Everything You Need To Know About The Transformative Power Of Yoni Eggs
A couple of years ago, I discovered a new modality that took my healing journey to the next level. I'm not even sure how I found out about Yoni eggs prior to coming across a distributor's Etsy account but I always seem to be guided to exactly what I need at the right moment. Shortly before my discovery of these transformative crystal eggs, I started having flashbacks of sexual abuse I experienced as a child. I was still living in Long Beach during the resurfacing of this childhood trauma and during the time, I was at a crossroads of whether I should move back to Georgia or stick it out in sunny, expensive SoCal.
A culmination of unfortunate events and an emotional breakdown led to me calling my dad to admit what, at that time, felt like defeat. I needed to come home. After so many years of fearfully holding on to my childhood secret, I crumbled under the emotional overwhelm and revealed what had happened to me decades ago. As much as I wanted to live my California dream, I knew that I needed to be around my family for support while finding my way through sexual trauma that had surfaced for the first time in 20 years. A week later, I was homebound.
Shortly after settling back into my roots, I found myself bonding with my first Yoni egg, a Rose Quartz crystal, marking a new phase of my commitment to self-love, spiritual evolution and the awakening of a calling hidden in the shadows of my pain.
Editor's Note: This is the writer's personal experience with Yoni eggs. This is in no way a substitute for a medical opinion. If you decide to use Yoni eggs, consult your doctor and use these tools at your own discretion.
What’s a Yoni Egg?
Yoni eggs are egg-shaped crystals used in the vaginal canal for physical, sexual, and spiritual revitalization. The most commonly used Jade Eggs, dating back to royal dynasties in Ancient China, were used to enhance women's healing abilities, creative expression and spiritual power through their sexual energy. Today, Yoni eggs are used for a wide variety of reasons including PMS relief, womb wellness, emotional healing, spiritual growth and so much more!
How Do I Use My Yoni Egg?
Each woman's experience with the Yoni egg will be unique to her. It is common for all sorts of memories and emotions to arise. My personal experience with Yoni eggs has brought about an array of responses mainly dependent upon the type of crystal I use.
My first Yoni egg, Rose Quartz, was a warm and light experience. I recall feeling extremely giggly, like a little girl, along with feeling a gentle lightheartedness. I recommend this crystal for beginners as well as for women that want to cultivate a deeper sense of self-love, enhance fertility, gently heal emotional trauma and expand the heart chakra. Rose Quartz is also well known for increasing vaginal lubrication and emotional intimacy with your partner. Use the power of your yoni wisely! This crystal is best suited for women wanting to deepen emotional intimacy in established relationships. If you're into more casual sexual encounters, Red Carnelian is your best bet.
When choosing a Yoni egg, rely on your intuition, first and foremost. You're likely attracted to a specific type of egg for a reason (just like I was attracted to Rose Quartz as a means of gentle emotional healing). The Jade egg is commonly recommended for beginners due to its non-porous exterior and durability, making it easier to maintain cleanliness and less likely to crack in case your Yoni egg falls out while you're using the bathroom. Yes, it's very common for a beginner's egg to drop into the toilet but as you develop your Yoni egg practice, you'll cultivate greater Yoni awareness, giving you the strength to manipulate your vaginal muscles to prevent your egg from sliding out.
It is recommended that you use your Yoni egg for a few hours every day (except during your menstrual cycle). Regular practice with your Yoni egg can enhance vaginal awareness, increase stimulation, alleviate PMS symptoms, balance emotions, develop self-love, expand intuitive and body awareness, awaken creativity and self-expression, and boost overall vitality.
What Size Yoni Egg Should I Use?
There are three standard sizes of Yoni eggs—-small, medium, and large. Small eggs, best for more experienced users, are 2.0-3.0 cm. Medium eggs, the most popular go-to, are 3.0-4.5 cm. Large eggs, best used for beginners, are 4.0-5.5 c.m.
Small Yoni eggs are great to use for building vaginal coordination, enabling you to easily move your Yoni Egg inside of your vaginal canal. Note:Use this size egg if you've experienced 2nd or 3rd degree Pelvic Prolapse to avoid placing extra pressure on your pelvic organs. The small Yoni egg is also helpful for developing intuition, requiring you to rely on your insight to connect with your Yoni egg's placement. After consistently refining your practice with a medium for several months, you may wish to advance to a small egg.
Medium Yoni eggs are the most commonly used and best recommended after at least one to three months of regular practice with a large egg. If you feel like you can easily remove your large egg and have developed your pelvic floor strength, you may be interested in using a medium egg. Women seem to benefit most from medium eggs which help develop vaginal muscle coordination. Using a Yoni egg takes the Kegel exercise a step further due to both its weightlifting and aerobic components.
Note: If you're on birth control, had a partial/total hysterectomy, or you're experiencing menopause, a medium egg is the best option for you as your vaginal lining may be more delicate.
