

Two years ago, I hired a dom for my birthday. It was during the height of the pandemic and since I couldn’t go outside, I decided to bring the “outside” to me. This dom specialized in choking and considering I’d never experimented with it before, I thought this would be a fun way to celebrate my birthday. Choking during sex had been something I wanted to try for years but was apprehensive about because I didn’t want to die.
The sex expert in me knows that when done properly choking during sex can be both enjoyable and safe but the human in me computes choking with harm. Plus, if I'm being completely honest, I didn't trust any of my past partners enough to even want to try it. What if they get overzealous and kill me by mistake? No ma’am, no sir, death by choking by way of sex was not going to be the reason I checked out of here!
Choking, also known as erotic asphyxiation, is a part of the kink known as breath play. Breath play is a BDSM-style activity that involves intentionally cutting off the air supply as a result, the person becomes dizzy and lightheaded. However, when not performed properly choking during sex is dangerous AF and can lead to death. So, if choking is dangerous, why would anyone want to try it and how does that translate to pleasure?
This is why I hired a dom, I wanted to find out why people liked being choked. According to a few of my friends, choking can intensify orgasms. During breath play, dopamine and serotonin flood your body, and the release of these hormones contributes to heightened sexual stimulation which is why your brain associates pain with pleasure.
I’m not usually someone who enjoys pain as pleasure. For me pain is pain and pleasure is pleasure. I don’t like mixing the two, but since I wanted to explore a new kink safely, I was up for the challenge. If you’re curious about being choked, here are several tips I learned from my session with the dom that can help you explore choking during sex safely.
How To Explore Choking During Sex
You Must Have Consent
Consent is an agreement between participants and should be clearly and freely communicated before engaging in any sexual activity. Prior to my session, the dom and I discussed expectations, choking safety, my safe word, and hard no’s. Consent and discussing expectations are extremely important with breath play to ensure both partners fully understand the health risks involved. Choking during sex is a kind of play that requires trust and is never something that should be done without a thorough discussion first.
Establish a Safeword
Because I’m not creative at all every time I hear the word “safe word,” I automatically think about Kevin Hart and pineapples. So the safe word I chose for our session was “pineapples.” The dom explained to me that anytime I say the word “pineapple” he would immediately stop and check in with me.
In addition to using a safe word, establish a safe hand signal—mine was a raised fist. Hand signals are good ways to communicate if your airway is restricted and talking isn’t possible. Having these safety precautions help both parties feel relaxed and safe. They also ensure that everyone is enjoying what’s happening during the sexual encounter.
How To Use Choking During Sex
When it comes to choking during sex, the trick is to aim for the sides of the neck, not the windpipe. My dom placed his hands gently around the sides of my neck just below the jawline. The front of the neck is not built to handle the full weight of another person. Applying pressure here can end up damaging your partner’s windpipe, leading to breathing problems and an emergency medical situation. Placing pressure on the side of the neck is where the carotid arteries control oxygen-rich blood flow to your head and brain which will trigger those endorphins.
Speaking of applying pressure, you don’t want to start off too rough. My dom started with a gentle grip and asked my permission to apply more pressure. I can’t overemphasize how vital it is to start gently — especially if it’s your first time experimenting with choking.
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Education is Key
If you want to try choking during sex but don’t want to go the route I took and hire a dom, then it’s vital that you learn as much as possible before experimenting. The internet can be a good place to turn to if you are serious about getting into breath play. One online resource that can be particularly helpful is FetLife.com, which is the Facebook of the BDSM community, and although it’s a social networking site, there are several discussion groups that users can join, and engage in open conversations about interests, techniques, and safety.
Aftercare
After our session, the dom gave me a big embrace and we verbally checked in with each other about the experience. Aftercare is key to every healthy sexual experience. It’s the simple step of gently supporting the physical come-down after sex, and checking in verbally. We discussed the session itself, all of my sexy highlights, as well as anything that could be adjusted next time during our next session.
