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As Told To: I Became A Dominatrix To Reclaim My Power
Words by Elise Peterson, as told to Sheriden Chanel:
"I remember being 13 or 14 and looking in my grandmother's pajama drawer and finding her edible underwear there. Yes, Grandma kept it poppin'. I also remember going to college and needing boxes to pack my things into. She said, 'Go into my closet, I have tons of boxes in there'. I don't think she thought about it when she said it, but I went into her closet, and there were all of these boxes with tons of sex toys in them. My mom was a sex toy consultant, hosting these pleasure parties. I thought it was hilarious but also affirming, because the apple doesn't fall from the tree.
I feel like sexual freedom is a continual process of liberation.
Going to college in DC and feeling like I wanted to be in a new environment and around new perspectives that I didn't necessarily have while living in the south left me with this checklist that I felt very inhibited to do while I was in Georgia. Like, kissing a woman for the first time happened while I was in college and having my first threesome happened when I went to college. Even before then, the first time I felt sexually liberated was buying my first pair of sexy underwear from Victoria's Secret when I was 15. And then going to college and kissing a woman for the first time, having a threesome, and having sex with a woman for the first time – those firsts – kind of built up my momentum to when I had anonymous sex with someone on Craigslist for the first time. That was super empowering. That was fun, a little scary, but fun.
I think all of those firsts and pushing my own boundaries then led me to of course being a dominatrix. That was a conquest experience because so much of that derived from being in an abusive relationship and feeling disempowered in a way.
Being a dominatrix was my way of reassuming my power and dealing with that trauma in my own way.
I feel the most empowered now, at 27, after coming out of that experience and having had emotionally dealt with some of that baggage, and feeling okay and loving myself through all of that. The pinnacle of my sexual liberation was coming out to my parents.
That happened this past Thanksgiving. I think all of those were milestones of my sexual liberation. While I hope that there will be a point where I do feel fully sexually liberated, I don't want to ever stop pushing what that looks like for myself and how I decide that for myself.
Among the black community, sexuality is not something that is very vocalized.
A lot of my experiences came from within and came from pushing myself and tapping into my own curiosities, engaging my curiosities and sexuality, and receiving a lot of backlash. I had to endure a lot of slut shaming through the years and be okay with myself through it. For me, sexual liberation was very personal and very trial and error. Even when I was a dominatrix, there was a long time when my friends didn't even know I was doing it. I was working full time as an editor for Saint Heron, in art school, and working as a dominatrix by night. A lot of it was a very secret process, but I think what was affirming was delving into other women's stories, like finding out that Maya Angelou was a hooker at some point. It's not really a new idea, it's just one that isn't discussed enough.
Great sex is any sex that happens between two people that have natural chemistry and a connection.
I think that when you have a connection or you have chemistry, it kind of lends itself to a really awesome experience, whether it is sex or outside of sex, even though I don't feel sex is any different than that. I want to be able to laugh before, during, and after sex. I want to be able to have fun and not to take myself too seriously, to make mistakes and keep going, and be vocal. I want to do exactly what I want to do and maybe things that I didn't even know I wanted to do until it happened.
If something looks good, feels good, sounds good, you should do it because chances are, you aren't the only one who feels that way and you'll find a partner who will respect what you like and can also possibly be into it as well. Never place any limitations on what you will and won't do when you are in a healthy, happy relationship. I think that person is worth more than that one person you slept with three years ago that did you wrong, fuck that person. When you're with someone, whether it be casually or otherwise, and you want to do something, don't hesitate. I think I've been turned off the most sexually, whether it is with a man or a woman, who asks my permission to do certain things.
Of course, consent is key but when you're already in an established environment of consent and you're asking me, 'Is it okay for me to kiss you?' Ugh, no it's not. You asked me. I'm totally not into it. As someone who is a dominant woman in my personal and professional life, I like someone who can match that. Confidence over anything. If you are secure about what you have and what you're working with, then I can work with you. If you're into you, then I can be into you.
Don't have any limitations, read a book, watch some porn."
- As told to xoNecole by Elise Peterson
Elise Peterson is a Brooklyn-based artist, writer, visionary, former Saint Heron music editor and current educator and founder and creator of the digital collage series Black Folk. Find her here and follow her here.
Originally published November 20, 2016
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
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When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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