Everywhere you turn these days someone is talking about or promoting wellness and maybe you're feeling inspired to make some changes to your own life but are unsure about how to get started. Well, that's what I'm going to share with you in this article.
However, before I do, it's important to keep in mind the following three points. Firstly, your wellness journey is just that, a journey. It will have its ups and downs, twists and turns, challenges and breakthroughs. Secondly, it is your journey. It's natural to look to others for inspiration but there's a risk of comparing yourself to them. Your wellness journey is about what you need, not what other people are doing. Finally, your wellness journey is not only about your physical health. It's about balancing your inner and outer wellbeing and encompasses your mind, body and soul.
Here are 10 tips to kick-start your wellness journey:
1. Grab A Journal & A Pen
Before embarking on a wellness journey, I recommend taking time to journal. With wellness being such a popular topic nowadays, it's easy to get swept up in the latest trend and think that's what you should be doing. Use your journal to get clear about where you're at, what you need right now and realistically how much time you have to commit to any wellness activities.
Ask yourself the following questions:
- What will make me feel good?
- What do I need more of?
- What do I need less of?
- Where and how can I fit a regular wellness practice into my daily life?
- What wellness practice am I willing to commit to?
- Why this wellness practice? What difference will it make to my life? What will it give me that I don't already have (enough of)?
2. Set Your Goals And Intentions
Once you've answered the questions above, you should have a much clearer vision for your wellness journey. Now it's time to get specific. What are your goals? Do you want to lose 20 lbs by summer? Do you want to be following a vegan diet by Thanksgiving? Do you want to be meditating at least 15 minutes every day within the next 3 months? It's important to be very specific so you can measure your progress.
Next, how will you achieve your goals? Will you reduce your portion size and aim to lose 3 lbs each week or will you join a slimming club? Will you start by removing red meat from your diet? Will you use an app to meditate for 5 mins before you go in the shower each morning?
Finally, what is your overall intention? Do you want to have more energy, better focus and concentration or overall peace of mind? The reason it is important to set an intention alongside your goals is because ultimately your goals will be meeting a deeper desire. For example, it's not really about meditating daily, it's about the feeling regular meditation gives you.
3. Start Where You Are
Maybe in an ideal world you want to practice yoga 5 days a week, meditate for 30 mins every morning, cook solely using organic ingredients or follow a full vegan diet. At the same time, perhaps you work long hours, are a mum with very little time to yourself, have a small budget or absolutely love ribs with a side of mac n cheese.
With the best intentions, it can be a challenge to go straight from where you're at to the vision you have in your mind. Be realistic about how much time you can commit to your wellness journey and what you're willing to sacrifice. You want to make this a way of life not a passing fad so it's much more beneficial to spend 5 minutes each day stretching than doing a 1-hour class now and again. Likewise, if one month you blow your wages on all organic products but then spend the following month eating cheap processed food in order to make the rent, the commitment to your wellness journey will wane real quick. The aim is to form a solid foundation for your overall wellbeing which requires consistency. Do what you can with what you have. Start with small, manageable steps that you can build on over time.
4. Clear The Crap
Whether your wellness journey is about your mind, body or soul, you need to detox. It's necessary to purge the area of your life you're focusing on of anything that may distract you or hinder your progress. If you're focusing on your diet, empty the fridge and cupboards of any food you want to avoid. If you're concentrating on your mind, remove anything that has a negative influence on your mental health. This could include unfollowing social media accounts that negatively trigger you or make you feel bad about yourself. It could even include a digital fast.
Debt, a cluttered or untidy living space, a job you hate and toxic relationships are common areas that can have a detrimental effect on your mind, body and soul and severely impact your overall wellbeing so it's also worth considering if these aspects of your life need detoxing before embarking on your wellness journey.
5. Get Support
Now matter how committed you are or how excited you feel, there are going to be challenging times. Maybe you're not seeing any progress or feeling the benefits so you consider quitting or perhaps it just feels too difficult. There'll also be days when you feel so proud of yourself for hitting a goal that you're desperate to share your achievement with someone.
