Having just returned from a tropical excursion to Curaçao earlier in the month, I was ready for yet another opportunity for some R&R. This time, instead of the Caribbean’s promise of an island paradise, I made my way back to The States to the white-sand coastline of South Florida—Fort Lauderdale, to be exact.
The crystal clear water of the idyllic Fort Lauderdale Beach is a sight to behold, and the award-winning W Fort Lauderdale acts as a perfect luxurious complement to your beachy escape. Nestled on a beachfront location along 315 feet of the coastline, the lavish hotel is within walking distance of the beach, must-try restaurants, and Fort Lauderdale’s bustling nightlife and social scene.
But even if you rarely want to leave the property, from the 24/7 Whatever Whenever room service to the access to a WET Deck that entices you to lounge near the pool and a wealth of curated experiences, the W Fort Lauderdale comes equipped with amenities galore that ensure guests have everything they need in one place. It was undoubtedly the perfect place for me to kick back, relax, and unwind.
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The Rooms
The W Signature bed in one of the W Fort Lauderdale's king rooms.
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The attention to detail can be felt in the chic design of the hotel, with inspiration drawn from the very ocean the property boasts sweeping waterfront views within each and every one of the 447 rooms. Speaking of the rooms, similar to the nautical-inspired decor sprinkled throughout the hotel through intentionally placed surfboards or even looped light fixtures, the subtly gets turned up a notch decor-wise with bold choices like a blue carpet reminiscent of the ocean floor.
Each room also has blue ombre curtains that frame the floor-to-ceiling windows in the bedroom and the bathroom. With an expansive walk-in shower and a soaking bathtub, the destressing elements the bathroom provided helped me fall for the sanctuary of my hotel room even more.
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
The private balcony where you can opt to have breakfast, answer emails, or even just revel in the views of the Atlantic Ocean and the Intracoastal waterway also doesn’t hurt.
The theme of luxurious indulgence is further accentuated through thoughtful touches like terry cloth spa robes, and Comfort Zone amenities, and I’d be remiss not to note the slice of heaven that are the W Signature Beds (and let me just say, they are as tempting as they are inviting).
Luxury Essentials Cart
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The hotel is all about finding luxury in the mundane and reminding yourself that luxury is something we all can have at our fingertips. The team at W Fort Lauderdale also recently unveiled their Luxury Essentials cart. The guest-centric offering is available upon request and allows guests to have access to the finer things in life through on-loan designer and high-end items.
The specially-curated cart emphasizes “taking care of the little things,” and features items like sunglasses, purses, fragrances, fashion tape, hair styling tools, and more from designers like Tom Ford, Gucci, and Christian Dior, to name a few.
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Dining
The Living Room in the W Fort Lauderdale
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Fort Lauderdale might be a lowkey foodie destination, but the W Fort Lauderdale hosts a plethora of dining options without even having to leave the property. With its sleek feng shui design, specialty cocktails, and delicious finger food, the Living Room gives the lobby area a major upgrade. Take the vibes a step further by soaking in the immaculate oceanfront views on the Living Room Terrace.
The W Fort Lauderdale Living Room Terrace
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For a more sit-down dining option, the hotel has El Vez, Steak 954, and SoBe Vegan. El Vez and Steak 954 are two restaurants helmed by Stephen Starr, an award-winning restauranteur, and provide very different vibes while packing tons of flair and flavor.
The dining area at Steak 954
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As its name suggests, El Vez is a restaurant that, in addition to serving incredible Mexican cuisine and craft cocktails, also treats guests to an ambiance featuring incredible oceanfront views. Steak 954 is giving elevated surf and turf with a focus on seafood that is freshly caught and, of course, steaks. Such expertly curated menu selections are complemented perfectly with cocktails as well as fine wines and a stunning visual of the restaurant's 15-foot aquarium, which is home to over 100 jellyfish.
The colorful and vibrant interior of SoBe Vegan's Fort Lauderdale location.
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SoBe Vegan is a fast-casual vegan spot that gives boldness, big color, and big flavor when it comes to its fun vibey decor and menu offerings. The restaurant keeps it all plant-based but isn't afraid to experiment with a variety of vegan takes on popular foods like burgers, sausages, jackfruit tacos, pancakes, milkshakes, and more.
You can also take your time heading out for the day or get your midnight snack on after a night out, thanks to their 24/7 Whatever Whenever room service that has beverages, food options, and even a specially curated late-night menu for after hours.
Jackfruit tacos at SoBe Vegan
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WET Deck
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Just a flight of stairs away from the Living Room is the hotel's WET Deck, where shoes are optional, and bathing suits are a must. The rooftop pool sizzles just as much as it sparkles. Features like black and white tiled decks and the pool's transparent walls make for an Insta-worthy time whether you decide to lounge in a day bed underneath some much-welcomed shade, sunbathe in lounge chairs directly underneath the sun's rays, or get your feet wet and take a refreshing dip in the water.
What's even better is that guests can also enjoy colorful cocktails and treat their taste buds to light bites at the poolside bar. You'll never want to leave.
AWAY Spa
The pedicure station in the AWAY Spa
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One thing about me, I'm going to book the massage, and the AWAY Spa perfectly encapsulates its mission to "detox, retox, and repeat." Pamper yourself with signature massage and facial treatments. From Detox Treatments and Prescription Facials to 50- or 80-minute full-body massages, there is something on the spa treatment menu for everyone.
The colorful and vibrant touches of the W Fort Lauderdale can be seen boldly throughout the spa, which still manages to be a tranquil oasis.
The interior of the AWAY Spa in the W Fort Lauderdale
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The outside terrace at the AWAY Spa
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Guests can shower before slipping into their robes and sitting in the waiting area or on the patio, where you can take in picturesque views and have a beverage before heading into their massages. The AWAY Spa has a full beauty menu that includes hair, makeup, and nail services. Everything you need, the AWAY Spa has thought of it.
Additional Perks
As a dog mom who likes to find excuses to take her dog anywhere with me, the fact that the W Fort Lauderdale is dog-friendly really stood out to me. And since elevation is the name of the game for the hotel, dogs are welcome to have their own “treat yourself” moment. In addition to hotel rooms, dogs are permitted in the Living Room and the Living Room terrace, as well as on the patios of the on-site restaurants, Steak 954 and El Vez, respectively. During their stay, dogs are provided with a doggie bed, food and water bowls, and a doggie menu that is specially curated, to name a few.
In true bright and bold fashion, the property also provides courtesy white and pink cruiser bicycles for guests to use to exercise or explore Fort Lauderdale staples like the art galleries, shopping, and dining options of Las Olas. You could also tap into working on your fitness through the 24-hour FIT gym as well as morning workout classes. Information on both experiences can be found here.
All in all, I love the way the W Fort Lauderdale served as a reminder that you don't have to go far to get your fill of a beach escape within a tranquil oasis. Luxury could be found in each and every detail, and I can't wait to return and experience it all over again.
W Fort Lauderdale
401 N Fort Lauderdale Beach Blvd, Fort Lauderdale, FL 33304
Book at (954) 414-8200 or www.wfortlauderdale.com.
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2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
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The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphyWhereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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