Oral Fixation: 6 Ladies Share Their Best Oral Sex Tips & Tricks
There's power in knowing how to properly blow. I might be on my knees, looking up at him, locking eyes as my mouth forms a perfect “o", but my act of submission is anything but. I am absolutely in control. His lips are parted, brows furrowed, eyes rolled back, as he creeps to that orgasm he loves for me to taunt him with. There's my power. He's so wrapped around my finger, just like my lips and tongue are wrapped around him.
Tapping into that power has fueled my desires to learn more. Don't get me wrong, we should always care about meeting our partner's needs, but who says we can't seek knowledge for our own pleasure-seeking enjoyment too? I spoke to some ladies about their most coveted and revered blowjob tips and tricks. Below are some of the pearls their wisdom left me with. Pun intended.
The Better the Build Up, The Better the Climax
“I like to build things up when I am performing oral. I start with the tip and suck on it a little. Then I might tap his wet tip against my breast a few times. Then I'll lick him from base to tip over and over. The shaft needs love too! (laughs) And he loves it. Then I'll take him in. The important thing is to not give it all up to him at once." – Nadia
Look Ma, No Hands
“My man is pretty… endowed (laughs) so he is much more than a mouthful. I used to think hands weren't needed during blowjob because it was a blowjob not a handjob, but it's actually really helpful in giving my mouth a break and helping vary my movements. I use my mouth and hand together. I firmly hold it around his base and use plenty of spit while I slick him up. I also move my hand up and down him in a twisting motion while I suck on the tip. You should feel the way he tenses up when I do that. Look at the flick of the, flick of the wrist (laughs)!" – Val
Gag-Worthy
“Choking is fun, choking is sexy. I use my gag reflex to help make things sloppier when I'm giving him head. I gather that spit in my mouth and spit it on him and give him a little hand job to give my mouth a break. I think my preferred version is when he throat f***s me and makes me gag that way. I love the way my eyes tear up and my makeup smears. Bonus points if he gathers my spit with his hand to lube up his dick for me. TMI as hell (laughs), but it's a turn on for both of us." – Toya
Provide Lip Service to Other Areas
“Switch things up man. You can't do in and out the whole time. Take a break from the D and explore other parts of him. Tell him you want to watch how he does it (masturbate) while you take his balls into your mouth one at a time. I lick on them, at the skin in between each of them, I write his name (laughs). I go a little lower and kiss his inner thighs. That sharp inhale he does is what I live for, I swear!" – Brittany
In Too Deep
“I had to train myself girl, no lie, I had to train myself. I know some women who use throat spray to numb their throats so they can deep throat without any problems, but for me, I just used practice. Tips? Relax your throat and push down until you feel that gagging sensation. Moan so that you loosen up those muscles even more. Breathe through your nostrils and don't eat anything heavy beforehand, you don't need no problems! If he feels the back of your throat, he'll be happy (laughs) so don't feel pressured to take the whole 9, literally (laughs)." – KC
What's Your Flavor?
“Sometimes the fact that it's just flesh makes oral kinda bland to me. Like for men, they can enjoy themselves with our taste, you know? But we're just kinda enjoying our spit (laughs). I've had guys who have had really present pre-cum which made things interesting, but for the most part, I've found, it can taste a little unexciting down there. I think guys can feel when you're passionate and I'm most passionate when I'm loving it too so I like to use flavored lubricant or other edibles. Wrap it up afterwards though of course, we don't need no yeasty problems ladies!" – April
Run Him Dry
“When you feel like he's about to come, you have to suck the life force out of his body with your mouth. (laughs) I can't say it any other way. When he says 'I'm about to come', up the rhythm of your mouth and hand with each stroke. Be prepared for him to grind against you and meet your strokes and push through it. You can decide on if you spit or swallow. I prefer to swallow, but if you must spit, I say just have him come somewhere else. I know we're talking about a provocative subject matter, but that option just seems much more tasteful to me, don't you think?" – Brittany
Do you love going down on your man? What are some of your tried and true methods of turning him on? Share your wisdom with us below!
