7 Mothers Share Their Postpartum Sex Experiences
Because I’m not having sex, I haven’t given much thought to how sex after I deliver my little seed will be. Out of sight, out of mind, ya know? It wasn't until a friend randomly reached out to me, more excited for the postpartum sex that stood ahead of me than I knew to be possible. I was curious, to say the least. Where was this burst of energy for my postpartum sex life coming from? Apparently, she had just had mind-blowing sex with her man but this wasn’t the first time she mentioned this – she had once shared the exhilaration she felt during sex in a normal girl chat. But I wasn’t pregnant then so I hadn’t thought much of it.
However, this time around, my brain was most definitely activated. The one thing that stood out to me was the pleasure she seemed to derive from her postpartum sex life! Mostly, because this had been so unheard of. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t care to speak to my mother in-depth prior to my own little seed being implanted in me. Nevertheless, I had only ever heard of negative postpartum sex experiences. Women went from being the top-flight security, maintaining the secrecy of the motherhood journey, not speaking of anything but the joy of baby and baby alone to now, where we’ve seen a shift in women trying to sprinkle some realness in the mix – warning us of the potential woes of motherhood.
I mention this because motherhood has become saturated with changing the narrative to a more realistic one and, in turn, it can induce more fear than not knowing. It seems once we were released from the shackles of silence, it turned out that everyone was experiencing ass tears and postpartum depression, and if you’re a Black woman, you might not even live to tell about any of those experiences.
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I guess what I’m saying was it was refreshing to have someone share a positive about giving birth to a child – one that I most definitely value and one that skews the narrative to remind us that in all actuality: every experience is different! And in us trying to make up for the myths of motherhood being all peachy keen, we’ve forgotten what balance looks like – going from sunshine and roses to hellfire and misery.
As far as the sex component goes, we have truly only ever heard the bottom of the barrel! Men talking about how "loose" women allegedly are after having a child and TikTok highlighting the potential for what is known as a husband stitch, which ensures you go back to maximum tightness after tearing. (Also, unethical to perform without patient permission apparently).
Nevertheless, it made me curious to speak with other women about their postpartum sex experience and I was happy to find that there were more women out there who were experiencing good sex, and for various reasons! Here’s what 8 women had to say about postpartum sex.
Sex was different... in the best way possible.
"I have to say I didn't have the confidence or drive to have sex immediately after a vaginal birth (both times). But [around four to six] weeks after, sex for me was way better than before having a baby. It felt more intimate, more connected, and somewhat special to be having sex so soon after having a baby. Not many women talk about this, do they? But I don't think it's a big secret personally. Every woman has a different experience, and for me, it was good."
– Sophie
I'm more in tune with my body more than I've ever been.
“I'm a mom of two with my youngest being four months old. My postpartum sex experience has been amazing. I opted for a natural birth with a midwife and doula as a result my recovery was really quick. Since giving birth I've been really in tune with my body and been wowed at what a woman's body is able to do. I wouldn't describe myself as a very sexual person but since giving birth, my desire to have sex and my natural lubrication has increased tremendously.
"I've also been taking ashwagandha and maca root to support my breastfeeding journey. An added benefit [of taking them] was increased libido [and] not just around the ovulation period. My husband is very happy, to say the least.”
– Jasmine
Sex after delivery helped with my PPD.
“I have two young children under the age of eight years old and I could certainly say right away that postpartum sex is by far much much better than sex prior to having children for several reasons. Not only has perhaps my confidence elevated, but most importantly, it’s also much less tricky in terms of stimulation. In addition, it is much easier to switch positions and perform the act as there is rarely if ever any discomfort due to that tightness perhaps felt in the beginning. Sex after delivery was also very beneficial as I suffered from PPD for a couple of months after my first delivery. Sex in a way was perhaps a reward for that after waiting six weeks after giving birth.”
– Vanessa
It was the last piece of intimacy we had been missing.
"I had a C-section so I was told to wait at least six weeks before having sex. I feel like the wait time just added to the anticipation and excitement. The postpartum period is obviously crazy with a newborn and the lack of sleep for the first month or so (sex was the last thing on my mind). However, as the weeks went on and we spent time in our own little bubble with this perfect little person we created, the feelings started creeping up again. I feel like you just fall deeper in love when you see your man taking care of and loving your tiny human. It's next-level sexy! I couldn't wait to show him just how much. We were literally counting down the days until the mandatory six weeks were up.
