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My Sex Drive Has Become Super Low & I'm Here For It


Different women have different sex drives, or desires to experience sexual pleasure. Some women want to have sex every day, and others can rock with getting it in once in a blue moon. There are different opinions on what constitutes as a healthy sexual appetite, and what borders on an unhealthy sexual propensity toward over- or under-indulgence.

For me personally, the more I tune into my body, energy, spirituality, and current sexual patterns, I find that my drive is seemingly below the average than many of my female peers. This piece will dissect why that is, and why celibacy is my present choice.

Sex Is Energy.

Like every other emotion and physical act, sex is energy. Whether it's with someone else or in an act of self-pleasure, sexual desire and practice is an energetic exchange and chemical reaction. On a hormonal level, an orgasm is apart of the Autonomic Nervous System and triggers the release of neurohormones oxytocin, prolactin, and endorphins from the brain's pituitary gland. Energetically, the third eye chakra is very connected to the pituitary gland, which produces hormones and governs the function of five other glands. Sometimes the hypothalamic pineal gland, which influences the release of hormones through the pituitary gland, is linked to the third eye chakra as well as to the crown chakra.

Related: How Opening Your 7 Chakras Can Transform Your Mind, Body & Spirit

According to an article by David and Ellen Ramsdale of Innerself.com, sexual energy is recycled and returned back to source: "There is some evidence that in human beings the sexual energy cycle has two stages. The first stage begins in the brain, at the pituitary and pineal glands, and ends in the sex glands. The second stage of the cycle, the actual recycling step, returns energy to these master glands in the brain."

If this is the case, it is no wonder that my sex drive has decreased, as my awareness of energy and how important balanced and cleared chakras are, has rapidly increased since my spiritual awakening occurred in 2015. Energy is exchanged when you sexually merge with another person. You are literally allowing someone else's Juju to enter your body.

Sex Is A Biological Function.

Per Wikipedia, sexual desire or one's libido is a motivational state and an interest in "sexual objects or activities, or as a wish, or drive to seek out sexual objects or to engage in sexual activities."

A person's desire for sex varies from individual to individual, and can be triggered internally and externally. As a woman who is biologically passed my initial stages of puberty and influx of adolescent sexual urges, as well as being socially underwhelmed by the instant sexual gratification of one night stands and "sex with no strings attached," I find that my current libido is mostly induced by the reproductive triggers of hormones prior to my monthly menstrual cycle.

Related: Men Admit Period Sex Is Not A Turn-Off

So basically, the only time I find myself sexually aroused is when my period is approaching, and shortly thereafter. I don't usually get urges to self-pleasure outside of this biological window, besides a little feed creeping on IG. It seems this change in my appetite came about as my awareness of consciousness and spirituality increased. I used to be somebody who viewed sex solely as a fun and pleasurable activity with no deeper meaning than getting my rocks off. I used to subscribe to getting a "D-Recharge" whenever I had a vitamin D drought of a few months, but now, I cringe at the thought of hooking up with someone who is just physically attractive with a nice package.

Now I view random hookups as aura pollutants.

Past Sexual Experiences Have Turned Me Off To Casual Sex.

My first adult sexual experience, in retrospect, was quite traumatic. I remember being penetrated from behind. This is how I lost my virginity. Once I unpacked this hidden trauma, it revealed a revelation of my relationship to unhealthy and toxic sex. If sex is sacred and is considered a loving act between two people or self, it should in no way, shape, or form be carried out in a harmful way, physically, emotionally, or mentally.

As I introspectively reflected on past sexual experiences, I had to accept that I had subjected myself to being used as a sexual object, though I was unaware of this at the time. This kind of objectification can often be subtle and deceiving when you are under the belief that the person you are connecting with has your best interests at heart. A lot of my heartaches have been attached to sexual relationships that I mistakenly associated with deep emotional connection, which ultimately led to willfully engaging in shallow and misaligned sexual escapades with people who actually siphoned my energy and took advantage of my naivety.

The emotions of pain left over after experiencing these heartaches, tainted my own relationship with self-worth and ownership of my sexuality. These experiences disempowered me and left me in a heap of sexual confusion and anxiety. It wasn't until I healed these aspects of my experience, that I've come to this place.

I am happy to be here.

Sexual Desire Can Be Expressed Through Meditation and Creativity.

There is an unfortunate widespread misconception that someone who is not having sex often is either repressed or has an unhealthy relationship with their sexuality. The minute that you tell a homegirl that you ain't got none in a minute, sis might cry out to the Holy Father himself that you get some vitamin D!

For me, this couldn't be further from the truth. I have remained celibate since the end of 2017, and me and my vagina are doing just fine. Sexual desire can be expressed in other ways than physical copulation. As someone who is very active in meditation, I can bring myself to an incredible orgasm by infusing self-pleasure with chakra energy work and astral sex.

