The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)

Treat yourself to a new journal...that's devoted entirely to sex.


OK, so I've got a question. How many of y'all journal on a regular basis? At first, I was going to ask how many of y'all own a journal, but if you're anything like me, you've probably got three or four of 'em collecting dust somewhere in your house. For me, I think that my relationship with journaling is a lot like my relationship is with reading—I write and research so much that I don't make as much time for either as I should. That doesn't mean that I don't know that both are extremely important practices, though.

Since we're specifically talking about sex journaling today, let's explore a few reasons why journaling, in general, is such a good thing to do. Journaling helps to increase your emotional intelligence. Journaling reduces stress. Journal provides clarity. Journaling gives your innermost emotions and thoughts a voice, platform and safe space. Journaling can help you to reach your goals. Journaling can also improve your memory and vocabulary while strengthening your self-discipline in the process. Journaling can do all of that? Yep. So, apply all of these points to your sex life and imagine what sex journaling is capable of.

No matter how you feel about your sex life at the moment, I'm going to encourage you to hop on Amazon, Etsy or go to a local bookstore to pick up a fresh new journal. Devote it only to your sex life and write in it at least a couple of times a week. Aside from all of the reasons that I just provided, there are some benefits that come with sex journaling that can make how you see—and perform—sex better than ever before. Benefits like what?

Sex Journaling Is a Great Way to Remember THE FACTS About Your Sex Life


Recently, I checked out an article on exaggeration. According to the piece, although virtually all of us do it, there are three types of exaggerating that can make life, as the article puts it, "unnecessarily dramatic"—there's overgeneralizing, there's catastrophizing (which is basically making something bigger in our minds than it actually is), and there's making snap judgments and jumping to conclusions. As I thought about the times when I've exaggerated in these ways before, I also thought about how exaggerating could be applied to my sex life. There are the guys who I thought were the absolute bomb, mostly because I had a tendency to only replay one or two times in my mind rather than our entire sexuationship. There are moments that caused me to struggle with my self-worth because I only focused on the things that I did "wrong" or average instead of taking the entire experience into account.

That's why, although some people who are close to me cringe whenever I pen an article like, "Each Of My 14 Sex Partners Taught Me Something New" (mostly because they feel like it's TMI 2.0), to me, it's like getting paid to journal. The reason why I feel that way is because writing it all out helps me to not just reflect on my feelings about my sex life, but to also put things into proper perspective as it relates to various situations and facts. When I do that, I am able to get clarity on what I did, what I would do now and what I would never do again.

Sex Journaling Can Help You to Pinpoint What Works—and What Doesn’t


Another cool thing that comes from sex journaling is it can help you to get a clear grasp of what works for you and what doesn't when it comes to the act overall, the kind of partners that you choose and various techniques and positions that you like and dislike. For instance, one of the couples that I used to work with, the wife was always talking about how her husband didn't please her like some of her past partners had. But whenever I would ask her to explain, she would look at me like, "What do you mean? Didn't I just tell you enough?" Actually, you didn't. Was it that you were more attracted to your past partners? Was the foreplay more pleasurable for you? Are there certain positions that you preferred that you're not experiencing now? How did you feel about your body at the time? What do you wish your partner would do more of and less of? If you're not having enough orgasms, are you faking them? What did your exes do that your partner isn't?

When you're out here generalizing your sex life, it's hard to come up with a plan for how to improve it. By asking yourself questions like the ones that I just mentioned and then writing the answers down, that can help you to better strategize what you want your sex life to be like; it can reveal what works and what doesn't in a very real and documented kind of way. It can give you a reference point that you can always go back to when needed.

Sex Journaling Is an Awesome Way to Mentally Stimulate You and Your Partner


Did you know that another benefit that comes from journaling is it can help you to get a better night's rest? If you and your partner make it a point to write down some of your favorite memories and experiences with one another, man—talk about the ultimate kind of bedtime story. Sex journaling can be a wonderful form of foreplay too because, if you both commit to reading some of your entries out loud to one another, that can bring your minds back to times that you want to repeat; hopefully as soon as possible.

While we're on this particular point, who said that this only has to happen when you're in bed with one another. Transcribe an entry and then shoot it in email or a part of it in a text while your partner is at work or out of town. Reading (or re-reading) the moments that both of you have enjoyed together can truly be the ultimate kind of aphrodisiac. Straight up.

Sex Journaling Can Serve As a Place of Revelation and Healing


Since every 73 seconds, someone is sexually assaulted, there is a huge chance that you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual abuse, assault or some sort of sex-related trauma. Keeping that in mind, it's not uncommon that when a counselor or therapist is dealing with a client who has been affected by something sexually traumatic that they will recommend they journal about it. Journaling has a way of helping you to confront what you've been through, to process it and to address it in a kind of open and uncensored way that you might not feel comfortable doing any other way. Journaling is able to give your pain a voice while validating your feelings about it at the same time.

With all of the stuff that I've been through, sometimes even I'm amazed that I haven't lost my mind. But when I'm able to look back on things I've written like "If You Have To Wonder If It Was Rape, It Was", I am able to see where I was vs. where I am. I am also able to establish the kind of boundaries that I need to set, moving forward and, more than anything, heal because, thanks to writing about the things that I've been through, my pain has not been silenced. Or ignored.

Sex Journaling Can Help You to Set Future Sex-Related Goals


Some of the happiest people on the planet are the ones who are constantly setting bars and reaching them, only to set more. That said, another benefit that can come from sex journaling is jotting down the kind of short-term and long-term sex-related goals that you want to achieve. Do you want to have more orgasms? Do you want to make more fantasies come true? Maybe you'd like to take a tour of some of the sexiest hotels that are in the country or even the world. Perhaps you want to try new sexual positions or to take greater sexual risks. Or, maybe the goal has to do with breaking some toxic patterns that have resulted in you being dissatisfied, both emotionally as well as sexually.

There is plenty of evidence to support that when we write down our goals, it is able to give us clarity and motivate us to take action. There are even studies to support the fact that you are 42 percent more likely to achieve your goals (and your dreams) if you decide to write them down. And just think—the more things that you are able to achieve, the more confidence you'll have, and the more open you'll be to add other goals to your list in the future. Sex-themed goals included.

If I've inspired you, at least a little bit, then you might wonder how much time you should devote to sex journaling in order to get the results that you want. Pulling out your journal and a pen and writing about 15-20 minutes a couple of times a week should just about do it. Just make sure that it's when the atmosphere is quiet and when the space that you're in puts you in a sensual frame of mind. Oh, and make sure to date your entries and to replace your journals every year. Fresh year. Fresh sex perspective. Fresh sex journal. In that order.

There's no time like the present to become a healthy and happier sexual being. One of the most effective ways to do it is by committing to doing a little sex journaling. Make the time. You—and your sex life—won't regret it.

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:

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ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.


We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
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