"All that waiting makes it almost as exciting as the first time again. We went all out and set up a special date night with dinner, wine, and new lingerie, the works! In one word: fireworks! It was perfect! It was that one piece of intimacy we had been missing and we held on to each other long after it was over. I think it's important to talk to your partner and make sure you're both on the same page. I expressed my concerns about possible pain (and hormones and dealing with this new postpartum body that I wasn't used to) so we took things slow and he checked with me throughout to make sure I was okay. All in all, it was a wonderful experience that actually made me feel sexy again.”
– Cendu
Antidepressants I take for my hormonal-induced depression impacted my sex drive.
“I get so fricking excited when someone asks about postpartum women. It was a period of my life that was insanely difficult and I feel like my overall experience was very different from most women's. I've always had a great sex drive, before, during, and after pregnancy. Then I started taking antidepressants about six weeks after birth and my libido hit rock bottom. Almost four years later and I still haven't gone back to my regular levels, but it's either that or hormonal-induced depression. If you want a little more information, we both enjoy 'doggystyle' since I had our children. If I had to guess, it's because of the deeper penetration level.”
– Bethany
Amazing sex wasn't in the cards for me for several months after giving birth.
“I felt well prepared for the months following my baby's birth. After all, I had been a mother-baby nurse for years. When my OBGYN looked at me and said, ‘Rachel, six weeks is not a magic number. You probably aren't going to feel like your pre-pregnant self when having sex,’ she did me a huge favor. Otherwise, I would have felt something was wrong with me. I experienced a second-degree tear with my baby and it took me several months for the soreness to completely heal. I was shocked the first time I had sex and it was so uncomfortable. Had my doctor not warned me, I would have thought there was something wrong with me.
"It was six months after giving birth that I was able to experience sex that felt good and didn't hurt my repair. Between the soreness and my breast milk letting down during sex, it was quite the experience. I don't wish to relive those months, but my husband and I can now look back at those times and laugh. Amazing sex was not in the cards for me for several months following childbirth. Women who do not experience a tear, episiotomy, or who have a C-section may well experience great postpartum sex while their progesterone levels are high.”
– Rachel
Postpartum sex wasn't different for me physically, but it was emotionally.
“I want to start by saying that my daughters are now 17 and 20; both were vaginal births. I think that once the initial trepidation passed — meaning, the 'first-time sex' after the six-week follow-up and the all-clear from my doctor — postpartum sex wasn’t noticeably 'better.' It wasn’t worse, either. If anything, what made it great was knowing I had bounced back and everything was indeed okay. There is a HUGE amount of concern over not just your own desirability as a new mom because your body has changed so much, but you worry that it’ll hurt, or you won’t feel things as you did before. You also worry about what your partner will be thinking, especially if they were in the delivery room.
"It sounds silly, but that was something I thought about. My husband had seen all manner of things during the delivery (including poop because let’s face it, that’s really common during vaginal births) so as a new mom facing sex again, you struggle with knowing this person saw you at one of the most vulnerable moments imaginable. So naturally, you worry they’re thinking about that the first time you have sex after giving birth… or at least I did. The relief that came after that first time back in the saddle — it was palpable, at least for me. I think, too, that while postpartum sex didn’t feel better physically, it was better emotionally — it was almost like our bond was stronger if that makes sense? That’s what made postpartum sex amazing.”
– Alison
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Featured image by Getty Images
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line CÉCRED & Here's My Honest Review
Beyoncé is snatching our wallets yet again with her latest business venture CÉCRED. In 2023, the Texas native hinted at a potential haircare line when she posted this photo causing fans to speculate that her next project would be focused on her famous tresses - they were right. Her haircare line Cécred launched on February 20 with her first drop called The Foundation Collection which focuses on haircare first, and I can only assume that a style product line for colored-treated hair will likely follow since Beyoncé is known for slaying various shades of blonde.
As a super fan since the early 2000s, it was only right that I give an honest review of the full line and purchase the Super Fan Bundle (retailed at $265) which includes the full product line of the 8 products, as well as a branded cosmetic bag. If you’re thinking, “Girl that bundle is too pricey for me,” I can assure you that for the value you're getting, the price is quite reasonable. This bundle was an intentional and marketable way to allow consumers to experience every Cécred product.
