What Happened When I Challenged Myself To Journal More For Two Weeks
I have so many journals. A pink one with lined paper. A leather-bound journal with pretty textured paper. Then there are four journals I bought in 2018 that I added to my ever-growing collection: The Five Minute Journal, Start Where You Are Journal, 52 Lists For Happiness, and the My Prayer Journal.
I told you I had a lot of journals. What I was finding was that, I was only writing in my journals when I felt disjointed or upset by something that was happening in my life. Once those moments passed, my library of journals went back to collecting dust. I was listening to Oprah's, What I Know For Sure book on Audible, and she mentioned keeping a gratitude journal she wrote in every day for a decade —writing down five things she was grateful for each day. That got me to thinking, I should be writing in my journals from a place for gratitude, which is something I have been struggling with lately.
I have been getting a lot of rejection, dealing with trauma in my personal life, and to be honest, finding things to be grateful for in these moments has been tough. So, I challenged myself to write in each of my journals for two weeks.
There are disputes about how many days it takes to make a habit, but adding daily mindfulness to my routine is something I have tried and failed at over and over. Here was my chance to make 2019 different.
Week one was interesting. I placed all six journals by my bed, so they were one of the first things I rolled over and looked at when I put my feet on the carpet in my room each morning. Sunday was easy since I enjoy taking time for myself on that day. I sat on the floor with each journal writing about what I was grateful for, my daily bible verse and prayer, free wrote in the blank journals, and answered whatever the prompts in the guided journals I had brought up for me.
One of the prompts read, "List The 8 Things You Like To Do That Don't Involve Technology." That prompt stumped me as I sat with my pen in hand with the sun beaming on my face. I wrote, "Read a great magazine. Have a yummy meal. Do a facial. Dance." I continued to add to that list throughout the week. I even took time to do all of the things I mentioned above, including a dance class.
Dance is now a part of my weekly routine because it brings me so much joy (even though I'm not a dancer at all).
I enjoyed fleshing out my thoughts, learning verses from the Bible, and writing down my prayers. It amazed me how hard it was to write down my prayers and what I was thankful for, I felt a certain level of guilt for asking for anything. Another feeling that surprised me happened as the week went on and I skipped a couple of days. I felt different when I did.
The following Sunday, I set a goal — to write in my journals each morning for 20 minutes. Like the week before, Sunday started great, then I missed Tuesday, picked up Wednesday, and missed Friday. I could still feel the shift in me when I wasn't taking that time for myself. On days that I journaled, I walked out of my house into the world with a sense of sureness and gratitude. My mood was better. I felt lighter, and when something happened that shook me, like not getting a callback for an audition or being stressed by typical work things, I'd shrug them off. I knew that I had a lot to be grateful for and that what is meant to happen in my life will happen when it's right.
On a day when I didn't journal, everything affected me and I found myself hyper-focused on things that I didn't have or that lightness I felt disappeared. When I started this challenge, I hadn't imagined that I'd really be able to see a difference in how I perceived the world, but it did.
I know that we're all adulting and working hard to boss up and become the best versions of ourselves, but without mindfulness and gratitude, how can we make room for ourselves not just to dream our wildest dreams, but to find joy in the small things we're doing to get there?
Writing in six journals a day, honestly, is probably way too much. But, take the time you would choose to scroll mindlessly through Instagram or argue with a Facebook friend to write down a goal, what you're grateful for, or even a one-sentence affirmation each day. I am almost one hundred percent sure you won't regret it. I know I haven't and will be making that twenty minutes of mindfulness each day a priority.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Bianca Lambert is a proud Atlanta native soaking up the Los Angeles sun. She is the founder of Mae B: a stationery company for women of color and a digital content creator on a mission to elevate the voices of women of color everywhere.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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