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My Sex Drive Has Become Super Low & I'm Here For It
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My Sex Drive Has Become Super Low & I'm Here For It

Sex

Different women have different sex drives, or desires to experience sexual pleasure. Some women want to have sex every day, and others can rock with getting it in once in a blue moon. There are different opinions on what constitutes as a healthy sexual appetite, and what borders on an unhealthy sexual propensity toward over- or under-indulgence.


For me personally, the more I tune into my body, energy, spirituality, and current sexual patterns, I find that my drive is seemingly below the average than many of my female peers. This piece will dissect why that is, and why celibacy is my present choice.

Sex Is Energy.

Like every other emotion and physical act, sex is energy. Whether it's with someone else or in an act of self-pleasure, sexual desire and practice is an energetic exchange and chemical reaction. On a hormonal level, an orgasm is apart of the Autonomic Nervous System and triggers the release of neurohormones oxytocin, prolactin, and endorphins from the brain's pituitary gland. Energetically, the third eye chakra is very connected to the pituitary gland, which produces hormones and governs the function of five other glands. Sometimes the hypothalamic pineal gland, which influences the release of hormones through the pituitary gland, is linked to the third eye chakra as well as to the crown chakra.

Related: How Opening Your 7 Chakras Can Transform Your Mind, Body & Spirit

According to an article by David and Ellen Ramsdale of Innerself.com, sexual energy is recycled and returned back to source: "There is some evidence that in human beings the sexual energy cycle has two stages. The first stage begins in the brain, at the pituitary and pineal glands, and ends in the sex glands. The second stage of the cycle, the actual recycling step, returns energy to these master glands in the brain."

If this is the case, it is no wonder that my sex drive has decreased, as my awareness of energy and how important balanced and cleared chakras are, has rapidly increased since my spiritual awakening occurred in 2015. Energy is exchanged when you sexually merge with another person. You are literally allowing someone else's Juju to enter your body.

Sex Is A Biological Function.

Per Wikipedia, sexual desire or one's libido is a motivational state and an interest in "sexual objects or activities, or as a wish, or drive to seek out sexual objects or to engage in sexual activities."

A person's desire for sex varies from individual to individual, and can be triggered internally and externally. As a woman who is biologically passed my initial stages of puberty and influx of adolescent sexual urges, as well as being socially underwhelmed by the instant sexual gratification of one night stands and "sex with no strings attached," I find that my current libido is mostly induced by the reproductive triggers of hormones prior to my monthly menstrual cycle.

Related: Men Admit Period Sex Is Not A Turn-Off

So basically, the only time I find myself sexually aroused is when my period is approaching, and shortly thereafter. I don't usually get urges to self-pleasure outside of this biological window, besides a little feed creeping on IG. It seems this change in my appetite came about as my awareness of consciousness and spirituality increased. I used to be somebody who viewed sex solely as a fun and pleasurable activity with no deeper meaning than getting my rocks off. I used to subscribe to getting a "D-Recharge" whenever I had a vitamin D drought of a few months, but now, I cringe at the thought of hooking up with someone who is just physically attractive with a nice package.

Now I view random hookups as aura pollutants.

Past Sexual Experiences Have Turned Me Off To Casual Sex.

My first adult sexual experience, in retrospect, was quite traumatic. I remember being penetrated from behind. This is how I lost my virginity. Once I unpacked this hidden trauma, it revealed a revelation of my relationship to unhealthy and toxic sex. If sex is sacred and is considered a loving act between two people or self, it should in no way, shape, or form be carried out in a harmful way, physically, emotionally, or mentally.

As I introspectively reflected on past sexual experiences, I had to accept that I had subjected myself to being used as a sexual object, though I was unaware of this at the time. This kind of objectification can often be subtle and deceiving when you are under the belief that the person you are connecting with has your best interests at heart. A lot of my heartaches have been attached to sexual relationships that I mistakenly associated with deep emotional connection, which ultimately led to willfully engaging in shallow and misaligned sexual escapades with people who actually siphoned my energy and took advantage of my naivety.