I highly recommend exploring any new kink with a trained professional, like a dom or sex educator. Knowing that I was in the hands of a highly recommended professional helped to ease my anxiety and build trust. I’m also an avid supporter of sex workers. I believe in paying the professionals. Instead of taking the risk with someone who thinks they know what they’re doing, I hired someone who could provide receipts. And I’m so glad I did!
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Your February 2025 Horoscopes Are All About Self-Love & Soulful Alignment
Explore your sign’s 2025 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
February is a coming together, as a culmination of community and abundance is evident. Some significant planets go direct this month after being retrograde since this past year, and we can finally take a deep breath. We walk into the month in Aquarius season, and the focus during this time is on coming together with the people you resonate with on a soul level, opening your heart to love, and gaining perspective in the process. When the Sun is in Aquarius, everything feels more electrified and inspiring, and this is one of the best months of the year to manifest and set your intentions.On Feb. 4, Venus enters Aries, Jupiter goes direct in Gemini, and the energy and passion return. Venus in Aries is fiery, dynamic, and puts self-love first. While Venus is in Aries for the entire month, February is all about going after the things you want in love, and trusting that you will be supported here. Jupiter goes direct on the same day after being retrograde since Oct. 9, and we can see our blessings manifest more effortlessly now, especially regarding communication matters, networking, short travels, education, and the mind. Jupiter finishes its Gemini transit on Jun. 9, so over the next few months, this is a good time to expand your mind and your vision, get creative, and meet new people.
What February 2025 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
The Full Moon of February occurs in Leo on the 12th, and this is the Snow Moon of the year. This Full Moon brings emotions to the surface and creates self-clarity and honesty in the process. This Full Moon is a time to let go of old versions or ideas of yourself that don’t align with who you are today and to focus on what feels authentic and empowering for you right now.
On Valentine's Day, Mercury enters Pisces until Mar. 3, and the mind is on love right now.
While Mercury is in Pisces, we speak in words of poetry and spirituality, and mental connections turn into romantic ones. This is a beautiful energy to walk into on the day of love, signifying an urge to be around people who truly understand you right now.
Pisces season begins on Feb. 18, and we move into a time of closure, healing, creativity, and introspection. On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in Cancer after being retrograde here since Jan. 6, and being retrograde in general since Dec. 6. With Mars now direct, there is more energy and direction at our disposal, and less confusion on where to go from here. Mars will be direct in Cancer until Apr. 18, and there is a lot of love, support, and intuition to be felt right now. Mars in Cancer supports others while also cherishing boundaries, and this is a good time to feel more stability in matters of the home and heart.
We end the month with a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is a time of magic, dreams coming to fruition, and romance in the air.
A New Moon in Pisces reminds us that what has been lost always comes back around in a new form, and helps us see what our heart is grateful for right now. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for the future and to dream the dream. Overall, February is an inspiring and enlightening month, and your heart is the one leading the way right now.
Read for your Sun and Rising Sign below to see what February has in store for you.
ARIES
February is all about love for you, Aries. You are thriving within relationship matters as Venus is in your sign for most of this month. Venus moves into Aries on Feb. 4 and will be here until Mar. 27, however, Venus will be going retrograde in your sign on Mar. 1. So, use February to walk into some new beginnings in love, but remember to take your time with things here as well. You are overall feeling more reciprocity, support, and positive recognition now, and self-love is key this month.
On Feb. 12, we have a Full Moon in fellow fire sign Leo, and this Full Moon occurs in your 5th house of romance.
This is a beautiful Full Moon for seeing love bloom and for experiencing a sense of fulfillment that brings you closer to another. Before the month ends, Mars goes direct after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with the home, family, close loved ones, and emotional stability. With Mars now direct here, new foundations can be built in your world, and you feel more supported and secure as you end the month.
TAURUS
This month is a time to reflect, accept, and move into your new beginning, Taurus. There is a lot to process this month, and with the Sun in your 10th house for most of February, a lot of your focus right now is on your goals, purpose, and life path. The Full Moon happening mid-month is an opportunity for you to see things clearer in the home, and to create space for more support and nourishment here. You are letting go of what is weighing you down or making your emotional world feel more difficult to process this month.
