I miscarried last year and it was one of the most devastating life occurrences I ever experienced. It surprised me how much it affected my day to day, my self-esteem, and my feelings of being capable of doing what I am supposed to be capable of doing as a woman. I did not even know I wanted a child until I realized one had been lost. The timing was more than wrong, so I deemed fate as a factor. But still, logic didn't counter the emotions I harbored about miscarrying. I felt broken to the point of no repair and the way I spoke to myself, looked at myself, and how I felt about myself mirrored that rupture.
I had no self-love to give to my self because I no longer vibed with the woman I was due to the overwhelming sense of failure I felt.
Self love is one of those things that you must learn and relearn every day and having a bevy of self care practices to help reinforce those lessons is one of the best things you can do for yourself. I am constantly on the hunt to find practices that help me connect with myself as a woman, and in turn, love myself more. When the opportunity to work with The Organic Blood Yoni Eggs company came into the picture, I deemed it as another act of fate. I had heard about yoni eggs especially amongst women who were more spiritually connected with their inner feminine spaces. I felt it was what I needed in my time of feeling less than and not feeling at all like a being of love.
Tiffany Janay, owner and founder of The Organic Blood Yoni Eggs company, assured me that Yoni Eggs are a tool to be used as a beacon of self love during the journey to connecting with your innermost you. That appealed to me.
“The womb space as a woman is our most powerful space. We are the creators of the world. It is our power that has brought all of this into fruition. That's why it's called Mother Earth because it is the feminine energy that gives birth to things."
Yoni is a Sanskrit word for “vagina," and the eggs are semi-precious stones that come directly from the earth, which is where they pull their magical and powerful energies from. Similar to the way you use herbs for their properties, these semi-precious stones possess similar properties. They are polished up and shaped for internal use and each one has different properties intended to heal us from within.
Yoni eggs are excellent “teachers" and can help you with strengthening your vaginal muscles through Kegel exercises and will result in your vagina tightening. It also assists with the strengthening of the uterine wall and assists women with bladder control and can make your sex life more fire. I was also informed that due to its energy, if you were to have sex with your partner while the egg was still inside of you, it'd feel something like a threesome between you, your bae, and another person. It was the aspect of energy I was drawn to.
I was looking forward to having the egg help me on my journey to love me better and feel like a woman again, since I no longer felt that bond with my womb, as I felt betrayed. It was fitting that the egg I used was Rose Quartz. It's known for its healing properties of love, self love, compassion, forgiveness, romance, and intimacy. Things I needed to work on since experiencing my loss. I needed help, I needed some sort of guidance that would help me with looking within for the self-love I used to refer to as abundant.
It was a little intimidating at first – I'm not going to lie – especially when you think about putting the larger part in first. As a woman, there are certain things you grant access to entry in your body and a semi-precious stone isn't one of them so I took my time with that part. I carried it around with me in my bra everyday for about a week to get acquainted with it and its energy as Janay suggested.
After cleansing it and charging it with my intention (“to love myself more"), I massaged it and myself with some coconut oil, and promptly inserted it into my yoni. In all honesty, it's difficult to put into words how using this egg makes me feel. I don't know if it's a power of thought or how I feel about spirituality in general, but I do think having this tool to channel my energetic efforts towards positive thought has helped me feel more connected to myself and talk to myself in a more forgiving manner.
I use it once a day for about half an hour and use a warm bath to help with channeling it out of my body. Some women use it all day, some use it during sex – I am not quite there yet lol, but I enjoy my twice a week nightly routine with it. Being touched by that good energy is something that radiates. It's in the glow of my skin, the strut of my step, how I relate to other people, but more importantly how I relate to Sheriden (me). I punished myself for far too long for something that is a part of life.
Of our feminine power, Janay says, “Being confident in yourself and getting to know yourself. I think a lot of us are lacking confidence because we don't have a strong foundation, history, and connection to our feminine power. Being born in the feminine, you already come from something powerful."
Learn more about Yoni Eggs here.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
Credits
Director of Content: Jasmine Grant
Campaign Manager: Chantal Gainous
Managing Editor: Sheriden Garrett
Creative Director/Executive Producer: Tracey Woods
Cover Designer: Tierra Taylor
Photographer: Ally Green
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Video by Third and Sunset
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“Oatmeal or oats is a nutritious food, but it’s not primarily known for its protein source compared to protein-rich foods like meat, chicken, fish, and other plant proteins like legumes,” says Johna Burdeos, a registered dietitian. “Oats are made up of carbs, including moderate amounts of fiber and some protein. There are about 5 grams of protein in a half cup of oats. Typically, people who want to gain muscle will increase their protein intake as protein is the building block for the tissues, skin, hair, and muscles.”
Does Oatmeal Help You Gain Weight?
In order to understand how to incorporate oats into your diet and maximize its benefits, we’ll have to break down what this grain can offer the body on a nutritional level. “Firstly, understand that the carbs in oats help fuel you with energy for workouts and strength training. Oats also provide fiber, which can help support your digestive tract,” Burdeos says.
She continues, “A healthy digestive tract is needed for proper absorption of nutrients, regardless of weight or health goals. Oats also offer various nutrients like copper, phosphorus, magnesium, manganese, zinc, iron, and vitamin B1. All of these nutrients are important for many bodily functions and overall health, including metabolism, bone health, blood health, and heart health.”
How To Use Oats for Weight Gain
While oatmeal alone does not directly contribute to muscle gain, it can play a beneficial role in a muscle-building diet due to its nutritional properties. According to Burdeos, in order to incorporate oats into a diet for muscle building, “it’s important to pair oats with protein-rich foods.”
She says that if you want to build muscle, there are many ways to incorporate oatmeal into a meal plan, but it’s going to take a little more assistance from other food groups that are a key source of protein.
The Best Ways To Eat Oats for Weight Gain:
Grab a Greek yogurt.
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Maintaining a healthy and balanced diet along with regular exercise is essential to our overall well-being. According to Burdeos, allow yourself the liberty to try out different ways to incorporate lean proteins such as chicken, eggs, fish, and tofu into your diet, along with whole grains, fruits, and vegetables that offer essential fiber, nutrients, and phytonutrients for optimal gains.
Still, if you're intrigued by the idea of including oats in your meal plan, here are a few delightful recipes you can experiment with!
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