirmations of mirror decals. Her favorites from the collection? “For a basic [shade], it’s 'Self,' and for a statement, it’s 'Ubuntu.' But my must-have is 'Ujamaa' which is our bold scarlet red with a message about resource sharing and cooperative economics.”
Kaelan Barowsky
Courtesy of Blair Imani
Imani shares about entering the beauty space with her own collection, “It was so aligned. It didn’t feel like a departure, it felt like a continuation of my work in a new arena.” She continued, “Turning it into a business partnership that was mutually beneficial and was helping folks to get smarter through the medium of lipstick was an obvious path forward.”
Keep scrolling for more insight into Blair Imani’s morning and night skincare routines.
Blair Imani’s A.M. Skincare Routine Looks Like…
Step One: Double Cleanse
Face Reality L-Mandelic Face and Body Wash
Face Reality Skincare
“In the morning, I start with a double cleanse. I use Face Reality’s Ultra Gentle Cleanser first and follow that with the Face Reality L-Mandelic Face and Body Wash. I love that these are a gentle way to remove excess oil. At first, I was on the fence about washing my face twice, but it actually helps because I need different kinds of oil removal.”
Step Two: Tone
Face Reality Calming Facial Toner
Face Reality Skincare
“I follow that with my Face Reality Calming Facial Toner, which I have in a spray bottle and spritz on my face. Sometimes I mix it with the Thayers Cucumber Facial Toner. I love how they make my skin feel refreshed and hydrated.”
Step Three: Moisturize
Bloom Effects Royal Tulip Moisturizing Nectar
Bloom Effects
“I also add the Royal Tulip Moisturizing Nectar from Bloom Effects for moisture. It’s really gentle and I love how my skin feels after I’ve let it soak in.”
Step Four: Lip Care
Smarter Lip Set "The Nudes"
Fempower Beauty
“I make sure to put on a Smarter Lip Set even if it’s one of the sheer glosses because of the hydrating hyaluronic acid that Fempower infused into the formula. Don’t forget that lip care is part of skincare too!”
Blair Imani’s P.M. Skincare Routine
Step Five: Acne & Spot Treatment
Face Reality Sulfur Spot Treatment
Face Reality Skincare
“In the evening, I do my exact morning routine, but I add in two products: the Face Reality 10% Acne Med and the Face Reality Sulfur Spot Treatment. I love putting these on in the evening so that they have time to take effect while I’m sleeping. Then, I wake up and I do it all again!”
Featured image by Kaelan Barowsky, illustration by Kyra Jay
Originally published on April 13, 2022