Nothing says summer quite like a tropical background coupled with the turquoise hues of a Caribbean island. It’s a time when the days are longer, the clothes are fewer, and where many of us that crave an escape from reality instantly transport ourselves to beachy destinations, ideally where a passport is required. Curaçao is such a destination.
While I can confirm that most people I told about my trip to Curaçao started off with a question of, “Where is that?” or even more fondly, “Like the liqueur?” I can also assure you that with its 34 beaches, vivid colors, and rich culture, the dreamy sun-soaked location is working its way up the bucket lists of many, and with good reason.
The island is located in the Southern Caribbean Sea and is one part of what is commonly referred to as the ABC Islands. The three westernmost islands of the Carribean’s Leeward Antilles are comprised of Aruba, Bonaire, and Curaçao, respectively. The largest of the three, Curaçao has been touted as a favorite in the Caribbean and has 34 beaches, with each having its own personality due to much of the island’s untouched nature.
The sea is entrancing everywhere you look because of its three-toned appearance that occurs depending on how shallow the water is in its proximity to the shore. Its downtown locations of Pietermaai and Pandu offer vibrancy in another way through intricate street art and with buildings and homes that vary in shades, from bold yellows and pale pinks to deep greens and blues that rival the sky.
When I was invited to travel to Curaçao (pronounced cure-a-sow like ow) with Diamond PR, I was enticed by the itinerary’s emphasis on Curaçao as a “playground for wellbeing.” After engaging in a lot of inner healing work in the year so far, I wanted to tap into more experiences that gave me the opportunity to approach my healing work externally as well. The promise of relaxation, grounding nature, picturesque views, and slow-living laidback vibes assured me of the island’s potential to be a catalyst for being well.
After being immersed in all things Curaçao for a week, I can say without a doubt the country’s slogan, “Feel it for yourself,” has me singing a similar tune to anyone who'll listen.
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I thought about it while indulging in a glass of merlot in Koral Bar, nestled on the cliffside of Coral Estate Luxury Resort, where I stayed for the bulk of my trip. It was my first day there, and I had arrived before the rest of my group. I felt a sense of calm wash over my body the second I exited the airport the day before. And at that moment, while seated at the bar of my hotel, feeling the breeze release gentle whispers against my skin and becoming mesmerized by the sunset, and how fluidly the lilac of the sky melted into the deep blue of the sea the bar overlooked, it was the perfect way to spend the evening and the relaxation my body called for after a long day of travel.
I thought about how everything I was feeling vibrationally at that moment was a result of my being there in person. But the vibe was only a taste of the magic Curaçao had to offer.
If you’re ready to tap into the island of Curaçao as a wellness escape, I rounded up the ultimate self-care itinerary that you should feel for yourself.
Day 1
Do a MOOD Table at Universal Alchemist
When it comes to providing the tools to get your vibrational healing and your aura all the way together, Elly Sambo is that girl. Alongside Universal Alchemist co-owner Femi Meaux, my group and I were able to bask in the shade of a decades-old mango tree before engaging in a guided group meditation. We shared stories and embraces. And the icing on the cake was the MOOD Table element created by Elly that focused on joy, the perfect segue to connect the other aspects of our workshop, which involved hacking happiness hormones. The feeling of being grounded by nature as well as using our hands to create DIY tools for our energy healing, like body oils and teas, was equal parts relaxing and energizing.
As an herbalist, alchemist, yoni steaming specialist, and more, Elly and the Universal Alchemist have an array of offerings that cater to one's vibrational healing and wellness lifestyle. Come for some healing, stay for the vibes.
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Have lunch at Fresh. by Bluemaxx Fresh
After some homemade nut milk and the Universal Alchemist has your vibrations running high, now's the time to get your health fix at a local eatery. Fresh. by Bluemaxx Fresh is an extension of BlueMaxx Health Club & Medi-Spa, a fitness center located in Willemstad Curaçao. The concept of the restaurant is based on wanting to provide food options that are healthy but also taste good. And I must say, mission accomplished. We ordered some yucca and quinoa-battered onions for the table to share.
For the main event, I ordered a steak bowl and a side of fresh pineapple juice. Everything we ate was the definition of fresh and flavorful.
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Do a breathwork session at The Space
What I loved about The Space was the inviting atmosphere. We were immediately greeted by warmth and the shining presence of founder Caroline Kolk who also gave us complimentary water. We removed our shoes and prepared to relax, relate, and release. The Space's approach to healing is holistic as they believe everything about the mind, body, and spirit is connected. When I thought about a yoga class right after lunch, my thought immediately went to yoga postures, and I was pleasantly surprised that our guide for that day was intentional about meeting us where we were, so we did a practice focusing on the breath instead.
The Space offers a range of classes, from basic Pilates to restorative yoga, as well as meditation circles, prenatal yoga, treatments, and even yoga teacher training.
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Explore Willemstad Kaya Kaya
Although you can definitely explore the very walkable area of Willemstad by yourself, I highly recommend booking a guided tour with Kurt Schoop, a local born and raised on the island. He also is one of the owners of a business in the neighborhood of Ser'i Otrobanda called Bario and has lived there for 19 years. Through his storytelling, we were able to get another layer to the mix of art, culture, and murals that we were introduced to over the hour-and-a-half exploration.