The sacral chakra is the energy center that deals with Kundalini release. By working with this energy, I have achieved wonderful sexual pleasure. Having astral sex is one of the most amazing out-of-body feelings I've ever experienced with my twin flame. The ecstasy you feel is out of this world - no pun intended. This type of sexual energy works by creating the orgasm in the mental and energetic plane, and transferring it to your physical sex organs.

Sexual desire can also be expressed through creativity. I love to express divine feminine energy through dance and movement. Not only do you release sexual energy, but you also ground yourself. I also love expressing this energy through poetry and songwriting.

I would rather express my sexuality in these ways than to taint my spirit with someone who doesn't vibrate the same.

I know it won't be long before the universe sends me someone who is deserving of this very special exchange of energy. Some people couldn't go too long without physical intimacy, but I'm good. I'm one-hundred-percent celibate, and I'm here for it.

Featured image by Getty Images

Before she was Amira Unplugged, rapper, singer, and a Becoming a Popstar contestant on MTV, she was Amira Daughtery, a twenty-five year-old Georgian, with aspirations of becoming a lawyer. “I thought my career path was going to lead me to law because that’s the way I thought I would help people,” Amira tells xoNecole. “[But] I always came back to music.”

A music lover since childhood, Amira grew up in an artistic household where passion for music was emphasized. “My dad has always been my huge inspiration for music because he’s a musician himself and is so passionate about the history of music.” Amira’s also dealt with deafness in one ear since she was a toddler, a condition which she says only makes her more “intentional” about the music she makes, to ensure that what she hears inside her head can translate the way she wants it to for audiences.

“The loss of hearing means a person can’t experience music in the conventional way,” she says. “I’ve always responded to bigger, bolder anthemic songs because I can feel them [the vibrations] in my body, and I want to be sure my music does this for deaf/HOH people and everyone.”

A Black woman wearing a black hijab and black and gold dress stands in between two men who are both wearing black pants and colorful jackets and necklaces

Amira Unplugged and other contestants on Becoming a Popstar

Amira Unplugged / MTV

In order to lift people’s spirits at the beginning of the pandemic, Amira began posting videos on TikTok of herself singing and using sign language so her music could reach her deaf fans as well. She was surprised by how quickly she was able to amass a large audience. It was through her videos that she caught the attention of a talent scout for MTV’s new music competition show for rising TikTok singers, Becoming a Popstar. After a three-month process, Amira was one of those picked to be a contestant on the show.

Becoming a Popstar, as Amira describes, is different from other music competition shows we’ve all come to know over the years. “Well, first of all, it’s all original music. There’s not a single cover,” she says. “We have to write these songs in like a day or two and then meet with our producers, meet with our directors. Every week, we are producing a full project for people to vote on and decide if they’d listen to it on the radio.”

To make sure her deaf/HOH audiences can feel her songs, she makes sure to “add more bass, guitar, and violin in unique patterns.” She also incorporates “higher pitch sounds with like chimes, bells, and piccolo,” because, she says, they’re easier to feel. “But it’s less about the kind of instrument and more about how I arrange the pattern of the song. Everything I do is to create an atmosphere, a sensation, to make my music a multi-sensory experience.”

She says that working alongside the judges–pop stars Joe Jonas and Becky G, and choreographer Sean Bankhead – has helped expand her artistry. “Joe was really more about the vocal quality and the timber and Becky was really about the passion of [the song] and being convinced this was something you believed in,” she says. “And what was really great about [our choreographer] Sean is that obviously he’s a choreographer to the stars – Lil Nas X, Normani – but he didn’t only focus on choreo, he focused on stage presence, he focused on the overall message of the song. And I think all those critiques week to week helped us hone in on what we wanted to be saying with our next song.”

As her star rises, it’s been both her Muslim faith and her friends, whom she calls “The Glasses Gang” (“because none of us can see!”), that continue to ground her. “The Muslim and the Muslima community have really gone hard [supporting me] and all these people have come together and I truly appreciate them,” Amira says. “I have just been flooded with DMs and emails and texts from [young muslim kids] people who have just been so inspired,” she says. “People who have said they have never seen anything like this, that I embody a lot of the style that they wanted to see and that the message hit them, which is really the most important thing to me.”

A Black woman wears a long, salmon pink hijab, black outfit and pink boots, smiling down at the camera with her arm outstretched to it.

Amira Unplugged

Amira Unplugged / MTV

Throughout the show’s production, she was able to continue to uphold her faith practices with the help of the crew, such as making sure her food was halal, having time to pray, dressing modestly, and working with female choreographers. “If people can accept this, can learn, and can grow, and bring more people into the fold of this industry, then I’m making a real difference,” she says.

Though she didn’t win the competition, this is only the beginning for Amira. Whether it’s on Becoming a Popstar or her videos online, Amira has made it clear she has no plans on going anywhere but up. “I’m so excited that I’ve gotten this opportunity because this is really, truly what I think I’m meant to do.”

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