

Something that I enjoy about writing for women's platforms is it puts you in the position of discovering all kinds of things that you might not ever discover otherwise; even about yourself. Take vaginal mapping, for example. A quick show of hands (via letting us know in the comment section) if you're familiar with what that is. Shoot, bonus points if you've ever done any vaginal mapping before.
If you've heard of it and your guess is that vaginal mapping is masturbation—actually, it's not. If you're wondering if it's a vaginal self-exam—you're getting warmer but not exactly. However, if you give me roughly 5-7 minutes of your time, I'll share with you what vaginal mapping is all about and why it's such a beneficial thing for all of us to do, at least a couple of times every year.
Here’s the Vaginal Mapping Breakdown
Here's the interesting thing about vaginal mapping, right out the gate. While masturbation is about stimulating your genitalia for the sole purpose of sexual stimulation and vaginal self-exams are about checking out the external part of your vagina (your vulva), along with the opening of it and your anus, in order to see if there are any abnormalities (basically it's a breast exam for down below), vaginal mapping is more like a therapeutic massage for your vaginal area. Really, your entire pelvic region.
In fact, there are many health and sex experts who say that, by partaking in this particular act, it can actually help to bring forth a certain level of healing and release if you've experienced some past sexual trauma or if you've got some sort of anxiety as it relates to that particular part of your body.
As far as the technique itself, as you're actually massaging your vagina via deep breathing and light stroking, it's important to feel for areas that might feel numb, tense, or even somewhat painful. In a way, think of it as reflexology for your vaginal area. Vaginal mapping is all about caressing both the outside and inside of your vagina—again, not so you can climax but so you can feel more at ease and at peace with yourself.
Some of the proven benefits of vaginal mapping include:
- It can help to loosen up tight pelvic floor muscles that can sometimes make sex uncomfortable.
- It can help to break up any congestion or mild adhesions that could be binding up the connective tissue around your pelvic floor muscles.
- It can also help to speed up the healing process of a mild pelvic or vaginal injury (like one that may occur during sex).
- It can help to free up emotional tension, stress or pent-up energy that is oftentimes "trapped" within your pelvis.
- It can make you feel more comfortable with your body overall.
If any of these benefits have further piqued your curiosity and you're wondering how you can become a vaginal mapping master, I've got some tips for you that can help you to achieve your goal:
How to Do Vaginal Mapping for Yourself
Again, because vaginal mapping is all about massaging your vaginal area (in fact, some people actually call it a "yoni massage"), that's the mindset you need to be in while doing this particular exercise. Get quiet. Light some soy-scented candles. Get into an area of your home where you feel fully comfortable with totally disrobing. Try and avoid any distractions (like loud music or your television). For this to be effective, you've got to truly hone in and focus solely on your pelvic area. That said, here are the steps.
1. Get to know your pelvis.
Before even getting into the massage part, let's do a quickie anatomy class, focusing solely on your pelvic region. Where you typically put your hands on your hips, that is known as your ilium. The two bones at the front of your pelvis make up your pubic bone. The bones that you literally sit on are your sitz bones (the technical word is ischium). The triangular-shaped bone at the base of your spine is known as your sacrum. And, the base of your sacrum, where your tailbone is, is called your coccyx. All of this is relevant because knowing the different parts of your pelvis will make doing the next things a lot easier.
2. Lie down on your back with your knees bent and your legs open. Then begin massaging your stomach and inner thighs.
Before getting to your actual vagina, it's a good relaxation technique to first use an oil like coconut, grapeseed or olive (all of them are high in antioxidants and are non-irritating to the inside of your vagina) to gently rub your stomach (which will also play a role in vaginal mapping) as well as your inner thighs and the crevices that connect your legs to your vulva (the outer part of your vagina). Once you feel more relaxed, it's time for the next step.