Kaya Kaya is a yearly celebration that takes place on September 2nd and is the biggest party on the island. The Ser'i Otrobanda neighborhood went from being an area of the island that wasn't really visited but since has been restored. It was incredible to hear how influential the beautification efforts had been as a tool for community building. Implementing various art projects throughout was a way of "changing the narrative" of the neighborhood and to see how much has changed through restoration in a matter of years was remarkable. So were the pastel-colored homes.
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Afterward, since you're already literally in the neighborhood, visit the Bario Hotel's on-site restaurant, Bario Urban Street Food. My favorite was the fried calamari dish, but I absolutely loved the drinks from the specialized cocktail bar.
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Day 2
Nature walk at Hofi Mango
The best part about the island heat is finding little respites where you can cool off. The 800 or so mango trees forming the shady center of the park felt like a cool drink of water on a hot day. The trees were mighty, they were lush and vividly green. The sounds of parakeets and other birds provided a soundtrack to our time there. Once a plantation in the 1700s, Hofi Mango has been transformed to be a playground for wellness. Though open to the public for walking and even lounging, the park is still in its development stages, but the hope is for it to be "a place in nature used for cultivating food but also as a space for gathering," which is what the Papiamentu word "hofi" can be loosely translated to.
The concepts for gathering in the park so far have been built with the intention of striking a balance between nature and development. As Bernice, the park manager who guided the tour for us, stated, "Nature doesn't compete, they coincide." And it is her intention that the people who visit Hofi Mango learn to coincide with the nature around them.
The walk is a pretty easy one, and at its mirador, you can see Santa Cruz (one of the island's many beaches) in the distance, closely neighboring the island's highest peak. The west side of the island is known for its beauty, and the views and landscapes you are introduced to during your time at Hofi Mango will highlight that even more.
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Do a spa day at 8 Experience Curaçao
I can confidently say that the spa experience at 8 Experience Curaçao is a luxurious slice of relaxation heaven everyone should partake in at least once in their lives. The massage I had there was the things dreams are made of, and it's considered one of the best spas on the island. Go there for a facial or a massage and enjoy the facilities for the day. The spa itself is immaculately designed with stunning attention to detail. In addition to a sauna, they also offer a steam room infused with aromas and an ice room kept at 5 degrees Celsius. The connection to nature can be felt throughout the luxe facility, especially when it's time to get your massage.
The rooms have huge windows that open up to the Caribbean Sea by way of wooden shutters. So the picturesque views are literally framed, and while you are taking in the aromas of your oil of choice during your massage (special shout out to Nilitsa, who did the damn thing), your sensory experience opens up even more with the help of the sounds of the water against the cliffside, the birds, and even the wind. The emphasis is on wholeness, and every service offered at the spa delivers a taste of that.
In addition to spa and salon services, you can opt to lounge by the pool or one of the two jacuzzis nestled right on the cliffside, overlooking the sea. Oasis doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Enjoy dinner on the beach at Karakter
Notably, Karakter is a restaurant known for being located in quiet and unique locations and chose Curaçao to be the home of their second restaurant. With the white sand and the blue sea and a special appearance of the sunset acting as our backdrop, we enjoyed the most decadent meal at this chic restaurant. There was careful care and consideration placed on incorporating the flavors the chef wished to highlight, like cauliflower, pumpkin, and dark chocolate, which went together seamlessly with some of the other elements of the dishes. Altogether, the elements provided a sensory experience to remember.
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Day 3
Dip your toes into the clear waters of Mambo Beach
If you haven't found a beach yet, take in the crystal blue waters of Mambo Beach, one of the island's most popular and trendiest beaches. While the tropical lagoon is man-made, it's one of the calmer beaches of Curaçao, making it perfect for kids and non-swimmers as well. I am always mesmerized by the undeniable beauty of the sea and the image of palm trees swaying in the wind. Lounge by the water, have a drink from the beach bar (Rileks Beach Bar comes highly recommended), or enjoy a swim.
Just off the shores of the far-reaching white-sand beach are a lot of amenities and shops the downtown area has to offer. Mambo Beach Boulevard has a plethora of bars, restaurants, and of course, shopping. So whether you want to relax, dine, or play, Mambo Beach has a little something for everyone.
Explore downtown Curaçao
Prepare to be blown away by the breathtaking beauty of a different variety with the sights and sounds of downtown Curaçao. The brightly colored houses lining the waterfront and cobblestone streets populate an area of an island that has strong Dutch influences. In search of the Kura Hulanda Museum, we stumbled upon the brightly colored Kura Hulanda Village that opens up to a little pavilion with local shops to peruse. In addition to making a pit stop at Rustiq, we were introduced to a local artist there whose work is featured quite prominently in the area named Bagira. You can also visit Punda for some of the higher-end shopping if that's your fancy.
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
Have tapas and cocktails at Soi95
Asian-inspired tapas served with a Caribbean twist are what you can expect at Soi95. We spent our last night dining on the scenic rooftop terrace, sharing light bites and sipping on unique crafty cocktails. The presentation was incredible, especially with the drinks that were sometimes served with flames or another element that upped the ante on its uniqueness. The flavors were eclectic, and every single bite had you yearning for more. A great dining gem worthy of a stop during your trip to Curaçao.
Sheriden Chanel/xoNecole
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2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
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The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphyWhereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
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1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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