Words by Elise Peterson, as told to Sheriden Chanel:
"I remember being 13 or 14 and looking in my grandmother's pajama drawer and finding her edible underwear there. Yes, Grandma kept it poppin'. I also remember going to college and needing boxes to pack my things into. She said, 'Go into my closet, I have tons of boxes in there'. I don't think she thought about it when she said it, but I went into her closet, and there were all of these boxes with tons of sex toys in them. My mom was a sex toy consultant, hosting these pleasure parties. I thought it was hilarious but also affirming, because the apple doesn't fall from the tree.
I feel like sexual freedom is a continual process of liberation.
Going to college in DC and feeling like I wanted to be in a new environment and around new perspectives that I didn't necessarily have while living in the south left me with this checklist that I felt very inhibited to do while I was in Georgia. Like, kissing a woman for the first time happened while I was in college and having my first threesome happened when I went to college. Even before then, the first time I felt sexually liberated was buying my first pair of sexy underwear from Victoria's Secret when I was 15. And then going to college and kissing a woman for the first time, having a threesome, and having sex with a woman for the first time – those firsts – kind of built up my momentum to when I had anonymous sex with someone on Craigslist for the first time. That was super empowering. That was fun, a little scary, but fun.
I think all of those firsts and pushing my own boundaries then led me to of course being a dominatrix. That was a conquest experience because so much of that derived from being in an abusive relationship and feeling disempowered in a way.
Being a dominatrix was my way of reassuming my power and dealing with that trauma in my own way.
I feel the most empowered now, at 27, after coming out of that experience and having had emotionally dealt with some of that baggage, and feeling okay and loving myself through all of that. The pinnacle of my sexual liberation was coming out to my parents.
That happened this past Thanksgiving. I think all of those were milestones of my sexual liberation. While I hope that there will be a point where I do feel fully sexually liberated, I don't want to ever stop pushing what that looks like for myself and how I decide that for myself.
Among the black community, sexuality is not something that is very vocalized.
A lot of my experiences came from within and came from pushing myself and tapping into my own curiosities, engaging my curiosities and sexuality, and receiving a lot of backlash. I had to endure a lot of slut shaming through the years and be okay with myself through it. For me, sexual liberation was very personal and very trial and error. Even when I was a dominatrix, there was a long time when my friends didn't even know I was doing it. I was working full time as an editor for Saint Heron, in art school, and working as a dominatrix by night. A lot of it was a very secret process, but I think what was affirming was delving into other women's stories, like finding out that Maya Angelou was a hooker at some point. It's not really a new idea, it's just one that isn't discussed enough.
Great sex is any sex that happens between two people that have natural chemistry and a connection.
I think that when you have a connection or you have chemistry, it kind of lends itself to a really awesome experience, whether it is sex or outside of sex, even though I don't feel sex is any different than that. I want to be able to laugh before, during, and after sex. I want to be able to have fun and not to take myself too seriously, to make mistakes and keep going, and be vocal. I want to do exactly what I want to do and maybe things that I didn't even know I wanted to do until it happened.
If something looks good, feels good, sounds good, you should do it because chances are, you aren't the only one who feels that way and you'll find a partner who will respect what you like and can also possibly be into it as well. Never place any limitations on what you will and won't do when you are in a healthy, happy relationship. I think that person is worth more than that one person you slept with three years ago that did you wrong, fuck that person. When you're with someone, whether it be casually or otherwise, and you want to do something, don't hesitate. I think I've been turned off the most sexually, whether it is with a man or a woman, who asks my permission to do certain things.
Of course, consent is key but when you're already in an established environment of consent and you're asking me, 'Is it okay for me to kiss you?' Ugh, no it's not. You asked me. I'm totally not into it. As someone who is a dominant woman in my personal and professional life, I like someone who can match that. Confidence over anything. If you are secure about what you have and what you're working with, then I can work with you. If you're into you, then I can be into you.
Don't have any limitations, read a book, watch some porn."
- As told to xoNecole by Elise Peterson
Elise Peterson is a Brooklyn-based artist, writer, visionary, former Saint Heron music editor and current educator and founder and creator of the digital collage series Black Folk. Find her here and follow her here.
Originally published November 20, 2016
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Serena Williams Hits Back At Skin-Bleaching Accusations: 'I’m A Dark, Black Woman, And I Love Who I Am'
Serena Williams is clapping back at skin-bleaching accusations. During a makeup tutorial for her beauty brand, Wyn Beauty, the tennis legend took the opportunity to address the "haters."
“And then I put just that neutral color, that is actually my skin color, and no, for you haters out there, I do not bleach my skin,” she said. “There is a thing called sunlight, and in that sunlight, you get different colors.”
The rumors started after the mom of two posted a video of herself and her husband, Alexis Ohanian, at their daughter's school play. In the video, she appeared to look a few shades lighter. During her response, she revealed that she was volunteering at the play and wore stage makeup.
“Yes, I’m calling you out on this because it is ridiculous that everyone’s like, ‘Oh, she bleached her skin,’" she said. "I’m a dark, Black woman, and I love who I am, and I love how I look and that's just not my thing.”
The 23-time Grand Slam champion also said that she doesn't judge anyone who bleaches their skin as she "stays in my lane."
Serena has always had style on and off the court, and even collaborated with Nike with her own collection Serena Williams Design Crew. However, the tennis champ has now pivoted into beauty.
Wyn Beauty was launched in April 2024 with at 10-piece collection of lip, eye, and complexion products. The brand was inspired by Serena's time on the court and the packaging is reminiscent of a tennis ball due to its chartreuse color.
“Throughout my career, I was always searching for makeup that looked good after hours on the court, mixing products myself and creating my own formulas while traveling the world,” she said in a statement. As she continues to make a name for herself in the beauty industry, I'm sure we will see a lot more looks from the tennis star.
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Feature image by Marc Piasecki/WireImage