Although it personally baffles me that people like this exist—half kidding, half not—I've got a few girlfriends who pretty close to loathe oral sex. I don't mean giving it (fellatio), I mean receiving it (cunnilingus). Most of them are wives too.
When I ask them "why?", the answers tend to vary. Some say it feels really awkward, almost to the point of feeling gross. Others say that they love what else their man has to offer; so much so that they'd rather bypass the oral and get to the "main" event instead. A couple of 'em have told me that cunnilingus is "alright", but their partner takes entirely too long to finish up. (Wow. Is that even a thing? What in the world?!)
Personally, I can't relate to any of this. Back in my sexually active days, not receiving oral sex would've been an automatic deal breaker. Plus, the more of it I could get, the better. But I must admit that these kinds of women do pique my curiosity. Are they an anomaly or are there others who feel the same way as they do? (Feel free to chime in with your own comments.) I don't just mean when it comes to oral sex overall, but how many ladies feel as if a timer should be set the very moment cunnilingus begins. Or even when they start blessing their man with fellatio.
It really is a bit of a rabbit hole, I must say, but I'm up for the task. If you are also an inquiring mind that would like to know, here's some of what cyberspace had to say on the issue(s).
How Long Should Oral Sex Last?
How Common Is Oral Sex?
Everything has a first time; even oral sex. When it comes to when that first time should actually happen, I'm sure it's no shocker that 4 out of 10 men don't mind it happening on the first date vs. 1 out of 10 women feeling the same way. As far as if men and women are both "generous" in this area, interestingly enough, it changes with age. Younger women are more down to perform fellatio (74 percent) while older men are more open to performing cunnilingus (69 percent), although women are twice as likely to give it than men are (SMDH).
Of the individuals who get this kind of action, do they all enjoy it? Apparently not. In another survey, while most participants agreed that oral sex is more enjoyable when it's not with a casual partner, 52 percent of men really like going down (good for you, fellas; you get an extra dose of oxytocin and DHEA when you do) while only 28 percent of women do (y'all who don't, check out "Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits of Sperm"; however, wait until you get off of work; some of the content may be NSFW for your lunch break).
And what about married folks specifically? Another survey that I read revealed that mostly all husbands like to give oral sex while one-third of all wives could take it or leave it. 19 percent of wives said they are not able to orgasm from cunnilingus while seven percent of men said that they couldn't (interesting). 54 percent of wives said that they allow their husbands to "finish" in their mouths and 47 percent of husbands said that was an important factor although only 29 percent cared about whether she swallowed or not. In an extension of this same survey, 9.0% of women and 12.6% of men professed to perform oral sex every time, with husbands preferring to perform oral sex on their wives (get this) twice as much as they currently do. I was also happy to hear that 32 percent of wives wouldn't mind "blessing their husband" more often as well.
But out of all of the info that I checked out, you can tell by the title of this post that what blew my mind the most was the fact that oral sex seems to have a semi-official time limit. What is it? Let's go with ladies first.
How Long do Women Prefer Oral Sex to Last?
I'm pretty sure it comes as no surprise—maybe low-key disgust but certainly no surprise—that it was much harder (legions worth) to find data on cunnilingus as opposed to fellatio. Although I must say that one study that said a lot of men do it because they feel it is a way to "affair-proof" their relationship was kind of fascinating. Another cool thing about this form of oral sex is female ejaculate contains a protein known as prostatic acid phosphatase which helps to protect a man's prostate. Also, cunnilingus can't get you pregnant so, there's that win/win for anyone who doesn't want a baby—ever or yet.
But as far as how long it should last? I can't tell you how long I spent looking for actual data on the subject (again SMDH). While there are plenty of articles on technique, the time limit was extremely difficult to nail down. Quora had some semi-enlightening answers, with the average time being around 30 minutes, but that was via seven responses only. After checking out about 10-12 sites, the general consensus was a man should do the deed until his partner climaxes, however long that takes because, unlike a blow job (a lot of men said they would take a couple of minutes even if they couldn't get the whole shebang), quitting before she totally finishes qualifies as being a pretty wack experience.
I took this info to some people who I personally know. What the women who enjoy receiving oral sex told me is, so long as their partner knows what he is doing, they don't keep up with the time much at all. If he doesn't seem to have a clue, two minutes is too long. The guys? Most told me that their tongue typically gets tired after what they gauge to be 15 minutes or so. After that, they will either switch things up (initiate penetration) or get creative with their fingers, etc. in order to "buy" a little time. But does it get boring for them? No. Just a little tiresome, at times. Understood.
How Long do Men Prefer Oral Sex to Last?
Now for the fellas. So, there's this "study" that has received quite a bit of traction, right? I get it because the name alone is rather catching—The Blowjob Resume. It consists of 1100 Americans and Europeans who were asked about, well, the title of the study pretty much gives it away.
Anyway, it covered a myriad of things like how important a blow job is to people (35 percent of men said "somewhat important" while 25 percent of women felt the same way; 30 percent of men would prefer fellatio over intercourse, by the way), how many Americans swallow (29.6 never do while 23.9 always do…we do it A LOT more than Europeans do), and the fact that 72 percent of men prefer eye contact during the act while 58 percent of women would prefer to look any and everywhere but into the windows of their man's soul (that, or it's extremely taxing to multi-task in that fashion).