Large eggs are best recommended for beginners as its width makes it less likely to fall out. This size egg helps you become more neurologically engaged while building vaginal strength. You can also control the movement of your Yoni egg more easily with a large egg. Avoid this size egg if you tear easily during intercourse or have experienced Pelvic Prolapse. Use the large Yoni egg daily (except during your menstrual cycle) for one to three months before advancing to a medium egg.
As you can see, your preferred Yoni egg size varies depending on many factors including personal goals, lifestyle, sexual activity, and medical history. If you need help deciding which size egg is best for you, please consult with a trusted Yoni egg distributor.
Non-Drilled or Drilled Yoni Egg
Both non-drilled and drilled eggs have their pros and cons. The advantages of non-drilled eggs is that they're more basic for beginners, less maintenance to clean, encourages connection with Yoni's muscle movement, and is also preferred during vaginal penetration. Disadvantages of the non-drilled egg include the possibility of a more difficult removal as well as it not being viable for advanced practices.
Drilled eggs offer advantages of easy removal due to the option of a string being used, more versatility for advanced practice, and easier observation of vaginal fluids. Some disadvantages of drilled Yoni eggs include a high maintenance cleaning routine as well as them not being suitable for vaginal penetration.
How to Clean Your Yoni Egg
Rose quartz crystal yoni eggGetty Images
There are various ways to clean your Yoni egg. What I refer to as a thorough cleaning, should be done prior to using your egg for the first time. Avoid harsh cleaning products and opt for natural cleaning ingredients such as hot water, apple cider vinegar, lemon, or baking soda. To begin, boil a cup of water (avoid the microwave) and add 2 tsp of ACV. Once the water is simmering, pour it in a small container. Give the water a few minutes to cool down especially if you're cleaning a quartz crystal (Crystal quartz, Rose quartz, Amethyst).
Allow your egg to relax in the water for a few minutes before rinsing it under lukewarm water. Let the egg air out and cool down before inserting it into your Yoni. You may also like to bathe your Yoni egg in Sage or incense smoke to clear your crystal from energies it previously came into contact with.
How Do I Charge My Yoni Egg?
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First and foremost, energetically cleanse your Yoni egg with Sage or incense smoke prior to charging your egg. Afterwards, gently allow your Yoni egg to rest in the palms of your hand. Focus your intentions on what you desire to cultivate from using your Yoni egg. You can infuse your crystal with self-affirming intention like:
- I am comfortable in my sexual expression.
- I allow myself to enjoy pleasure.
- I orgasm with ease.
- I am confident, focused, and determined.
- I love and accept all aspects of myself.
- I am healed from trauma stored in my womb.
- I embrace my lunar cycle and my PMS is soothed.
Use your intuition to charge the most genuine and helpful intentions into your Yoni egg. You may also like to charge your Yoni egg underneath the moonlight or try burying it outside in a safe place to connect with Gaia's healing energies.
Bonding With Your Yoni Egg
Developing a relationship with your Yoni egg is a unique process for each woman. I prefer somewhat of an elaborate ritual when initiating a new Yoni egg into my collection which includes a Goddess Bath to cleanse my crystal and get a feel for the work she wants to do with me. Although it's totally fine to infuse your own intentions into your Yoni egg, I love connecting with the innate wisdom that each crystal carries. After my Goddess Bath, I may also include a candle meditation, automatic writing or a tarot reading in this initiation process.
Feel free to be as simple or elaborate as you like. Your intention is the most important element of your magic! Other suggestions may include sleeping with your egg underneath your pillow, breathing and Kegel exercises, yoga, sensual dance, or connecting with nature. Use your intention and do what feels best for you!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our weekly newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
The Power Of Connecting Energetically To Your Yoni
How I'm Cultivating Better Self-Love By Using Yoni Eggs
Take Better Care Of Your Vagina With These Tips
Women Are Using Yoni Steams To Heal Themselves From Sexual Trauma
Featured image by Giphy
Originally published on May 15, 2019
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There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
So…apparently, there was once a Parade survey of 1,001 married Americans concerning sex.
Surprisingly (at least, to me), 88 percent of them said that their sex lives made them happy or they were at least “reasonably content” with it. The reason why that surprises me is because 1) I’m aware that somewhere around 15 percent of marriages are currently sexless; 2) only about half of people have sex on a weekly basis, and 3) if that many folks are indeed that satisfied in the bedroom, why do so many of us who work with long-term couples always hear otherwise?
Then, I paused and pondered on the “reasonably content” part. I don’t know about you, but to me, that doesn’t sound like hanging-off-of-the-chandeliers kind of sex. That’s more like, “I’ll take it however and whenever I can get it” sex — and, in my eyes, that’s just not good enough. To me, sex is a beautifully wondrous thing that should reach the peak of pleasure as much as possible.