Mercury enters your 11th house of hope, community, friendship, and manifestation on Valentine’s Day this year, and you move into a time of inspiration. You are thinking of all the things that make you feel empowered, loved, and in tune, and it’s time to create more of this energy around yourself. We have a New Moon in this same area of your chart before the month ends on Feb. 27, and you are ready to look forward in life rather than at the past of what could have been.
Overall, this month is about listening to your heart and spending more time taking care of yourself.
GEMINI
February is a chance to take a break, Gemini. You need more time to process and prepare for what’s ahead of you, and you are taking the time to do so this month. February begins with Jupiter going direct in your sign after being retrograde here since Oct. 9. Jupiter, the planet of blessings, will be direct in your sign until Jun. 9, and won’t be here again for another decade. This is your opportunity to set intentions, focus on your dreams, and make some important achievements happen.
Extra good luck and support from the universe are with you now, and the key for you is to let things come to you naturally through patience and dedication.
On Feb. 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and some important culminations are coming through in matters of the mind. You are coming to some conclusions about something, and it’s changing your perspective overall. Before the month ends we have a New Moon in an area of your life having to do with your career, professional world, and reputation, and this is a good time to set your intentions for what goals you want to see through right now.
CANCER
February is a month of enlightenment, Cancer. You are aligned with the path you are walking on right now, and everything is starting to make a little more sense to your heart. This month we have a Full Moon in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving away from an emotionally heavy space. You are letting go of a lot of what has kept you conflicted, and there is a sense of peace that is being obtained in the process. This is your month of inspiring others through your resilience and gift of forgiveness.
Mars goes direct in your sign on Feb. 23 after being retrograde here since Jan. 6. With Mars retrograde in your sign since we began the year, there has been a lot for you to reflect on and emotionally process, and you are seeing yourself and your life with a new perspective and passion. Mars will be in Cancer until Apr. 18, and this is the time to take action on the things that you haven’t been ready to move forward with these past few months. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces, and you are leaving the month in the mood for an adventure.
This is the time to get out of your comfort zone, travel, or do something fun.
LEO
February is about protecting your energy and what you are bringing to fruition in your life, Leo. With a Full Moon in your sign mid-month, you are moving through a time of culmination, release, and inner clarity, and there is a lot to reflect on right now. You are recognizing your need to create boundaries from those who don’t serve you or your life path and are focusing on the things that feel good for you.
With the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month as well, you are gaining clarity on the relationships you want to move forward with, and where you need to create more space.
Venus is in Aries and in your 5th house of romance, self-expression, creativity, and joy for most of the month, and your heart is yearning for some excitement. When it comes to love in February, opportunities are coming to the surface for you to get out of your head and into your heart, heed the call. At the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your 12th house of closure, and you are moving into a breakthrough. You end February with less weight on your shoulders and more energy to just be.
VIRGO
Trust your intuition this month, Virgo. February is a month of getting organized, gaining clarity, and feeling purposeful. With Jupiter going direct in your 10th house at the start of the month, blessings follow through regarding your career and professional world. The intentions you have been setting and going over these past few months, are coming to fruition for you now, and you are being recognized and supported for your efforts here. This is a month of feeling a level up in your life, and like you are where you want to be.
Mars goes direct on Feb. 23, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with friendship, community, and your hopes and dreams over the past month or so. With Mars now direct in Cancer, it’s easier for you to feel hopeful and to see and experience the magic in life. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in your sister sign Pisces on Feb. 27, and love takes on a new beginning. This New Moon is one of the best of the year for you to set your intentions for love, and trust where your heart is being called to right now.
LIBRA
February is all about perspective and the intentions you are setting in your life through the thoughts you are thinking, Libra. The Sun is in your house of romance and Venus is in your house of partnership for most of the month, and there is a lot to look forward to right now. New developments are coming to fruition within your relationships, and you are reaping what you have sown, feeling grateful for what has come to fruition for you.
This is a beautiful month for travel, moving forward in your partnerships, and feeling more commitment and support in doing so.
