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I’m A Dominatrix And I Teach Women How To Control Men And Their Wallets

There's nothing wrong with having the power to have multi-million dollar men freely hand you their credit card.

As Told To

As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer. If you have a story you'd like to share but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.

This is Taylor Freeman's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.

I love sex.

And I love it in all forms. The industry, the trends, the toys.

I was a high school freshman when I discovered it. I lost my virginity that year to some inexperienced guy, and I had no clue what I was doing either. Worst experience ever. I actually didn't begin to enjoy sex until I entered college and started taking more control over how I interacted with my partners.

Fast forward to 22 years old: I became a stripper. And not because I aspired to be one, but because a girlfriend and I randomly decided to try out on a whim, and got the job. As a stripper, I learned the majority of the sleazy rules about the business—probably more than I wanted to know. But ultimately, it wasn't for me. I mean, I loved the superficiality of flashy outfits and the attention that came with performing, but I hated the politics behind the scenes. It was just too much. I was outta there after only four months.

When I quit, I remained fascinated with the sex field. I began to research different kinks and fetishes, along with the BDSM world in general. I didn't have a guide or a mentor; it's kind of something I just fell into and kept rolling with. But I was enamored with what I found. I was liberated.

Today, I am a professional dominatrix. Specifically, I teach "financial domination"—where women learn to control men and their wallets. I've been featured on the sex podcast, WHOREible Decisions, and featured in Refinery 29's Unbothered. I founded an organization named 'Black Domme Society' and I teach kink and I throw black swinger parties.

Let me explain.

In becoming a dominatrix, I learned that this industry is an incredibly lucrative business venture. You'd be surprised how many wealthy men prefer some form of financial and sexual control. I took everything I learned, packaged it, and committed to teaching black women how to get their coins.

My specialty is guidance in breaking into the industry. From lingo to pricing, I am happy to detail it all. Kink hasn't evolved much in our community and most black people aren't vocal in talking about it, or don't even know the many different kinks and fetishes that are out there. My goal is to get the community talking and participating in the most comfortable way—with zero judgement. It's also why I throw "play parties" for black millennials in the city.

As a disclaimer for my ladies, please understand that just like any other industry, to enter this world, you have to do your research and have an idea of what you specifically want, and expect, from it. Sound advice would be to find a mentor, if possible. I didn't have a mentor when I started, so I focus on mentoring other black women who are interested in domme.

Courtesy of Taylor Freeman

But once I knew my direction and learned the tricks and trades, becoming a domme was extremely freeing for me. It helped me learn exactly what I do and don't like when it comes to being in control. It shaped the confidence I naturally possess, and it taught me how to own my sexuality in a way where I could still learn about myself at the same time.

The curious often ask what happens when I have a client, and in short, it depends on the client. I secure half a deposit before meeting and, upon arrival at the session site, they are required to give me the remainder. We chat for about 10 minutes before beginning, just to outline their soft and hard limits (BDSM levels they're okay with, or anything they would or not want to do). The session then begins and they're all mine to control. I always go the extra mile to keep myself protected by doing background checks and screenings. And I also always have security with me.

And that's it.

As time has passed, and as I've become seasoned in this industry, I've conditioned myself to ignore judgement and to combat stereotypes. Yes, guys, my parents are super supportive and are always wanting to hear about what events I'm throwing for the month, or what type of clients I come across. Yes, my friends are always at my events to support. Yes, I get offers for dates all the time, and yes, I hate 50 Shades of Grey.

*eye roll*

But the biggest stereotype is definitely that sex workers are dirty, lazy, or have no respect for themselves. To be honest, me having respect for myself is why I entered this industry; to show people that I run the show.

Do I let any of it affect me? Of course not.

C'mon, I'm a large-scale BDSM educator. I am well-aware that most of the stigmas regarding my line of work. And I'm fully aware that those judgments usually come from a place of ignorance, or people that are so clouded by their own morals that they project them onto other people. But in order to accomplish any of my goals, I know that I have to remain unwavered in normalizing a taboo industry in such a close-minded world.

I thrive on the challenge of doing so, and I'm taking ownership of everything that comes my way.

Financial Domination allows me to explore my altitude of power, which is something I encourage every single woman to tap into. There's nothing wrong with having the power to have multi-million dollar men freely hand you their credit card. There's nothing wrong with learning a wealthy man's fetishes and acting on them.

Own that.

Own the power of walking into a room, and all eyes are on you. Own the power of having everyone wonder how you do it all as they watch your next move. Own that they want to know more. And own your mystique—because at the end of the day, a dominatrix's power is all about not letting people know too much about you. But just enough.

To get in contact with Taylor or have her directly mentor you, you can join her organization "Black Domme Sorority". You may also contact her through all her social media channels, business email, or FetLife (a kink-based website that connects BDSM players).

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.

Reparations

We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

Featured image by Shutterstock

Lawd, lawd. I'm assuming that I'm not being too presumptuous when I start this all out by saying, I'm pretty sure that more than just a few of us can relate to this title and topic. I know that personally, there are several men from my sexual past who would've been out of my space a lot sooner had the sex not been…shoot, so damn good. And it's because of that very thing that you'll never ever convince me that sex can't mess with your head. The oxytocin highs (that happen when we kiss, cuddle and orgasm) alone can easily explain why a lot of us will make a sexual connection with someone and stay involved with them for weeks, months, years even, even if the mental and emotional dynamic is subpar, at best.

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