3. Start vaginal mapping by inserting a lubricated index finger into your vagina.
With the hand that you use more (meaning if you're left-handed, use that hand or if you're right-handed, use that hand), put some oil on its index finger and then gently insert that finger into your vaginal opening. Then place your other hand on top of your stomach, so that you can feel what you're doing, both inside as well as out. Next, press the inner part of your finger towards your pubic bone; if you pay close enough attention, you might just feel your urethra. Be intentional about looking for signs of tension or discomfort. If so, see if gently massaging those areas helps. Spend a good 5-7 minutes in this area. Then, while breathing slowly and deeply, move your finger towards the back part of your pelvis where your sacrum is and repeat the same process.
Once you're done with that area, massage the internal part of the left side of your pubic bone, then the right, all the while keeping your other hand on your stomach because the added external pressure will make it easier for you to detect if there is any "tightness" within. Also, pay close attention to whether or not you can feel your muscles relax as you're massaging the inside of your vagina; if you are doing everything properly, you should. This entire practice should take between 30-60 minutes. Just remember not to rush. This is all about self-exploration, being gentle with your pelvic area, and mastering how to deep breathe and massage simultaneously.
4. Consider investing in a pelvic wand as a massaging tool.
When you're first starting out with vaginal mapping, your finger is honestly enough; you want to make sure you know what is comfortable for you when it comes to where you go and how deeply. But once you get used to doing this type of massage, something that you might want to invest in is a pelvic wand. It's an easier way to reach the deeper parts of your pelvic floor muscles so that if you have any tender areas that may be resulting in mild pelvic pain, they can be massaged easier and the tension can be released quicker. If you'd like to look more into this particular purchase, click here.
5. Journal about the vaginal mapping healing experience, if you wish.
Something that I've written about before is the benefits that come with sex journaling (check out "The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)"). While a lot of it consists of writing down thoughts, memories, patterns, and even sexual desires, if you want to reserve a section for vaginal mapping, that certainly wouldn't hurt; especially the first couple of times that you do this kind of massaging. Write down how the exercise made you feel, the areas where you may notice are more tender, numb or firm than others and if any particular memories came to mind while you did it. Again, a big benefit that comes with vaginal mapping is it helps you to release any emotional stress or trauma that you might've been carrying in your pelvic area that you didn't even think about.
Then you're done. While the first time that you vaginal map, "awkward" might be the best way to describe how it felt to do it, again, if you make it a part of your self-care routine (even if it's only seasonally or bi-annually), you'll start to feel more comfortable with doing it because it will calm you, help you to know your vaginal area so much better and, if you journal through it, it can provide you with some epiphanies about your self-esteem, sexuality and emotional processing when it comes to both.
I know this isn't something that comes up often, but it is a hidden gem that is well worth considering. After all, the best maps lead to the most profound treasures, right? My sentiments exactly.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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The millennial in me is nostalgic at best...and at worst, deeply, deeply yearning. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the past.
In the days of old, community was never hard to find. It was a knock on the door from a neighborhood friend who needed no invitation. It was trading jokes over lunch and lingering strolls after the final bell. It was choir practice on Saturdays and giggling in the pews on Sundays.
The love was free and plentiful, and my cup runneth over.
But there was a certain rhythm to the ’90s and early 2000s. People were ever-present in the most ordinary ways, and fortunately, this followed me well into adulthood. The door knocks have since turned into tequila shots, and brunch on Sundays became my new sanctuary, but you know...same thing!
However, life has changed drastically, and with it, so have we. Sometimes by force (2020..no other words needed, amirite), and other times by the natural, inevitable flow of growing up.
As we age, our identities become more defined. And while the people we’ve always loved still matter deeply, we start to crave new connections and experiences that reflect who we’re becoming.
When COVID reared its ugly head, not only did it disrupt the lives we knew, it pushed us to reevaluate the lives we want… and the people we want in them. For many, it exposed a loneliness that had already been there beneath the surface. It made space for questions we hadn’t slowed down to ask: What do I truly enjoy? Who do I feel most myself around?