With Jupiter also going direct this month, your home life and foundations see improvements and expansion. Anywhere you have been feeling limited here is being lifted for you now, and you are able to breathe and think bigger about what is possible for you and your sense of stability in life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is a chance for you to connect with the people who inspire you, and to let go of anything that doesn’t feel authentic to who you are today or how you feel about things.
SCORPIO
February is a month of feeling loved, Scorpio. Everything's coming together for you exactly how you have envisioned it, and with the Sun in your house of family, support, and foundations, you are feeling closer to your loved ones in the process. We have a Full Moon in your 10th house of career in mid-February, and culminations are coming through in your professional world, as recognition for your efforts and hard work are here for you now. This Full Moon is about taking the time to congratulate yourself for how far you have come and to feel gratitude for your progress in life.
On Feb. 23, Mars goes direct in fellow water sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with travel, adventure, spirituality, and education over the past month or so. With Mars now direct, travel plans follow through and it’s easier for you to see the bigger picture. The New Moon of the month takes place on Feb. 27, and this is a beautiful time for you to experience joy and pleasure. You are ending the month by making your inner child happy, showing up, and connecting with the love that surrounds you now.
SAGITTARIUS
This month is a transition month for you, Sagittarius. You are moving on from what has been, and a few of you may even be moving physically or traveling during this time. This is a month of getting into new energy and letting things go where it is needed. February begins with your ruling planet Jupiter going direct after being retrograde since last fall, and you are able to experience more of the blessings in love that you have been looking for.
Love turns a new page this month, and it’s because you are no longer settling for things that don’t align with what you want for yourself or your future.
On Feb. 12, a Full Moon is happening in an area of your life that has to do with your passion, inspiration, travel ventures, and perspective, and you are getting the full picture right now. This Full Moon is about accepting the truths that have come to the surface and following through on plans that you have had for yourself. Mars goes direct in your 8th house of transformation on Feb. 23, and you end the month experiencing a personal breakthrough. A lot is changing for you in February, and you are the one leading these efforts forward because you are owning the life you deserve.
CAPRICORN
A new month is here, and you are looking forward to all of the new experiences you are about to get into, Capricorn. February is an inspiring, passionate, and eye-opening month for you and you are making a lot of progress. With the Sun in your 2nd house of finances, values, and self-confidence for most of the month, you are spending a lot of your time developing new plans and intentions for yourself, especially financially. Mid-month we have a Full Moon in your 8th house of shared resources, and the support that you need to thrive and expand financially right now is becoming clearer to you.
Towards the end of the month, Mars goes direct in your sister sign Cancer, after being retrograde in an area of your life having to do with love, partnership, and harmony over the past month or so. With Mars moving forward again, so are you in love, and your relationship dynamics feel a little more balanced and empowered for you. On Feb. 27, we have a New Moon in Pisces to close out the month, and this New Moon for you is all about setting your intentions regarding communication, networking, and the ideas you want to build off of right now.
AQUARIUS
Your season is here, and everything is falling into place for you now, Aquarius. This is a month of feeling a positive culmination of everything you have been working towards, and seeing the rewards for your efforts. With the Sun in your sign until the 18th, all eyes are on you and you are focused on your personal goals, investments, and self-courage. Jupiter goes direct as we begin the month, turning things around for you in love and helping you see things with a new perspective here.
Blessings and understanding within relationship matters bloom for you now, and you can finally take a break from the confusion here.
With Venus in your 11th house of friendship for most of February, this is the month for connecting with the people who you resonate with on a soul level and giving your heart more time to enjoy the company. The Full Moon happening mid-month occurs in your opposite sign, highlighting your romantic life and sense of partnership. Love comes full circle as you let go of the past here and see the gifts of the partnerships you have been building in your life.
PISCES
February is your month of abundance and opportunities, Pisces. There is a lot to tend to this month, but you have the empowerment and passion to do so. Jupiter goes direct in your 4th house as the month begins, and you are feeling stronger foundations emotionally and within the home right now. Progress is being made in the spaces that are close to the heart, and you are feeling the blessings of support and stability in your life. The Full Moon happening on Feb. 12, is about letting go of unhealthy daily routines or habits and giving yourself more space to figure out what feels right for you.
