The road paved to BDSM hasn't been an easy one, but we've definitely seen more mainstream interest (especially) amongst Black folks as some of our faves talk their shit on records like "S&M" from Rihanna or even some of the lyrics to "WAP" suggest that both of the leading ladies are knot interested in vanilla sexcapades (read: conventional sex). "Tie me up like I'm surprised," "Handcuffs, leashes -- switch my wig make 'em feel like he cheating" … I know you don't think a vanilla bish made that shit up?
Now. I'm not not knocking vanilla or the girls who like it. Hell. I know women who do this BDSM shit, from breath play to fire play. I'm as Vanilla as it comes when I'm in a room with them. But what I will say is that at times, even the most vanilla-loving person craves the occasional drop of chocolate -- may it come in the form of chocolate chip cookie dough, chocolate shell drizzle, or whatever your preference may be. Because of this it's pretty normal to sprinkly some very mild BDSM practices into our sex lives--we've simply never labeled them as such.
Spitting in the mouth, being spanked, choked, and handcuffed are all kinks that fall under the BDSM umbrella. But what happens when you've grown tired of your faux fur handcuffs? Allow me to enlighten you with 8 regular sex positions that you can adapt as beginner bondage sex positions that unleash your kinkiest inhibitions.
Also, real quick, a simple change in accessories can do the trick! Try trading in your cuffs for bondage tape, spreader bars, rope, or ever even leather cuffs. However, you need to have safewords so that you can communicate consent and safety. A simple set of safewords are always: green, yellow, and red to dignify the nuance of pleasure and discomfort.
1.The Gimlet Position
You see the vision, don't you? Don't even have to point it out to you! In order to execute this position, grab whatever accessory you're into and have your partner bind your ankles first. Once that's wrapped as comfortably as you like, then reach in and grab your legs, so that you're hugging them. Your partner will slightly lift your wrists and begin binding them.
2.The Lazy Dog Position (Modified)
If you have a headboard with a railing, your partner can bind both wrists to the headboard. Otherwise, they can use rope that's long enough to attach to the corners of your bed somewhere. Rinse and repeat for your ankles, you might even consider using a spreader bar.
3.The Butterfly Position
You can try this lying down or upright, but we all know there's a little something about getting hit from the side...so there's that to consider. Get your two sets of cuffs out and take one set for the right side of your body, putting your right wrist with your right ankle while bent over and vice versa for the other side.
4.The Yin And Yang Position
If you have a set of two cuffs, have your partner take one pair and cuff your wrist and ankles together. Do the same on the opposite side. This will keep you all tied up while your partner eats you so good it hurts. But also, it's a nice 69 position so you can ensure you're pleasing them too!
5.The Spread Eagle Position
If you have some type of swing contraption or contraption mounted to your ceiling, this is your time to shine. Hell. Go grab one of those TRX bands that you see at the gym and place your legs in the holsters. Have your partner bind your hands above your head for total submission.
6.The Citizens Arrest Sex Positions
Stand in front of the foot of your bed, spread your legs at least shoulder length apart, and your partner can use some rope to tie your ankles to the side feet of the bed. Once you've secured your feet, bend over so that your belly is lying on the footboard. If you need to, put a pillow underneath your stomach for comfort. Once you're comfortably situated, place your hands behind your back so that your partner can rope your wrists as well.
7.The Female Prisoner Position
This can combine other kinky elements, like erotic asphyxiation! Have your partner bind your hands either together above your head or off to the sides of the bed. You can either leave your ankles loose or bind those as well. Allow your partner to ride your face! For this position, you'll want clear nonverbal signals so that your partner will know when to go deeper and when to pull back.
8.The Barberry Position
You can either use rope or cuffs here. Either way, you'll need two sets. If you're using rope, you may definitely want to YouTube a few techniques for comfort and security! In any case, you will want to lie on your stomach and try to pull your feet towards your head--the closer you can get to your ankles, the better. Have your partner begin to either tie your right wrist to your right ankle or cuff, switch sides, and do it again.
Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image via Giphy
RELATED
The film follows Faith Mitchell, a wife and mother whose life is upended by a devastating loss. As she spirals into despair, it’s the love of family, friends, and God that slowly leads her back to light. And for Paula, this story wasn’t just a role—it was personal.
“It connected to a time in my life that I could really relate to,” she says. “That feeling of having lost so much and feeling like so much pain, and not knowing how to deal with the pain… and numbing out to do that.”
Courtesy
A Story That Hit Close to Home
Having been sober for seven years, Paula says the emotional territory was familiar. But more than anything, it brought her closer to a deeper truth.
“Once you give [the numbing] up, you have to walk in the desert alone… and that’s when I truly found faith in God.”
Turning Pain Into Purpose
While the film touches on loss and addiction, Finding Faith ultimately lives up to its title. Paula describes the acting process as cathartic—and one she was finally ready for.
“Art became healing,” she says. “That was the biggest challenge of all… but it was a challenge I wanted.”
More Than an Inspirational Thriller
Finding Faith is described as an “inspirational thriller,” with layered tones of romance, suspense, and spiritual reflection. Paula credits that dynamic blend to writer-director LazRael Lison.
“That’s what I love about Finding Faith,” she explains. “Yes, she goes on this journey, but there’s other storylines happening that help it stay entertaining.”
"Finding Faith" cast
Courtesy
On-Set Magic with Loretta Devine
With a cast stacked with phenomnal talent—Loretta Devine, Keith David, Stephen Bishop—it’s no surprise that the film also came alive through unscripted moments.
“We did this kitchen scene… and Loretta changed it,” Paula shares. “She wouldn’t leave. I had to change my dance and figure out how to work with it, and it took on this whole other layer. I’m forever grateful.”
Faith When It Feels Like Night
The film leans on the biblical verse: “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Paula says that reminder is something she’s lived.
“When you’re feeling so anxious, and you look out in the distance and see nothing there… that’s when you have to trust God’s timing.”
Divine Timing Behind the Scenes
Paula didn’t just star in the film—she produced it through her company, Third Eye Productions. And the way the opportunity came to her? Nothing short of divine.
“I said, ‘Just for one week, believe everything’s going to be perfect,’” she recalls. “That same day, my friend Charles called and said, ‘I have a film for you. It’s called Finding Faith.’ I thought I was going to throw the phone down.”
What’s Next for Paula Patton?
When asked about a dream role, Paula didn’t name a genre or a character. Her focus now is on legacy—and light.
“I want to make sure I keep making art that entertains people, but also has hope… That it has a bright light at the end to get us through this journey here on Earth.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Lev Radin/ Shutterstock