After months of quarantine and isolation, we were left craving connection in a deeper, more intentional way. This sparked a renewed interest in “the third space.”
Coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg, the term refers to those places beyond home (first space) and work (second space) where people gather, build relationships, and foster community. Think coffee shops, libraries, dance studios, run clubs, and other environments that offer connection outside of our daily obligations.
My own desire to find like-minded folks has only intensified over the past few years. And as a self-proclaimed medicine woman and wellness enthusiast, I went looking for spaces that felt good, and found more than a few.
So if you're in NYC and searching for places that feed your spirit (and tend to your interests), consider this your starter guide. Whether it's a wellness club, a run group, or a kickball league, these third spaces might just feel like home.
A Safe Space Mentor
My Shaylaaa.
What started out as a simple offering from founder Teya Knapp has grown into one of the most intentional, heartfelt communities I’ve had the privilege to be part of. Together with COO Jasmine Dayze, they have cultivated more than a collective—it’s a movement rooted in community care, softness, and restoration.
A nonprofit centered on mental health advocacy and equity, A Safe Space Mentor has redefined the possibilities of communal healing. With over 22 fully funded retreats to date (yes, free), monthly programs ranging from support groups and hikes to pottery classes, free therapy, and now a physical home at A Safe Place Studios, they’ve built an ecosystem where people can show up fully and be accepted just as they are.
I came across them by chance, but as fate would have it, it allowed me to bloom in ways I never saw coming, surrounded by women who affirm and love me in ways I didn’t know I needed. I’m serious, ya’ll. Even at the risk of sounding dramatic: expect to be changed, to find friends, possibly even family, and maybe a group chat, too.
Beyond their no-cost offerings, they also host weekly yoga and meditation classes, massages, and more. Learn more about this beautiful space here, and keep an eye out for their upcoming Juneteenth gathering.
NARC
Who needs Hinge when there’s a run club? (Kidding... kind of.)
NARC, short for Not a Run Club, is technically a run club but with a twist. Co-founded by Omari Ross and Noah Hutchins, NARC takes a holistic approach to fitness and community. Picture track workouts, dynamic circuits, core finishers, followed by a post-workout brunch with the crew. Sure, the occasional match may be made, but at its core, NARC is about connection, movement, and showing up for yourself and others.
It’s the kind of space where most people arrive solo but rarely leave without a new friend or a new perspective. And personally? I never tire of seeing Black men love on one another out loud.
If you’re looking for a solid sweat (not gonna lie, it gives Olympic training at times), laughs, and folks that show up rain or shine, they’ve got you. Beyond the track, they also host boxing classes, hot yoga sessions, social mixers, and a number of other events. NARC meets every Saturday at McCarren Park at 10 a.m. unless otherwise noted. Learn more here.
The Music Nerds
My favorite part about The Music Nerds? The DJ. Scene Serene, a former music journalist turned vibe curator, created this club out of pure love for music and the Black people who create it. And that love is felt in every detail.
Past functions have celebrated Kendrick Lamar, Black women in music, and Virginia legends, each thoughtfully crafted to tell a story through sound. Here, you’re not just dancing, you’re feeling, remembering, and reflecting, too. Additionally, she kicks off each event with icebreaker quote cards to spark conversation, because the vibe isn’t just in the music; it’s also in the people.
That sense of connection comes full circle in her choice of venues, which are always Black-owned spaces that feel safe and inclusive for all Black folk. After all, if we don’t support each other, who will?
This isn’t just a party. It’s a celebration of culture, connection, and Black joy…and yes, it’s free! She’s cooking up some magic for the summer, so follow her here to stay in the loop.
SociaLight Social Club
For the anti-social socialite or the extrovert who wants a little more intimate play, the SociaLight Club might be your sweet spot.
Nayah, the founder, is all about curating intimate, low-pressure gatherings that bring people together through random yet delightful activities, all while supporting Black-owned businesses in the process.