Fortunately, I do know a few couples who profess to have great (awesome, fabulous, and tremendous) sex pretty much every time that they have it. Even though most of them aren’t familiar with each other, interestingly enough, they all agree that while skill and technique play a role in amazing coitus, there are other factors that can prevent great sex from transpiring, too.
I did some researching, interviewing, and reviewing of past sessions that I’ve had with couples, and here are the 10 things that continue to come up, as far as being barriers to the kind of sex that every single person deserves — sex that doesn’t just leave you feeling “reasonably content” (goodness, let’s raise that bar, please).
1. You’re Not the Best of Friends
GiphyBefore getting into this one, let me just say that I’m not referring to a “friends with benefits” dynamic. Although some of those do end up transitioning from being sex buddies to a full-blown relationship, some studies say that only about 15 percent of them do, and that’s not the greatest odds on the planet (for the record, around 28 percent are able to go back to being just friends as well).
No, what I’m referring to here is it’s wise to experience physical intimacy with someone who has the qualities of being one of your absolute closest friends: they’re honest, supportive, compassionate, loyal, communicate well, and they definitely are someone who you consider to be a safe space. When you’re in a relationship with someone who you also consider to be one of your dearest (if not dearest) friends, there is an incomparable level of trust and peace that makes intimacy that much easier — and special.
2. You Need to Get a Check-Up
GiphyIf you were to ask a group of people if they should get an annual check-up, they would probably say “yes.” Hmph, problem is, only about one-fifth of us actually do it, and when it comes to our libidos, that can be (potentially) problematic as hell. The reason why I say that is sometimes “not being in the mood” has very little to do with anything emotional, psychological, or relational; it’s actually a result of not taking the best care of your health.
Things like obesity, hormonal imbalances (including perimenopause and menopause), certain medications, stress, and good old-fashioned aging can be the underlying culprits, and if that is indeed the issue, as much as you might think that Google can cure everything, you actually need a medical professional to confirm what is going on — and what you need to do in order to rectify the situation.
3. You’re Not Affirming and Affectionate on a Daily Basis
GiphyQuestion: When was the last time that you gave your partner a sincere compliment? Believe it or not, there are studies that support the fact that complimenting others not only boosts their self-esteem and confidence levels but it also creates an atmosphere for clearer communication while motivating and causing the individual on the receiving end to feel valued. Not only that, but the person who gives the compliments ends up feeling happier and more grateful, too.
As far as affection goes, aside from the fact that it helps you to feel emotionally closer to your partner, there are health benefits to consider as well. Kissing, cuddling, and even holding hands can help to decrease stress levels, lower blood pressure, and even strengthen your immune system. The way I like to look at this is affirmations are a verbal form of foreplay, while affection is a PG version of it — and when it comes to experiencing great sex, foreplay should always be in the mix.
4. You Don’t Plan Dates (and Then Actually Go on Them)
GiphyI’ve got a girlfriend who’s been married for several decades and hardly ever gets taken out on dates by her husband. In his mind, it’s kind of a waste of money; he’d rather be a “great provider” than a romantic kind of dude. Problem is, her top love language is quality time, and so, not dating frustrates her more than most. You know what, though? Their story isn’t rare. In fact, some studies indicate that over half of the married couples in this country never go out on dates. SMDH.
There are dozens of reasons why this is not a good idea as far as “divorce-proofing” your marriage goes; however, since this article is about sex, specifically, quality time strengthens emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy improves the quality of one’s sex life. So, if you’re in a long-term relationship, your sex life is ho-hum, and you can’t remember the last time you and your partner actually went out together — perhaps it’s time to connect those dots.
5. Your Relationship Is Not Your Top Priority
GiphyIf I had to choose one main issue that keeps me in business (as far as marriage life coaching is concerned), it’s that one or both spouses in a marriage “forget” (I put that in quotes because sometimes they literally forget and sometimes it’s more of a passive-aggressive choice) to make their partner their very top priority (under God, that is). When it comes to this particular topic, a priority is defined as being “the right to precede others in order, rank, privilege, etc.; precedence” and when you say “I do” to someone, that is a part of what you are publicly declaring — that they are going to take precedence over everyone else in your world.
And what are some indications that your partner is your top priority? You are proactive rather than reactive when it comes to their needs. You are quick to want to resolve problems while being slow to create them. You consistently want them to feel heard, validated, and safe. You make them aware that they are a part of both your short and long-term plans. Empathy is a foundational part of the relationship. And honey, when two people do this for each other outside of the bedroom, how can there not be fireworks inside of it? Straight up.
6. Your Kids Are Taking Over
GiphyI always find it interesting whenever people get triggered by my saying that children should never come before marriage. For one thing, the marriage existed first. Secondly, kids aren’t adults; they don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to find balance in their needs or demands; adults need to be the ones to regulate both. And third, have you read how divorce affects/impacts kids even well into their adulthood?
