As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in the first-person narrative as told to a writer. If you have a story you'd like to share but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.
This is Mistress Marley’s story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
I love sex.
And I love it in all forms. The industry, the trends, the toys.
I was a high school freshman when I discovered it. I lost my virginity that year to some inexperienced guy, and I had no clue what I was doing either. Worst experience ever. I actually didn't begin to enjoy sex until I entered college and started taking more control over how I interacted with my partners.
Fast forward to 22 years old: I became a stripper. And not because I aspired to be one, but because a girlfriend and I randomly decided to try out on a whim, and got the job. As a stripper, I learned the majority of the sleazy rules about the business—probably more than I wanted to know. But ultimately, it wasn't for me. I mean, I loved the superficiality of flashy outfits and the attention that came with performing, but I hated the politics behind the scenes. It was just too much. I was outta there after only four months.
When I quit, I remained fascinated with the sex field. I began to research different kinks and fetishes, along with the BDSM world in general. I didn't have a guide or a mentor; it's kind of something I just fell into and kept rolling with. But I was enamored with what I found. I was liberated.
Today, I am a professional dominatrix. Specifically, I teach "financial domination"—where women learn to control men and their wallets. I've been featured on the sex podcast, WHOREible Decisions, and featured in Refinery 29's Unbothered. I founded an organization named 'Black Domme Society' and I teach kink and I throw black swinger parties.
Let me explain.
In becoming a dominatrix, I learned that this industry is an incredibly lucrative business venture. You'd be surprised how many wealthy men prefer some form of financial and sexual control. I took everything I learned, packaged it, and committed to teaching black women how to get their coins.
My specialty is guidance in breaking into the industry. From lingo to pricing, I am happy to detail it all. Kink hasn't evolved much in our community and most black people aren't vocal in talking about it or don't even know the many different kinks and fetishes that are out there. My goal is to get the community talking and participating in the most comfortable way—with zero judgment. It's also why I throw "play parties" for black millennials in the city.
As a disclaimer for my ladies, please understand that just like any other industry, to enter this world, you have to do your research and have an idea of what you specifically want, and expect, from it. Sound advice would be to find a mentor, if possible. I didn't have a mentor when I started, so I focus on mentoring other black women who are interested in domme.
Courtesy of Mistress Marley
But once I knew my direction and learned the tricks and trades, becoming a domme was extremely freeing for me. It helped me learn exactly what I do and don't like when it comes to being in control. It shaped the confidence I naturally possess, and it taught me how to own my sexuality in a way where I could still learn about myself at the same time.
The curious often ask what happens when I have a client, and in short, it depends on the client. I secure half a deposit before meeting and, upon arrival at the session site, they are required to give me the remainder. We chat for about 10 minutes before beginning, just to outline their soft and hard limits (BDSM levels they're okay with, or anything they would or not want to do). The session then begins and they're all mine to control. I always go the extra mile to keep myself protected by doing background checks and screenings. And I also always have security with me.
And that's it.
As time has passed, and as I've become seasoned in this industry, I've conditioned myself to ignore judgment and to combat stereotypes. Yes, guys, my parents are super supportive and are always wanting to hear about what events I'm throwing for the month, or what type of clients I come across. Yes, my friends are always at my events to support me. Yes, I get offers for dates all the time, and yes, I hate 50 Shades of Grey.
But the biggest stereotype is definitely that sex workers are dirty, lazy, or have no respect for themselves. To be honest, me having respect for myself is why I entered this industry; to show people that I run the show.
Do I let any of it affect me? Of course not.
C'mon, I'm a large-scale BDSM educator. I am well aware that most of the stigmas regarding my line of work. And I'm fully aware that those judgments usually come from a place of ignorance, or people that are so clouded by their own morals that they project them onto other people. But in order to accomplish any of my goals, I have to be unwavering in my efforts to normalize a taboo industry in such a close-minded world.
I thrive on the challenge of doing so, and I'm taking ownership of everything that comes my way.
Financial Domination allows me to explore my altitude of power, which is something I encourage every single woman to tap into. There's nothing wrong with having the power to have multi-million dollar men freely hand you their credit card. There's nothing wrong with learning a wealthy man's fetishes and acting on them.
Own that.
Own the power of walking into a room, and all eyes are on you. Own the power of having everyone wonder how you do it all as they watch your next move. Own that they want to know more. And own your mystique—because, at the end of the day, a dominatrix's power is all about not letting people know too much about you. But just enough.
To get in contact with Mistress Marleyor have her directly mentor you, you can join her organization "Black Domme Sorority." You can also contact her through all her social media channels, business email, or FetLife (a kink-based website that connects BDSM players).
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Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.