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Here's How To Make Doggystyle Feel More Intimate

If you implement these tips, hitting it from the back can actually be intimate AF.

Sex

Doggystyle is often placed in the doghouse when the conversation of intimate sex comes up. Historically speaking, it’s believed that those who solely want to “hit it from the back" are not attracted to you or that they don’t want anything deep with you and doggystyle is their way to opt out of a face-to-face connection. There is indeed a “no strings attached” connotation there. However, there are also couples deeply in love who enjoy the undeniable pleasure found in this position.


With the right person and the intent to please, doggystyle is actually a superior move as far as intimacy is concerned – intimacy while still maintaining its pleasure principles and practicality. Back kisses, easy access to breasts, booty, clitoris, and it allows for a range of depth are just a few reasons why doggystyle is a superior intimate sex position. Oh, oh, and how could I forget the dripping sex that is your partner talking you through the act which somehow comes more naturally when they have you on all fours.

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Because let's be real, what’s better than your partner talking you through a nut? Next to nothing. If you’re someone who has been uninterested in doggystyle for one reason or another, here are ways you can introduce more intimacy as well as helpful tips to keep it cute while keeping it nasty.

1. Communicate Your Needs and Desire

In regards to this position or really any, you will want to discuss what you need from it. Sex doesn’t have to be goal-oriented but it should be pleasure-oriented and if the lack of intimacy in any position is creating a lag in pleasure, you should openly discuss this. Furthermore, this will allow you to talk with your partner about what doors can be opened and which you both feel most comfortable staying closed. For example, doggystyle is a good position to introduce different sensations such as oral sex or anal play. You’ll want to set these guidelines beforehand for maximum pleasure and even safe words as they aren’t only for kinky sex.

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2. Introduce Elements of Sensory Play

If you’re someone who doesn’t take advantage of the different types of touch that doggystyle allows, try it. This doesn’t mean you have to go to anal play immediately. But instead, try allowing your partner to place gentle, slow kisses on your backside. Other suggestions might include:

  • Add toys for more stimulation of areas such as the g-spot, clitoris, or butt;
  • If you’re a little kinky, try some wax play while on all fours (though not entirely necessary, they have special candles for this which I highly recommend if you haven’t dabbled in wax play before);
  • Incorporate oral sex, which adds pleasure, while also providing additional lubricant.

3. Pace Yourself With Intervals

Just because you’re in doggystyle does not mean you have to sprint through the sex like a racehorse. In fact, because the position allows for so much depth from your partner, it may be best if you pace yourself. In the same way that intervals are preferred on the treadmill for maximum performance, consider using intervals in this position so you don’t feel like you’re getting “bunny rabbit” treatment and this also decreases the likelihood of your partner cumming too fast.

Instead of going a full round of sex (whatever that timeframe may be) at the same speed or tempo, try 10 minutes at a slow and sultry pace, then switch it up for about five minutes. The switch-up can be to solely kiss/touch each other or you might want to actually just change the pace of the stroke completely.

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4. Keep It Spicy With Lingerie 

Buy some sexy, lacy lingerie to spice it up. If you’re comfortable, go with some lacy crotchless panties (like these, here!). Furthermore, wearing lingerie always has a way of reminding you of who you are and boosting your self-esteem almost immediately. In fact, even while we’re using it to seduce, it’s actually more soothing to our ego than anything. At least for me. If you’re someone who still needs time to feel comfortable in lingerie, try using one of your partner's dress shirts as a cover-up. In fact, you can even dress up one of their t-shirts with a sexy pair of lacy panties if that’s preferable.

5. Aftercare

Just as important as communicating before sex is the act of communicating after. Each of you should create a safe space after sex, to present your dislikes and likes during your time together. Do keep in mind that aftercare can be as small a gesture as verbal communication or you can add more layers that encompass touch such as bathing with one another, cuddling, massages, etc.

Rest assured that adding these five elements to your doggystyle routine will make it feel less Ruff Ryders and more Lady and the Tramp.

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When I was ten, my Sunday school teacher put on a brief performance in class that included some of the boys standing in front of the classroom while she stood in front of them holding a heart shaped box of chocolate. One by one, she tells each boy to come and bite a piece of candy and then place the remainder back into the box. After the last boy, she gave the box of now mangled chocolate over to the other Sunday school teacher — who happened to be her real husband — who made a comically puzzled face. She told us that the lesson to be gleaned from this was that if you give your heart away to too many people, once you find “the one,” that your heart would be too damaged. The lesson wasn’t explicitly about sex but the implication was clearly present.

That memory came back to me after a flier went viral last week, advertising an abstinence event titled The Close Your Legs Tour with the specific target demo of teen girls came across my Twitter timeline. The event was met with derision online. Writer, artist, and professor Ashon Crawley said: “We have to refuse shame. it is not yours to hold. legs open or not.” Writer and theologian Candice Marie Benbow said on her Twitter: “Any event where 12-17-year-old girls are being told to ‘keep their legs closed’ is a space where purity culture is being reinforced.”

“Purity culture,” as Benbow referenced, is a culture that teaches primarily girls and women that their value is to be found in their ability to stay chaste and “pure”–as in, non-sexual–for both God and their future husbands.

I grew up in an explicitly evangelical house and church, where I was taught virginity was the best gift a girl can hold on to until she got married. I fortunately never wore a purity ring or had a ceremony where I promised my father I wouldn’t have pre-marital sex. I certainly never even thought of having my hymen examined and the certificate handed over to my father on my wedding day as “proof” that I kept my promise. But the culture was always present. A few years after that chocolate-flavored indoctrination, I was introduced to the fabled car anecdote. “Boys don’t like girls who have been test-driven,” as it goes.

And I believed it for a long time. That to be loved and to be desired by men, it was only right for me to deny myself my own basic human desires, in the hopes of one day meeting a man that would fill all of my fantasies — romantically and sexually. Even if it meant denying my queerness, or even if it meant ignoring how being the only Black and fat girl in a predominantly white Christian space often had me watch all the white girls have their first boyfriends while I didn’t. Something they don’t tell you about purity culture – and that it took me years to learn and unlearn myself – is that there are bodies that are deemed inherently sinful and vulgar. That purity is about the desire to see girls and women shrink themselves, make themselves meek for men.

Purity culture isn’t unlike rape culture which tells young girls in so many ways that their worth can only be found through their bodies. Whether it be through promiscuity or chastity, young girls are instructed on what to do with their bodies before they’ve had time to figure themselves out, separate from a patriarchal lens. That their needs are secondary to that of the men and boys in their lives.

It took me a while —after leaving the church and unlearning the toxic ideals around purity culture rooted in anti-Blackness, fatphobia, heteropatriarchy, and queerphobia — to embrace my body, my sexuality, and my queerness as something that was not only not sinful or dirty, but actually in line with the vision God has over my life. Our bodies don't stop being our temples depending on who we do or who we don’t let in, and our worth isn’t dependent on the width of our legs at any given point.

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