At the end of the day, children want happy parents and there’s a greater chance that will happen when husbands and wives put their relationship first. Unfortunately, even with all of the data that supports my points, a lot of people still let their kids take over their entire lives — including their bedroom and that can lead to, not only a “less than” sex life but a completely ruined one, if you’re not careful.
That’s why I think it’s important for parents to read articles like HuffPost’s “We Decided To Tell Our Kids When We’re Having Sex. Here’s Why — And What Happened After.” and also ones that I’ve penned for the platform like, “Married Couples, Here's How To Make (More) Time For Sex,” “How To Make Sex Easier (& More Fun) When You've Got Kids” and even “10 New Moms Share What They Wish They Knew About Sex Post-Delivery.” The takeaway here is kids are to be a part of your life — not all of it.
7. The Chemistry Is Off
GiphyChemistry is an interesting thing because, although it is pretty necessary when it comes to having a fulfilling sex life, science is still trying to figure out just how to narrow it down. According to a particular article that I read, a featured sex therapist said that sexual chemistry is a combination of attraction, hormones, and even a combination of pleasant memories and/or nostalgia. Another article said that the level of brain chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine that naturally arise when we’re around certain people (vs. others) cannot be underestimated either.
To me, when it comes to (sexual) chemistry, I think my biggest takeaway is if there is something that you can’t really fake, that would be it, and so, while you shouldn’t rely on chemistry alone when it comes to cultivating a healthy and long-lasting relationship, if, after about three dates or so, there is no “spark,” don’t play that down. Sex is an essential part of a committed relationship, which means that chemistry, on some level, absolutely needs to be present and accounted for.
8. There Is Sexual Frustration
GiphyWhenever I hear someone say, “I’m not angry; I’m frustrated,” I always appreciate that level of self-awareness because being frustrated isn’t about being resentful so much as it’s about being disappointed — and sexual disappointment can happen in a billion different ways. Maybe the quality of sex has decreased. Perhaps you’re not having as much sex as you would like. Could it be that you want more spontaneity or romance, and your partner rarely, if ever, seems to rise to the occasion? Or shoot, maybe your sexual wants and needs have changed, and your partner doesn’t want to make the necessary adjustments.
A part of the reason why I’ve penned articles for the platform like “7 Questions You Should Ask Your Partner Before Giving Them Some” and “9 Sex-Related Questions You & Your Partner Should Ask Each Other. Tonight.” is because the only way that you can ensure that your partner is truly satisfied as far as sex goes is if you ask. When it comes to great sex, there is no room for ego, assumptions, or taking the “if it always worked, it still should” approach. People who move like that? One way or another, they are going to disappoint their bae as far as sexual satisfaction goes (whether their bae actually tells them that or just…fakes through it instead).
9. Or Sexual Repression
GiphyOn the heels of the last point, one of the reasons why sex is considered to be an ultimate form of communication is that when it’s good — and I mean, really, really good — all five senses (sight, hearing, taste, touch, and sound) are involved (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”). Another reason is that when you can trust your partner to share your deepest sexual desires and perhaps even a sex-themed bucket list or entries from your sex journal, that can open the door to all types of sexual pleasure…and close the door to what’s known as sexual repression.
Probably the easiest way to define sexual repression is it’s what happens whenever you’re holding back feelings and longings as far as sex is concerned. There are several things that can cause this to transpire. It could be fear of rejection, suppressed childhood or religion-related issues, guilt or shame surrounding certain sex acts, or even physical pain during sex.
For instance, I know a wife who was raped in college and never told her husband. For years, they had sex-related issues because it’s almost as if she was stoic during the act, which led him to not find sex enjoyable at all because he felt like he was unwanted. I also know a wife who, because she is a first lady (you know, a pastor’s wife), has suppressed a lot of her sexual fantasies because she’s afraid that her husband will find them to be “inappropriate.”
In both of these instances, a sex therapist could do a lot of good (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”) because they are professionally trained to deal with all levels of sexual repression — something that is very real, even if it’s not openly discussed very often.
10. Orgasms Consume You
GiphyDo you need to experience orgasms in order to have good sex? No. You don’t. Can it be magnificent whenever you experience them, though? Of course. That said, when it comes to having great sex, although orgasms are literally defined as being the peak of sexual arousal, it is important to take the pressure off of both you and your partner. Contrary to whatever you’ve heard (or told yourself), sex can be pleasurable whether you reach a climax or not, together or not.
However, if you want to have more orgasms, don’t make them the goal so much as heightening your intimacy, taking your time, relishing in each other’s erogenous zones, doing some dirty talking, and being in the moment. When you’re “great” at these things, one way or another, great sex — and possibly a few orgasms along the way — is sure to follow. #wink
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Featured image by Giphy