

A Sexpert & Mother Of Five Shares 7 Bedroom Tips That Are Perfect For Moms
One of the happiest moments in a woman's life is the day she blessed the world with a kiss of life and gives birth to a baby girl or boy. Unfortunately, this is also the day that she can kiss her sex life as she knew it, goodbye. Motherhood is by far the most transformative change in a woman's life. Along with a newfound body and perspective on life, you adopt a gang of next-level insecurities that have the potential to rob both you and your sex life of all of the orgasms that you so rightfully deserve.
Nikki and Simona, founders of the DMV-based Black motherhood organization, District Motherhued, enlisted the help of sexpert, Jasmine Harris, for the second annual Momference to help moms understand that sex after the delivery room doesn't have to suck.
Jasmine recently slid through for an interview and gave xoNecole the secret to having amazing sex after becoming a mom, and according to her, it all starts with being intentional about self-care. "I realized that it was much harder to enjoy sex with all the responsibilities that we have throughout the day and that made me do some research on how we can enjoy sex and not worry about all the things we have to do tomorrow and be in the moment. That was important to me," she explained.
As a mother of four with a little one on the way, Jasmine expressed that she knows the postpartum sex struggle first hand. She told xoNecole, "Self-care is important and when you've just had a child. You're not fitting into your clothes and you're just not looking like yourself or feeling like yourself. And after your husband has watched you push a human out of your body, you're just like, 'You want to put your face down there?'"
Instagram
Over time and with the help of a whole lot of research, Jasmine learned that the problem with her sex life wasn't her postpartum body, but instead was simply an internal conflict that was manifesting externally. Once she made the decision to step up her self-care game, she immediately saw a change in her bedroom.
When you feel good you look good, and vice versa. Jasmine adopted this mentality after giving birth to her youngest child and at this point, she knew it was time to actively make some changes in her life. The sex and relationship expert explained that unlearning negative self-talk can be a challenge, but as we all know, there's no obstacle that's too difficult for a mother on a mission. Jasmine says the next time you want to complain about the new (and often unwanted) lifestyle changes that come with motherhood, choose to rewrite the narrative.
Along with these tips, Jasmine also let us in on a few sex tips that are perfect for new moms and women in general who are looking to get their sexy back after going through a drought:
Slow Down, Mama
So much of our lives are dictated by deadlines and due dates. One of the few things in life that can never be put on a timer is revving up your babymaker after giving birth. Jasmine agreed with this advice and suggested that women take as much time as they need to get back in the saddle, "Take all the time that you need to find yourself again, to find your confidence."
Your man may be staring at you like a freshly baked piece of apple pie on a Sunday afternoon, but just because he's hungry doesn't mean you're automatically obligated to satiate his appetite. Jasmine advised that you take it slow, but also let your partner know what's up so that he doesn't feel isolated or shut out. She advised, "Make sure that you are communicating this with your partner because this can create a lot of resentment [if left] unspoken."
Treat Yo’ Self
After giving birth, you may not feel like it, but sis, you look like bae.
According to Jasmine, "Mommy" is one of the sexiest things you can be in your life, and it's imperative that you remind yourself of that every damn day in order to keep both your sex life and your sanity running on all four wheels, "[Do] whatever makes you feel beautiful. I noticed that when I do take time to get dressed every day to fix my hair, get my nails done, stay up on my feet and stay up on either waxing or trimming. If I'm feeling beautiful for myself, that helps me feel sexier in the bedroom."
Whether that means getting your hair or makeup done or purchasing a brand new freak'um dress, you're doing you and your partner a favor by standing in your own sexy. Jasmine explained, "And I know we say we don't have time, but we have to make time. Make it. Tell whoever has been or whoever will help you, you need to take this child. I'll be back in a few hours because I will feel better and I will function better if I like what I see."
"If I'm feeling beautiful for myself, that helps me feel sexier in the bedroom. And I know we say we don't have time, but we have to make time. Make it."
Try Using Vitamins & Supplements
From time to time, we all need a little boost, and according to Jasmine, this is also true when it comes to certain bedroom activities. After giving birth, your hormones are all topsy-turvy and you feel like you've been given a brand new body from the day they wheel you out of the maternity ward.