The emotions of pain left over after experiencing these heartaches, tainted my own relationship with self-worth and ownership of my sexuality. These experiences disempowered me and left me in a heap of sexual confusion and anxiety. It wasn't until I healed these aspects of my experience, that I've come to this place.

I am happy to be here.

Sexual Desire Can Be Expressed Through Meditation and Creativity.

There is an unfortunate widespread misconception that someone who is not having sex often is either repressed or has an unhealthy relationship with their sexuality. The minute that you tell a homegirl that you ain't got none in a minute, sis might cry out to the Holy Father himself that you get some vitamin D!

For me, this couldn't be further from the truth. I have remained celibate since the end of 2017, and me and my vagina are doing just fine. Sexual desire can be expressed in other ways than physical copulation. As someone who is very active in meditation, I can bring myself to an incredible orgasm by infusing self-pleasure with chakra energy work and astral sex.

The sacral chakra is the energy center that deals with Kundalini release. By working with this energy, I have achieved wonderful sexual pleasure. Having astral sex is one of the most amazing out-of-body feelings I've ever experienced with my twin flame. The ecstasy you feel is out of this world - no pun intended. This type of sexual energy works by creating the orgasm in the mental and energetic plane, and transferring it to your physical sex organs.

Sexual desire can also be expressed through creativity. I love to express divine feminine energy through dance and movement. Not only do you release sexual energy, but you also ground yourself. I also love expressing this energy through poetry and songwriting.

I would rather express my sexuality in these ways than to taint my spirit with someone who doesn't vibrate the same.

I know it won't be long before the universe sends me someone who is deserving of this very special exchange of energy. Some people couldn't go too long without physical intimacy, but I'm good. I'm one-hundred-percent celibate, and I'm here for it.

Featured image by Getty Images

What 14 People Say 'Great Sex' Means To Them

What is the difference between bad, average, and great sex? If I ask thirty people this question, I would get thirty different answers. As someone who's had their fair share of both good and not-so-good sex, I understand that there is no one size fits all answer to this question. "Great sex" can mean different things to different people. Case in point, I once had an amazing sexual experience with a guy that a mutual “friend” had a horrible experience with. Great sex is subjective AF! According to the mutual friend his sex was subpar at best. One person’s trash is another one’s treasure. Great sex boils down to what is good for you and your partner at the moment. No two people are the same so no two sexual experiences will be the same either.

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My knee-jerk reaction, of course, comes from years of watching film and TV that have exploited Black trauma onscreen and were created with little (if any) consideration for what could emotionally trigger the Black audience. The 1955 murder of Emmett Till is so heartbreaking and inherently violent; would this film make us live through that violence on screen?

Fortunately, no!

This week, before watching Gina Prince-Bythewood's incredible The Woman King, a featurette for Till played in place of a trailer and it soothed my fears.

"There will be no physical violence against Black people on screen," the film's award-winning director and co-writer Chinonye Chukwu says in the featurette. "I'm not interested in relishing in that kind of physical trauma. We're going to begin and end in a place of joy," she says.

Starring Danielle Deadwyler (whose heartfelt performance on HBO's Station Eleven stole the show) as Mamie, Till is a celebration of Mamie's tireless activism which sparked the civil rights movement that continues today and ultimately culminated in President Biden signing the Emmett Till Anti-Lynching Act into law just a few months ago in March 2022. "Mamie Till Mobley is a hero," says Alana Mayo, president of Orion Pictures, the production company behind the film. "I'm really, really committed to making movies not just by us, but for us," Mayo says in the featurette.

After a private screening of Till, this week, Trayvon Martin's mother, Sybrina Fulton, tweeted that the film was "#Powerful" and "a must see."

Mamie's story of courage in the face of unspeakable tragedy deserves to be told--especially as we continue the fight for civil rights today. Knowing that the Black filmmakers behind the film are centering Black joy and aiming for our empowerment through the film makes a world of difference.

TILLis in theaters October 14.

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