On Valentine's Day this year, Mercury enters your sign, and your mind is focused on love, understanding, and connection. The conversations you are having now are fulfilling your heart and inspiring you, and you are gaining clarity in relationship matters as well. Pisces season officially begins on Feb. 18, and it’s your time to shine, to love, and to be loved in return.
Before the month ends we have a New Moon in Pisces on Feb. 27, and this is one of the best times of the year for you to set your personal intentions, manifest, and reinvent yourself.
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Kofi Siriboe Opens Up About His Views On Monogamy: "Sometimes It Feels Like Role-Play"
At one point or another, some of us have had to sit with the question, is monogamy really for me? Stay with me for a sec, I said some of us, not all of us.
Maybe you've been in a relationship where all the ingredients for love that lasts are there, but it still feels like it's missing something. Maybe you've watched couples around you try to go the traditional route despite the very visible cracks that etch its surface. Or maybe, in a day and age where situationships and no-label relationships are king and conversations around ethical non-monogamy are becoming more mainstream, maybe you're asking yourself, Do I want this because it's what I believe, or because it’s what I’ve been taught to want?
In 2025, dating looks different. The illusion of options is stronger than ever, making commitment feel both abundant and fleeting. Social media gives us a front-row seat to endless types of relationship dynamics, from high-profile polyamorous unions to couples who swear by traditional monogamy. And as we all navigate what love means in this modern world, Kofi Siriboe is doing the same, both in his personal life and in his latest role in Harlem.
In the final season of the Prime Video series, Kofi plays Seth, a charismatic MLB player who is upfront about practicing ethical non-monogamy while dating Quinn (Grace Byers). And while fans have long admired Kofi as a walking embodiment of melanated magnificence, anyone hoping to lock him down might want to manage their juuuust expectations. Turns out, his character’s approach to relationships isn’t too far off from his own evolving perspective on love.
In a recent interview with Level Mag, the Harlem and Queen Sugar star got real about his evolving views on relationships, monogamy, and what he truly wants when it comes to love. And let’s just say...art is might be imitating life. He shared:
"My first two real relationships lasted three, four, five years each. And then to fast-forward, my life changed. I started working every day. Then there’s the fame element, and the abundance of people and exposure. I’ve just had different shifts and different seasons where sometimes monogamy feels like role-play, and it sometimes feels restrictive. So there's an element of it that feels performative."
Kofi's take isn't an unpopular one for folks who've decided to opt out of relationships under the guise of traditional views. What's traditional and acceptable for most doesn't necessarily mean it's right for all, and though Kofi admits he questions the societal script, he doesn't downplay the value of committed partnerships. He continued:
"I understand the tradition of it. But then there's a part of me that just had questions. So I went through some phases where I’m like, well, why? Why do we do it like this? And is this how I want to do it?"
Expounding on his perspective about monogamy feeling like "role-play," he touched on observing couples and how they embodied their roles, including his parents, and noticing "blind spots." Still, that doesn't mean he is anti-monogamy, the 30-year-old actor added:
"Does that mean we have to throw away the whole system? Not necessarily. Like I honor the tradition and I love the simplicity of monogamy, and how can we still remain whole and still remain true to ourselves as individuals, as independent people and thinkers living this life while still honoring the safety and the principle and the tradition of you know loyalty or connection."
Kofi made it clear. His approach to love these days is more about intentionality and making sure that whatever dynamic he chooses, it’s one based on authenticity rather than obligation.
"Whatever you do, just do it wholeheartedly, and that’s what I respect about Seth (his character). He was ten toes about what he needed and what he wanted."
And isn’t that the real goal? Whether it’s monogamy, non-monogamy, or something in between, the key is choosing what feels right for you, not what tradition, expectations, or the illusion of endless options tell you to want.
Whether he’s redefining commitment, questioning traditions, or just blessing us with his reflective musings on life uttered from a jawline so sharp it could cut glass, Kofi is proving once again that a man who thinks deeply and looks that good is an undefeated combination.
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