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Some Signs Your Casual Relationship Is Getting Serious
In this modern era, establishing romantic connections has become increasingly challenging. From knowing what to say on the first date to knowing when to make things official, the rules have changed and this ain’t the same dating game that led to our parents falling in love and starting a family.
Because times are hard and dating is harder, we had to look to an expert to help us understand when that casual fling becomes something serious. So we chatted with Karina F. Daves, a relationship coach who has made it her mission to teach women how to enjoy more satisfying partnerships.
As a relationship coach, Daves leverages her experience as a former social worker and adjunct professor of women’s studies to teach women how to strategically evaluate their personal identity, values, and standards so that they can elevate their relationships and themselves.
She tells xoNecole, “You should not be with somebody for their potential. The key is being with somebody for their patterns. Instead of looking at it as one specific milestone, look at it as there are multiple patterns at which this person is showing you what role they want to play, what their values are.”
"You should not be with somebody for their potential. The key is being with somebody for their patterns."
Daves’ work has amassed more than 240,000 followers across her social media platforms, and her videos have reached close to 25 million and half a million alone this month.
According to the relationship coach, some key indicators that a relationship is going from casual to serious are:
“You talk about it going to a serious level, and you talk about intentions. Intentions are very clear in a relationship that is serious. At this point, you intend to date each other either for fun or you're dating for marriage. This is something that is very comfortably talked about.” She adds, “You enter each other's worlds fully. This means that you meet people in each other's world, but you also become part of their routine. You're not a task that they have to do, you are just a normal part of their day-to-day life."
“You're not a task that they have to do, you are just a normal part of their day-to-day life.”
In terms of how partners can communicate effectively about their expectations and intentions as a relationship becomes more serious, Daves shares:
“You will want to become serious by being vulnerable and having this conversation. Before the actual communication part occurs, you have to identify what it is that you want this relationship to be. What is it that you want out of a future partnership?”
Daves emphasizes the need for clear communication and suggests doing away with the potential you see in the person and instead focusing on what you want in love. "This is an opportunity for that person to say that's not who they are and that they can't give you that."
"Relationships should also be fun. We do not want to forget that these conversations can be serious, but also a source of fun and joy. They do not need to feel heavy. If you see that they are joyful, this can be a good indicator of what the rest of the relationship would be like when you're getting ready to have serious conversations," Daves concludes.
We know that specific milestones or stages in a relationship can help signify its deepening commitment; Daves has these tips for navigating these transitions:
Introducing one another to each other's worlds can be a big indicator that the relationship you share is getting serious. "When you start meeting each other’s friends and families, this is a big milestone and a vulnerable place to be." Another sign that things are getting serious is openly professing the "L" word. "Communication is significant as far as proclaiming that you love your partner. These are really big milestones that shouldn't be forced."
Speaking of communication, Daves adds that “another big indicator is how you overcome your first moment of misalignment. This is a huge indicator of the rest of the triumphs that you will face. Were you both open? Did you both feel safe sharing? Did you respect each other's point of view? How did you resolve the issue?”
"Communication is significant as far as proclaiming that you love your partner. These are really big milestones that shouldn't be forced."
Lastly, Daves suggests assessing one another's level of emotional investment:
One of the ways Daves suggests we assess the level of emotional investment is by doing a simple activity called “eggs in a basket.”
This activity involves discussing important and valued aspects of a relationship. Daves explains, “The way to assess the level of emotional investment is to test their heart posture. 'Heart posture' is referring to where their heart stands when it comes to this relationship and how it logically has made sense of it all.”
In those instances, ask each other the following questions:
- Do you feel clear about our intentions and where our relationship is going?
- Do you see me as a life partner?
- Are we past potentially seeing us together to understand each other's patterns and choosing to make that commitment?
- Are we a part of our life’s plan?
- Do you still have individual goals?
“This isn’t just about seeing their investment in the relationship but also how they’re choosing to invest in themselves as people. You don’t want a partner that will lose themselves in the relationship because you won’t have a partner anymore, you’ll have someone to parent,” Daves said.
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