Jasmine has a solution to those baby blues that is guaranteed to jumpstart your vagina and offer you the ride of a lifetime. She explained, "There are supplements and vitamins that can assist you in getting your mood back and it assists you and helping your muscles come back like, tighten back up, and they're natural supplements. It helps you gain the moisture back [down] there."
Jasmine recommended IsoSensuals Tight Vaginal Tightening Pills, which are currently available on Amazon; but there are a number of other options that will help get your juices flowing in all the right places.
For Him, Too
Moms carry an insurmountable amount of responsibility and stress when they welcome a new baby into the world, but new dads have it pretty hard too. In the same way that women need time to readjust after having a new baby, men go through their fair share of anxiety as well.
Jasmine explained that it's important to keep this in mind and offer a little help when you see it's needed, "It's important to have open communication with your man. So if you feel like you would want him to have more stamina, [it's] because they are also under a lot of stress and pressure and overwhelmed and that kind of kills their stamina and their energy. Then, we think that it's us and they're afraid to say I'm tired or something's not working right."
As previously stated, there are a number of vitamins and supplements that will help you say goodbye to postpartum anxiety and hello to back-to-back orgasms. The good news is, when you're picking up some of these handy dandy vitamins, you can snag a bottle for your man, too. Jasmine shared, "Both of us, both men and women, we need assistance. Especially when we have so much on in life."
Meditation & Deep Breathing
It's 2019, and by now, everyone should be fully aware of the magical power of deep breathing and meditation. Not only does it lower your stress levels, but according to Jasmine, it can help you achieve stronger orgasms.
Thanks to her practice of mindfulness and meditation, the sex expert says that even though she's reached a peak when it comes to her weight, she doesn't feel any less sexy. "Do some meditating. Learn your body. I'm at my heaviest, but it doesn't bother me. I feel very sexy because I've learned my body after a while and I get turned on by myself. And so when you are turned on by yourself, your partner will not be able to resist you."
A man can't please you unless you know how to please yourself, and after having her last child, Jasmine says that she took time to do exactly that. Luckily, her investment was paid off with interest. "When you are able to master deep breathing and inner peace, you'll be able to focus on every little movement during sex and it will be the most amazing mind-blowing experience each and every time you have sex. It is possible to have an orgasm each and every time."
"Learn your body. I'm at my heaviest, but it doesn't bother me. I feel very sexy because I've learned my body after a while and I get turned on by myself. And so when you are turned on by yourself, your partner will not be able to resist you."
Invest In A Sex Chair
No, we don't mean a chair that you often like to have sex in. A sex chair is an actual thing that will blow your mind and snatch your coins right out of your purse.
Jasmine explained that this functional toy is one of the best investments you'll make in your sex life and is ideal for postpartum moms who may be self-conscious during sex. "[They] are just perfectly made for you to just climb on there and let your man go to work. And again, you're enjoying it, but your body is looking perfect because these chairs are designed to make you look sexy and just position you perfectly."
Forget about making that arch in your back picture-perfect and level up your sex game with this erotic piece of furniture ASAP.
Date Night Is Non-Negotiable
Mama, I know you love your babies. But there comes a time when you must reclaim your tit and remember that it's more than just a milk bag for your little one, and the best way to do that is by planning an intimate date night between you and your partner. Jasmine explained that having four kids is no walk in the park, but she and her man keep their relationship spicy by making date nights mandatory.
"First, you have to remember that before the children got there, it was you two," she explained. "And a lot of people get that misconstrued. They think that that means put your partner first, and in a way it does. But you have to say, 'OK, you guys are kids. We are the adults. We're gonna give you the balance of attention and love and discipline that you need throughout the day. But by this time, y'all going to sleep. And y'all are going to calm down.'"
Making romance and self-care a priority as a mother can never be a bad idea because when you're happy, that energy radiates. This is also true when you're grumpy and in need of some grade-A vitamin D. That's why Jasmine says that along with date night, enforcing bedtimes is a standard in her household that keeps her relationship and her sex life in check. "You have to make it a thing where they know that it is no longer time to interrupt mommy or daddy. Even if you guys just want to watch a movie, they need to know that it's time to respect mommy and daddy's quiet time and it is their bedtime."
Keep up with Jasmine and see all of the coverage from this year's Momference on Instagram!
Keep up with Jasmine and see all of the coverage from this year's Momference on Instagram!
Featured image by Instagram/@mileeju.