The brand messaging surrounding Cécred has been salon-inspired, and rightfully so as an ode to Beyoncé’s upbringing growing up in her mother’s hair salon in Houston. This line is backed by science and licensed cosmetologists showing that she’s done her research and appointed the experts. Cécred's IG feed has been filled with images and videos inside of hair salons including some videos of Ms. Tina herself assisting in the styling of beauty experts who visited Cécred's private salon to have the VIP treatment!
Now, have I seen influencers, consumers, and beauty stylists using the Foundation Collection at home? Yes, but I thought it was best to experience Cécred with my go-to cosmetologist who also happens to be my Auntie Tawana. She has been my educator and go-to for hair knowledge since I was a child and has had a hand in my mom's hair health which has always been goals for me. As a little girl, my Saturdays were spent sitting in her hair salon while my mama got her hair done as I patiently waited reading Jet and ESSENCE, ever so carefully eavesdropping on the conversations of the ladies who were coming for much more than just a beauty routine, but an experience.
I’d fall asleep on the plush couch in the waiting area flipping through magazines while listening to the sultry sounds of Maxwell. And I had my first lesson in breakup empowerment when I heard Sunshine Anderson’s “Heard It All Before.” So there was no other place for me to go than to see her, and because I’m her niece, I was able to visit her private salon in her home that she calls The After Hours where upon arrival I was greeted with my favorite Black-owned sparkling Rosé, candles lit, and my aunt’s breakdown of Cécred.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
But let me refocus and share my salon experience as I tried Cécred for the first time.
If You’re Wondering…Who is Cécred For?
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
When news of Beyoncé potentially launching a beauty brand hit the internet, there were a bunch of predictions of what and who the line would be marketed towards and if she’d have any wig care products as she’s known for slaying her units! But she went in a totally different direction which I love, and I’m going to tell you why. Critics have questioned if Beyoncé should be venturing into the haircare industry because she is often seen in weaves and wigs, but true Beyoncé fans know that she has healthy hair and that, like many Black women, experiments with various styles.
Cécred was created for all hair types and textures, including straight to coily, virgin, color-treated, chemically processed, and heat-styled. As a Black woman who has worn wigs, had chemically processed hair, heat-styled, natural, and color-treated hair, let me tell you, this was no easy feat! The amount of money I’ve spent on my hair through its various changes just on product alone, forget styling has been astronomical.
Cécred is serving the needs of various hair types in textures and I truly believe that this is going to make Beyoncé a true competitor in the hair industry amongst brands that are comparable such as OUAI and Olaplex. Both competitor brands have similar items at a higher price point and unlike Cécred, their products and brand messaging haven’t always felt inclusive to Black women and other hair types.
Cécred has been tested inclusively and the reviews from various hair types and backgrounds of consumers are allowing the brand to stand out.
I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line Cécred: My Honest Review
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
My hair has never felt cleaner and it shined for well over a week following the styling (but the oil should be used sparingly if like me, oil can weigh down your hair.) Immediately when my hair touched the sink, my aunt told me that she saw all the dirt and oils lifting from my hair when she applied the clarifying shampoo. As a girl who loves my curls, I am often judgy when I use any other shampoo and conditioner aside from Pattern, but not this time.
When my aunt guided my hands across my hair, she showed me how my curls weren’t tangled, and how she didn’t need to comb out my curls before applying the moisturizing deep conditioner or the deconstructing treatment mask.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
She applied each step with care and walked me through the process, and to my surprise, the hair mask wasn’t thick - but through trial and error as a natural girl, I’ve learned that a thick mask doesn’t always equal what’s best for your hair. She styled me with a silk press that left my hair with shine and I can honestly say that each step of the line is needed especially if you are someone who changes up your hair and deals with breakage. If your hair is healthy, you can opt out of the reconstructing treatment mask but I recommend taking the product line to your salon, having a discussion with your stylist on where your hair health needs improvement, and then purchasing based on that.
We know ourselves better than anyone else, but your stylist knows your hair better than you do. I like to lead with their knowledge first and then incorporate what my hair goals are. If you’re a girly who’s committed to hair health and has either the discipline to incorporate each step at home or can bring your products to the salon, Cécred is for you no matter if you’re a silk press or a wash-and-go naturalist.
Give Cécred a try, I’ll be using the line for my hair appointments until it runs out and if I see long-term results, it will be added to the beauty regimen indefinitely.
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Featured image courtesy of CÉCRED