

All My Single Ladies: Women Reflect On Being Single For 3+ Years
Being #teamsingle can be a very empowering time in a young woman's life, and most certainly absolutely necessary to really have space to discover who you are by yourself. But what happens when you feel like you have been long overdue for a relationship?
Take it from me, it can be extremely difficult to be single after a long period of flying solo and self-growth. I revealed in a piece about why my sex drive is so low and how it has resulted in me being celibate, but now I am ready to find someone who matches my vibration. It's even harder when many of your childhood friends are all married homeowners, working on baby number 3!
However, I for one still don't have it together, and after a recent brush with F-Boy buffoonery, and a recent rejection, I reached out to women in my boat who have some words of advice!
Some of them have never been in a real committed relationship, while others had only been in short-lived situationships. One woman even joked that she feels like she wastes her makeup sometimes when going out, and to be honest, I felt that! Another even said that she felt rage inside over her singleness, and I have been there! Read on to learn what long-term singleness looks like for these four incredible women and how they navigate in a world dominated by coupledom.
Ashley W. Gillett @ashleywgillett
I have been single for four years, real single no boo, no bae nothing.
I had so many toxic relationships in the past that I had to take a break to heal and work on me. When I decided to take a break, little did I know it would be for four years. During the break, I worked on my finances, my weight - just worked on me for peace of mind. During the initial break, I did not expect to be in a relationship and was not looking for one. I am now at the point where I do want a relationship, but for whatever reason, it is not happening for me. I actually started dating, but literally went on four dates this year, which have all been dead-end situations. They either turned out to be creeps or it just didn't work out.
Yes, I see all these amazing relationships on social media and also plan and design weddings where love is constantly in my face. I love seeing people in love, but I sometimes get to a point saying, "When will it be my turn?" When people hear my age, they automatically think I have a man or a kid, I have neither. I have yet to have a real relationship where a man was truly into me, and not what I could do for them financially.
I constantly hear you are not getting any younger, but I can't marry myself. I will not give up hope, but as of now, it has not happened for me.
[To counteract that] I honestly keep busy with things that matter and that make me happy. I have a full-time job, I am working on my second book (her first one is Red Flags Run), I sing, I take part in community activities with shelters, I host vision board parties, and so much more. Granted you can't occupy your entire time and life with doing things to avoid being single, but they absolutely help.
I take myself out to dinner, I go to the movies by myself, I travel a lot and meet people. Just about everyone in my circle both older and younger are either married or in long-term committed relationships. They often do relationship trips or dinners where I excuse myself because, who wants to be the odd ball when it's an intimate setting like that?!
Yes, I am single and living, not having a significant other doesn't mean life is over. It just gives you the opportunity to work on you and do the things you love.
Jasmine Hosni, @j_dot_rez
I am 35 years old and have been single since I was 29 (turning 36 in September.) Enjoy your friends, their kids, watch their love lives, learn from it, do all the things you want to do but think you don't have time for. If it intimidates you and you're attracted to it, it's likely something you will enjoy, it's just outside your comfort zone.
Become confident in yourself and take yourself out on dates and visit other countries. You get to realize your environment is just that: your present immediate environment! The world is so much bigger and filled with so many possibilities and beauty.
When you live a full life without someone, you learn that "Damn, whoever I end up with is going to have to be an amazing person" because life is pretty damn amazing, and I won't settle for anyone that will put a dent into my happiness because of societal timeline standards. No one will be allowed to interrupt your peace.
You learn to love yourself and everything that deserves love around you.
Boundaries become your friend. You learn to love your freedom and really understand what it means to have your own world and want your own space and life while possibly sharing some time with another person. You become alive. Enjoy it, because once you do settle down, you will want to have epic stories to share and laughs that will last a few lifetimes.
Sadé Solomon @SadeSolomon
I connected with this popular inspirational blogger on Instagram, and she had just written a blog post entitled, "Single: What's Wrong With Me," on her blog, Conversations Beyond.Here's a snapshot of what she wrote:
When loneliness creeps in, you may look at your watch, and say: " It's been 5 whole years I've been single, what's wrong with me?" I did! You too may get upset or frustrated with God, I am. I found myself on my knees begging God to answer these questions for me: "Why am I desiring a marriage this much?", "What's wrong with me?" and "Why are you taking so long to fix it and bring bae?"