- Sex After Birth: Having Sex After A Baby - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Mothers Share Real Postpartum Sex Experiences - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Postpartum Sex: Tips for Having Sex Again After Baby's Birth | What ... ›
- The best relationship advice my mother ever gave me | The Times of ... ›
- 11 Sex Tips For People In Long-Distance Relationships | HuffPost Life ›
- The Real Deal on New Parent Sex - Tips & Advice | mom.me ›
- 6 Post-Pregnancy Sex Positions for New Moms | Brides ›
- Best Relationship Advice From Mom, Mothers Day 2017 ›
- 5 Reasons Why Moms Shouldn't Take Sex Advice From Magazines – ›
- Sexpert to Answer Questions on Sex – Pune Mirror ›
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
10 Teas That Are Great For The Fall Season — As Far As Hair Growth Is Concerned
Now that the fall season is officially settling its way on in, it’s time to ramp up on our favorite warm drinks. And while, for me, what tops the list is hot chocolate and apple cider, being that I grew up in a home that was consistently stocked with various kinds of herbal tea, that’s why I enjoy writing so much about tea (and all of the ways that it can benefit you) for this platform. I’ve written about teas that can improve your sex life (here), teas that are good for maintaining vaginal health (here), not-so-common teas that are beneficial for your overall health and well-being (here), and even teas that are perfect for this time of the year (here).
Yet one thing that I haven’t covered (until today) is the different types of tea that not only are delightful to consume during this time of the year, they are also able to get your hair right where you want it to be. And since cooler weather is typically what causes us to consider consuming tea more often — why not doubly bless yourself by stacking up on your own collection so that you cut the body chills and reach many of your hair goals at the same time, too?
1. Black Tea
Getty Images
Even though I’m a big fan of iced chai lattes (they contain black tea, which is why they’re relevant here), it wasn’t until I was doing some research on this topic that I discovered that black tea is currently the most popular tea worldwide. When you stop to think about the fact that black tea is good for you when it comes to lowering blood sugar levels, increasing your focus and productivity levels, making your gut healthier, decreasing your risk of a stroke, and keeping your cholesterol levels in check — you definitely should give black tea a try, if you haven’t already.
Why does your hair like it? The thing about teas is, whether you use them as an herbal hair rinse or you drink them, they can do wonders. For instance, not only is black tea loaded with antioxidants that can protect your hair from heat damage (the sun still shines during the fall and winter seasons), but it can also help to keep your scalp in great shape and reduce hair shedding. Not only that, but word on the street is, black tea is also beneficial when it comes to boosting your hair color and making your locks appear shiny (or shinier) too.
2. Rosemary Tea
Rosemary has so many uses. It’s used as a seasoning for food. It’s in many beauty products. And it definitely comes with quite a few impressive health benefits. Thanks to all of the antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties that it contains, rosemary aids in proper digestion, boosting cognitive function and even enhancing your memory. As far as vaginal health goes, rosemary oil can help to speed up the healing process of certain infections, and, skin-wise, it can help to boost hydration and elasticity.
Your hair will adore rosemary tea because its antifungal and antibacterial properties will keep your scalp healthy, reduce dandruff, and keep your scalp and hair moisturized while ultimately playing a role in promoting overall hair strength and growth.
3. Peppermint Tea
Getty Images
Peppermint tea is one of my faves, year-round. It’s probably because I’m such a fan of mint. Anyway, it’s able to soothe headaches and migraines, unclog your sinuses, help prevent bacterial infections, bring relief to menstrual cramps, decrease allergy-related symptoms, assist with weight loss, and also make it easier to fall (and stay) asleep.
The menthol in peppermint tea is why it gets a shout-out here. Whether you drink the tea or use it as a hair rinse, it will increase blood circulation to your scalp so that your hair follicles are able to get the nutrients that they need. Oh, and since peppermint oil has been proven to aid in hair growth, something tells me that the properties of peppermint tea are able to do the same.
4. Chamomile Tea
I wouldn’t be surprised at all if the first thing that comes to mind whenever you hear “chamomile tea” is that it helps you sleep. The backstory there is it contains an antioxidant called apigenin that helps to relax your system. Some other ways that chamomile is helpful are it reduces anxiety, regulates blood sugar levels, soothes an upset stomach, brings relief to period cramps, and can even help to reduce skin inflammation.