From coworking days to supper clubs and nights building LEGOs, it’s the kind of space where you can show up as you are and end up discovering new people and new passions. It’s chill, it’s intentional, and very much a vibe. Keep up with her events here.
Recess Kickball League
Black folks deserve to frolic, dilly-dally, and straight-up play. And that’s the spirit behind Recess Kickball League. Though kickball is the anchor, it’s really about reclaiming joy through movement and connection.
Founded by five friends during the lockdowns of 2020 (Emmanuel Maduakolam, Christopher Thomas, Cris Jones, Daemon “Tubbs” Krueger, and Ermias Tessema), the club started as a way to get outside and let loose, and now it’s blossomed into a thriving community with leagues in both LA and Brooklyn.
If you’ve been looking for field day vibes and opportunities to love on your inner child, keep up with them here.
The Free Black Women’s Library
Tucked in the heart of Bed-Stuy, The Free Black Women’s Library is a cozy nook that centers Black women and holds space for book lovers, creatives, and community-builders alike.
Founded by OlaRonke Akinmowo, it functions as more than a library but a cultural hub. While every book is written by a Black woman or non-binary author, she also hosts grief workshops, writing circles, and curated events that honor both healing and imagination, too. Their monthly calendar is packed with offerings that meet you where you are, celebrating who we are and who we’re becoming.
And the best part? You don’t have to buy a book, you can swap one. Bring something you’ve read, and leave with something new. Keep up with them here.
Peak & Pace
This one’s for the runners and the lovers. If you’re looking to meet your future bae who’s into fitness and a good Sunday reset, Peak & Pace might just be your new favorite link.
Founded by London native Owen Akhibi after relocating to NYC, the club was born out of something a lot of us know too well: feeling a little lonely in a big city. So he created a space that brings people together who just so happen to run.
Every meetup ends with a social, and some runs come with fun themes like wearing flags repping your country to wristbands signaling your relationship status (lovers tap in!). Off the track, they host yoga, comedy nights, parties, and other events to build real connections. They meet every Saturday at Prospect Park at 10 a.m. Tap in with them here.
Free Peace Meditation Club
Free Peace Meditation Club offers a rare pause in the middle of NYC’s bustling Lower East Side, encouraging folks to be still in the midst of chaos while finding beauty in it, too. What began as a simple conversation between Kenji Summers and Angelo Baque has blossomed into a welcoming sanctuary where New Yorkers gather to unplug, recenter, and recharge.
Hosted monthly at the artfully decorated Awake NY, this community-driven experience invites participants to reconnect through guided reflection, mindful breathwork, and thoughtfully curated music that features the rich sounds of New York’s rap, R&B, and jazz artists. FPANYMC stands as a powerful affirmation that stillness is not a luxury but an essential practice. Keep up with them here.
Knot Okay Club
This one’s for the soft girls, the creatives, and anyone who’s ever needed to crochet their stress away.
Knot Okay Club brings Black women and non-binary folks together through fiber arts. It’s about slowing down, making something with your hands, and feeling held while you do it. The work might be small and intentional, but the connection? That’s the magic. Learn more about them here.
Girls That Gather
Lauren Franco started Girls That Gather after moving to NYC and realizing just how hard it can be to find genuine connections as an adult.
What began as a way to bring women together has grown into a go-to space for meaningful conversation and real friendship. From curated dinner parties to small, cozy events, everything is designed to feel easy and intentional. No awkward networking energy, just good vibes and even better people. Learn more about them here.
Adanne Bookshop
Adanne is one of those places that makes you want to linger.
Tucked away in Brooklyn and owned by educator Darlene Okpo, this Black woman-owned bookshop is as intentional as it is inviting. The books are curated with care, the energy is warm, and the events, from author talks to community gatherings to incense-making, always leave you a little more full than when you walked in.
It’s not just a bookstore; it’s a cultural anchor. Check out their events here.
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