Support is integral especially when you're just setting out on your wellness journey. Join a group online or IRL or partner up with a friend who has similar goals. They'll hold you accountable when you start reaching for excuses, motivate and encourage you when you feel like quitting and may also be a valuable source of information to help you with your wellness goals. You can also use apps to set up reminders and track your progress.
6. Track Your Progress
At some point during your wellness journey, you may feel like nothing is happening or that very little has changed. This is why it is vital to track your journey from the very start. Using an app, making notes in your journal, taking photos, and recording any stats are just some of the ways you can monitor your progress daily.
When starting out, pick only one practice to focus on. This will increase your chances of sticking with it and make it easier to follow your growth. Doing 5 or 6 things on an ad-hoc basis makes it extremely difficult to measure your results and to know for sure what's working. Once your weekly yoga class or daily meditation practice becomes integrated into your daily life, you can then look at introducing something else. Start with the practice you feel will have the biggest positive impact on your life but also that you can realistically fit into your daily routine.
7. Be Resilient
As I've already said, despite your best intentions, you may encounter obstacles along the way. Perhaps things get worse before you begin to see an improvement. Maybe you get an injury or life becomes overwhelming and depression strikes. When you skip a day, a week or two of your wellness practice, it's tempting to think that you're a failure and that's there's no point trying to restart. Or maybe beginning again feels too difficult. You will stumble. You may even fall off completely. And that's OK. Simply dust yourself off and restart where you are.
8. Love Yourself First
Yes, of course, push yourself to be your best self but ensure this comes from a place of love. Be kind and show yourself compassion and encouragement. When you fall, focus on your achievements. When you have a breakthrough, acknowledge your progress and reward yourself. Celebrate your wins.
Self-love is critical and should form the foundation for your wellness journey. Subconsciously, we often don't feel worthy of love and therefore you may find yourself prioritizing other things or other people's needs over your wellness practice. Taking care of yourself - mind, body and soul - is not selfish, self-indulgent or a luxury, it is essential to your overall wellbeing so you must consciously choose to treat yourself like you matter.
9. Use Inspiration As Motivation
Who inspires you in the wellness world? Obviously, BGIO, but who else? There are people who have already mastered what you want to achieve or who are at least further along the wellness journey than you are. They'll share what has worked for them, challenges they've faced and how they've overcome them. You can learn from their experiences and prepare yourself for what your journey may look like.
Don't just wait for days when you feel like your wellness journey is not worth the effort to look to these people for inspiration. Incorporate them into your life. Listen to their podcasts, read their books, blog posts and newsletters and watch their YouTube videos. What beginners tips do they suggest? What advice do they have if you're short on time or money? Apply anything that resonates with you. At the same time, be mindful of anyone who makes you feel inadequate. You want to feel inspired, motivated, encouraged and empowered.
10. Focus On Your Own Journey
Don't get caught up with what other people are doing. Choose a wellness practice that you actually want to do and that meets your needs. Don't do something just because your favorite celebrity is doing it, because it looks good to others or simply because you feel you should. Also, remember, your wellness journey is about the mind, body and soul so while a cardio session might be what one person needs, pulling a tarot card or reading a passage from your bible each morning could be exactly what you need.
As you can see, kickstarting your wellness journey is a process and like any journey, it takes planning. Of course, some journeys are spontaneous but when it comes to wellness, following the tips outlined above will help you to get the most from your journey.
*Originally published on Black Girl In Om
Leanne Lindsey was born and raised in London but currently lives between London and Tenerife. She spent her early twenties being all things to everyone, her late twenties learning the importance of self-care and her early thirties shedding the guilt of prioritizing her own needs. As a certified life coach, she now supports women on a similar journey by promoting self-care, self-love and wellness. Leanne's go-to self-love practices include journaling, getting lost in a good book and baking. Connect with Leanne in The Self-Love & Wellness Lounge, at www.leannelindsey.co.uk.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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