Since it’s a tea that is also filled with antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties, if you’re looking for a way to keep your scalp in great shape from the inside out, chamomile tea is the one for you (as a hair rinse, it can help to prevent split ends too).
5. Oolong Tea
Getty Images
Oolong is a kind of Chinese tea that you definitely should have in your own tea collection. For starters, if you’re looking for a coffee alternative that will provide you with a solid caffeine boost, oolong has more caffeine in it than even green tea does. Interestingly enough, even though it can give you more energy, oolong also contains the amino acid L-theanine which is a pretty effective de-stressor. Some other bonuses about this particular tea are that it helps to naturally protect against diabetes-related complications, plays a role in burning body fat, and even aids in strengthening teeth and bones.
As a rinse, oolong tea has a reputation for helping to prevent hair loss. Whether you pour it on your tresses or drink it, oolong can help to bring strength and shine to your locks over time. Also, whether you’re drinking it or applying it as a hair rinse, it will boost blood circulation — and that will help to strengthen your hair follicles so that they remain nice and strong.
6. Calendula Tea
Another tea that’s filled with antioxidants is calendula tea. Between that and all of the anti-inflammatory properties that it contains, you can rely on this tea to reduce oxidative stress. Some other great things about calendula are it has antifungal and antimicrobial properties that can help to fight off yeast infections and early signs of gum disease. And if you’re looking for an herbal tea that will help to slow down the signs of aging, it’s able to do that as well.
On the hair front, if what you want, more than just about anything in this world right now is a natural tea remedy that will help you to combat frizz; calendula can assist with making your cuticles smoother as well as shinier.
7. Red Clover Tea
Getty Images
If any of the teas on this list is hailed as a “women’s tea,” it would have to be red clover. That’s because it contains isoflavones, which mimic estrogen, which can make menopause-related symptoms easier to bear. Some other cool things about this particular tea are it helps to lower cholesterol levels, strengthens your heart, and can support bone health as you age.
Your hair? Your hair will like the properties of red clover because the antioxidants in it can also help menopausal women maintain the appearance and texture of their locks once their estrogen levels begin to decline (due to menopause).
8. Hibiscus Tea
Probably the most colorful tea out of the bunch is hibiscus tea. It’s a beautiful bright red hue that also benefits you in a lot of ways. Not only does its antibiotics help to reduce bodily inflammation, it also helps to lower blood pressure and cholesterol levels. Plus, hibiscus aids in fighting off bad bacteria (like E.coli) and keeping your liver in good working condition.
Since this is a type of tea that has calcium, iron, and vitamin C in it, it can be beneficial for hair growth because they all help with the process of growing healthy and long hair. Calcium helps to strengthen your hair follicles, iron helps to reduce hair loss and shedding and vitamin C helps to produce collagen; collagen keeps elasticity in your hair which ultimately results in less breakage. Collagen also helps to slow down premature graying which is always a bonus.
9. Nettle Tea
Getty Images
Although it’s not the type of tea that makes most people’s top 10 list, that doesn’t make it any less beneficial…for a myriad of reasons. If you’re someone who battles with allergies (especially around this time of the year), you want to naturally boost your immune system, you’re looking for relief from arthritic pain, and/or you’re recovering from a urinary tract infection (UTI), nettle tea has your back in all over these instances.
When it comes to your hair, if you’re looking for a tea that contains properties that will help to strengthen your tresses and stimulate hair growth, nettle is also gaining traction on being a solid tea for those things. For the record, as an herbal rinse, it can bring relief to scalp irritation, too.
10. Sage Tea
If minty-meets-slightly-bitter is your thing, sage tea is ideal. Health-wise, it can do everything from improve your cognitive function and put you in a better mood to regulate your blood sugar levels and ease morning sickness. Since sage, in general, contains antimicrobial properties, sage tea can also help you to maintain good oral hygiene, and since it also mimics estrogen, some menopausal women are fans of it as well.
In some ways, I saved the best for last when it comes to hair because sage has a great reputation for helping to prevent hair loss, restoring shine to your locks, stimulating hair growth, and keeping grays from looking quite so obvious.
_____
Gee, how could you not want to run out to your local health food store to get you a few of these? Now that it’s time to start doing some layering (of clothes), adding more (warm) tea to your life is money well spent — head to toe. Literally.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Aja Koska/Getty Images