After my relationship and dating event in D.C., I realized that I'd been idolizing marriage; something I knew nothing about.
I'd idolized the idea of being married; which SOCIAL MEDIA HELPS TO PERPETUATE. I'd looked at marriage as this fix-it-all situation, which it is not. I'm no expert in marriage (maybe singleness), but after years of studying it, I've learned that marriage doesn't fix your heart issues! Marriage doesn't fix those abandonment issues, your love issues, your depression issues, your financial issues, your loneliness issues, or your low self-worth issues; it exposes it.
We need to spend our singleness unpacking and uncovering those heart things before we carry that baggage into a marriage (if it's God's will).
Although I am frustrated waiting on God for a husband, I realize that I have a lot of Sade stuff to STILL work on. As much as I've prepared myself for marriage, I still have some heart things that need worked on. I mean, I just lost my dad; I have to heal from this.
Another person could never fix or heal you from the mess that you've repressed, only you and God can. So my message to US today is this: Yes, embrace where you are, but don't get comfortable and stop working on you. Do the self-work first! Don't get stuck waiting on a husband that you neglect to do purpose-driven things.
Shima #IAmOyaCush @Shima.me.timbers
Shima has never been in a long-term committed relationship, and she shares why and how she has navigated this space.
An unfortunate stigma about being single is that people automatically slap the "She must be crazy" label on you.
No. I'm just very particular about who I want with me for the long haul.
There are many factors as to why I've never been in a committed relationship such as: immaturity, poor timing turning into a dodged bullet, ignorance, lack of self-love, spiritual growth, career/aligning with my path and purpose, anxiety and depression, healing from childhood trauma, red flags, getting caught up in the physical, not knowing what I wanted, fear of intimacy, liking people who don't like me back, or just outright being a bitch and f****** up potential. I'm a Caribbean woman on the other side of 30, so people look at me like something's wrong with me. I, supposedly, have to bring home some guy who will "give me a good future" and help me give my mom some grandbabies.
I've grown through the ups and down with the help of family and friends. I'm blessed to have a strong circle who always keep it 100 with me, and will support me whether I listen to them or not. I've allowed myself to cry and embrace the heartbreak. I got lost in physical connections, but inevitably cut that way of being off until I could truly appreciate the responsibility of using my creative (sexual) power. If the energy is off, I don't even bother going on the date.
Things got a lot easier once I tuned in to my power and began to embrace the divine within.
My connection with spirit and my ancestors pulls me back from sadness every time. Giving unconditional love to others and finding a place in a community that is here to heal the world gives me purpose and comfort. I know that when my romantic love comes, it'll be well worth the wait. I'll be attracting it from the way I love myself. Of course, I get pangs of loneliness, but I do my best not to dwell in those feelings because they only cause stress and prolong the love that I'm looking for.
Meditation and affirmations have definitely helped the wait for my person go by. I've also taken a lot of pressure off of myself by actively taking responsibility for where I am mentally and spiritually. I love to have Goddess spa days at home. I make spiritual baths and get all luxe (shoutout to Filthy Cosmetics) with my own homemade goodies. I write, mostly provocative poetry. I sing when no one is listening (except my friends), and I help people refocus on the things that make them better through my spiritual work.
The one thing I've learned is to not base your happiness on someone else's experience.
Whether it's fear of having abusive relationships like your friends, or wanting a parent to find love so they won't have time to worry about you, it's not fair to deliberately isolate, prolong, and avoid living your life your way.