But again—and I promise that this will be my last time saying it—what really tripped me out was the fact that men think that a good blowjob should last…guess how long? A little under 10 minutes. And the woman giving them one? She's cool with 11 minutes.
Hmm…only a minute apart. Why is this the magic window?
The study itself said that while some were down with much longer, 10 minutes is far more realistic. When I did some of my own unofficial polling, the men in my life said that they agree with that timeframe. Actually, what most of them said was if it took more than 10 minutes, their partner could probably stand to brush up on her techniques because when it's a great performance, it will take a fraction of that time. The reason why they don't mind it going with a shorter timeframe is because while they could sleep as soundly as a baby afterwards, usually fellatio only revs their partner up; therefore, they would rather have a shorter amount of time on the receiving end, so that they can muster up enough energy for intercourse. Again, understood.
I guess when you stop to think about the fact that a man needs only five minutes of intercourse to have an orgasm while a woman requires around 25 minutes (foreplay included), these findings make sense. Again, it's just that I never even factored in that oral sex needed a clock. Shoot, I still don't.
Still, this was some interesting data to share so that y'all can sound off—or go off. Clearly, oral sex has layers just like everything else, chile. Duly noted.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
6 Oral Sex Positions That'll Elevate You Even When You're On Your Knees
4 Ways I Keep My Head In The Game During Oral Sex
Oral Fixation: 6 Ladies Share Their Best Oral Sex Tips and Tricks
Featured image by Giphy.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship
Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.
No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.
The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
Courtesy
When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
Courtesy
When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
Courtesy
Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Feature image courtesy
If you've been on TikTok lately, then you've probably engaged with a video or two about using castor oil to get great health benefits. As someone into holistic remedies and Ayurvedic medicine, I had to see what all the hype was about.
Now, I've already had a few experiences with castor oil. Years ago, I used to apply black Jamaican castor oil to my hair and my eyebrows to help them grow.
Also, my mom has often shared with me that growing up, my grandma would make them drink a spoonful of castor oil before starting the new school year.
According to her and other people 50+, drinking castor oil prevented them from getting sick, but it has an unpleasant taste. Fast forward to the present, we're seeing many people use castor oil in a variety of ways. Read below to see how to use castor oil and its benefits.
Castor Oil Benefits
Many TikTokers using castor oil claim that it brightens the skin, can shrink fibroids and cysts, supports liver and digestion, helps with menstrual cramps, can assist with weight loss, and more.
WebMD, however, lists castor oil benefits as constipation relief, may help to induce labor, may help heal wounds, and may help with inflammation due to its anti-inflammatory properties. Castor oil is made from seeds of the castor plant and it is very thick.
How To Use Castor Oil:
Castor Oil Packs
@nikki_kk19 Castor oil pack Castor oil pack for digestion Castor oil Benefits of castor oil Is castor oil good for bloating #castoroil #castoroilbenefit #castoroilpack #castoroilpacks #castoroilforbloating
Castor oil packs are an ancient practice that claims to help aid digestion, detox the liver, keep your stomach flat, and relieve menstrual cramps, especially when used with a hot water bottle. When wearing it to bed, beware that the oil can stain your sheets.
Drink It
@maryamjhampton Replying to @Mariama Bah castor oil gives the deepest cleanse ever #health #w #castoroil
Some people are using castor oil as a full body detox. TikToker @maryamjhampton shows us how to do it.
Rub Castor Oil Into Your Navel
@drsarubala #stitch with @PilatesBodyRaven sometimes we need to add in some extra nutrients when our sleep starts to improve 🫶🏾 #periodhealth #hormones #womenshealth #hormonehealth #cortisollevels #cortisol #castoroil
One of the most talked about ways to apply castor oil is by rubbing some into your navel. Some claim that it gave them the best sleep ever, and Dr. Bala explains why. Check out what she says in the TikTok above.
Add It To Your Skincare Routine
@itsjenniva Replying to @nitril0 Answering all of your questions about using castor oil on your face. #fyp #foryoupage #castoroil #castoroilbenefit #skincare #skincareroutine #skincaretips #skincaretiktok
TikToker @itsjenniva claims using castor oil has gotten rid of dark circles and overall brighten her skin. However, she did say that her skin went through a purge after using it. Speak to your dermatologist before adding it to your skincare routine.
Side Effects
@drjencaudle Castor Oil Packs? #castoroil #castoroilbenefit #castoroilbenefits #castoroilpack #castoroilforhair #castoroilforstomach #castoroilpacksbenefits #drjencaudle #fyp #fypシ
Although castor oil is a natural product, it can have some risks. It can cause skin irritation, and if you apply too much oil on your stomach or ingest too much, it can send you running to the bathroom.
While there isn't any scientific evidence that proves most of the claims are true, that shouldn't stop you from trying these tips. But make sure to start with a small amount to ensure no irritation occurs.
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