Featured image courtesy of Sadé Solomon
- 5 Reasons You're Still Single - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
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- Single, Blissful, Happy, Tips To Embrace Being Single | Cultivate ... ›
- The Art of Being Happily Single ›
- How to Be Single and Happy: 12 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow ›
- 15 Ways to Enjoy Being Single ›
- 8 Tips to Feeling Happily Single While You're Single ›
- Rock On, Girl! 10 Ways To LOVE The Heck Out Of Being Single ... ›
- If You Don't Like Being Single, You Need To Read This | HuffPost ›
- Dating Advice For Women, How To Enjoy Being Single Tips ›
- The DOs and DON'Ts of Being Single | Glamour ›
- Advice on Being Single | Dating Tips | eHarmony Advice ›
Fontaine Felisha Foxworth is a writer and creative entrepreneur from Brooklyn New York. She is currently on the West Coast working on creating a TV Pilot called "Finding Fontaine", that details the nomadic journey of her life so far. Keep up with her shenanigans @famoustaine on IG.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
There are moments on our health journey when our bodies are bugging us to hit the reset button.
With life, we can start to see slips in our diet, irregular exercising, and inconsistent sleep schedules, and our mental health can suffer because of it. But what many people come to find is that with just a few adjustments — as opposed to restrictions — being made to their food intake, we can see a focus more on eating “the right” calories and less on being on a restrictive diet.
"Raw Till 4" is a dietary concept and lifestyle associated with the raw vegan and high-carb, low-fat vegan (HCLF) movements. Created by Australian blogger and YouTube star known as 'Freelee the Banana Girl', the method suggests eating raw, uncooked plant-based foods until 4 p.m. each day and then having a cooked, vegan meal in the evening.
The Raw Till 4 lifestyle follows the guidelines of vegan and rawist eating and involves consuming fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and sprouted grains in an uncooked, natural state until the designated time of 4 p.m. or around one’s typical dinner time. After 4 p.m., a cooked vegan meal is consumed, which may include foods like steamed vegetables, grains, legumes, and plant-based sources of protein like tofu or tempeh.
On TikTok, creator Adina Yaffa is repopularizing the trend, sharing how it’s helped to improve digestion, boost energy levels, and support weight loss.
@adinayaffa Replying to @🌜kat🌛 here is what I eat in a day on a raw till 4 lifestyle. I eat with the sun and according to the circadian rhythm that out bodies follow on a typical day. Where i drink liquids during the first 8 hours, then juicy fruits, then smoothies, more dense building fats, proteins and veggies! #snatchedwaist #bellyfat #bellybloat #smallwaist #hourglass #rawtill4
“During the hours of 4 a.m. and 8 a.m., your body is in an elimination phase and needs all the help it can get,” Yaffa says in the clip. “So what you’re going to do is drink coconut water, citrus juices, and green juices during this time, and around 8 a.m., you can break your fast with some fruit. I suggest juicing fruits, and then after that, I suggest having a smoothie or a bowl with berries and granola so you can get your fats and healthy proteins in.”
@adinayaffa Raw till 4 has so many benefits including better digestion, nutrients, belly fat and bloat elimination, snatched waist, more energy and so much more! #snatchedwaist #bellyfat #bellybloat #smallwaist #hourglass
On the official Raw Till 4 website, Freelee the Banana Girl shares tips on how to get the best outcomes of this lifestyle change, which include:
- “Stay hydrated! You should pee about 8-12 times per day, and your urine should be clear. Drink 1 liter of water when you wake up in the morning, and 1 liter of water about 30 minutes before each meal for optimal results.”
- “Fragmented sodium (salt) should be kept to a minimum. Use herbs, lemon juice, etc. wherever possible in place of salt.”
- “Eat unlimited calories at every meal, no restriction. The majority of your calories each day should come from fruit. Don’t under-eat on fruit during the day or 'save up' your calories for dinner time. RT4 is about abundance at every meal.”
- “Move your body daily. Find an activity you love and make it your playful exercise.”
- “Make sure to get lots of rest, relaxation, and good sleep. Learning to incorporate good rest, early nights, and regular sleeping patterns into your life will greatly improve your overall health.”
- “Practice gratitude and peaceful emotions at mealtime, and get a vision book started! Be sure to enjoy this journey. Focus on long-term health instead of short-term results.”
Critics argue that it can be challenging to get all the necessary nutrients from a raw vegan diet and that it may not be suitable for everyone, especially over the long term.
As with any diet, it's important to consult with a healthcare professional or registered dietitian before making significant dietary changes to ensure that it meets your individual nutritional needs and health goals.
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Featured image by FreshSplash/Getty Images